Things I’ve Said to my Puppy: A Starter Collection
“Man you’re awkward. I mean, ridiculously beautiful but damn, grow into yourself.”
“What the ever-loving heckin’ heck are you eating now?”
“Excuse me sir, you can’t read.”
“You really have that ‘I don’t know how I fit into the world’ vibe about you.”
“You don’t even rise until you’re addressed. I’m digging your obedience.”
“That’s not yours, friend.”
“That’s right. Listen to me and pretend to have an idea of what I’m talking about. I get that a lot.”
“I didn’t pay all this money for you not to be a cuddler.”
“I’m not a fan of you licking my teeth. Please don’t.”
“Oh no, the postman! How ever will we survive now?!”
“You’re gonna be rude? Okay, you’ve lost the pleasure of my presence.”
“The piano isn’t evil, it’s just unpleasant to hear when I’m touching it.”
“Hey neighborhood watch, what’s going on with the town today?”
“We really don’t need to—oh we’re peeing in the garden now, that’s a thing.”
“I draw the line at shredding things.”
“What the heck is going on with your teeth?”
“No, you’re not helping.”
“We’ve all pooped. It’s your turn.”
“I’m not saying I don’t believe you, I’m just saying I don’t see anything.”
“I know you’re a blanket snatcher but you can’t snatch this blanket.”
“Leave him alone, he’s just trying to take a walk.”
“Right, right, defend your castle.”
“I wish I looked that beautiful having no idea what’s going on.”
“This is not what I asked for.”
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