outside of the obvious reasons why the hollanov relationship reveal must be crazy to shane’s parents, it’s gotta be wild to them that their shy, awkward kid is dating the league slut. their kid, who cannot even say the word “sex” without blushing, has been fucking a man whose sexual reputation is a topic of conversation. for a decade. they are in fact on a sexcation together. if you want to see them, you need to text them that you’re on your way there, because even if they know you’re coming in advance, they cannot keep their hands off of each other long enough to properly keep track of time. david hollander sees things start to heat up between them and knows instantly that they have probably fucked against every window in that extremely glass house.
idk i’m obsessed with how shane bringing ilya home is not just him coming out as gay, it’s him coming out as an experienced sex freak.
Yuna showing Ilya photos of little baby Shane and they get to a photo of a naked two year old Shane grinning at the camera, shirt held up in his triumphant chubby fist. Yuna smiles and tells him how hard it was to keep clothes on Shane and that he’d rip them off whenever they weren’t looking. Without thinking Ilya says “so not much has changed, huh?” and then freezes because he can’t believe he just said that in front of his boyfriend’s mom until Yuna laughs so hard she spills her wine.
the first couple of practices with boston, ilya keeps hearing his new teammates call out “big red.” he’s still learning english but he knows enough to figure out it’s a nickname. and by the end of the week, he is annoyed and is like, “this is dumb name. not funny at all. you call me ‘red’ because i’m russian? so lame.” and then his teammates have to be like, “no, no dude. ‘big red’ is our nickname for marly because his first name is cliff, which is short for clifford.” and ilya’s like ???
and that’s how the entire team ends up spending their friday night watching clifford the big red dog with 19-year-old ilya rozanov.
crucially shane knows very well the telltale signs of ilya entering two pump chump mode (the slight rise of the pitch of his voice, the shaky grip on his hips, that one specific tone of groan) and it activates brat behaviour like a sleeper agent and while shane doesn’t typically talk much shit in bed, the moment he knows ilya is in it, he cannot stop talking ooh yeah baby want you to ruin that hole, want to feel you for days, no one fucks me like you do, you were made to make me cum baby
weird take about fiction: sometimes, actions that would be abusive in real life, hit different in a story. and sometimes i see people react very very strongly to those actions, and i totally get it, because like, that can be extremely triggering and ymmv on whether its handled well or not, but it always makes me a bit. hm.
like, i think the most obvious one is slapping/hitting. in real life, there is basically no situation where that is acceptable, unless you're actively defending yourself/someone else. but fiction is inherently larger than life, its about how it feels, subjectively, over what actually happens, literally. sometimes a character who has never before been violent will hit someone, and it's intended as like, an indicator of how fucked up everything is. that shit is going down. or, a character will trash a room, throwing things and destroying everything in their path. and then its never mentioned again, everything just continues as if they HADNT destroyed their own and other people's property in a frankly terrifying display, because it was just a cathartic moment to represent the storm of emotions the person was feeling. and when i see people like 'this character is an abuser, the story needs to address this,' i think maybe its actually okay for fictional characters to do shitty things and not have it framed as shitty, by the story itself or even on any sort of meta level, with the intended audience reaction. sometimes the point is just to resonate with your emotions, not to dissect the literal sequence of events.
like obviously ive been on the 'you can portray whatever you want in fiction, its all a pretend game' train forever. but i think the important thing to me here is that, you can also defend bad things in fiction. not just 'they did everything wrong and i love that,' but even 'they were 100% justified when they did [thing that would be extremely bad irl].' cause its like, ok, they did do that, but like it was the only way to tell the story well. dont worry about it.
every time it rains i have the urge to say “well our plan to stand alone in a field with a metal rod is out” which no one ever recognizes is from phineas and ferb but usually kills anyway
I really enjoyed Heated Rivalry's depiction of academia especially as in heritage unless you have connections and finance support it is very difficult to break into the industry (see my other post for context.) Most people retire late as it's academia adjacent and entry level is difficult to get as many institutions are public or private-public which means jobs depend on grants given. In short if the government values the humanities, yay many jobs. If they don't (coughUSAcough), layoffs at best, no job at worst, arbitrary grant pulling and layoffs at worser.
Anyways. We get mature!skip in HR but what if they were even more mature? If Kip was post-grad with a preservation focused master I think he would've ended up as a courier in a small public institution. Not all institutions do it, might be a role embedded in a preservation related role but essentially what they do is make sure the artifact isn't fucked up when it leaves the home institute and not fucked upwhen it leaves the host institute.
I would find it very funny if Kip keeps bumping into Scott, they bump into each other at gift shop both reaching for some banana merch (they are in a state that specializes in bananas), Scott falls in love at first sight but doesn't ask for his number.
The bump again in the in subway in Chicago but it's a fleeting glance
Kip passes Scott in China town in Toronto
Then another at a smoothie shop in NYC as they have the same order and they have a conversation about their jobs (Scott is relieved he is not a stalker and even happier when he learns Kip is based in NYC)
then in another state looking at crime novels (kip slips him his number in a book he read and Scott wanted to)
They start texting and planning outings, on NYC they kiss at a party across Times Square but couldn't talk about it as Kip has to leave the next day for another delivery.
They talk about relationships and Kip is very firm about wanting a relationship and not a casual fling. Scott wants the freedom Kip has with his friends regarding relationships but doesn't want to ruin his parent's legacy. Kip, a veteran in managing legacies (and the politics to manage said legacies) takes him to his workplace and very nicely tells him that living in a mold you created on yourself based on your own created beliefs from your parents isn't sustainable and a better way to honour their legacies to touch other people lives and create your own legacy.
Scott asks for some time to process (but promises he will not break up with him. 2 weeks go by and he sends Kip an invite to his playoffs game. They kiss on ice again and now they are happy and out boyfriends
BUT then Kip's plot points emerge, he has the opportunity to go to Europe to attend a residency which can help his career. He's conflicted his family is in NYC, he gave up his dreams traveling internationally as he didn't have the financial support for it, and Scott is still navigating his new life.
Scott and Kip have a fight, Kip thinks Scott is too optimistic and he doesn't want Scott to push him away (reiterating communication issues). Scott doesn't want Kip to give up his dreams and he has money to support Kip so why doesn't he want his money? Kip storms off and they bump into each other at the smoothie shop the next day. Kip admits he's scared of being alone and being forgotten so he lashed out. Scott replies he'll wait for Kip no matter how many years. They kiss and make up.
Kip goes for his 4 year residency, Scott wraps up his last 3 years and then joins Kip where they travel. Scott with the help of the Irina Foundation sets up a trust for GLAM students in his parents name and lives the pampered life he deserves.
I think the first and only time Shane found out he was having a wet dream and Ilya woke up and noticed and didn’t have his way with Shane while he slept like Ilya tells him the next morning oh I wanted to touch you so bad but you were sleeping. Shane was like. Did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me?? and almost starts crying while Ilya is left to figure out that Shane thinks Ilya not touching him when he clearly wants it is a punishment. He’s like moya lyubov how could I know for sure when you were asleep? And Shane is like you literally know my body better than I do. You would know. If I thought I didn’t want it and you knew better I would trust you. And Ilya has to try not to pass out when all the blood in his head goes straight to his dick.
A couple months ago I inherited some drinking glasses that had belonged to my grandmother, that we'd only used on holidays at her house, and initially I put them on the top shelf of the cabinet. Two weeks ago I rearranged things and now they're the ones I use first and you know what, it's better to use a glass I love aesthetically that also makes me think of my beloved grandmother every day. That feeling shouldn't be reserved for holidays.
wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck
I would still use my turn signals in the Mad Max Wasteland. They'd call me "Signal" because I'd hit my blinker before ramming the enemy hot rods into the side of a desert ravine. I'd use my turn signal every time. They would respect me for this.
hitting characters with my aroace beam. i think rose landry could be aromantic. i think she likes the idea of romance, and she looks for connection and intimacy, and more often than not those are found in romantic relationships. so she keeps seeking out people and yet the ones she seems to stick with are always unavailable to respond to her romantically in one way or another; the bond shifts into something closer to platonic, and she lets the idea of romance go- because, well, she tried, right? she did all the right things. it's not her fault. she just... has bad taste. picks all the people who can't want her that way back.
Hosting the family friendly Centaurs Halloween party has become a tradition for Ilya and Shane, and Ilya is especially looking forward to this year's: one, they have a baby and they're doing a family costume, and two, Ilya won last year's points race so he got to choose the costume.
Shane is sooooo pissed. Ilya is delighted.
"Ilya, I cannot fucking wear this," Shane says, standing in front of a mirror in their bedroom closet. "Are you out of your goddamn mind?"
"No, lyubimyy, I am not. You lost the bet. This is what I want us to wear."
Ilya is holding their nine month old daughter on his hip, looking at his husband in his costume. "What were you going to make me wear, if you'd won?"
"I hadn't decided," Shane grumped. "I was thinking about being a beekeeper, and you two would be bees."
"Boring," Ilya declared. "Good thing I won."
The doorbell rings.
"Showtime," Ilya says happily. He bounces their perfect baby, already dressed in her matching costume, and she looks delighted.
Ilya hurries downstairs and throws open the door, greeting at least twenty people between teammates, spouses, and kids.
"Happy Halloween!" he exclaims.
"Oh my god, are you Tarzan?" Selena Chouinard asks. "I love it."
Ilya is wearing... not much, to be honest, but the fake leopard skins cover the most essential parts, and one of his nipples. (Not the other one though, and that's on purpose.) His abs, fully on display, look incredible. So do his legs, if you ask him. His hair is a little longer right now and he's left his curls go wild as part of the look. Their daughter, in his arms, is in a gorilla suit, and Ilya may be biased but truly, no baby has ever looked cuter.
"What's Hollander dressed as, then?" Hazy asks.
Shane is walking down the stairs, and for all his complaining about the costume, he's selling it now, yellow dress rustling around him, twirling his parasol gently in his hands. The custom dress (Ilya spared no expense on any of their costumes) fits his broad shoulders perfectly and frankly, makes him look super hot, if it covers a little too much skin for Ilya's tastes.
Ilya looks up at his husband and smiles, feeling beyond lucky. "Shane is my Jane," he says. "Always has been."
Shane rolls his eyes but also smiles back at him, heart in his eyes.
Shane takes his place at Ilya's side, greeting their guests. "Me Tarzan," Ilya says, holding their baby between them. "You Jane."
I do think that that gif of Hudson looking confused on various Red Carpets exists in-universe and people use it in essentially the same contexts except that it is, of course, Shane Hollander looking blank at various pressers as yet another reporter asks him some insane run-on sentence of a word salad question. The most popular version of this gif, although there are many, is one into which someone edited #RBF in flashing glittery letters. And because it's broken containment from hockey fandom so thoroughly there are pockets of the world where Shane Hollander is not recognizable as the hockey player of a generation, or as a model, or even as one half of the most infamous outing scandal in sports history but just--the Resting Bitch Face gif guy.
