Strangeness Abroad!

Pippin/xe/xir/genderfluid

[flashbrainrot]

All my wishes come true.

Art by 0ptimal_ok on tiktok

aka @0ptimal-ok on here

[the-ice-queen-623]

Y’all cant be makinn me cry like this after I do my makeup

[loving-jack-kelly]

your name is ryland grace and you are a coward. you know it because it's written everywhere in your story: you are a coward and a quitter and the first one out the door when things get hard. you are good with kids because kids don't expect you to be braver than you are, and because kids respond well to distraction when you run away from a problem in front of them, and because kids are curious and open-minded and ask questions expecting surprising answers.

your name is ryland grace and you are a teacher. you are good at laying out the facts, at disgusing useful information in your quips. you are good at meeting people where they're at and getting them to understand the things that click into place in your brain so easily. you are smart but you love to learn new things and you love to help others love it, too. you used to think you were only good at teaching children. you were wrong.

your name is ryland grace and you wake up alone and with no memory of anything and it comes back to you in fits and starts: the earth is dying. you know how to save it. you used to stand in front of a classroom and help kids understand. there was a woman who believed in you. your friends needed you. your planet needed you. you do not remember being a coward because it is not important when the world is dying and you, ryland grace, are the only one who has a chance to save it.

your name is ryland grace and you remember being a coward but it feels like a different ryland grace. it feels like the ryland grace you are now, who leaps into space to collect a sample and does everything in his power to complete his mission, this ryland grace is not a coward. but you know that your name is ryland grace, and you are a coward. what do you do with that?

your name is ryland grace and you're faced with a choice: accept the fate you were so close to avoiding. go home. be a hero and be welcomed back with open arms. prove to the world you left behind that you could do it, that their faith in you was worth it, even though you are a coward.

or turn back and save the friend who is the only reason you were able to do any of it in the first place. save the friend who saved you. save the friend who can't save himself, and whose planet and people will die without him. and in doing so, make the choice you never made in the first place. make the choice to turn around and leave the earth and your people behind, never set foot on a beach again, never breath the fresh air again, never feel the light of your sun again.

your name is ryland grace and the choice is not hard. rocky would do the same for you. rocky did the same for you. rocky almost died for you. rocky gave up years of his life to make sure you could go home, and that sacrifice is the only reason saving him is even option. your name is ryland grace and you know, now, that it doesn't matter that you were a coward, once. there's more important things to worry about.

your name is ryland grace, and you get to have a hand in saving two worlds.

[hard-times-paramore]

I think I like the religious symbolism in iron lung because it shows how ugly that shit fucking is.

I know a lot of people around here have discussed that christianity sucks but that they do vibe with bible jesus. Yeah, well the jesus equivalent in this movie was forced to die and went down kicking and screaming and it was an ugly tragedy and a waste of life and everyone felt bad about it.

The lamb didn't meekly take it, that guy was fucking scared and in pain and he'd rather (as I've seen some other people put it) rip himself off of his own crucifixion and leave an arm behind than stay in there.

You want the butcher? I'll give you the butcher. You want to eat me? Come on and try!

Makes my stomach twist in the best way.

[q1ieg98n]

Just finished explaining ao3 to my dad and helping him apply for an invite so he could read (maybe write? Unclear) about NCIS. He was confused but enthusiastic about the idea, so like, I guess NCIS fandom might have a new member? Good luck dad 🫡

[mysteryteacup]

Torsewell time travel shenanigans

After a long and happy life with Torse, Maxwell dies of old age.

And Torse cannot cope.

And then he remembers that Ghost Dog is still alive cause he ate the fruit that turned out to genuinely be the fruit of immortality.

And they've got time travel down pat due to the pants situation.

So Torse transfers all his memories and his golden heart to his younger self (having to sacrifice his older body to make some of the things work) and gives him a device that will let him transfer some of their Maxwell's feelings into the younger Maxwell's mind. Not mind control, just showing/giving him the emotions. It's okay if he doesn't love Torse, just as long as he trusts him enough to go with him to the tree before it's too late.

The plan works perfectly, with the added bonus that Maxwell's trust and love for him in the future were so powerful that 18 year old Maxwell was willing to drop everything and go with Torse immediately. And fell quickly in love while they got to know (and 'got to know') each other on the Zoodian-Zernian vessel Torse had made (with help from Rufus Radish) to get them around without biangle befrumplement issues. Maxwell even let him hand feed him the fruits and was keen on the idea of rescuing the surviving Aganti Zernai and running off to live in Ramansu together until the Professor found her way there.

Just one problem: Maxwell being approached by an unknown robot, then suddenly acting dopily trusting and compliant after said strange spiky unknown pressed their foreheads together, and then disappearing was kind of alarming to a lot of people. Because several of Maxwell's classmates witnessed it. And told the uni admins. Who told Cadswitch and Longspot Gotch. One of whom told the Wind Riders.

The Wind Riders who spotted a vessel like the one described while on their hunt for the fruit of immortality and came into a clearing - guns at the ready - to find the supposed kidnapping victim covered in fruit juice and asleep in the supposed kidnapper's arms.

And they can't get sensible answers out of either of them. What do you mean "it's not mind control, it's just making him remember things that haven't happened yet‽ what do you mean we can't have the remaining seeds from the tree because you promised them to a radish‽ young man, what do you mean that's your husband‽ that is not your husband: he kidnapped you two days ago!"

[mysteryteacup]

Clarifications and notes:

The fruit of immortality tree was dying due to fracking further up the jungle and so this was the last crop of fruit it would ever have. Which means Torse and Maxwell turning up with two tree planting bags of good Odan soil saved it from extinction.

Torse ends up handfeeding Maxwell because Torse doesn't know how much fruit is enough and decided that Maxwell has to eat exactly what Ghost Dog otherwise would have to be sure: which is every fruit and seed on the tree except two seeds. Maxwell is eventually like I cannot eat anymore, I'm too full so Torse is like no you need to finish so lay down in my lap and unbutton your shirt and trousers so you have more room and I'll feed you the rest.

Upon return to Gotch Manor, Wealwell proves to be both solid and an insufficient distraction by immediately starting up a whirlwind romance with Sylvio Dufrense. Which is proof that yes Gotch boys can just turn their lives upside-down over someone they just met, but doesn't help with the mind control allegations issue.

Maxwell and Torse spent much more of their life overall adventuring with Olethra than Comfrey, so she gets called the wrong name at least once. Which is alarming, because Olethra is nine and has only just chosen her new name.

Maxwell remembers very few actual events and next to nothing outside of Torse. Their first meeting, throwing himself through the sky at Straka's beak to save Torse, Torse's reanimation, confession of love and love returned? All remembered, albeit in a dream-like and vague way. A few other little things "Torse does X when he's exasperated" etc little quirks that you get to know from people are there. But it's mostly feelings. And because he'd previously only had one purely happy memory (looking at ships at the dock with his grandfather) the reaction to knowing bone deep that most of his memories with this strange metal man had been/would be happy ones is like catnip.

Longspot is about two years out from killing Cadswitch when this goes down and has not quite gone that far off the deep end yet. He is therefore deeply freaked out to be informed that this was going to happen/had happened. He also doesn't want to believe it, because the clearly insane robot that kidnapped and brainwashed his son into going full rowdy is the one saying it happened.

Torse 100% discussed action plan with Jazzy Tazzy before implimenting it and was reassured that time loops were set in stone even if the circumstances around them changed, so the Chapman curse and the rise and more importantly fall of the Queen of Zern (and the rescue of Ludmila) would happen no matter what.

Maxwell is eleven years younger than when Torse first met him and is therefore still a bit smaller and not quite as strong. Since Torse remembers caring for the elderly Maxwell who eventually became quite frail around 98, he knows how to be delicate. He's also fascinated by the softer, younger Maxwell. And if the immortality fruit at 18 thing means Maxwell never becomes quite as strong? That's fine. Torse will protect him.

Eventually, Torse did loosen up about nicknames. Or, rather, he started allowing pet names. But just for them. Torse calls Maxwell My Heart sometimes, occasionally Max but that's usually because he's steaming too hard in an intimate setting to say more. Maxwell calls Torse Darling and Dearheart. They still do not allow other nicknames.

[mysteryteacup]

To be clear I am imagining the fruit of immortality as a giant yellow bell pepper/capsicum with a large avocado-like edible seed inside that tastes like a giant almond.

[mysteryteacup]

Daisuke is torn between being glad that Ghost Dog won't be lonely living on after he dies and furious because what do you mean you stole his good boy's chance to live forever‽

Monty and his agent Harry Ergh are for once on the exact same page. That page being "what the fuck is this ending to this adventure, this had better be a sequel hook for a two-parter adventure because holy fuck that came out of nowhere".

Cadswitch and Longspot are for once on the exact same page. That page is "Absolutely fucking not, unhand Maxwell this instant".

Ludmila is not handling this well.

Given that time and context has given Torse a far more nuanced opinion of Comfrey than he initially had, Comfrey is not enjoying Torse's explanation of what went down at all. This is so bad for her ego.

Van is deeply weirded out at first - especially when Torse says it's strange to see her without her tentacles! - but she's handling it over all the best. The nice cook named Bert lived where, did he say?

Marya is also not handling this well, and has gone into preperation overdrive mode. The whole "Ludmila will inevitably be lost through the biangle in Straka to Zern but you will rescue her" thing is not helping.

Maxwell is over the moon. He's in love, he feels physically amazing, Zood is real, his childhood heroes know who he is and he apparently got to go adventuring with them, and his father is turning a delightful shade of puce as he seethes.

Strange Foe at Oh No Plateau goes from being the 25th Hazardous Happenings book to the 26th because in between Monty publishes The Testimony of Torse, which is in a radically different style and is basically a play by play of the Wind Riders and Gotches listening to Torse tell the story of the first timeline, with nested stories when Torse wasn't there for events and is instead recounting the stories he was told about them. All of the intrepid heroes' journey to Zood up until Maxwell got them to reanimate Torse is told in comparison: both what Maxwell told him happened and what Olethra told him happened: Maxwell's tends to be more down to earth and realistic, but he was a bit self-depreciating so Olethra's recounting makes that more honest. The main action/drama outside of the tale Torse is telling comes from people's reactions and the arguments the story sparks.

[mysteryteacup]

While everyone was freaking out, Maxwell took advantage of the continuing discoveries of new lands leading the CIR government to have a "unknown lands" option for paperwork for proof of identity, etc, and gets the paperwork for his and Torse's marriage done. Now no one can try to pretend Torse is not a person and no one can say it's improper if Torse sleeps in his room.

Torse was not expecting how much hornier the slightly younger Maxwell would be. Unforutnately, the person he'd previously asked to make some adjustments to his form currently thinks he's an evil mind controlling weirdo (even if she admits that it's also kind of hot when it's theoretical) so Torse can't ask Marya to make those changes right now. Good thing Maxwell liked him both ways last time.

[mysteryteacup]

How to get Maxwell Gotch into lumberjack style flannel shirt OR

Another idea for the cause everyone tragedies so other people can adopt them train I seem to be on at the moment:

Hutch and Artemisia adopt Maxwell.

How? Because in this AU *rolls dice* Longspot gets pissy and disowns Maxwell a month or so before he's supposed to start uni, but because of some wording in their prenup, Longspot is obligated to give Maxwell a certain - large - amount of money and/or property and to hand over the university trust fund.

Maxwell has a future, but nowhere to live for a few months before he can get into a dorm at Revington - and nowhere to live between semesters.

Then comes the kicker: Longspot and Codswallop worked out that they can give Maxwell debts owed by debtors and fulfil the contract.

So now Maxwell owns all of the current debt of the MacLeods and several others.

And obviously Maxwell refuses to become like his father and kick a family out so that he can have a home, but someone needs to tell them what happened and, well, if he signs ownership of the farm over to Hutch instead of Comfrey then she can never put it up for collatoral again and it will be safe from her recklessness, his father's greed, and his own desperation.

Hutch and Artemisia take one look at the sad wet cat of a boy explaining his plan to ensure they are never homeless while facing homelessness himself and go "you know what? we could use a farmhand. specifically for the next few months and these parts of the year which conveniently match up with when you aren't at that fancy pants school of yours".

[mysteryteacup]

*facepalms* can't believe i forgot the flannel shirt bit that inspired this.

Anyway, year or two later Comfrey learns from Longspot that someone else now owns her debts and he's washing his hands of her.

Furious and concerned that the rich arsehole's recklessness (not hers, never her fault) could have left her son and granddaughter homeless, she diverts the Zephyr to the farm.

Where she finds her family fine and somehow getting more and more amused while she rants about how some rich arsehole got their hands on the collatoral agreements and oh, how she wishes she could get her hands on them and have words

...and then Hutch nudges open a window and calls for a "Max" to come in because "someone wants to talk to you".

Enter a young man who looks like the ghost of Cadswitch himself, except that he's dressed for farmwork, in open red flannel shirt, mudcaked wellies, the works. And he's talking about having gotten the guinefowl penned up for the night like its a normal chore.

[mysteryteacup]

Olethra assumed her parents had gotten her new brother pretty much immediately.

The fact that one of the few possessions Maxwell brought with him was his Hazardous Happenings collection only solidified that idea.

[mysteryteacup]

Obviously Maxwell very quickly became the terror of the Pilby fighting rings.

[mysteryteacup]

Yet another Cloho AU idea: this time Pippi Longstocking/Camp Nowhere flavoured.

The set up: Longspot Gotch fires the whole staff of the manor because he suspects one of them stole from him. Cadswitch is furious and intends to rehire everyone. This blows up into a murder-murder in front of all seven -well boys.

This is, of course, a massive problem because the boys are 15 (Samwell, Blanewell), 14 (Roywell, Hatwell), and 13 (Wealwell, Johnwell, Maxwell) and have good reason not to trust what will happen if one of their uncles or the state get guardianship of them.

The solution: massive fraud. They can totally raise themselves for a few years, right? They just need to pretend their father and grandfather are too ill for visitors, learn to forge their father and grandfather's signatures and handwriting, get their hands on enough educational materials to homeschool their way through the next few years, and run the family estate and business interests entirely through letters.

Apart from that, as long as they don't leave the estate much, they can do whatever they want, right?

[mysteryteacup]

To be clear: this is a dark comedy idea.

The kids are not okay.

The kids are oscilating between doing things like figuring out how to secretly dispose of their loved ones' bodies and throwing the sort of drunken shenaniganry parties (for them alone) that you'd expect of teenagers left with no supervision and free access to the liquor cabinet (cellar).

The garden hedgemaze is growing wild and creating a wall around their home.

They are no longer at risk of growing up to kill each other (seeing what happened to their father and grandfather cut that rigth off) but codependency is not a great replacement.

Manners are slowly becoming a forgotten memory.

And so is faith in trustworthy adults. Because even as they put out some truly wild orders (they're teenagers slowly getting cabin fever) no one is noticing that something is wrong. No one is coming to check on them. Not even the Wind Riders (who are doing the bare minimum of raising their eyebrows at some of the things getting approved for/added to their budgets but unlike most people who should have been checking in, have the excuse of regularly spending months far away in hard to contact places).

Learning to do laundry, cooking, and cleaning was a challenge. Much of the house has been abandoned as too hard to deal with, the rooms closed and left to rot.

But there are good things too.

They're happier (and oh how alarming is that).

They have learned that they can take care of themselves.

They've started growing a little vegetable garden.

They're acing their studies (because they have so much time on their hands).

And if they decide it would be fun to take the old artillery from the display wing and blow down a wall to expand a room or order paint and have an indoor paint fight or, well, anything they want? They can just do that.

Somehow. Incredibly. They do make it past the eldest of them reaching adulthood and then some. The and then some in order to not make it look like they may have offed their father and grandfather.

Somehow they get through the paperwork and the double funeral for the "newly deceased" Cadswitch and Longspot without getting caught.

It's only really as they start trying to reintegrate into society that it becomes clear they've gone fucking feral.

[sesamenom]

Gil-galad Variations, featuring all the gil galad theories i've encountered.

[sesamenom]

Gil-galad Variations II, Notes Edition

Tag snippets from: @eowyn7023, @glorfinyeet, @lkaluna, @finmoryo, @wilwarin-wilwa

[sesamenom]

Gil-galad Variations III, Notes pt II

Tag snippets from: @trecciolinoooooo, @aniseandspearmint, @who-needs-words, @general-illyrin, @light-of-the-two-trees, @spirit-b0x, @justablix

[sesamenom]

Gil-galad Variations IV, Notes pt III

Tag snippets from: @fandomsandfairytales, @animallover81, @mamwieleimion, @phantomlemonade, @polutrope, @tobermoriansass, @tanoraqui, @eri-pl

(Misplaced the tags for Tata, Bombadil, and Recursion-galad, oops)

[sesamenom]

Gil-galad Variations V

Tag snippets from: @overlord-of-fantasy, @phynaofithilien, @glints-of-light, @zealouswerewolfcollector, @curufiend

Murdoc belongs to @nelyoslegalteam

[sesamenom]

Gil Galad Variations VI

Tag snippets from: @mostvaliantandmostpround, @dapsenlumber, @yellow-faerie, anon

(Misplaced the tag for Magluth-galad and attribution for Fingon + Orodreth, oops)

[sesamenom]

Gil Galad Variations VII

Tag snippets from: @kanalaure, @istaricelebelasse, @eight-pointed-star, @bluedancingkittykat, @pityaiwe, @fandomsandfairytales, @aro-kai, @aniseandspearmint, @zealouswerewolfcollector, @balrogballs, and @beatles4ever65

Shoutout to @tethysresort's Constellation gil origin (hand+finweans+egg-galad) and @tilion-writes's Scion of Mystery gil origin (mithril automaton galad) for getting so many tag nominations that I had to rearrange the page to fit the snippets properly :)

[sesamenom]

Gil Galad Variations VIII

Tag snippets from: @softmoonlightmelody, @princessbatteringram, @milfdarthrevan, @tolhimling, @light-of-the-two-trees, @somesadelf, @echo-bleu, @hippothebrave (found via @laisrinel), @turgid-cucumber, @tanoraqui, and @elvinye

[sesamenom]

Gil Galad Variations IX

Tag snippets from: @phynaofithilien, @ladyofthetempest, @heartofstanding, @aromantic-angel, @beatles4ever65 via @nelyoslegalteam, @bluedancingkittykat, @ieatwormsandtheytasteverygood, @i-did-not-mean-to

[sesamenom]

Gil Galad Variations X

Tag snippets from: @somesadelf, @marmota-b, @probably-ace-ok, @curufiin, Marta B and Philosophizes from the Aderthad, @madamemesmind, @heartofstanding, @laisrinel

[inthehouseoffinwe]

I sometimes think about Fingolfin being the sole Uncle looking after all his nephews/niece/kids. Like, there’s 16 children. Before taking the Helcaraxë he no doubt promised Finarfin that he would take care of them. And I feel like once he found out about Fëanor, and especially saw the state of Maedhros, he silently promised his half brother he’d do his best to look after them too. Not that he wasn’t going to anyway.

But the burden that must have been, especially with how volatile and independant all these kids are. Oh they might be grown. But he’ll never see them as such. Even now he remembers Nelyo’s birth and how the baby would toddle after him, crying when it was time to leave. Curvo going through all his mechanical devices, Turukano right behind him as Fingolfin explained where each came from and listened to the children tell him all about the workings. Carnistir carefully running little hands over the embroidery of his cloak, Anairë laughing quietly and explaining the techniques that went into it. Ambarussa and all the chaos they caused, enough so that Fëanor and Nerdanel would dump them at his house for days at a time, usually a couple of brothers tagging along. Tyelko and Irissë wrestling in the mud, neither group of parents knowing what to do when they trudged in, a sticky trail behind them.

Findekáno’s duets with Makalaurë, the little musician quietly asking to play before his uncle and cousin to make sure it was perfect before he showed his father. Finno, Nelyo, and Findarato encouraging him with whoops, Fingolfin and Anairë applauding with wide smiles at the end as he was swarmed by his cousins and brother. The four’s ‘secret’ sleepovers whenever they were in the same place. Aikanaro and Angamaitë raiding his kitchens, Fingolfin joining in with a finger on his lips, helping steal pastries in the middle of the night. Artanis insisting she could join in whatever game his boys were playing, Ireth backing her with a scowl until they were let in. Little Orodreth and his own Arakano, friends since birth. The screams of delight whenever they saw each other.

Despite everything, or maybe because of everything, he doesn’t know. All of them are now his children. He couldn’t stop the Fëanorions from taking the most dangerous lands because he had no argument to give. He can’t stop Turno and Ingo from making hidden kingdoms and taking Ireth and Artaresto with them. He couldn’t save little Arakano. He can’t stop Artanis hiding in Doriath, although he’s grateful at least one of his kids is safe… even if that safety comes with disowning the rest of her family.

He can’t even protect little Tyelpë and Itarillë who never asked for any of this.

So when the Dagor Bragollach comes and he hears Aegnor and Angrod are definitely dead, Curufin, Celegorm, and Celebrimbor might as well be for the trail of bodies leading to Doriath and the mass murder at the Girdle, Maglor’s land has been burned so far beyond recognition, they can’t even *find* bodies, Turgon, Idril, and Aredhel he wouldn’t even know if they were killed, and he hasn’t heard from Finrod in months-

He can’t.

So he makes a last ditch attempt because maybe, just maybe, he can make their battle the slightest bit easier. Give his kids if any of them survive a weakness to exploit. A slight advantage to turn the tables…

A stab to the foot does the trick. Morgoth will be limping on that one for millennia.

He hopes his brothers can forgive him.

[charmwasjess]

Lightsaber Theory: Obi-Wan "Sith Lords are Our Specialty" Kenobi consistently loses duels to Dooku not for any reason of technical form mismatch or lack of ability, but because Dooku is not even pretending to try to kill him. Resultantly, Obi-Wan can’t figure out what the fuck is going on when they fight. 

Obi-Wan: (preparing to defend an expected lethal strike) You’ll answer for your enormities, Count!

Dooku: (giving him the lightest love tap on the leg) Don’t be so sure, my special good lineage baby boy, so perfect in my eyes. 

Obi-Wan: …What?

Dooku: What?

Which Dooku and Obi-Wan proud lineage moment is even the most unhinged? There are so many to choose from! Is it Dooku’s frequent inability, both in AotC and TCW, to keep from spontaneously gushing about Sidious’s plans and even his own dark secrets to Obi-Wan?? Is it the time in Labyrinth of Evil where Dooku drags a long-suffering, bored Grievous over to watch a holorecording of Anakin and Obi-Wan thwarting his plans yet again, to point out how beautifully they’re working together as a team and how much he likes watching their lightsaber work evolve? Is it in the recent Brotherhood novel, where Obi-Wan just has to casually namedrop Qui-Gon to get Dooku to do exactly what he wants?

Obi-Wan is a big problem for Sidious in his mission to destabilize and corrupt Anakin, and Sidious knows it. He needs him out of the picture to do the same isolating, evil bullshit that worked so well when ensnaring Dooku himself. But the war has been going on for years now, and guess who remains inconveniently alive? And whose job was that to take care of? Oh yeah. I remember. His useless, Padawan assassin-collecting apprentice: fucking Count Dooku. By the time of RotS, Sidious has specifically ordered Dooku to make fucking sure Obi-Wan is dead only for him to completely ignore the command about a half-dozen times.

Going by the Stover RotS novelization, in the same scene where Dooku also literally refers to Obi-Wan as his fucking grandson actually, add that to our earlier list, Sidious reiterates that KILL OBI-WAN is the plan (over the sound of Dooku’s loud complaining) moments before that final duel.  I kind of wish we’d gotten a shot of Sidious's incredulous, enraged expression as Dooku knocks Obi-Wan unconscious and pins him safely out of the way. He is, once again, going out of his way to not kill Obi-Wan in that duel, and this time directly disobeying his Master to his face after they just had a conversation about it. You just know exactly what Sidious must be thinking at that moment. Oh, Dooku. You are so fucking fired.

[count-doodoo]

palpatine watching the rots duel

[charmwasjess]

Really, the fact that not once but twice Dooku removes Obi-Wan from a duel with deliberate, careful attention to not permanently injure him or maim him. The level of control with the Force/lightsaber that must have taken, while in the middle of a two on one duel...

[count-doodoo]

right??? like it's pretty much a truth universally acknowledged that it takes a helluva lot more skill to remove someone from a fight with no injury to them than it does to permanently disable or kill them. ESPECIALLY when we know the attacker is perfectly capable of maiming and murdering.

like, seriously. imagine still being in the middle of a duel with someone else, and yet still deciding to take the time and energy to lower a balcony onto someone gently enough to cause no injury. (imagine having the skill and motivation to lower a balcony onto someone gently enough to cause no injury in any case, even outside of an active duel. just. imagine.)

i know this is probably more of a plot hole issue than the writers (...other than stover, who really made dooku come out and outright say "MY GRANDSON!!") intending for us to be like "grandpa warcrimes loves his grandson <3" but i don't care. grandpa warcrimes loves his grandson <3

[charmwasjess]

YES YES YES YOU GET IT EXACTLY. It's a BATSHIT thing to do. And to do it during THAT fight?? That whole day?? Fuck, the months leading up to it if you go by the Dark Rendezvous/Labyrinth of Evil/Stover RotS 'trilogy' of books -- nothing is fun or working out for Dooku. He is his most isolated, his most destabilized, most unreliable, most puppetmastered. (He outright loses his POV to Sidious in LoE mid-book. Someday I'm going to write the most rambling post about that breakdown.) He manages that level of insanely delicate, unnecessary Force use in a duel that is not even going that well for him.

And yes, I totally see the points of those people who are shaking their head with the legitimate "yeah, but" counter arguments! It could be argued that Dooku loves out of a place of pride, seeing Obi-Wan as an extension of himself through the lineage: all of his own good teaching transferred on by his precious, lost Qui-Gon, now living again in this epitome of a perfect, brave, courtly Jedi Knight.

More, Dooku is a walking contradiction about it on every level. Whatever hesitation motivates him to intervene in these moments doesn't seem to apply to the other, horrific actions he helped put into motion. It seems genuinely true that Dooku loved Qui-Gon and mourned him terribly, but it is also just as true that he went on to serve up his own life and that of his friends to the man who destroyed him. This is the agonizing thing about loving Dooku as a character. His story doesn't have a happy ending. If he gets so close to pieces of his own lingering good and humanity, the maskless Vader confessing at the end of Return of the Jedi, it only makes it all the more worse when he doesn't get there - again and again and again.

But it's also the thing that keeps me coming back to him. That Dooku can be moments away from his own violent death, completely corrupted by a cause that's actively eating him alive, and still make a choice motivated by the plainest, most ordinary thing: love.

[count-doodoo]

don't apologize for the rambling lol (at least to me. idk if your followers want to read all of this rambling)! we are both in grandpa warcrimes hell together.

AHHHHH i just continue to lol at sidious, who is probably like, "yessss, he is isolated, yessss, he will do whatever evil thing i say!" and then, of course, has to witness the non-fatal balcony incident firsthand (and he isn't even allowed to scream about it!!)

imo the pov that dooku was soft on obi for selfish pride reasons is something that can fully coexist with dooku being Grandpa. i think dooku sort of... loved obi in the best way he knew how [at the time]. not in the "never knew" way that characterizes so many tragic villains who were raised by pieces of shit -- for dooku, i think he's forgotten how, because he lost his critical thinking skills to sidious and the dark too many years ago.

i think any love canon dooku has for obi is infused with selfishness and arrogance, definitely. obi is a reflection of all the best parts of dooku; the only positive legacy he'll really leave, the only one he can still see, whether dooku wants to admit that or not. he looks into the galaxy and sees all the things he's destroyed, all the things he's broken... but there's also this one thing that's still connected to him and still full of shining light.

(he's given up so much. he killed sy and he killed yaddle. can't he just have this one thing?)

his love may be selfish, but it's also unwanted, i think. it's contrary to his own goals and intentions and desires, and it's beyond what sidious (or even dooku himself) would have tried to allow. so in that sense, it's inherently not selfish.

it's like, a twisted sith version of the jedi-no-attachments thing, you know? yoda didn't let his love for dooku stop him from fighting against dooku, because yoda let go of that attachment even if he still loves his padawan. likewise, dooku's not going to let obi stop him from achieving his goals. but sometimes those lingering bits of [grandfatherly] pride make it hard to land a killing blow on the grandson. love has never stopped the disaster lineage from being enemy combatants on opposite sides of a war, but we've seen it stay their hands from killing on multiple occasions.

(i loved you, obi will tell anakin days later over banks of lava, after removing the three limbs dooku didn't.)

dooku doesn't turn the tides of history the way we wish he would've (the way he could've, if he was better). he doesn't stop himself from falling, doesn't turn on sidious, doesn't stop the war. he could've averted the tragedy of star wars, and he didn't.

but he could've killed obi, time and time again. he was supposed to kill obi, time and time again. and he didn't. he should've, because obi is a major player for the light, a major figure in galactic history, a major nuisance to dark siders during his life and long beyond it.

so maybe dooku didn't love obi enough to be good. but those dregs of compassion, those pieces of love that even his pride couldn't erase -- they did turn the tides of history, anyways.

(obi survives. he defeats grievous. he deprives sidious of the apprentice he's been angling at for a decade. he watches over luke. he gives leia the sort of hope that makes her name her son after him. he gives luke what he needs to destroy the death star. padawan kenobi "killed" the first sith in a millennia, and master kenobi is a pain in the ass to every sith thereafter.)

and that makes that love significant, even if it doesn't make dooku good.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Update:

It's not fairies

It's Doris.

might be about to get a sewing machine and/or start an ACAB riot.

[gallusrostromegalus]

Ok, so:

I'm going to see a prospective house because due to various circumstances, I'm probably going to be moving to the other side of a major metropolitan area in the next few months, but that's not important.

I get to the house

I get a text from the realtor

The realtor is not the person who has been texting me in emoji

The person texting me in emoji is the homeowner, who the realtor says will let me in if I want, she's running late.

Sure

Why not

I put Herschel on leash and go to the front door

As much crime as he commits at home Herschel The Hanukkah Goblin has terrific public manners, and is Very Cute so I'm about 90% sure the emoji fairy is going to let me take him through the house

Door opens.

90-something blue haired old lady with a spine like a question mark and glasses that could be used as telescope lenses opens the door.

"OH [Gallus]! How lovely to see you!"

This woman clearly knows me because she remembers my anniversary was last week and that my sister is back from Australia.

Problem is

I know about 500 geriatric ladies with blue hair, scoliosis and extreme prescription glasses, because I am a member of 2 quilt guilds, the scientific illustration guild, the rocky mountain SCA and stagehand for three different theater companies, so I know everyone's grandma and fuck me if I can tell them apart.

Wait

There's a quilt in thekitchen, visible front hall

I don't know faces but apparently I can recognize applique techniques at 40paces.

"...Doris? From SAQA?"

"YES! Who is this handsome little man?"

Herschel speaks enough English to know that "handsome little man" means "this person will feed me milk bones and bacon if I'm cute enough"

Immediately does a Sit Pretty and Shake.

Doris is bewitched

This is fine, but I also know I'm about to severely disappoint the realtor because there is no way in hell I'm moving into this House.

Because

The reason Doris is moving out is that her neighbor is a Cunt Magnifique and has been harassing Doris and everyone else to form an HOA and "improve the quality of our residents" because this woman has nothing better to do than be a racist-ass busy body, and recently, she's set her husband, a county sheriff on Doris, trying to bully her into signing paperwork and threatening her with legal action and writing her up for bullshit property violations

Ain't putting up with that shit

And neither is Doris, so she's selling all her shit and moving out to live with her grandchildren in Santa Monica.

But she's technologically impaired, so the only indication that there is an estate sale happening is a small paper sign in her front yard.

"Doris." I say, as Herschel makes himself comfortable on the couch for belly rubs and pieces of ham. "Did you tell SAQA or FRCC or anyone on Facebook that you're having the sale?"

"oh, I don't know how to do all that!" She sighs. "I tried to call the Denver post but they just put me on hold for ages..."

"Watch Herschel for 20 minutes and he's only allowed to have that one piece of ham."

Pics of everything

Address, time and pics to Facebook, both quilt guilds she's in, two more I have contacts for, nextdoor, and the local SCA discord for good measure.

It's 12 minutes and Herschel persuaded her to give him at least three pieces of ham.

He is petitioning for a fourth by doing a little puppy dance on the living room rug.

"OK, that's enough ham, people will be here in 10. Where is your cash box?"

Because apparently I'm running an estate sale today too.

It's fine :)

There's about 7 minutes of quiet.

Then

They DESCEND

The first on the scene is DeeDee, who doesn't believe in speed limits. She's arrived with a horse trailer. I remember that she is also moving.

"HI DORIS SWEETHEART WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS TODAY I WAS GOING TO TAKE ALL THIS TO THE GOODWILL HERE LET ME SET UP ON YOUR LAWN "

DeeDee is 73, and has a special spiritual bond with Hello Kitty. She weighs like 98lbs, dresses exclusively in neon pink sanrio clothes and the kind of eye makeup drag queens aspire to.

She also speaks non-stop at a volume normally associated with jet engines.

Half the horse trailer is already spread out on the lawn.

Doris is putting price stickers on stuff

Herschel is trying to tear open a bag of cotton batting.

This, and the arrival of approximately 56 minivans, five more trucks with horse trailers and Corgi Excitement Screaming alert Cunt Magnifique that something is happening outside.

Madame saunters off her porch up to Doris and Demands to know what's happening, you're supposed to notify the neighborhood and get a permit to-"

Doris, surrounded by her pack of silver wolves, shouts. "OH HELLO! EVERYONE, THIS IS MARCIA. I'VE TOLD YOU ALL ABOUT MARCIA." >:)c

... further details in a bit I think the Vikings are here.

[gallusrostromegalus]

~`* SOMEONE'S GETTING FIRED!!*`~

[gallusrostromegalus]

OK so.

You know those high school house parties you see in movies, where the person invites only a few friends, but those friends call their friends, and those friends call THEIR friends and soon like 500 people show up to one house and someone calls the cops and that one John Mulaney sketch with "SCATTER!" happens?

Old people will 100% do this too, except instead of a house party it's an estate sale on a wednesday afternoon and when the cop shows up there are lawyers present and he is in DEEP SHIT because his wife just spent the afternoon admitting to doing a bunch of wildly illegal shit on tape.

So when we left off, the party had really started getting underway, because Marcia the Cunt Magnifique had decided to crash the estate sale and whine about "we're supposed to coordinate garage sales as a neighborhood" and "your friends are blocking traffic on this cul-de-sac while nobody is home" weh weh-

DeeDee is about ready to throw hands but she is nowhere near the most dangerous of the Silver Silver Wolves.

That's Dr. Ruth.

Dr. Ruth turned 99 this year and went paragliding for her birthday

So you understand just how hard she goes

Dr. Ruth sort of hobbles over and point-blank asks "So I understand you've been trying to start a homeowner's association?" :3c

Marcia

Entirely misunderstanding how much danger she's in

Starts enumerating the TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS of trying to start one, because SOME PEOPLE DON'T RESPECT AUTHORITY and all the paperwork and talking to people and she even had to ask HER HUSBAND. A SHERRIF. To go around and hand people stuff to sign.

Some people, right?

Dr. Ruth nods. Some people. She agrees.

You know.

Her son is a lawyer.

Why doesn't she give him a call?

Marcia, a Moron: Oh that'd be great!

Dr. Ruth, hobbling back to Doris: "Don't worry. David will handle this."

Meanwhile

The Friends-Of-Friends and the Friends-Of-Friends-Of-Friends are arriving, lured in because they heard the words "Longarm Sewing Machine" and "Hand-made quilts"

Various factions present include but are far from limited to: -Probably Six Quilt Guilds -The Denver Art League -The Denver Leather League -The Vikings -The Klingons -The Colorado Wild Game Share -A Pack of Scientific Illustrators -A Pack of Assorted Scientists they brought with them -The Sheep Lesbians -The Horse Lesbians -Three Extremely Competent Finnish People (My Scientific Illustration Professor and her sisters) who immediately take over the estate sale and turn it into an auction to maximize profit and keep the taxes in order.

Someone brings two additional Corgi called "Cap" and "Bucky"

They are Pembroke Corgi, and weigh about 21lbs apiece

Herschel is a Cardigan Welsh Corgi and weighs 42lbs because he's hug even for a Cardigan, and is Delighted with his New Minions.

They worship him as a God and follow him around so every time he sticks his face in something two smaller corgi faces immediately follow, like some kind of adorable cerberus.

Pelts and meat shares are being traded out of the backs of trucks and vans

Someone is making bratwurst.

Intrigued by the Brouhaha, Doris' neighbors emerge.

They are also Geriatric and very nervous, because Marcia has been harassing them too.

They are telling this to the members of these factions that are also lawyers.

There are at least 5 of them so far and David isn't even here yet.

I realize my realtor isn't even here.

I decide to text her.

She is somewhere in the crowd and having a nervous breakdown because She's SO LATE!!!

Ma'am.

It's 103 out.

I was just handed a freshly grilled Brat

Some bitch is incriminating herself on the lawn.

Nothing scheduled is happening.

Come sit in the yard and watch the Corgis play on the Palyskool plastic slide set. They're disassembling it like tiny furry engineers.

Have a bratwurst.

One of the Klingons appears, having physically carried my realtor through the crowd, and gently deposits her on the lawn before handing her a Bratwurst.

Diane, the Realtor, is not much older than I am, and from the preppie swaths of society that has "Never had a dog growing up" and "Didn't Know People Could Just. Make. Blankets?" and "What is this? It's like a hot dog but spicy?"

She is having a LEARNING EXPERIENCE.

One of the Horse Lesbians comes over and compliments Diane on her Dior handbag.

Diane thanks her ans compliments the apparently expensive brand scarf she has on. Do you. Know all these people?

Horse Lesbian explains that she's part of the SCA, and what that is, and that why yes. Her girlfriend Tasha is an armorer. Yes like for knights.

More Livestock Lesbians assemble.

They are pulling off shirts to show off livestock and battle scars, and biceps.

Diane is LEARNING A LOT TODAY.

I am just getting everyone's contact info and making sure Herschel does not consume his weight in bratwurst.

BWOOP!

Uh-Oh.

Marcia's Husband is here.

I step out front.

He has used the siren to largely part the crowd and pull into his driveway but it has closed around him and there is No Escape.

He starts huffing and puffing about blocked traffic and permits and the like, but this is not his usual Can-Bully-Without-Consequences crowd.

These are Grandmas.

Veterans of the 60's protest front who never let up.

He's starting to turn bright red and looks like he's about to cry and I've got my phone out to record whatever Incident is about to occur.

-And a Mercedes pulls up.

It's David.

Dr. Ruth's son.

The Lawyer.

And I emphasize that The because David is not some mere ambulance chaser.

David is the guy that the state sends to prosecute Corporate Fraud and Organized Crime and Other State Departments.

David was part of the team that took down the CO Branch of the KKK.

David is all of 5'4", very round and a balding little man that looks like the Dictonary Definition of "Nebbish" that moves with such intense confidence and authority that he pretty much has the Pillar Men Theme Blasting behind him at all times.

So when he and three other lawyers from the state's office step out of the car

Mr. Sherrif goes from red to while like color-changing octopus and I am like 50% sure he shit himself.

Because what he and Marcia have been doing is Very, Very, Very, VERY, Fucking Illegal.

"mArCiA!" he garbles. "sHuT tHe fUcK uP!"

Marcia is standing in the middle of the cul-de-sac, having spent the last 3 hours recounting to anyone who will listen about the 'measures she's had to take' and now the 5 lawyers that were here are delightedly handing over the paperwork that she had forced on Doris and her Neighbors, and pointing at all the doorbell cameras and witnesses out to the state's top prosecutor.

Friends

I ugly laughed.

FOUR HOURS LATER: -Auction wrapped up with a solid $40K to Doris' name plus pending sales on some of her larger furniture and antiques

Plus whatever David gets in damages from the county sherrif's office.

Marcia and husband are fucking busted

Herschel spent all afternoon running around and eating snacks and is passed out on the floor

Diane is "meeting up with" one of the Horse Lesbians next week.

The sewing machine went to someone else but I did open my purse and found out Doris or someone shoved a bunch of cash in there.

I'm getting ice dream and going to bed.

[dduane]

...Always reblog the Epics. :)

[proxycrit]

FAMILIAR FAMILIAR MASTERPOST

If you want to see my general info (and also which tags to look at my other art, click here)

FAMILIAR FAMILIAR is a self indulgent TOTK AU where Link and Zelda traverse the wild lands of Hyrule together. There are ruins to be discovered and monsters to be eaten.

This project is a linktober challenge that will extend past the month of october. Please be patient with me as this is entirely being funded by a hyperfixation and the support of beloved patreon backers (ty patreon backers). Pls note fanart, fanfics, and spinoffs are perfectly fine as long as credit is due!

Chronological Order (updating as we go!)

1. Blood Moons and Headaches

2. Basement Adventures

3. Basement’s Adventures Haunted

4. Basement’s Extra Haunted

5. Lost (and found)

6. World’s Endin, Purah’s Stressin

7. Concern about Death Mountain

8. Goron City and Yunobo

9. Death Mountain vs Oversized Railgun

10. The Sage of Fire

11. Interlude

12. Goodbye Eldin!

13. Rained In

14. Skyview Towers

15. Close Call

16. Welcome To The Swamp

17. A Guide Named Yona

18. Sidon’s No Good Very Bad Two Months

19. Authority Issues

20. Lab in the Sky

21. The Water Sage

22. Reprise

23. Century Idol

24. Safe Travels

25. It’s Free Transportation

26. Song of Perseverance

27. Crack in the Maze

28. Looking for Lunch

29. Pirates, in MY Hyrule?

30. Ghost Ships

31. Great Fairy Cotera

32. Arm Collection

33. Mushrooms and Cheese

34. Three Headed Public Menace

35. Back into the Basement

36. Spider Jumpscare

37. It’s Free Spine Residue

38. Song of War

39. Wet Sand

40. Fight or Flight

41. Flooded Desert

42. Gut Conductor

43. Riju’s Bug Zapper 9000

44. The Shroud Bringer

45. Weight of Responsibility

46. Ghost Nap

47. Restless Dead

48. Lightning Sage

49. Surcease

50. Kept Promise

EXTRAS:

- Link and Zelda Reference

- Spotify

- Oneshot ficlets

[proxycrit]

FAMILIAR FAMILIAR MASTERPOST

(EDIT: pinning this for linktober to keep things in order! All shenanigans will also be reposted on my alt blog, @critbit-hoard )

If you want to see my general info (and also which tags to look at my other art, click here)

FAMILIAR FAMILIAR is a self indulgent TOTK AU where Link and Zelda traverse the wild lands of Hyrule together. There are ruins to be discovered and monsters to be eaten.

This project is a linktober challenge that will extend past the month of october. Please be patient with me as this is entirely being funded by a hyperfixation and the support of beloved patreon backers (ty patreon backers). Pls note fanart, fanfics, and spinoffs are perfectly fine as long as credit is due!

Chronological Order (updating as we go!)

1. Blood Moons and Headaches

2. Basement Adventures

3. Basement’s Adventures Haunted

4. Basement’s Extra Haunted

5. Lost (and found)

6. World’s Endin, Purah’s Stressin

7. Concern about Death Mountain

8. Goron City

9. Death Mountain vs Oversized Railgun

10. The Sage of Fire

11. Interlude

12. Goodbye Eldin!

13. Rained In

14. Skyview Towers

15. Close Call

16. Welcome To The Swamp

17. A Guide Named Yona

18. Sidon’s No Good Very Bad Two Months

19. Authority Issues

20. Lab in the Sky

21. The Water Sage

22. Reprise

23. Century Idol

24. Safe Travels

[moltengoldveins]

Feemor and Jon Antilles are the two characters that, when looking for a Star Wars fix-it long fic, I watch out for more than anything. I know for a fact that if those boys show up the fic will be BANGIN. If they’re SHIPPED with someone? Even better. Those boys are the absolute best metric for whether your fic writer is feral enough about extended canon to write a good and proper fix-it fic set before the clone wars. Feemor/Jaster Mereel? Immediately I am hooked. So the Jedi Temple Guard who spends the vast majority of his time faceless, largely because of a neglectful parent, is with the guy who leads the Faceless Helmet Good Parent People? I know there will be cultural discussions and family drama. Hell yes. Jon Antilles meanwhile is such a crackhead concept that a fic containing him is gonna be taking a lot more insane things seriously than just an immortal Jedi with weird trauma. Jocasta Nu being shipped is third in this list btw. Nu x Dooku? Hell yeah, old person romance, the author has a thing for pining and theological debates over tea. Nu x Jaster? Hell yeah, our resident autism man finally got himself into the Jedi Archives if yknow wat I mean. Sifo Dyas also fits into this category of character btw. These are the quality barometer characters of Star Wars pre-clone wars fix it long fic.

[spidercoris]

this photo has so much meme potential

[freddie-77-ao3]

{A War Counsel Meeting, deathly serious} Percy, out of the blue: I like tacos

[q1ieg98n]

Every Single other Counselor (who also have ADHD): Ooh, tacos!

[sealsdaily]

Today's Seal Is: GRRR BARK BARK RRRR GRRRRRR