journal of a psychotic break

in this blog i record my experiences with psychosis, including delusions, hallucinations, sleep disturbances and other symptoms.

[human-pet-they]

(mutual losing their mind voice) guys am i crazy or does bloodletting actually work 😭

[iced-coffee-chronicles]

can someone recommend some beginner normal behaviors for someone looking to become normal

[vixvigil]

(guy experiencing the consequences of his actions) yeah i don’t know why these things keep happening to me i must be cursed or something

[effemimaniac]

(guy who is cursed) yeah I'm sure all of these things that are happening to me are just the consequences of my actions

[eclogues]

being paranoid is funny bc like well what if i'm right

[jessesajoke]

things people have done to help me during a psychoses episode

i was on the buss and i hallucinated bugs crawling all over my hands, so my friend pulled my hoodie sleeves over them with permission and held my hands through the sleeves to "keep them off". they used the logic you would in a real bug situation.

i went nonverbal in a bad one in class, so my friend wrote me a note to give to the nurse since the teacher wouldn't let her go with me.

i often am very paranoid about the delusion that meat is actually rotten, so my dad will sometimes eat a bit of it before me

instead of telling me my delusions arent real, they help me through it using logic like it was real. they dont tell me that nothings going to hurt me in my sleep, they stay with me to keep me safe. then when it passes i can realize its not real

[chartreuseschaos-deactivated202]

This is how you help people. I will never ever fathom how anyone can think it's a good idea to tell someone with a mental disorder or neurodivergence that what we're experiencing isn't real. Real is subjective.

[psychoticexperiences]

how do i stop being embarrassed about having a mental breakdown inside an ER that i don't remember clearly but i remember they had to change nurses like 3 times

[holefordrawings]

[catcrumb]

[psychoticexperiences]

paranoid hallucinations today, sounded like gentle computerfan revving. unnerved me because it sounded like the rushing of a pulse. i calmed down slightly and don't hear it anymore. there is the chance it's just very faint and my brain is misinterpreting it.

[psychoticexperiences]

hearing far away bird noises. it's just barely audible. it's honestly really pleasant.

[dadalux]

Sculpture by Youjin Lee

[psychoticexperiences]

I believed that any random thing could be a divine message. I began trying to use modern playing cards as an attempt to predict the imminent future.

[psychoticexperiences]

I would listen to songs over and over again and believed the government could hear my thoughts, so much that I believed they were practically broadcasted. There was a point where I was suddenly prompted to turn on my location while I was speaking with an ex. This enabled the delusion severely.

[psychoticexperiences]

I believed strongly that I was a divinely-appointed prophet. Because I was sleep-deprived, I would slump onto the ground and shake, while conscious and verbal. I believed the end of the world would occur within seconds. I would have other violent tremors while typing and believed there were hidden divine messages.

[psychoticexperiences]

I would see divine images and horrors when I closed my eyes. Divine golden rings that "represented all aspects of the world, especially time and space" as well as burning buildings and burning images of the insides of bones

[psychoticexperiences]

My alters distorted to an immense degree during my major psychotic break and I attempted to reintegrate completely in a relatively short amount of time.

[psychoticexperiences]

I felt like my body was on fire. I believed that God was refining me, as a metalsmith would refine sterling silver. That was why I was suffering such an intense pain and discomfort.