TW: I’m talking about someone who deliberately triggered my OCD to the point where I got violently suicidal and am now having seizures. Warning for ableism.
I’ve experienced a LOT of ableism in my life, but never as bad as this, targeted at my OCD.
I opened up about my OCD for the first time ever to some people I thought were my friends. I was in a crisis, I accidentally got a small stain on a plushie from my hands. I was washing my hands for about 15 minutes and then cleaned the plushie for over 30 minutes. I was convinced there was still a spot, and my friends wouldn’t respond to me, so I did something I deeply regret and used AI detection because I *had* to be sure there was nothing left. I explained my situation in a discord server with some (then) friends, I expressed how deeply regretful I was and that now I was less shaken up about the plushie, I was convinced I’m a horrible person for using AI. I kept saying how horrible I felt and that I hated myself for it. It was my first and only time ever using anything AI related because I’m very against it.
Then this one person started calling me “scum,” as well as various other insults. They said that I just (directly) caused the death of several people who died from dehydration because I used it to detect something ONCE in a mental health crisis. Once again, I have never used it before, and will never use it again.
I proceeded to get insulted, called a horrible person, got blamed for a whole bunch of environmental issues (not just general things, I was told things like that *I specifically* have caused this and that with my one prompt) and I lost every single friend I had in that server. I left it. I got insulted by every single person in that conversation.
After the environmental scolding, they proceeded to start telling me that they doubt I see them as friends at all, that I’m a bad person, etc etc. That’s the moment I left the server.
The stress from this is making me go in and out of seizures. I’ve been in and out of seizures since like 1:30 if not earlier, it’s 3:12 now. These ones are psychogenic, most likely, they’re just convulsions but not in the way my epileptic seizures are, and I’m fully conscious. Just dissociated. And quite frankly, traumatized again. Great, another trauma to add to the pile, and a new alter forming to accompany it.
(I want to add onto this that I know AI is bad I agree I have never used it before and I’ll never use it again but I’m scared that I didn’t say it clearly enough so I’m saying it again here. Thanks)
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