kier

she/they my fics! recovering english major, practicing children’s librarian. not even a remotely chill person but i do a good impression of one.

[csny]

this is sort of sickening to me. can they swap

[aberrantemotion]

Always funny to me when indie devs who already sell games for dirt cheap participate in steam sales with like 90 percent off. Like. "Yeah this game is three dollars but you can have it for one right now." Like your game costs as much as a pack of m&ms and youre selling it for the cost of a pack of m&ms in the 1950s now? Okay

[kaity--did]

Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk

“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”

[kaity--did]

Husband: ma’am it has been reported lately that you do in fact have tiny little toes and a little button nose, do you care to comment?

Penny Rose: Babbles in Baby

Husband: RIVETING!

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: Does that High Pitched Baby Yell ™️

Husband: Let it out friend! Feel your feelings!

[kaity--did]

Me: Hehehe silly husband doesn’t know how to do baby talk

All of tumblr collectively at my husband:

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: does a sad baby scream

Husband: you don’t even have to understand taxes yet! I can explain them but you’ve got several years before that’s relevant!

Penny Rose: wide eyes, staring at her father, almost intrigued

Husband: I lied to you Penny your mother does our taxes. Do you want to know about arbitration? I know all about arbitration.

[kaity--did]

THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

yes he just walks around the house and talks to her like this

[kaity--did]

Penny Rose: Cooing as twinkle twinkle little star plays

Husband: Now Penny there is a lot of misinformation out there in the world and I hate to tell you this but the moon is in fact not made of cheese. That is a conspiracy theory pushed by Big Dairy.

????

[kaity--did]

Husband: Holds Penny Rose up to her reflection in the microwave

Husband: you see Penny Rose! This was the M. Night Shyamalan twist! You were mirror baby all along!

[kaity--did]

FYI this is how you get a Deals Warlock if you were wondering

[justplainsalty]

I have follow up questions:

1) Did you participate in baby talk to make up for your husband's deficit, or did you also opt to speak to the Deals Warlock like a very tiny adult from babyhood?

1a) If you participated in baby talk with Penny, did she ever do any code switching with you while she was learning to talk (I mean, babyish talk back to you but fully formed adult like you share with us to Lawyer Dad)?

[kaity--did]

I didn't baby talk with her very much either! I think I squealed at her more than my husband did.

Something funny that has happened is that while she formally calls me Mama when she's answering me in passing she does call me "My Darling Love" and I don't know for sure but I think it's because I call her and her father "my loves" and her father calls me and her "darlings" and she's created a mash up 😂

So I'll say "okay penny it's time for bed" and I'll just hear "okay my darling love!" 😂

[kaity--did]

Everyone is always so so kind on this post but I do want to warn you all that this did in fact lead to an insanely verbal child, and if you choose that life you have to commit to that life.

Penny Rose is now 5 years old and she

1. Starts talking the moment she opens her eyes to the moment she passes out at night

2. Asks, and I am not exaggerating I counted, an average of 892 questions a day

3. Does not accept "I don't know" as an answer to said questions, will usually have a follow up question as to why you don't know OR a suggestion on how we can find out together

I pay for limitless data and have 709 Google tabs open on my phone at all times

[tinylilhollander]

David jumping to all stars as the moment where Shane and Ilya first hooked up is so funny when you think about it. "You had such great chemistry." Like it's funny enough if he thought they hooked up because of their chemistry on the ice. It's even funnier if he thought they fucked to get that chemistry. He assumes they arrived there as enemies and had sex as some kind of really intense get-along shirt.

[mutinsfromthemoon]

they went camping with their friends and now it’s time to sleep and ilya is horny and humping shane’s side “please shane, i need to fuck you” and shane’s like “stop that all our friends is right next to us and they’re probably listening to this” ilya whines and says “what they don’t know married people have sex?” and shane’s like “they know, but they don’t have to hear married people having sex” ilya groans “you already forced me a city boy to go camping and now you can’t even let me make love to you” and shane’s like “i told you that you could stay at home” and ilya replies “and spend a weekend without you?” and shane just rolls his eyes he can’t believe his husband is like this and he actually loves him and ilya keeps going “shane, just bite the pillow or other thing. i know you can’t be silent when im inside you” he’s saying against shane’s ear and shane shivers but try to stay firm “ilya, i do a hand job” and ilya’s like “no, shane, inside you” and shane roll his eyes “a blowjob then” and ilya looks like he’s been shot “shane, please, let me fuck you” he groans while putting his face in shane’s hair “please” he whines “please please please please please” and then they hear from the other tent wyatt yelling “shane please let this man fuck you and shut him up, we will put earbuds” and ilya laughs and shane goes redder than the red in centaurs jersey “ilya, why are you lke this?” he snarks and ilya’s like “you love me. now on your back, legs up *kiss* it will be worth it”

[whimsicalfairytales]

The “nobody” scene in the odyssey is absolutely not just a clever pun—it’s a character defining moment for Odysseus because he refuses to be nobody. He devised an incredible plan that worked and he could have saved his men and returned home much sooner but he just had to yell to the cyclops that he isn’t nobody—he’s Odysseus, king of Ithaca so now Poseidon knows who to curse which severely fucks up the rest of the journey.

The “nobody” scene highlights both Odysseus’s cleverness but also his arrogance and those two traits define Odysseus throughout the entire story. It’s a foundational aspect of Odysseus’s character and cutting the scene displays a shocking level of ignorance and disregard for the themes in the source material.

[secretly-sirens]

The "Nobody" scene is literally one of the most important parts. It's the moment of hubris that dooms Odysseus and his journey.

[blanklier]

i wish, i wish, i wish

[hr-rep]

#myrose

[maybe-flora]

i find it so funny how we collectively as a fandom have resorted to 'and shane is out of the house doing a commercial' as the one all-encompassing excuse for any post-TLG headcanon where they have to not be in the same place for plot reasons, because it's an actual mental gymnastic to conjure up any other circumstances where they would ever willingly be apart once married.

[bluehollanov]

yes shane and ilya are codependent but have you ever thought about how they spent nine years not admitting their feelings and a couple of years dating but not living together so of course they are joined at the hip. they earned it

[spicyvampire]

[tinylilhollander]

Ilya always has a mop of frizzy wild curls at the cottage because

They're always in and out of the water – lake swims, pool swims, hot tub, showers – so doing his curl routine each time would be crazy when he could be spending that precious time sucking his boyfriend's dick.

Shane's not the biggest fan of how Ilya's styling products feel. He'll tolerate it, but Ilya can tell by his face that the texture isn't his favourite. Less product = more hair touching.

Shane's hands are always in his hair. When they're kissing. When they're watching a movie. When they fuck. When Ilya sits with his head in Shane's lap. When they're napping on the couch together. Shane's hands are usually full of a handful of Ilya's curls.

Shane seems to really like it. One time Shane said Ilya's fluffy hair made him look like a duckling and he's been chasing that high ever since.

He just prefers this version of him that doesn't need to look perfect and be perfect to be loved and adored. Shane never makes him feel lazy for letting his hair get a little wild over summer. He kisses his temples and tells him he's so fucking beautiful.

[zoesupreme]

we're for real gonna be telling stories about this man for centuries

[zoesupreme]

yall I feel like I'm floating right now

[brightlotusmoon]

[bugslibraryy]

Okay how about Ilya fucking Shane stupid on his back, arms pinned down hard over his head, body over top of him. Asking Shane for a kiss and Shane is trying to lean up, push himself up to give Ilya what he’s asking, whatever he’s asking always, for Ilya, but he can’t push up past Ilya’s grip because he’s being fucked silly and he’s all weak from it and Ilya is pouting like “you don’t want to kiss?” And Shane is like no no baby noo I want to kiss you please” and Ilya is like ask nicer sweetheart then maybe you can have it and so Shane begs and be-

[anphivenas]

[kosmonin]

[dragongirlvenom]

absolutely legendary fucking poster holy shit

[virginshane]

okay but like shane is such a cutie patootie. he does cutie patootie things. he loves cuddles and he loves petting ilya’s soft curls, loves looking at his pretty ilya. loves holding hands with his ilya. loves stealing his soft big hoodies and cotton tees. loves wearing his own short shorts cause he knows they make his butt look cute. checks himself out in the mirror sometimes. loves making breakfast smoothies for his man, making sure his man is all bundled up on a cold day and making sure he’s wearing his swim shoes in the lake. likes fussing a little cause that’s his man. loves surprising ilya with a candle lit movie night and soft blankets. getting his beautiful man some flowers whenever. carrying his beautiful man’s bags. treating ilya so soft and sweet ilya doesn’t know what to do with himself. thinks ilya deserves only the softest and nicest and prettiest things the world has to offer.

[tinylilhollander]

If there's one thing Shane Hollander is going to do, it's review game footage for how to improve.