MYDEI @qaivan - Tumblr Blog

✦ MYDEi, iVAN, or iGNiS

iT ROT PYRO FLAME

MINOR W/ DID ETC . . .

— INT FROM @cutelace

EXT, BYI, PRNS.CC, ASKS @idwl's “ DOUBLE ”

#.#✦ ┆ his designs.#✦ ┆ his musings.#✦ ┆ his messages.#✦ ┆ his mail.#✦ ┆ his favorites.#✦ ┆ his memorabilia.#✦ ┆ guest appearances.

i'm not showing the actual content of the ask, but i think ivan is getting the asks radio got. LMAO

anon, point blank, go away. nobody will believe you without any proof.

because you're not adding any proof, i have the belief that you're not sending these asks because you want to spread awareness about a bad person. you want to dirty someone's name. you want us, the community, to blindly badmouth someone. i doubt it will work. from what i've seen, the community doesn't just mindlessly believe any accusation, especially ones like yours where you don't elaborate or show any evidence. you're also—if i'm right about you being from radio—block evading to harass people. that's not a good look.

if you send proof, we'll& change our tune, but we& still dont post or engage with callout posts. even if you have proof, we're& not going to post your asks.

you can claim we're& "supporting an abuser," you can call us& "bad people," i dont care. we& dont, and never will, think we're& bad people for refusing to post baseless accusations.

(we& and mydei are also openly and staunchly against callout posts as the victims& of one. why did you think we& would support you? mydei hasnt even been in front, anyway, so what are you sending accusations here for?)

dont send that shit here. ever.

okay bye

-juno

#✦ ┆ his musings.#✦ ┆ guest appearances.#we wont respond further to anything because we dont want to stir any drama 👍

hopemogai

to anyone going through loss and grief right now, i'm sending you my best wishes. grief is tough, and death is tougher. you deserve kindness and comfort. things may never be the same, but one day the grief will lessen. moving on doesn't mean you have to forget about them.

#✦ ┆ his messages.#✦ ┆ guest appearances.

Hi. It's still not Ivan, but I'd like to make a post anyway. It's a bit more serious than usual. I've seen nobody in the LIOMOQAI communities talking about it, and I'd like to bring attention to it.

Today, a popular trans and disabled user on tumblr—@transfaguette (AKA Ansel), to be specific—was found dead. He killed himself back in May. This isn't an allegation; it was stated on his blog (link). From what I've gathered, he killed himself mainly due to the cruelty of capitalism (link) and not having enough support or resources.

I am upset. Not at him, of course. I respect his decision. No, I am upset with the world. I am upset that another trans and disabled person is dead. Most of all, I am upset that he had to turn to suicide in the first place, because it didn't have to be that way. Regardless, someone in the trans community is dead. Someone in the disabled community is dead.

Us trans people, we keep dying. Us disabled people, we keep dying. I am mad that the world can drive us to this. More than that, though, I'm sorry we have to go through this. I'm so sorry that this feels like the only way people can find peace. I am also sorry that the world is so cruel that we keep disappearing or being murdered.

Don't forget him. Don't forget him, or any of the countless trans and disabled people who are killing themselves, going missing, or being murdered.

Ansel's sister has listed the numbers of the Suicide Hotline and Trevor Lifeline in her post (link); I would like to further add anti-carceral hotlines (link) for those who can't afford the police being called on them. If someone you know is struggling, please offer a shoulder, too.

Rest in peace, Ansel. Rest in peace as well to all of the other trans and/or disabled people who are struggling, dying, or going missing. You shouldn't have to suffer this way. I hope you find peace. I hope we find peace.

#✦ ┆ his musings.#ask to tag #tw suicide #mogai #mogai community #qai #qai community #xenogender community #liom community #✦ ┆ guest appearances.

just a heads up that there likely won't be any activity on this blog for a while. our& system only really goes on tumblr compulsively anymore, and ivan hasn't really been in front to coin—rot's asked us& not to touch pyros drafts and not to coin anything on its blog, and we'd& like to respect that. feel free to keep tagging flame in stuff or sending asks though, we're& sure it'd appreciate that

#✦ ┆ his musings.#✦ ┆ guest appearances.

qaivan

Exorpunk

The subculture and identity (like amatopunk, for example) that staunchly rejects, fights against, and directly opposes exorsexism and binarism. It's about redefining gender, abolishing the sex and gender arities, and being loudly supportive of nonbinarity. It is for nonbinary and anonbinary folks, but it is not exclusive to them; in fact, it is encouraged that binary people be exorpunk.

Some other topics exorpunk is about:

Recognizing gender, especially nonbinarity, as a spectrum

Rejecting bioessentialism, gender essentialism, and the idea that male and female/masculinity and femininity are opposities

Rejecting transmedicalism, truscum, and embracing the many ways of transitioning as a nonbinary person

Opposing the idea that gender qualities (such as masculinity, femininity, neutrality, etc) go hand-in-hand with gender, as this is used to uphold the western binary

Abolishing exorsexism, binarism, gender arity, and sex arity

Opposing labels that sort people into gender arities, as well as the people who sort us

Not only adopting, but popularizing, nonbinary (societal-wise and gender-wise) and neutral alternatives to binary sayings and labels

Uplifting and learning about the (gender) identities of POC which don't fit into the western binary

Fighting colonialist and western ideas of queerness and gender, especially when they're pushed onto marginalized cultures and awestern identities

Uplifting intersex people, who are often the targets of exorsexism (alongside intersexism, of course)

Supporting nonbinary people, encouraging them to be loud about their identity

Flag meaning:

Black: Lives lost due to transphobia, exorsexism, binarism, and intersexism; the struggles that those outside of gender and sex arity face

Blue: Activism, education, and freedom

Green: Awestern gender identities and gender identities of poc that dont fall under the western binary

Deep Yellow: Joy, encouragement, positivity; intersexness and allyship towards intersex people

White: A color often used in flags to represent nonbinarity and community alike

Symbols are self-explanatory.

Here are alternative flags for those who focus on how exorsexism affects intersex people and POC/awestern folks. The exorpunk flag is already inclusive of them, so this isn't to single them out. Instead, it's for those who want to highlight the fact they combat these sides of the issue. I am white and perisex, but I had my intersex and POC friends give input on these.

@radiomogai @genderaverse @halosmic

kito-flagspam

Could we call this nexorpunk instead (if the name isn't taken/has any alternate meanings)? The exor- part of exorsexism comes from the XOR logic gate, so i thought that NOT+XOR (i.e. NXOR) would make sense to be the opposition of exorsexism :D

qaivan

i like your idea, but i think mydei and us& would rather keep this as exorpunk!

you bring up a good point about the "exor" part coming from exorsexism, and mydei was worried about that causing confusion originally.

however, the "amato" part of amatopunk, for example, comes from the "amato" part of amatonormativity. put together, it loosely means "lovepunk"—i would say the name implies challenging the notions of love. it's not namatopunk or amatonormativitypunk (or a shortened version of that), just amatopunk.

in the same way, exorpunk is (obviously) the exor part of exorsexism, and the name implies challenging the notions of exor-ism/exorsexism.

does that make sense?

#i hope this makes sense #mydei hasnt been in front for a while unfortunately so he cant be here to explain #he would probably explain better than i could #✦ ┆ his messages.#✦ ┆ guest appearances.

is there a NON transphobic originating word for those kinks? since i. kind of do have one of them and i also want other trans people to be comfy with yk. engaging with them/making art about them without being attacked by 1 billion transphobes.

we& wouldnt really know and we're not comfortable looking for one because we're& a minor. maybe somebody else would know? i couldn't really direct you anywhere, though. i apologize

#mydei's not in front to answer so i will #✦ ┆ his mail.#✦ ┆ guest appearances.#anonymous

hey, i might be uninformed so i have a question abt your radfem warning signs list, if its ok; why are autogynephilia and autoandrophilia on the Big Red Flag side? are they refering to a different thing than the paraphilia of being attracted to yourself being/as a girl/boy??

it's not about what it means, and not everything is bad because of what it means; sometimes, it's who invented it and who uses it. besides the few trans people ive seen reclaiming it, its mainly used by radfems and transphobes who believe transfem and transmasc identities are just fetishes. not to mention, i believe AGP and AAP originated from ray blanchard, a transphobe.

#✦ ┆ his mail.#anonymous

I hate that there's no room for nonbinary people in media. When a character's gender is "ambiguous" (neither seen as masculine nor feminine) and solely referred to with neutral terms such as "they/them" and person, individual, etc, people can't stand that. They can't stand the idea that a nonbinary person wouldn't want to be a boy or girl, isn't a boy or a girl. They have to be a girlthing or a boything (why are all nonbinary people things? Why is it never girlenby or boyenby?), they have to be transfem or transmasc. When they're put into relationships, they have to be either lesbian or gay. Nobody can be cenelian or enbian or diamoric or gai or strayt or trixic or toric. That doesn't exist.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of seeing nonbinarity be shoved into category after category after category when the whole point of being nonbinary is that we want to opt out.

#✦ ┆ his musings.#exorpunk #exorsexism #nonbinary #enbyphobia #enby #lgbtq #lgbtqia #mogai #mogai community #qai #qai community #nonbinary community #pocket deadlock #es milgram #kris dreemurr

Milrasym ✦ A neoumbrella related to MILGRAM (AKA The MILGRAM Project) and its themes, though individual genders under it do not have to be related to the series. This may include the Milgram Experiment, the art, the aesthetics, the music videos, the comics, the manga, the plot(s), the characters, authority, power dynamics, control, corruption, prison, prisoners, wardens, sin, crime, murder, death, suicide, darkness, restraints, muzzles, straps, keys, cells, mythical creatures, jackalopes, health, doubt, childhood, adolescence, psychology, identity, id and ego and superego, ego death, morality, law and legality, faith, fear, music, singing, dancing, justice, judgement, innocence and loss of innocence, guilt, redemption, sympathy, compassion, forgiveness, worth, and more.

No terminology this time; apologies. I may coin some later, but anyone else is also free to do so. There's no need to wait on me!

@radiomogai @genderaverse @halosmic; name by @genderaverse

#✦ ┆ his designs.#milrasym #mogai #mogai coining #mogai label #mogai term #qai #qai coining #qai safe #qai label #qai term #qai blog #liom coining #liom term

sugaryvexillogy

Systemwide Sweetheart Jade

[PT: Systemwide Sweetheart Jade. end PT]

A term in which all (with maybe the exception of one or two) members of a system identify with being/as a Sweetheart Jade.

Systemwide coined by @qaivan , template by @necrozmi , Sweetheart Jade coined by @sugar-sweet-fawnwife

taglist: @narcpolar @porrima @goregender @the-novalunosis-hoard @accessibilitea @sys-terms

#✦ ┆ his messages.

genderaverse

glasselfic moodboard

[pt: glasselfic(link) moodboard. end pt.]

gift for our& accomplice.

@radiomogai @bloodifang @hisstrionic @emailmeurheart @sevvys @qaivan

#✦ ┆ his messages.#this is absolutely stunning.#i love glasses.

rabidbatboy

I would like to invite you to compare the way you treat and think about paraphilias to the way you treat and think about other disorders with me. particularly if you are a member of communities that aren’t as likely to spread stigma surrounding disorders like NPD and ASPD etc like in typical society.

anti paras tend to hold the beliefs of ‘anti para unless anti contact’ in a guilty until proven innocent sense, the conflation of paraphile with predator is so deeply ingrained from decades of social stigma that it provides people with a safety net to acceptably say that we should kill and harm paraphiles.

as someone who has personality disorders, these disorders sometimes compel me or make me desire to harm people. acting upon my desires to hurt people around me would be physically and emotionally traumatic for strangers and even people I care about. why can you rationalise empathy for people like me, when this pertains to BPD, NPD, ASPD, schizophrenia, etc? if someone was to say ‘anti NPD, except anti abuse ones’ why is that unacceptable, but ‘anti para, except anti contact ones’ is acceptable?

do you understand that sexual taboo is affecting the way you treat and think about human beings? do you understand that sex being integrated into the conversation is what’s affecting your mental shift from ‘person with a condition’ to ‘predator’ as soon as the conversation moves to paraphiles? ‘narc abuse’ is a condemned term in these communities for conflating a condition with abuser. but conflate ‘paraphile’ with ‘predator’ and you very wilfully submit to a decades long psyop that has also been historically used to hurt the gay and trans community.

it’s frustrating that I try and keep this blog mogai focussed, but more and more violence and bullying is being incited towards various groups that already suffer from social stigma. you aren’t interested in protecting children if you can’t get over your own internal biases— who is going to protect the children who are paraphiles? who is going to protect the victims who are paraphiles?

consider your own hypocrisy, dont disregard reason and empathy to soothe your personal discomforts

#✦ ┆ his messages.

(same anon)

not angry at all! in fact, i appreciate the explanation of why it's there, because i was unaware of the specifics of the origin of the word. the fact that it was borrowed from criminology is... not great, yeah. that would definitely make me choose a different word if i were using it for myself.

i guess the word seemed less niche to me since i'm under the detrans+ umbrella and have been in detrans+ spaces, so i've seen and talked to people who use the word and are not radfems. most trans or ally desisters + detransitioners i've met do not post publicly about it because their posts are always swarmed by radfems, so i'm not surprised there are little to no search results that aren't from radfems.

i only commented on "desisting" being on the list because it was listed without comment. 9 of the 12 items on that list come with an explanation / context; the other ones that don't are the "libfem" and "nuancefem" points. those i feel can be adequately understood with a simple search, but i cannot say the same with "desisting." since, as you pointed out, the search results on here for "desisting" are almost exclusively from radfems, i was concerned that the lack of context would give others the impression that the word "desisting" is exclusively used by radfems.

this will probably be my last ask; now that i've read more about the origin of the word, i agree with you that using another word for personal identity is probably for the best. i didn't express my intent as well as i could have in my first asks, and i apologize for that. my intent was never to get you to remove it from the list; at most, i wanted additional context added, which you've done by linking back to my first ask. thank you for being willing to discuss this with me, and for bearing with me and my communication issues. 😅 take care!

(continuation of this ask)

im glad we could both learn more from this exchange! i also want to say that im thankful you brought your concerns to me, even if i did disagree with you at first. it did make me realize that the term desisting didn't have enough context, and hopefully linking the ask you sent will make it more clear that it's not solely used in the context of radfeminism.

no need to worry about your communication issues, i completely understand. you take care as well.

#✦ ┆ his mail.#anonymous

(same anon)

my apologies, when i first typed up that ask i addressed that i know you're just talking about the word, not the act itself, and that it's in a list of potentially neutral terms. apparently i deleted that line without noticing. i totally understand what you're saying, and i still have concerns.

the point that i'm trying to make is that even with you stating it's a potentially neutral term, i think there are people who will see that list and assume that anyone who uses the word "desisting" might be a radfem. i think this is dangerous, because it could result in the community pushing away anyone who talks about desisting, and people who have been pushed away or isolated are easier for radfems to prey on.

(continuation of this ask)

okay. i understand your frustration, but i don't think i want to remove it. i apologize, because i know you'll likely be angry with that, but i'm not just leaving it there for no reason. i would like to explain why, at least. i want to emphasize im not making an uninformed decision.

it was "applied by a few researchers and then leveraged by various individuals or groups seeking to reduce or eliminate the incidence of trans identities and to curtail treatment options for young trans people." (jamison green). it doesn't sound like it has great origins.

it's a relatively niche term that isn't very popular. in fact, im able to find more instances of anti-trans people using it than anyone else. yes, when looking up desisting on google, there are many neutral studies and articles. however, most of them—some of the very top results, by the way—are also negative or use it in a negative light. when looking up desisting on tumblr, i can find a collection of trans and trans-allied desisters, but i find more radfems.*

why do you only take issue with desisting being on there? why not with, say, gender abolition? i know im reiterating a previous point, so i apologize, but i included it despite being a gender abolitionist. in fact, i think gender abolition is good and encourage more people to be gender abolitionists.

*to demonstrate some of what i found:

(to be clear, im not linking those articles in the second point because they're necessarily reputable—im simply linking them as examples of "desisting" being used).

i dont want to say this without offering a solution to the problem, so i'll say this: i genuinely think trans-allied people are better off using "social detransitioning" or, better yet, using/coining a new term. i know daybreakthing made one called rensoci/rensocitrans!

#✦ ┆ his mail.#anonymous #no id #mogai #mogai community

i want to push back on the idea of "desisting" being a term associated with radfems. there are radfems who are desisters, but as you said, it's also just another word for social detransition. the idea that detransition and desistance are inherently linked to being anti-trans is something that is heavily pushed by radfems themselves (and non-radfem transphobes) for the purpose of isolating desisters and detransitoners from the broader queer community, and then preying on their need for community to radicalize them.

for context, i am trans and in the MOGAI community and have medically detransitioned by choice. i think it is important to spread the fact that desistance and detransition are morally neutral acts, desister and detransitioner are morally neutral identities, etc., and not inherently associated with any political or social group. i think that spreading the idea that the word "desisting" is a potential warning sign of someone being a radfem is dangerous, as it could result in the community being suspicious of and pushing away desisters and detransitioners who are trans allies, or even still trans themselves (like me!), which radfems would then take advantage of.

to clarify tone: not mad at you, just offering up my concerns. i appreciate the rest of the post! there are a lot of red flags that people are unaware of, and i appreciate you spreading awareness of them.

im fully aware that desisting is not solely a radfem/TERF term. thats why i put it in a specific section—a section for terms and viewpoints that "are commonly used amongst radfems, but could just as easily be used by other leftist, well-meaning, or unknowing people" and are "a mix of neutral and negative terms/viewpoints."

to be clear, im not talking about the act of desisting. im talking about the word itself. the act of desisting and detransitioning has nothing to do with radfeminism. however, the word desist itself is often used in a negative context and common in radfem spaces.

gender abolition is in the same section. that doesn't mean all gender abolitionists are radfems or TERFs. for instance, i'm a gender abolitionist and i'm transfeminist.

#✦ ┆ his mail.#anonymous #i will be linking this post in the word desist for further clarification.

Radical feminism... often slips through the cracks of LGBTQ+ communities.

Now, that's not to blame anybody. I do, however, think it's good to be informed. Here's a list of common radfem views and terminology.

Due to wanting this post to remain informative, I will try to remain neutral. However, as all people do, I have bias and that will probably slip through.

First, there are "caution signs." These views and words are commonly used amongst radfems, but could just as easily be used by other leftist, well-meaning, or unknowing people. This contains a mix of neutral and negative terms/viewpoints.

Gender abolition; not just abolition of gender binarity, but gender (as a system) itself. To be clear, some trans and trans allies are gender abolitionists. The difference is that most trans and trans-allied gender abolitionists believe that, even without gender, people would still want to transition.

"Transwoman" and "transman," as in without the space between these words specifically. These are TERF dog whistles that are meant to other trans people, essentially calling them "not real women/men." However, some unknowing trans people have picked it up.

"I believe in transandrophobia, just under a different name." (What they often mean is they call it misogyny.)

Using terms like "libfem" (liberal feminist) to refer to other feminists.

Using terms like "nuancefem" (nuanced feminist) to refer to other feminists.

Generally, differentiating gender identity from gender as a societal system isn't inherently radfeminist. However, disregarding trans people with ideas like "nobody has an internal, innate sense of gender" (disregarding gender dysphoria and gender euphoria), and especially insisting it's "just gender non-conformity" or "just your personality," is often rhetoric used by radfems.

"Gender socialization" (male socialization, female socialization). This refers to the idea that men and women are raised with differing expectations and treatment. To be clear, this is also a general sociological concept.

"Desisting" (when in reference to gender). Essentially, this refers to social detransitioning.

"Sex-based oppression." It's mainly used by radfems to refer to cis women and "TIFs" being oppressed on the basis of their sex. (While it's true that those with traits such as breasts, uteruses, vaginas, etc. are often deeply regulated and attacked for these traits, sex-based oppression isn't the greatest name.)

"Protect gender nonconformity" or similar phrases. This usually means something akin to "stop forcing people to be trans, let them just be gender-nonconforming."

While not all radfeminists and TERFs are anti asexual, a lot of them are on the basis that it's not LGB. They often also express that, in the case a woman is asexual, "it's normal to not be sexually attracted to a class that has power over you."

Being anti bi-lesbian. Radfems/TERFs believe lesbian refers to SSA (same-sex attraction).

Then, there are "red flags." These terms are, mostly without a doubt, radfem and TERF terms—or, at the very least, associated with bigotry (especially queerphobia.)

TIM/TIF, meaning trans-identified male and trans-identified female respectively.

"Peaking," meaning something akin to "awakening to the truth." I've seen this used to mean things like "becoming radfem," "realizing one agrees with radfem beliefs," and "becoming disillusioned with transness/trans people/trans communities"

AGP (autogynephilia) and AAP (autoandrophilia).

SSA (same-sex attraction), especially when used to define lesbian and gay.

Calling oneself "gender critical."

Calling others TRAs, as in trans rights activist. This was coined to compare us to MRAs, as in men's rights activists.

Calling oneself crypto (radfem/TERF), meaning a radfem or TERF who is undercover/pretending to be in support of trans people.

Calling oneself febfem, meaning "female-exclusive bisexual female/feminist." (Female-exclusive meaning one only dates cis women.)

Anti-kink rhetoric. Radfeminists and TERFs often believe that kink is a tool used to get away with abusing women. There is often an emphasis placed on certain kinks, such as ones to do with pain, for example.

(Don't be violent to radfems and TERFs on my post. It's misogynistic, plain and simple.

Also, please don't debate with me on this post—I'm not interested, and this isn't meant to denounce or endorse every single term and viewpoint. It's simply meant to act as a list.)

#✦ ┆ his musings.#mogai #mogai community #qai #qai community #liom community

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