Untitled

[artistic-cocoon]

New toy :)

[luvvucy]

Life is soup I am fork

- “Shinji Ikari”

[messy-kobalt]

When it’s time to pet your cat

[lovelyardie]

In foookin HOWLIN

[memes-that-get-reported]

[radical-conceptusssy]

reblog if you too, are a formless blob

[c-bassmeow]

[bunjywunjy]

that stone is the only thing keeping me from going full chimpanzee feral in the Hy-Vee produce department

[thepioden]

Man though you know what makes me sorta sad is when nerdy, “quiet” kids latch on to me during camp and they just talk and talk and talk about a thing they’re into (Skyrim, Pokemon, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, dinosaurs, whatever). And I see the kids just light up when they say something and I can chime in with an ‘oh hey, are you talking about [x]? I love that thing! Tell me more about it.’

Like, their parents will warn me ‘so-and-so is pretty quiet and hard to engage’ but no, man, just listen, your kid is so smart and so into This Thing, they’ll engage like fuck and talk your damn ear off it you let them. Frame it in their damn terms. Or! Just! Listen to them about their Thing! And they will engage with the rest of the material! Because they know you care about them! Amazing!!!

[knightoflodis]

Quiet kids are usually that way because either no one listens, or there is always someone more dominant speaking wise in their group that always talks over them and then they give up. Some quiet kids are starved for attention and really really want to talk, but don’t always get the chance to

[panic-at-casualty]

Everyone who reblogged this are good people. Bless you, this made me happy to read

[blood-trip-god]

Me

[lakeffectqueer-deactivated20240]

this reminds me of my favourite comic ever:

[spaceacesith]

people say kylo ren’s crossguard lightsaber is excessive but then there’s this guy

[wanlingnic]

#NAUGHTY CHILDREN GET THE PUNISHMENT WHEEL

[glumshoe]

How would you attack someone with that, anyway? You wouldn’t be able hold it horizontally without slicing yourself up, and it almost looks like the handle part is providing a target to aim at.

[my-lesbian-senses-are-tingling]

you’re not going to believe this but

[glumshoe]

goddammit

[jo3mm]

WZWZWZWZWZWWZWZWZWZWZWZWZWZWZWZWZ-

[bunjywunjy]

WHAT’S A MATA?

NOTHING, WHAT’S THE MATA WITH YOU???

AHAHAHAAAAA  god, I’m funny. 

meet the Mata mata turtle, everybody!

he loves you

the Mata mata, Mata-Mata, or Matamata(matamatamata), depending on how pedantic the biologist you’re asking is, is a large river turtle found in the Amazon Basin. they grow to around 18 inches long (shell length only) and weigh up to 33 pounds (whole damn turtle)

oh also their common name is literally Spanish for KILL-KILL, but they don’t really deserve it.

*heavy metal screaming*

the Mata mata was first described and named by European scientists in 1783, who then spent the next two hundred years fighting over the scientific name of this damn turtle. seriously, they changed it 14 times in that span. people probably lost tenure over this thing. 

blood was almost definitely shed.

but it’s all worth it to bear the noble name Chelus fimbriata (as of 1992)

Mata matas live on the bottoms of shallow streams, where they blend in perfectly with the rest of the crud mucking up the bottom.

they live on a strict diet of whatever little swimmy thing happens to pass in front of them. this includes fish, frogs, crayfish, worms, weeds that kind of look like fish from a certain angle, and fingers.

or your whole hand, jesus

(they aren’t strong biters tho, that’ll heal up pretty quick. stop crying.)

Mata matas really don’t move around much, and prefer walking slowly and dramatically along the streambed to swimming. this helps prevent them from being noticed by larger predators such as the Jaguar, who loves him some sweet sweet turtle meats. 

luckily the Mata matas can come up for air without giving themselves away, as they have a very special adaptation:

AAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAA.

the Mata mata’s neck is almost as long as it’s entire body! they use it to stretch their head up to the surface to breath, exactly like a snorkel but if the snorkel was really just your own devil neck.

in fact, the Mata mata’s neck is so long that the turtle cannot retract it into its shell like its relatives. they rely mostly on holding really still and looking like a gross leaf to avoid predators. would YOU eat a gross stream leaf? didn’t think so. 

don’t knock it till you’ve tried it

currently many wild turtle populations are declining, or in danger of collapse due to human activity and capture for food/the pet trade. luckily, this does not seem to be the case with the Mata mata. (BREATH SIGH OF RELIEF NOW.)

Mata matas are currently listed as Least Concern and are still fairly common in the wild, but they are also increasingly common as pets (people love that weird little smirk). Mata matas do very well in captivity because they HARDLY MOVE ANYWAY, so aquarium life isn’t much of a strain on them. HOWEVER. Mata matas in captivity are almost always taken from the wild, so if demand grows, the wild population falls. DON’T GET A MATA MATA, CUTE LITTLE SMIRK OR NO.

would you deprive the world of me? would you???

appreciate your local Mata mata in a zoo instead! and make sure to insist that bystanders stop by and listen to your newfound Mata mata knowledge, at least until you are escorted away by large armed guards. whoops!

goodbye for now, Mata mata!

[cyborglovesong]

Visit Original Link

[withoutapresspass-deactivated20]

UNITEDSTATESCANADAMEXICOPANAMALKFHDSHFSDKJCNOIDSUHFISUFN:SD

[cat37958]

I AM GOING TO MAKE LEARNING THIS THE OBJECT OF MY LIFE.

[asmallvillageincanada]

I always lose it at Cota Rica. 

[violet-starshine]

I ALREADY KNOW THIS BY HEART

[cyborgles]

United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama, Haiti, Jamaica, Peru; Republic Dominican, Cuba, Carribean, Greenland, El Salvador too. Puerto Rico, Columbia, Venezuela, Honduras, Guyana, and still; Guatemala, Bolivia, then Argentina, and Ecuador, Chile, Brazil. Costa Rica, Belize, Nicaragua, Bermuda, Bahamas, Tobago, San Juan; Paraguay, Uruguay, Suriname, and French Guiana, Barbados, and Guam. Norway, and Sweden, and Iceland, and Finland, and Germany now one piece; Switzerland, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Italy, Turkey, and Greece. Poland, Romania, Scotland, Albania, Ireland, Russia, Oman; Bulgaria, Saudi Arabia, Hungary, Cyprus, Iraq, and Iran. There’s Syria, Lebanon, Israel, Jordan, both Yemens, Kuwait, and Bahrain, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Belgium, and Portugal, France, England, Denmark, and Spain. India, Pakistan, Burma, Afghanistan, Thailand, Nepal, and Bhutan; Kampuchea, Malaysia, then Bangladesh, Asia, and China, Korea, Japan. Mongolia, Laos, and Tibet, Indonesia, the Philippine Islands, Taiwan; Sri Lanka, New Guinea, Sumatra, New Zealand, then Borneo, and Vietnam. Tunisia, Morocco, Uganda, Angola, Zimbabwe, Djibouti, Botswana; Mozambique, Zambia, Swaziland, Gambia, Guinea, Algeria, Ghana. Burundi, Lesotho, and Malawi, Togo, The Spanish Sahara is gone; Niger, Nigeria, Chad, and Liberia, Egypt, Benin, and Gabon. Tanzania, Somalia, Kenya, and Mali, Sierra Leone, and Algier; Dahomey, Namibia, Senegal, Libya, Cameroon, Congo, Zaire. Ethiopia, Guinea_ Bissau, Madagascar, Rwanda, Mahore[?], and Cayman; Hong Kong, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Yugoslavia, Crete, Mauritania, then Transylvania, Monaco, Liechtenstein, Malta, and Palestine, Fiji, Australia, Sudan!

[notyouraverageloser]

Omg thank u

[dungeonsanddamsels-deactivated2]

THIS IS MY 17,000TH POST FOR A REASON

I learned this song all by myself last year, and I bought a world map and I sing to it while I point out the countries. BOO-YEAH

[ittygittydiddynator]

I will reblog this, every time it’s on my dash.

[adriofthedead]

Fun fact! Rob Paulsen (Yakko’s voice actor) still knows this song by heart and will sing it when asked.

[spoken-not-written-deactivated2]

sounds like yzma learning geography

[zagreus]

if you c*nsor anything in a post you are l*gally required to put all of the omitted v*wels at the end as a footn*te

*eeoo

[doctress]

Okay th*n. *f you’r* sure about th*s. 

Old Macd*nald had a farm.  

*eieio

[zagreus]

i’m going to shatter you like glass

[silverhawk]

can you imagine how freaky shark mermaids would be like unlike sharks, shark mermaids would have actual arms/hands and could rely on touching things with their hands to see if they’re prey rather than having to bite like sharks do. like youre just swimming in the ocean and suddenly you feel a strong grip on your leg, you freak the FUCK out because uh what????? the fuck??? youre swimming alone in the ocean??

a head pops out of the water, dorsal fin pointed from its back and it just points at you and says in a low whisper: “i thought you were a seal. please dont swim alone like this, im sorry i scared you i just wanted to see what you are” and then disappears back into the depth. what the fuck.

[guardiandae]

please be kind they have anxiety

[lvl-5-kobold]

i just had the funniest experience in vr chat, i joined a random server and the one i joined had Japanese people so i waddled around in my goofy club penguin avatar that i have saved, after a while a guy walks up to me and clones my avatar so were both penguins then another guy shows up and clone my avatar

now keep in mind there only speaking Japanese i don’t know what they are saying, then another guy joins in, so i got a group of three penguin friends

we just waddle around and goof about, the one of them tries to talk to me, but not only do i not have a mic i also don’t speak Japanese, they figure out i don’t speak Japanese and start listing various places, they get the part of being European right, and after listing a lot of places they ask if im from the UK and when i nod they all just start cheering. after hanging out for a while one of them gets real close to me and whispers…

“penguin brothers forever”

[hjartasalt]

Mods are asleep post forbidden tits

[hjartasalt]

Huh

[hjartasalt]

Huh

[hjartasalt]

Huh

[hjartasalt]

Hhhhhhh

[anothermarkiplierfan]

Perfectly balanced as all things should be…

[nekimeki]

I like this.

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I’ve been ruining my kids lives by saying “weird flex but ok” to everything and when I do it they scream no and tell me they’re running away and I made this lovely photo lemme get it

[alwaysabeautifullife]

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I need some help coming up with the absolute worst “to flex on” live memes ever to pretend I’m an even more really lame parent. they don’t have to make sense but they need to be absolutely awful yet believable enough that it isn’t obvious I’m intentionally trying to be more lame

Here’s the ones I came up with so far

“You ever just eat a well balanced diet and exercise daily to flex on heart disease?”

“You ever just boil chilies to flex on your eyes?”

“You ever just be cool to flex on your kids?”

“You ever just use sanitizer to flex on 99.9% of all bacteria and viruses?”

“You ever just turn all the lights and up the heater to flex on Dad?”

Catholic edition:

“You ever just like receive the sacraments frequently to flex on Satan?”

“You ever just like love your Mom to flex on Protestants?”

[alwaysabeautifullife]

So I executed the first one in the kitchen then I dabbed and my son didn’t say anything he just set down his pomegranate and walked out the front door with no shoes on and now he’s walking down the street

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Ok so I walked down the block and I found him

[alwaysabeautifullife]

Update

[squirtle-daddy-deactivated20250]

Your son is named Egg.

[hamburgeroisie]

Every part of this is hilarious

[retrogamingblog]

Super Smash Bros moves performed by Marvel stuntmen

[funky-cactus]

You know, I actually dig the artistic style of this. It looks kind of like a low-budget Scott Pilgrim.

[lugoji]

((is it socially acceptable to post this yet))

[rpdofficer]

YES IT ABSOLUTELY IS.

[hoodiesandwhiskey]

@kimberlytarvona