no place like you

PHOEBE PUCKERMAN-HAWKE Twenty-eight. Chicago. Event planner. Everyone's still working for that Phoebe Puckerman seal of approval. And yeah, that idiot Zach Hawke is mine, no matter what. There's even a baby to prove it, she's the one that's actually the love of my life.

[puckerphoebe]

zachhawkedown‌:

Objectively speaking, she’s a genius. Period.

Where’d she get the brains from, though?

[puckerphoebe]

TEXT ✉ PHOEBE

TORI: That’s kind of adorable, isn’t it?

TORI: I feel like I spent my whole life making good decisions, until I made a very bad one, and every decision since then has threw me further down this hole.

PHOEBE: It is, I love it

PHOEBE: ...and which /very/ bad decision are you referencing, specifically?

[puckerphoebe]

jasonnkane‌:

My kids are pure genius, Hawke.

No time in the near future thanks to weather. When are you guys moving here?

Funny, Zach says the same thing.

And I can’t necessarily fault you for that, do you even have such a thing as winter there? Um, never, just thinking about wearing cowboy boots makes my skin crawl.

[puckerphoebe]

king---alexander‌:

The fact that Little Evans now has two Little Evans of her own is definitely hard to get my mind around. Let’s hope she ends it with two. Yeah, you two not being in the same place anymore must have really been an adjustment, huh?

Well, you know you’re always welcome to my place.

You really think she will? Look at her family, there’s no way this is all they’re going to stick with. I don’t want to talk about it.

All three of us?...wait, I don’t want Leah around a little King person, that sounds like disaster already.

[puckerphoebe]

[puckerphoebe]

zachhawkedown‌:

But hey, they couldn’t take it back, and now our baby is a star. Smartest kid I know.

Because you’re not incredibly biased, or anything.

[puckerphoebe]

staciekane‌:

I love how well you know me.

And I love you.

[puckerphoebe]

TEXT ✉ PHOEBE

TORI: Zach wouldn’t care?

TORI: Thanks, although I don’t think you’re that much older than me. I bet being a mom makes it feel worse.

PHOEBE: If I went out for a night? He better not care, besides, he secretly loves father daughter time. Which actually isn't such a secret, but he thinks that it is

PHOEBE: Yeah, I don't think so either, but you're probably right. I feel like I should be telling you to 'make good decisions' or some shit like that

[puckerphoebe]

jasonnkane‌:

Kanes can totally make sense. Like candy…kane. Yes, I know the spelling is off but whatever, same noise. Yeah, she really went above and beyond and now I’m on the Stacie Evans wavelength.

You’re also spending too much time with your kids, apparently. 

So when are you guys moving back here?

[puckerphoebe]

king---alexander‌:

I should have figured.

Eh. I can hold him now without wincing, so that’s an improvement.

Which, I mean, with her two miniatures I don’t know how she has the time to keep up with her own life, let alone every one’s. But I guess social media has a lot to do with that.

That’s a sight that I’m going to need to see sometime soon.

[puckerphoebe]

TEXT ✉ PHOEBE

TORI: I'm kind of terrified about it, too.

TORI: I know, he's beautiful! It was really good at the time, but we're better off as friends.

PHOEBE: If you ever need someone to come along as back up, even casually, I'm in.

PHOEBE: You're also so much smarter than I was at your age, damn.

[puckerphoebe]

zachhawkedown‌:

I mean, they can’t seriously expect our kid to have a clean mouth, can they? They knew that when they accepted her and I said “fuck yeah!” in response. But hey, let’s be optimistic. Maybe she did something good this time.

I have never seen such a look of instant regret cross someone’s face until that moment, it was truly something. We can only hope so.

[puckerphoebe]

staciekane‌:

Do I ever?

Not since I’ve known you, nope. And considering I’ve known you longer than he has, that would be never.

[puckerphoebe]

TEXT ✉ PHOEBE

TORI: Tasha and I are going to make online dating profiles, but I did have a rebound! Marcus.

PHOEBE: Gross, online dating. One of the few things that I am thankful that I didn't have to experience.

PHOEBE: YES, I've taught you so well, girl! And he's a hot one, too, damn. How was it?

[puckerphoebe]

zachhawkedown‌:

Love you, too, baby. Yeah, I did. I dunno, these fancy private schools love talking and bake sales and shit. I don’t think we need to worry. Do you?

No, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about considering she’s a perfect angel.

Wow, I’m just kidding, it was really difficult to say that with a straight face. I hope it’s not because she started saying damn it at school now, it’s been a losing battle to stop getting her to say it at home.

[puckerphoebe]

staciekane‌:

I’ll come visit, duh! Jason can handle the kids for one long weekend.

I truly appreciate the way that you don’t give him a say in this decision. 

[puckerphoebe]

jasonnkane‌:

What a cool family name. It almost gives the Kanes a run for their money. Almost. Hey, I held off for as long as possible but once we got married I just got well and truly Stacie’d.

Um, it’s better, because what is a Kane? At least Hawkes make sense. It’s truly frightening, just when I thought she couldn’t influence you any more than she already has.