a Site

im, ive

[naturalpr3y]

My understanders will Understand me

[naturalpr3y]

and As Such . My misinterpreters will Misinterpret me . The price for speaking my truth .

[dreamingnemleria]

[funstyle]

Im always like "i will not add my two cents. i will not add my two cents" but i cant lie the pennies are getting sweaty in my hand

[qcumbersome2]

Liz gets an email from Zach. She’s about to have a baby. He says they can meet in person. She doesn’t know if they live in the same city. What do I think it means that he never wrote me back. Wish I knew what he was hoping to make amends for. I remember the two years she spent with him after our first conversation. I was devastated for her. But you have to let that shit play its course.

[qcumbersome2]

winter photos

[qcumbersome2]

I try to write about the abortion and cry every time. I can hardly stomach it. The poems make me think I want to have a child. I know that I can’t. How does the grief bury into the heart like this, so deep I don’t feel it until I am digging around. I planted it, of course.

[qcumbersome2]

had cait’s birthday party on Friday. went to the local to debut my first song at graduation last night. got hit on on by gill but didn’t realize he was asking for my number till I was at home in bed. thinking about signing up for intermediate course soon. dancing both nights of the weekend felt good.

[qcumbersome2]

view from the bus on the bridge, the ocean and me at work, perth woods, oranges and grapefruits and limes for garlands, the ocean on a showshoeing trip, vision therapy

[qcumbersome2]

dreamt me and Nate were stuck in a November 17th time loop just like in On the Calculation of Volume. We found each other and then went our separate ways.

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

I love thinking I'm a hater and then meeting a real hater and going wow that does not look fun actually. Going back to my lukewarm hater ways. Performative haterdom. I couldn't name five hater bands.

[qcumbersome2]

met with graham. told him about the grief and the poisonous anger and the weeping. told him I’m not angry any more, which is true and, sometimes, isn’t. Left no space for him to apologize because I was so afraid he wouldn’t. And so he didn’t and that’s it. It’s over now. I want it to be over, now.

[ashstfu]

25 things i learned in 2025

[wovi]

*

susan sontag

[scorpionlafemme]

[mangomybeloved]

source: IsabelUnraveled on Substack

you might disappoint people (and that's okay)

a case against people-pleasing

[qcumbersome2]

wrote to Graham after 2 and a half years of no contact. I’ve been weeping all week. Relentlessly. He says he doesn’t know what he can give me. That he feels ashamed of how he wasn’t there, but that he isn’t receptive. That he’s defensive in a way that isn’t constructive.

It’s been years but he’s been here this whole time and doesn’t even know it. Doesn’t know the grief or the insanity or the constance of his image in my mind. I just want him to know, without any expectations. Just want to say some of the grief aloud. So that he doesn’t go his whole life without knowing. I just don’t know what’s possible for me or for him

[qcumbersome2]

New Year’s Day Kasia and the kids leave. Juno and I snowshoe at the provincial park. Beautiful sunny day. Everything’s closed on the way home so we buy what we can at the convenience store in town for dinner. Later Naomi and IO arrive. We drink and eat and listen to nts. We sit on the floor and the couch with the candles lit. They play music with the dulcimer and the keyboard. It’s beautiful. I feel more peaceful, settled.

[04k96]