all good writers are chaotic evil

D&D sideblog b/c I need a place to shove all these (bad) ideas.  Usually DM, main PC is a "tiefling" druid named Doc.

[joey-wheeler-official]

Fantasy authors fear the landsknecht and his drip

[joey-wheeler-official]

Shit ass “realistic” fantasy setting: *no color ever, everyone wears boring black and grey mail and leather* Real life medieval elite mercenaries:

[floralprintsharks]

microdosing on gender experimentation by creating d&d characters

[jasonrainville]

The Bather

Tried for a twist on the classic art history trope of the bather :)

[filibusterfrog]

handy-dandy guide to undead druids. do not approach in the wild unless you are a trained professional.

[normal-horoscopes]

SORRY BOYS THE SENTIENT FUNGUS THAT CONTROLS MY THOUGHTS SAID I CANT HANG OUT TONIGHT

[valtsv]

i don't dress for men i dress for whoever finds my body rotting in the woods

[dndaddyissues]

[normal-horoscopes]

I AM NEITHER MALE NOR FEMALE I IDENTIFY AS YOUR PUNISHMENT

[justdaysoffuturespast]

[weaver-z]

Every DnD game that starts out with a serious “Lord of the Rings” type of tone turns into a Monty Python sketch and every DnD game that starts out like a Monty Python sketch turns into Lord of the Rings

[weaver-z]

DnD game with characters named Kua the Brave, Enoch Bluehelm, and Hallow Greaves: Our current mission is to save the kingdom from the Dark Queen Ravenbone but we fucked up a charisma roll and now Kua and Ravenbone are dating and the king of Fendale was turned into a frog

DnD game with characters named Bunny Wabbit, Ford Trukk, and Dildo Baggins: Our current mission is to find a birthday present for a spoiled prince but in the process we found a lich planning to devour the life force of everyone in the land and Dildo gave his life to stop him in a scene so moving it won the Newberry Medal

[theaustinstollhaus]

If you give your players room to do whatever they want, including be silly, they will most often choose to express themselves. And you'd be amazed how much you'll start to care about characters once people have attached little pieces if their soul to them.

If you try to enforce a "serious" tone, it just makes the gags funnier, and your players will treat you with the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God.

[a-humble-waffle]

"the same casual blasphemy orangutans show to God" WHAT THE FUCK I'M DECEASED

[quantumducky]

was trying to compose a joke about how we have improv comedy but where’s the improv tragedy? and then i realized that’s just called playing dungeons and dragons

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

Improv therapy, in my experience

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

......... different fantasy races should be impacted differently by each other's alcohol

no more if this "fine elvin wine" shit, I am going to personally write a fantasy setting in which every human knows that elf booze tastes and feels like fantasy la croix. there's barely even a flavor, and you'd need to drink a few to even get tipsy.

meanwhile, every human with a lick of common sense knows that you need to plan accordingly if you're going to be drinking dwarven liquor, because it hits you hard and fast and you'll lose feeling in your legs faster than you thought was physically possible. the hangovers are the stuff of legend.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

the flip side is that elves are an entire race of (comparative) lightweights, and a whole gaggle of teenange elves can get piss drunk passing around one bottle of fruity human wine

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I think there's some compatability among drinks brewed by reptilian races (dragonborn, lizardfolk, tortles, kobolds, etc) although you run into similar translation issues as mammalians, but there is absolutely no crossover. like if a drsgonborn and a dwarf in a (very cosmopolitan) tavern were to switch drinks it would be a nonstarter.

"this is basically just a capri sun," the dragonborn says, disappointed.

"cool, I'm pretty sure I just drank actual paint thinner," the dwarf says. "get me to a hospital."

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

humans and halflings are probably the most compatible drinkers of any two races, although halflings find most human wines, beers, ciders, etc, a little too dry and bland for their liking. halfling alternatives are very sweet, which makes them a huge hit among the 'I like alcohol but I don't want it to taste like alcohol' crowd

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

I think it would be very funny if being drunk was like... a relatively new cultural development for gnomes? there’s just something about their wacky gnomish constitution that prevented them coming by it naturally (traditionally they’re more into a variety of mushrooms and other recreational plants) but once they started mingling more with more alcohol-happy races they learned VERY quickly and started opening, basically, turbo-breweries that are basically one part distillery and one part wizard tower. VERY popular job for young alchemists trying to make some good money, and the reason why gnomes are known (among other things) for operating the craziest night clubs

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

here’s who I think should be able to get drunk but become sober at will:

1.) sufficiently powerful paladins and clerics

2.) aasimar [all of them]

2.) very very few tieflings. it’s not universal at all, but few tiefling traits are. I know 5e has really solidified them as horns + tails + inhuman skin color but we need to be making them weirder 

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

I agree with every single part of this but especially that we all need to be doing our part to make tieflings weirder, and also please someone overnight me some halfling booze

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

Kombucha Plus

[probablyfunrpgideas]

Spells From Before

I found a very cool spell in Dragon Magazine 249, so I wanted to update it to D&D 5e. Here goes!

[quaculaarchive]

*sigh* *releases toxic spores*

[thebodybioelectric]

DMing is just nerd service topping

[everythingfox]

Cross fox

(via)

[thepleasuregoblin]

I think monks and druids are the funniest possibility for evil characters. Like you've achieved inner peace or harmony with nature but you're just a fucking bastard about it