💩

ATTENTION ALL USELESS KAPPA SLUTS – Congratulations! If you’re reading this, it means you’ve overcome the limitations of your tiny manatee brains and opened an email. Now if you’re asking yourself “DERRR, wait, I’m confused, is Chanel talking to ME? Am I a useless Kappa slut?” -- Simply ask yourself the following question aloud: “IS MY NAME CHANEL #3, CHANEL #5, CHANEL #6, OR ZAYDAY WILLIAMS?” Because if the answer to that is “YES”, then FELICITATIONS! THIS MISSIVE IS FOR YOU!!  So, do you all remember when we all agreed to meet at the campus pool and kill the Dean and I got you all awesome new phones so that when it came time to meet the phone would light up a certain colour and when it did you didn’t even have to answer it! You just had to come meet at the aforementioned pool?  And then do you remember NOT coming to the pool, despite me making it super easy for you by concocting a plan so simple than an orangutan could have figured it out. Like, literally, a circus ape of moderate intelligence could have looked down at the phone, sticking out of the single pocket in the front of his comical Lederhosen and seen it light up and used his short little legs to waddle over to his tiny motorized Shriners car and driven to the pool like I asked. 

[whatsdifferentincanada]

[dykeofhearts]

[420technoblazeit]

give me sniffer or give me death

[wellbutrinboy]

i love the sims but everything after creating them feels so empty… feel like a bored god who’s only hubris was thinking he could create something beautiful……

[seshrat]

[dankassbitchh]

[handjob]

My friends(don't have tumblr): have u seen this meme lol, it was on the 'best of tumblr' facebook page, tumblr is so funny

Me, a tumblr gremlin: haha yeah lol, think i've seen that one before lol

Me (what I really mean): you fools. I am plugged into the mainframe, wired to the primary source. Of course have seen that meme, and all 5000 of it's variants, 3 and a half months ago. I have seen the rise and fall of that meme, the boom and bust, the drama, the pain, the shitposting, oh god, the shitposting. I have seen this meme in it's rawest, freshest, unpasturised, most primal state. Do not insult me with these rank, stale puddles, that sit at the very base of the meme trickle down economy.

[leecheedoodles]

Joining in on that ship dynamics meme hehe

[okaymad]

[clarknokent]

Bruh

[jollylollylily]

Yooooooo…

[dynastylnoire]

Levels

[clamchowdurr-deactivated2022040]

I wanna say Thats violation but that means he was gone send her that unwanted shit too 😂😂😂

[fleetnaturals-deactivated202110]

black mirror season 4

[tiffanyaliyah]

Savage

[badgyal-k-deactivated20190901]

Oh wow

[hobbit-feels]

This is super epic. 

He was obnoxious to begin with, it is true, but if he moves forward in this wooing as a respectful dude, he will text her something nice like it was fun to meet her or maybe ask her on a date.  Mom will text him back and there will be a bit of confusion before he realizes what happened.  He’ll be a bit chagrined and mom will probably feel bad enough for him being rejected to make him cookies or something.

HOWEVER

If he starts in with that fuckboy shit (asking for sex right out the gate, dick picks, asking for nudes, etc.), he will learn the ultimate lesson. 

In short, he is only fucked if he fucks himself.

This is Greek Mythology levels of savage.

[insidiousink]

#In which a man is in command of his destiny #And does not know it

[jjsinterlude]

YOOOOOOOO

[coolhotdad]

my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

[youstoodmeupforayardsale-mo-blog]

this passed the bechdel test

[qtgyoza]

somehow i read the post in Dwight's voice

[reactionfaces]

[itsnoodle]

[reactionfaces]

[thehellspawnhero-deactivated202]

[shikseh]

[raccoonfootproductions]

[urbanuppercut]

[spanish-g0ld]

[dop3-peach-ringz-deactivated202]

This whole post is a big big big mood

[ghostsandgoblins]

[cydney0jeanette]

[adamthegirl]

[starinyourhand]

Do it for your foremothers that never got the chance.

[atopcat]

Translation: America can’t celebrate 100 years of female suffrage until 2065

[just-shower-thoughts]

Every single odd number has an “e” in it.

[savvygunner]

[violetnpurple]

LISTEN-

[bl6ckwoman]

Not all of them. 30 and 50 aren’t spelled with the letter e in it …

[antiandrogen]

[teamnowalls-deactivated20180918]

father god 

[abrown16]

…if you can split a number in half evenly, it’s even. 30 and 50 are odd.

[antiandrogen]

[ethereal-sketches]

-_-’

(15+15=30

25+25=30)

[britteryikes]

25+25 = 30? You sure about that??

[laurdlannister-kingslayer]

Lord have mercy….

[kumasenpai]

Bye

[mf-johnson-deactivated20190605]

3 days into 2018 smh

[kwantsu]

LMAOOOOOOO

[effigyofubiquity-deactivated202]

[lizzysarai-deactivated20190109]

One

Three

Five

Nine

And since everything else after that is a variant of these numbers, then all odds have the letter ‘E’.

[britteryikes]

🗣YOU FORGOT SEVEN!!

[thxrsdxy]

It keeps getting worse.

[e-wifey-deactivated20201128]

LMAOOO WHAT IS GOING ON

[ellsworthej]

[goldensweetcheeks-deactivated20]

My head hurts…

[skullprincess]

This is why that Tumblr University shit was the dumbest idea ever just look at this

[drankinwatahmelin]

who failed yall?

[microtear-deactivated20181213]

IM SCREAMING

[lukestarkillerisgay]

[hey-hey-shutthefuckup-deactivat]

You whole ass forgot about eight - a number with an e and is pretty fucking even

[shaolinbynature]

why would 8 be brought up if it’s EVEN in a post about ODDS??????? the post said “every single ODD number has an ‘e’ in it” not “every single number with an ‘e’ is odd” what the fuck

[emma-d-klutz]

3 days until 2019 and we’re still here

[guy]

i hate this

[bestfunny]

*deletes Tumblr account*

*leaves social media*

*leaves country*

*moves to The Himalayas*

*pigeon comes with a note*

*opens note*

[qtgyoza]

the bots are hereee

[simeleons]

deleting your vent post 3 minutes after compulsively writing it

[90stvqueen]

my body: blease…. i beg ofyou,,,,, give me vegetal

me, shoveling handfuls of macaroni and cheese into my mouth:

[iguanamouth]

did you know red snapper can live for over 100 years…. whatre they DOING down there

[gentlemanbones]

I hope this doesn’t work the same way for centaurs.

[mijukaze]

Thanks! I hate it