when i was involuntarily hospitalized, i was labelled as a hard drug user and a person with psychosis, by people who did not know me, who did not run tests, who did not even speak to me as a human being.
the emts left the heart monitor stickers on my skin, which meant they stayed there the entire time i was hospitalized, because i was restrained. the emt pushed way too hard, i had bruises for weeks afterwards - this was done to punish me for "making her touch that." my body. her and her colleague joked and laughed about my body, speculated about my genitalia, said "i'm not checking, you check! i'm not touching that again!" they laughed at my miserable expense. they discussed druggies, how they wish they could just "leave the junkies to the cops." she talked about her sister's upcoming 4h tournament, and horses, and her parents farm - and they ignored me asking where i was, where we were going, what was going on, because i was not a person.
when i got to the hospital, i was abandoned in a hallway. when a nurse eventually showed up, demanding that i follow her, i fled. i was terrified of this hospital, this place that i had already experienced traumatic abuses, and i ran, horrified, desperate to die rather than to let them abuse me again. my child mind remembered, and it wanted no part of it, the violation of my body by "child psychologists" who were doing a case study on the upbringing of an intersex youth. i made my way to the upper level, found frantic and scrabbling at a "roof access" door. i was determined to throw myself off the roof rather than be subject to torture again. they grabbed me and dragged me back, layering on more bruises that would last for weeks after my discharge.
the staff at the hospital gave me injections over and over, first three, than two more - i was screaming, crying, panicking, begging - anyone with training would see that i was having a ptsd flashback, asking what year it was, asking how old i am, asking where i am and why i am here. they decided i was psychotic, and gave me five times the amount you get twice a month. twice a month, two shots of 5 ml. i received at least five shots of 15 ml in under an hour. i begged them to tell me what they were giving me, as many psych medications trigger my seizures, what is that, i am allergic, please, it could seriously hurt me, don't -
A haloperidol overdose is a medical emergency characterized by severe central nervous system depression (drowsiness, coma), extreme muscle rigidity or spasms (extrapyramidal symptoms), hypotension, and dangerous heart arrhythmias.
they left me strapped to a bed, seizing, pissing all over myself, drifting in and out of consciousness, for three days. i didn't eat or drink, and the nurses would push in trays of food on tables just to stand around my bed, taunting me for being unable to move, eating my hospital food, spitting it into the garbage, laughing in their little group as i writhed and sobbed. i wavered in and out of hysteria, desperation tearing my skull open from the inside. the staff refused to look at me directly or acknowledge me if i spoke or called out for help, and instructed one another to avoid looking at me or my room at all. they laughed at me with one another, mocking the things i said in a childish, high pitched tone, "help me, stop, i'm allllerggiccc, haha!" i seized and panted and fell endlessly through trauma after trauma, wondering if i was having a heart attack, wondering if i was going to die, wondering if i had already died and was drowning in hell. i begged audibly for death, for release, for it to just be over.
nurses in my country kill indigenous women with this treatment, kill immigrants with this treatment, kill black women and their children with this treatment. the medical field in my country is deeply hateful and uses their positions to sexually abuse or traffic their victims, or fully murders us and laughs at our death rattling. here are just two such deaths: Joyce Echaquan and Heather Winterstein.
the hatred of the medical field kills vulnerable people every day. the hatred of the medical field traumatizes and wounds vulnerable people everyday. the hatred of the medical field does more harm than help.
this is the reality of psychiatric wards.
