All about my fandoms and stuff I like or as my sister described it will be a reflection of my whiteness Generally a background character 28 yrs old pansexual lady Have been described as unfunny
Y'all seem to like my cliff headcanons I have another one I wanna share, and it's that when Cliff and Ilya were in their rookie season -which they had together even though Cliff is older bc Cliff wanted to go to college just in case before figuring out he isn't cut out for academics and dropping out - one of his regular hookups was a witch, and she was really into astrology and crystals and that type of shit, and she picked up the habit of reading Cliff's Daily Horoscope before games and he for some reason ended up playing better on days she read it so after they broke up he tried to go for a while without checking his horoscope before games, but he had a really shitty dry spell so he decided to keep checking it and after a while it morphed into a habit of checking his teammates and his opponents not everyone obviously just important players his best friends other defenseman captains those type of people kind of like Midorima in kuroko no basket, but he didn't share this habit with anyone bc hockey players tend to make fun of hobbies that aren't traditionally masculine one of the few people who knew he did this and whom he did this for was ilya and ilya relished in knowing cliff cared enough about him to check his readings and trusted him residential asshole to not make fun of him for this one thing that meant a lot to him and he whether he actually believed in it or not played better on days his horoscope readings were good, so life was good however when rose and Shane started dating, which they had a game right after Cliff happen to check Shane and Rose's Horoscope compatibility bc he wanted to see if they would break up soon and Shane's relationship with rose would throw him off his game, but he ended up learning that Shane and Rose's Horoscopes were practically soulmates and since he had no one to talk about this, and he usually talked about this stuff to Ilya he went to him and babbled about how Hollander and Rose would probably get married before the year ended and have beautiful babies bc their signs were incredibly compatible which crushed Ilya who up to that point still had hope of reconciling with Shane bc of course they ended things on a shitty note, but that was what they did if they managed to came back from ilya ignoring Shane for 6 months they could overcome this as well so cue ilya spiriling trying to deny he believed Horoscopes googling celebrity couples with the same signs as Shane and Rose and finding multiple pairings who have been married for over 10 years, and he checks his own sign and its compatibility to Shane and its not looking good so he is freaking out trying to bring Shane back with every move in the book manifestation, Etsy witches anything and there is still no news from Shane, and then it's all star and Ilya is truly sure he is going to hear that Shane is engaged to and will marry Rose and will stay married till the end of his life and have several beautiful children and a house with the garden and the white fence and his life is going to be over bc he will never love anyone like he loved Shane so he goes to all star like a man goes to his own execution and then Shane is like 'Me and Rose weren't compatible.' And after his initial relief Ilya's first thought is 'I am going to kill Cliff.'
Now that the show made Sveta and Ilya childhood best friends, I’ve had this headcanon that she has helped Ilya sneak old pictures and relics out before his father and brother get rid of them. Like imagine 12 yo Ilya grabbing as much of Irina’s smaller stuff, the least noticeable but still important things, and handing off to Svetlana after the funeral. Or her grabbing an old stuffie of his because she knows it’ll disappear permanently if she doesn’t. Or after Ilya’s fight with his brother, when his mind is still fogged with rage and he just wants out, she goes back to his room for the last of it. She doesn’t tell him, and as the years went by he kept forgetting. One day she tells Shane, who then begs her to bring them over. They spend an entire day going through everything while Ilya is on a brand trip Shane couldn’t attend. He comes home to pictures of him Irina on their walls and toys he hasn’t seen in decades.
Hayden finds out about Hollanov because he walks in mid-CNC scene (or is in Shane's house when he shouldn't be and hides, only to witness the start of a CNC scene). Obviously he doesn't know that it's fake-- so he clocks Ilya in the jaw and starts whaling on him.
Afterwards, it's all good. Ilya laughs his ass off about it, tells Hayden he was in the right to respond how he did and deems Hayden his new BFF. Meanwhile Shane will not be looking Hayden in the eye for an entire month.
She's nice and objectively very beautiful, but that's where it ends. His last failed date was at least into baseball - something they could pass the time with after realizing they weren't gonna be A Thing. But tonight...Christ.
They also won’t be A Thing, only it’s obvious in less of a 'haha oh well - anyway did you catch that save in the fifth inning' way and more of a '...........' way, on account of the fact that Shane's blasted through all his prepared talking points, and now has nothing to do but notice all the other elements of the evening that continue to taunt him.
The soup is a weird consistency. The little candle at their table snuffed out fifteen minutes ago, sitting dead beside the clump of lettuce he somehow managed to drop between the bowl and his plate. There's a tiny bit of brussels sprout caught between his lower back molars that's driving him fucking crazy, refusing to be dislodged by each subtle poke of his tongue.
And he thinks, maybe, that he wouldn't care so much about this trainwreck of an evening if he didn’t feel like it’s being broadcast to the rest of the restaurant. Not that people are watching, really. Just one. Just the mean looking security guy who's posted up on the back wall, keeping an eye on the room with an easy, almost bored gaze that somehow keeps landing at Shane's table.
Or...well...less Shane's table, and more just Shane himself.
The restaurant is drenched in dim mood lighting, so he can't be positive it's a look of pity this guy's giving him. But realistically, he's not sure what else it could be. Shane's blowing it, after all. Hard. This whole thing has turned into some sort of lowkey humiliation ritual, each pass of the guy's attention over him causing heat to crawl up the back of his neck.
Whatever. They're about halfway done with their entrees. And he's willing to bet she won't be taking the dessert menu when it comes around, which is fine by him. They’re in the home stretch.
Shane wipes his mouth with the weirdly scratchy cloth napkin. Pokes his tongue at his lower molars as he goes for his glass of wine. Can't help but flick his attention over to the back wall, warmth settling in his belly as he takes in, not for the first time, how that black uniform shirt snugly stretches over a tight chest, sleeves clinging around big biceps. Security guy works out. Obviously. He's a fucking security guy. And he's looking right at Shane again, just close enough to catch how his eyes dip down the front of Shane's dress shirt and then back up.
It's got something fluttering in Shane's chest as he pulls his gaze away, bringing his wine glass right back up before he can set it down again. Right. Okay.
"Are you nearby?"
They’re the first words out of his date's mouth in what feels like twenty minutes, and to be quite fucking honest it throws Shane, his brow pinching in light confusion.
"Sorry?" Such a hot thing to say. He couldn't be nailing this more, could he?
"Your place..." she says again, and there's this insistence in it that finally gets the cobwebbed wheels turning, "is it close?"
Shane blinks.
Schools a quick lift of his eyebrows before they can fly up.
Oh.
She thinks-...
"Uh..." Right, right right. "Yeah, about...half hour maybe?"
So, no.
That doesn't seem to deter her. She simply nods, then goes back to eavesdropping on the date that's going much better at the table behind her.
They’re laughing it up back there. Clinking their glasses. There’s lots to laugh about here too, but it’d be in a pathetic way that he just can’t get himself to concede to yet. So, Shane tops off his date’s glass. Eats his salmon. Shakes off the little flutter of interest that skips from his chest down into his lap as he once again catches eyes with security guy, who seems to be finding this all very entertaining. Doesn’t seem mean at all, actually. The more Shane looks. The more he looks back.
More wine. They’re finishing the bottle. His date thanks him and is, to her credit, being very cool about how the metaphorical candle has clearly snuffed out between them before their meal is even done. Now they just need to get on the same page about metaphorical dessert.
Shane takes a gigantic swig, letting it sit in his mouth for a second before gulping it down - warm, warm, warm in his belly.
She thinks he’s gonna take her home and fuck her.
Maybe he should. To make it up to her.
Except Shane hasn’t been hitting any homeruns on those lately either, has he?
Fuck.
The bottom of his wine glass clatters loudly against the edge of his plate as he sets it down too rough, movements suddenly unsteady. It pulls attention from all around, because of course it does. Everyone look at the idiot who can't hold his alcohol.
What a nightmare. Security guy must be fucking loving this one.
But when he glances over, the wall is empty. No silent, teasing eyes. No intriguing presence. No muscles, thick and sturdy and big enough that Shane could really put up a-
“Be back.”
In a single blink, his date has pulled herself up from the booth and made her way towards the bathroom, already digging into her purse without looking back.
Right. Actually, a break to reset sounds better than any dessert they could offer him here. So, with a little nod to inform their server that he’ll be back too, he gathers himself and steps away from the table.
It's not until the cool October breeze washes over Shane's face that he realizes how warm he was getting.
Probably from the wine.
And the embarrassment.
And the impending doom settling in his guts, another realization not too far behind.
Whatever, he decides, using the privacy to slip a finger into his mouth and finally free his molars of the offensive feeling - thank god. Stupid brussels sprouts. They weren't even cooked right.
It's dark around the back of the restaurant. Nice and quiet too, tucked away from the busy road out front. Shane takes in the moment with a grounding tip of his head toward the moon with his eyes closed. Deep breath. Hold it. Don't think about why all his dates with women have been absolute dogshit. Aaaaand release.
Only when he breathes out, it's not alone.
He breathes out, and it's paired, horrifyingly, with a gentle huff of laughter from further down the building. The smell of fresh cigarette smoke.
Holy shit, he’s not alone.
Shane attempts to settle the startle in his heart, but it's no use when he turns to see the figure leaning up against the brick wall, those familiar eyes now watching him in the cool moonlight.
"Jesus Christ..." It slips out. Just on the end of Shane's breath. And suddenly he could really use another cool breeze for his face.
Because the security guy is as imposing as he was inside, simply trading moody burgundy for darkened brick. But his face is softer up close. Sweeter, somehow. And very, very handsome.
Shane tears his gaze away the second those lips curl into a teasing grin, shaking his head. All that red wine is really doing a number on him.
“When is big day?”
Oh god, his voice is deep.
Shane’s gotta get it together. And yet, it’s impossible to keep from being drawn right back into that grin, even as he seeks clarification. “Big day?”
“Mm, your wedding,” he says, nodding casually back inside without looking away. “Love at first sight, yes?”
It's...
Okay, so he really is an asshole. And what’s that accent? Russian?
Shane hangs his head, but can't hold back the breathy chuckle that falls from him. No use in denying it, he guesses. Especially when he kinda wants to hear this guy talk to him some more. "Really funny stuff, man..."
"Mm."
"Won’t haveta worry about a wedding gift, at least."
"Oh, no? You were doing so well."
Something weirdly giddy flips through Shane's chest as he straightens to throw the security guy a look. Because now that it's just the two of them, he's out here openly fucking with him. And Shane knows that. So why is it making his body light up from head to toe?
It's the wine probably. Sweet red historically gets him acting stupid. Or maybe it's the way the guy holds Shane so comfortably in his attention, as he draws his cigarette up to his lips to take a lazy drag.
Shane swallows. Wets his bottom lip. Pulls his heavy gaze up from the glowing tip to meet those intriguing, sparkling eyes as smoke fills the air between them.
Wow.
"I uh-... I'm usually...better..." he hears himself say. The short noise of curiosity floating on the smoke’s coattails prompts him to clarify. "I like-...you know...have game."
It's not a lie. And yet Shane has somehow never felt more stupid than he does in this moment, the need to clarify to this man that he's not actually a loser suddenly very very important to him.
Which is why his body doesn't know what the fuck to do when it's getting hit by that smile again. That tease. The sweetly shitty headnod he gets as the guy gives him a little "Mm...okay."
Oh god Shane wants... Much more than he wanted when he was sitting across from his literal date. "Alright, fuck you..."
It shouldn't be this easy. He shouldn't be smiling so big with a stranger. Playing so much.
He should go inside. Capitalize on this feeling and use it to turn his date around.
Or he could stay right here, feet planted to the asphalt, acknowledging the wanting tug of his own body.
If he moves right now, it’s not gonna be in the direction of the door.
“What is your name.”
Shane swallows, nostrils flailing with a big breath in. “Shane…?” He watches, with another one of those flutters under his rib cage, as his answer seems to satisfy. And before he can stop himself he hears it - from his own mouth - each word clung with the worst Russian accent possible. “What ees your name?”
Oh god what the fuck. He’s never touching red wine again.
Not even the genuine grin curling across those tempting lips can make up for the embarrassment - the laughter. “Wow. This is your best try?”
“No,” Shane insists over a scowl. And to be honest he doesn’t even know what he’s answering. His best accent? No. His best attempt at flirting? Also no.
Wait a minute. Is he flirting?
“I’m-… I should go back. …inside.” Never mind how something’s kicking and screaming in him at the thought. Never mind how he stays exactly where he stands.
A concept not lost on security guy. Who never did actually give him his name, by the way. “Okay, Shane.”
It’s noticeably kinder than he could be. He’s still teasing, obviously, but he says nothing about his date. No predictions on how the rest of his night will go. He just brings his cigarette up to his lips, pulling in a hit that hollows his cheeks in the dark as he keeps their eye contact.
It’s the first time Shane’s ever craved nicotine.
He needs to go inside bad.
With a huff, he pulls his phone out of his pocket. Half past eight. He has no idea how long he’s been out here. Only that it’s too long when he’s got someone waiting at the table for him. So they can pay. So they can leave. So they can-…
Shane shifts uncomfortably, jaw squaring. And he’s not exactly sure how he lets it slip out, but it does all the same, the question far too genuine for the situation. “How do I tell her I’m not gonna fuck her?”
It’s the setup of a lifetime. The perfect pitch for a grand slam. And yet the man in front of him doesn’t swing.
No. Instead, he keeps Shane in his sights, eyes roaming up and down the blush hopefully hidden by the shadows back here. And then he answers. “Simple. You tell her you are fucking someone else tonight.”
Shane can feel the exact moment his stuttery little heart sinks from his chest to his dick - to his voice, quiet but undeniably curious. “Someone else…?”
Because the atmosphere rushes forward with the guy, adrenaline spiking in his core as his phone is slipped out of his hand.
Shane watches him thumb something in with breaths that won’t fill his lungs. Swallows down whatever’s trying to fight its way out of his mouth right now, before it can shatter the tension and ruin the moment.
And when his phone is being handed back to him, Shane’s heart is fucking pounding, eyes hungrily taking in what’s been left on his screen.
A phone number. And a name.
Ilya.
He shoots his attention back up, but it’s too late. Security guy is making his way to the back door, snuffing out his cigarette on the brick.
Chatter and light and clinking glasses seep into the dark, easy vibe they’ve made themselves back here as he opens the door. A break in the trance. A pop of the bubble.
Shane pulls in a breath again, lungs burning.
And then Ilya tosses him a wink, voice low, “See you soon.”
The door shuts behind him.
Everything grows dark and still again.
And…
Shane blinks, tossing glances to the right and left of him in borderline shock because what the fuck. What just happened to him? That was all real?
There’s a very good chance the brussels sprouts actually killed him and they’re trying to resuscitate his lifeless body in the booth right now, his date long gone. But…
Another gust of October breeze…
Excitement, potent and real in a way he hasn’t felt for a long time now…
A smile works its way across Shane’s lips as he double-checks the number on his screen, and then he pockets his phone, inspired to make his way back inside to-
All movement stops for a moment as he looks down at himself. Or, more specifically, the front of his pants.
Oh.
…wow.
Okay, a few more minutes and then he’ll go back inside.
Comparing the way Sasha and Shane kiss really is enlightening about Ilya's changing preferences,,, because Ilya's kiss with Sasha was hot, like there is no denying that - but that's the point. Sasha kissed Ilya and playfully tugged on his bottom lip because he was trying to be hot; he was trying to tempt Ilya. It was calculated, intentional, practiced. And that intentionality gives the entire thing an almost performative air,,, artificial.
Then compare this to ANY of Shane's kisses,,, Shane is earnest in everything he does, and that extends to how he kisses Ilya. It is pure desperation every time. He is CLINGING to Ilya at some points, devouring his face. This is not a calculated tease, nor a sensual prelude. This is Shane going If Your Tongue Is Not In My Mouth In The Next Five Seconds I Will Die. Shane's desire is so desperately obvious it's like a raw open wound. But, at the same time, it's almost,,, innocent. Simple.
What I'm saying is: fucking Shane gave Ilya a Madonna/Whore complex
Fat toddler Shane grinning happily when his dad takes him a photo on his first day of school.(kinder garden) He is holding a backpack that is bigger than he is and he struggles as he runs outside to get in the car. He is so excited to go to school.
He comes back home with his angry kitten face and his pouty chubby cheeks because he realized school was not as cool as he thought.
Crucially #myshane plays to his twentieth season which is just long enough to have the experience of meeting Ottawa's new draft prospect, also named Shane, and to smile and jokingly say, "Hey nice name," and for the rookie to gulp and say, "Thank you sir I am named after you" and that makes Shane sit in his stall and stare at the floor between his skates for. Significantly too long to be healthy.
SOMEWHERE in the depths of shane's messages there is a groupchat called 'our overlord and majesty jane + her servants (the raiders)' where, a couple weeks after tunameltgate, (and ilya seemingly being possessed by a soviet war general during practice) cliff had personally taken it upon himself to have every single raiders player beg and plead jane to take ilya back, for fear of their lives. the chat periodically comes alive during progressions in their relationship ('can't believe roz is whipped enough to move to OTTAWA, man!') and you BETTER believe it explodes after the fanmail video.
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