i actually only have fifteen fics. so. this is like almost all of them LMAO. im literally gonna do five LOL
scolded saint mary (9k mary, pre-series, years leading up to her first death)
bitch. crosses your mind, as you watch your husband in your home. you think like your father. you can't stop. the more you are present in his abandoning you. you were meant to be the best. best of the best. careful, dedicated and brilliant. and they left you. john’s war is nothing like yours. he came home, to you. you have no home.
this is the one everyone loves. i think this is one of the first lines i wrote in drafting. definitely was marinating on misogyny and hell marriages and the trap slowly closing on her. miss writing in second person so much!!
build-a-butch (2k, clairejack, transfem4transfem, sensual hormone taking and heavy petting)
wet day during the tail end of the hunt. managed to keep awake and out of range of a baku, a dream-eater. barely managed. week long of researching, hunting, burning. even jack felt tired down to her bones. that was without trying to figure out the thing with claire.
the thing that made jack pretend not to hurt when she was, the way claire smiled and came close when she gotta explain things to jack. kinda like dean, but on a good day.
choosing a dream-eater as the thing they hunted while jack spends this fic chasing her dream. dialing into her way of relating and understanding people early on. also this is a gift for my dearest friend yay!!!
missing her blood. that was why she stood outside the bedroom door. the memory of it settled inside her, warming and wetting between her legs.
i published this just today! just digging into her brief time as a vampire but hot. starting with presenting alex's creepy vibe. sometimes i write things to just see if i can. this is one of those cases
cage fight (1k words, samifer, forced wincest, trans male sam, hell mindbreak, prose poem)
Learning this script took patient violence on His part. You
remember the first time you see His face. The way His visage.
You do not know what you are seeing.
Light? Shadow?
You know the sensation. Deafening. Blinding. Worming and scotching
past senses, burning your skin to your bones.
Curious. You leaned in. Sought it. You never let him get you this easy. But,
this is the closest feeling to real death
here. Your nerves sang in ecstasy of release. Wanting it.
probably my favourite start i've written. prose poem... what a fun form. using capitalisation for evil!
billie rarely saw new things. her role had a pattern and sense.
this twigs and twine doll was unique. undead. built just for her. the poor thing thought it was real. it was trusting.
what lives, dies, but that was no life. so she stole it away, kept it from the empty.
it often lived in a box, wrapped in ribbon, stuffed with crushed lilac tissue paper, protecting its intricate detailing from the dust of death. her maker billie knew the specifics of its spell, but wouldn’t chance it.
this gift box was comfortable and warm. billie was good to her. so good. but she was busy. rarely had enough time to play, and make her doll feel real.
so i made her more of a real doll and object for fucking, and so it was fun to dial into the details. just girly things!
tagging @spnregular @transchesters @gothicrepetitions @t4tvampireisms @explainslowly @beatsheetromanroy @wastemanjohn @riskybusinessart @sharedblood and anyone else who wants to answer
the thing about sam is that he likes mean femmes.... if he was into guys he would also be into mean femmes. the problem is that there aren't any of those in supernatural.
Pairing: Bobby Singer/Dean Winchester; John Winchester/Dean Winchester; Dean Winchester/OCs
Rating: Explicit
Summary: This is a story about family. It is about the worst of betrayals and the best of intentions, the comfort of lies and the ruthlessness of truths; it is about fathers and cults, gods and monsters, love and violence, the ordinary and the horrifying, the unspeakable things that happen in the synapses where they meet. It's about what should never be, but is anyway; what could have been, but never will; and what happens when the blood you share, and choose, defines you entirely.
A whole beautiful bunch of stuff! More precisely, 60,152 words over 24 new works to ao3 (as usual, not counting stuff that's exclusive to tumblr, and wips). Half of those fics are down to doing two #spndykesexweek (s) and all of them are short-form, because all my longer wips are still very much in-progress (but I have made progress!!). If you are interested in comparison, here are my annual self-reviews of 2024, 2023 and 2022. The woman I wrote most of was Rowena :) But if I counted WIPs that would be tied with Charlie. I did a lot of transfeminizing characters this year too...maybe that's down to having some struggle with my own identity at the moment, not of gender or sexuality but of where I want to go with my life...or maybe it's just what was compelling to me about the characters this year lol. Read below for me naval gazing about all of them:
The Only Three That Don't Feature Sex
I was going to say 'aren't horny' but that's simply not true. lol.
a ghost (still seen) (Mary/Billie)
This one was TOUGH to figure out the ending to, because of course having a romance with Death has Symbolic Implications of suicide which I got around by having the characters actively talk about that. The ending is a little rushed, perhaps, but that's alright!!! It's all for fun here!! I started off writing this with the general "you" in the first sentence and then I just kept going. I honestly don't know if I'd read a fic this long that is in second person so shout out to everyone who has <3
i pulled the butterfly apart (thank god, thank god!) (oc)
If there was a shifter-only society in Supernatural, what might that be like? And what if someone was trans in it?
I love sci-fi, especially the star trek style alien culture of the week stuff! it was very fun to try and figure out how the culture would be different for a species that can't retain its shape, and that takes in other people's memories when they shift into them, AND then what nonconformity would look like in a society where there isn't an obvious in-group way of looking. I decided to operate under the assumption that the shifters we see in spn are all not doing so hot, which is why they shapeshift much more frequently, because the rate of change with all your flesh flying off every day or two seems completely unsustainable lol.
I like to think about memory and how/whether it maketh man, it's a theme I also explore in the sampreg abortion fic of last year. Our MC brings with them the fears, memories and expectations of a heavily gendered (I felt that I needed to stay delicate, ephemeral, pretty to have any hope in hell of being wanted by anyone) and human-centric (a hawk eating a baby rabbit is still bad even if it’s natural) world, as well as the fears of not being able to fit in here without the shared, linked memory of Mercy. I called the memory-store Mercy to demonstrate (1) it is the culture's way of fighting back against its own short lifespan, showing mercy to themselves and each other (2) it has religious connotations for this group (3) it is a (usually) gendered name, and our MC's aversion to it implicitly signals trangenderism. My interpretation of this MC is transmasc, as they opted for and raise courage from a body that has had breast removal top surgery but there's nothing in this that really precludes a different reading. I wanted to leave things ambiguous. I was even hesitant in these notes to refer to them as "they" because idk what pronouns they'd use!! They're not at that stage yet, they're the caterpillar!
Writing this was definitely partly inspired by reading Hell Followed With Us btw.
Dean Winchester Is Saved (destiel pre-slash, gen)
Pulling yourself out of the grave is exhausting. Hauling another guy out after you is madness.
An episode rewrite! Based on this post by @howsdeanshole. I wanted to try and capture some of the vibes of 4.01, particularly the opening with just Dean, thirsty and alone and disoriented. I think I caught it with "The sky above is a flat, pale blue, the sun shot through it like a bullet hole." Maybe Dean was a little too trusting of Cas too quick, but this is my united states of whatever lol. I had jokes to tell!
Rarepairs
Oh these pairs? You won't find them on your average ao3 page 💅 Technically all femslash is rarepairs here but I'm going by if they wouldn't immediately come to mind
Touch Me Baby (touch me touch me touch me touch me!) (Jo/Pamela, omegaverse)
Jo's tired of the alpha guys who hang around the bar all day. That's why, when Pamela Barnes, cool, raunchy and (Jo's sure) another omega, comes into the Roadhouse, Jo hangs off her every word, and invites her back to her room to show her her knife collection. (Pamela isn't an omega). (Pamela did not come to her room to see Jo's knife collection). (Jo might just be a raging fucking lesbian).
The start of dykesexweek 1 <3 I don't remember exactly how I landed on Jo/Pamela as a pairing...I think I was running through the roster of women who could meet omega!Jo as an alpha and have casual sex without having to get into all sorts of complicated emotional stuff lol. I love youuuu non-traditional dynamics. Which this one technically isn't if we're just going from this being Alpha/Omega penetration ft knotting lol but I think I conveyed that Pamela is a Samantha and that they could be doing whatever. Jo's got sort of a Man! I Feel Like A Woman! awakening in this. Good for her!!!!!!!
My Sweet Little Kitty (Sarah Blake/Bela)
Catgirl!Bela gets Sarah a collar, and overstimulates her in it.
yayyyy advanced catgirl features!!! A rough tongue, nose twitching, extreme flexibility. Getting overstimmed by your catgirl we love to see it. It's a little annoying that adding this explicit extra to the closed-door romcom of the first part marks the whole series as explicit but c'est la vie. I'd rather have you (catgirl porn) cursed (with an explicit tag) or not.
Death by... (Billie/Tessa/Lily Baker)
Lily the lesbian who kills people when she touches them can have a hot exhibitionist threesome. As a treat!!!!
This one has the beginnings of the idea I expand on in the above MaryBillie fic, of spirits sharing memories with reapers and with Death. Billie does a job with a huge burden of emotional labour, so I make sure in my fics starring her as a femslash icon to have at least one scene where she is given the opportunity to put that weight down, be cared for herself, be it emotionally or sexually. You don't have to be the strong one or the empathetic one all the time you can get cherished sometimes!!!!
Blood. Face. Concrete. (Jo/Meg)
Jo just has to say one little word, and Meg will stop humiliating her. She refuses to say it. Embarrassment has its own joys.
For this one I will simply say. shrug emoji. Shout out to humiliation kink!!!!!!
Devout (Layla Rourke/Ruby)
Layla found a new church through her friend Ruby. The membership ceremony is…unusual.
Yayyy yippie! cults!! This was for sure influenced by having started a Dexter rewatch where Julie Benz plays Rita. God she's hot in that show. I'll look after you, sweet, scared milf. Anyway, the prompt was Sacrilegious because I was initially planning to do an Anna/Ruby in the same universe as There's A Devil In Me (which I will talk about later) with the whole evil weird nunnery/monastery but I found myself getting tied up in knots about having to define things more clearly and I couldn't be arsed!!! but the image of getting fucked with stained glass painting an image onto you on an altar remained firm in my mind so Layla can have that <3 as a treat <3 I also wanted to have a terminally ill character with more agency and prominence after having a flyby from that one lesbian in Death By who dies. Being terminally ill =/= becoming unimportant or undesirable.
Pretty Girls Drink Free (Linda/Ellen)
Linda comes to the Roadhouse as neutral ground to meet a witch. Ellen is very glad she came.
Linda finally gets her day in the sun after I swapped her out for her daughter (in yet another Rowena story vfsjvbhfs). I killed off Jo in this one. The sacrifices we make for yuri. Don't fixate on that detail it's a cute one!!!
Platinum Card (f!Uriel/Jody)
See I had my prompt list ending in Sugar Baby but then I wrote a Bela performing femininity in Untouched (In A Good Way) [which I will discuss later] in ways that I felt I would be repeating so I got quite stuck. I also found that having prewritten the fics to release two days after, while it did give me a 'having a job' buffer, it meant I didn't get the same dopamine blast that I did from writing-releasing the pervious dykesexweek works on the same day. You live and you learn! Both of which had this one be a bit of a difficult write. I was also stuck for a long while between f!Uriel and f!Raphael, because I think either of them acting as sugarmommy to mom-Jody would make for some interesting conversations. Shout out to @ragdollysammy for talking that choice through with me!! and also for recommending I swap it to a drabble so I didn't actually end up doing any of those conversations lmaooo. I was getting too caught on the meet cute and plot stuff and couldn't get my way forward to sex until I took that 100 word limit to make it just be sex. Which is necessary for dykesexweek. Clue's in the name innit.
The Empirical Gentleman (f!Ketch/f!Cuthbert)
Cuthberta wants to show off her collection of creatures. Butch!Ketch is very pleased to be invited.
I think this is my rarest pair. Even rarer than Castiel/VCR machine. Lol. SO self indulgent and excellent fun. You don't understand he literally wants her to call him my good man. Looking back, I don't know why I tagged this as LIGHT sadism. The sadism is the whole thing, just (mostly) not directed at the POV character lol. Cuthberta literally pulls a vampire's teeth out and gifts them to Ketch. gone sexual!!!!!!!!
Ketch's character just works so so so much better if you picture him as a he/him butch. At least for me. As a she/him butch. lnsfjvkjs. I keep wanting to write more of these two but not quite grasping a scenario...if you have any concepts....tell me them....what if we get Dean involved...does Ketch lure Dean in to join Cuthberta's collection with his masculine wiles...
Rowena time!!
Everybody clap for my pathetic and extremely powerful girlfriend.
It's Good To Be Queen (Mary/Rowena)
Rowena has Mary cockwarming her strap while she's sat on her throne in Hell, and flustered demon lackies to tease as she does so. It's good to be queen.
Really in the spirit of dykesexweek. Just good old fashioned femme cock. My favourite line of this one is "[Mary]’s like a little doll, one you can bash against the wall."
Sammy's Big Mommy Milkers (Sam/Rowena)
Rowena's been milking Sam for a spell. Sam decides he wants to give her a taste.
Whenever I get to see this description it tickles me. Rowena's been milking Sam for a spell. just so matter of fact. you're on board with it. lmao. What I like about Samwena is that. Well for one thing Rowena is there and so is post-s11 Sam and I love them both. But it's that they're soooo comfortable being themselves around each other. Sam KNOWS Rowena isn't to be trusted, which lets him relax and get a bit silly and horny. Shout out to Rowena's inhospitable womb <3
two wrongs make a wrong (and there's nothing wrong with that!) (Charlie/Rowena)
Charlie needs to dig out a piece of Rowena's liver by hand for a spell while they're working together. She gets a bit too into how painful it is to Rowena.
We love sadism!!!!!!!! In this house!!! Big year for sadism in fics for me. Which could mean nothing.
Getting her with my estrogen beam!!!
Transing genders and taking names.
Veiled in Flesh (Kelly Kline/Duma/Naomi)
Kelly Kline has a dream about two kind, gentle angels coming to her and asking her to bear a child for Heaven. It's a beautiful dream. When she wakes, it's a nightmare.
I can't believe my first Kelly impregnation fetish fic isn't a DagonKelly lmao. She's so weird <3 I do feel for her though...her biggest want is to feel "so, so safe" but she can't let go of her bigotry and fear enough to recognise that the goals she is working towards politically can only harm her and other women. Her politics are wrapped up in her faith and both of them are wrong!! As I say in a comment response: I don't say so explicitly in the fic but it's not even true that God chose her, this is s12/14, God's out of the game. THEY chose her and are calling it God's Will bc they know it's an effective manipulation technique.
Anyway I think we should have more unhinged femslash with Duma I LOVED her freaky performance. She wanted to impregnate Jack with nephilm like. hello. like that's not exactly what she says but that's basically what she says. She's kind of shivery and as The Empty she's almost drooling. More Duma in 2026 please and thank you.
Also the title is of course from the narsty line "veiled in flesh the godhead be" from Hark The Herald Angels Sing, which is arguably not about being veiled in the flesh of Mary's body via her pregnancy but I always read it that way. gross!!! haha
I think we're beautiful (f!dean/cassie)
Cassie knows her and Dean are moving too fast, but he's sweet, and he's earnest, and he's beautiful. When she shows him her strap on, she doesn't expect it to turn into something so tender.
God this one. gets me every time. Tenderness and uncertainty wrapped up together, on both sides. Literally Cassie's only dated girls before....Dean's the aberration...
The “[Cassie's ex] owed [her] for all those movie dates where she wouldn’t shut the fuck up" is based on a horrible experience I had where I went to the cinema with an acquaintance for one of the opening nights of one of the big marvel movies (so the cinema was packed) and he was reacting at normal volume to literally everything happening onscreen and wouldn't shut up despite my whispered requests until a guy a few rows down told him to shut the fuck up. Rude dude!!! Mortifying!! Be considerate of the people around you!!
Through the looking glass, I see you (f!Midam)
Out of the Cage, Mye [formerly, Michael] is able to give Alice [formerly, Adam] the body she always wanted. It's a better fit for both of them.
It's about! Self love!! An irl friend of mine who has my ao3 bc im shameless said this one inspired them to write some porn based on their dnd character. my influence <3 To the fic itself, I am always a big masturbation fan (lol) and it was also delightful to write Mye controlling their body (socially awkward) vs Alice controlling their words (chipper!). I will probably write a more serious piece on them in the cage but for now :3 they love each other and love themselves more through who they become together (a woman!!)
I'm British (you can tell because I said "innit" earlier)
There was other place to put my very british-reference omegaverse fic lmao. Arguably I could have also put my butch!Ketch fic in here.
You're Going To Have To Explain (oc)
Heather, a fairly reserved radio DJ omega, has been in love with her best friend Honey, a chronic oversharer, scientist and beta, for four and a half years. She's been pretty good at keeping it under wraps. Until her heat triggers with Honey literally sat in her lap. That's one problem. Another is that Honey seems determined to help her through it, but omega physiology isn't covered in school sex ed, and Heather really, really needs a knot. Looks like she's going to have to explain…
I liked coming up with their romance backstoryyyy and I love going "people with large scarring and facial burns are beautiful and hot as fuck and I hope you know it!!!!". This year was my first time properly writing omegaverse outside of jokes and I can see why people get addicted. It's such a wild and free space. A new frontier of strange erotica. And by new I mean about 15 years old.
My top three!
My darlings at the moment from this year. I love all my fics (and on another day I might put I think we're beautiful in here...) but these are the ones I'm returning to the most. I like what I did here!!
When I was someone else (f!dean) (dean/charlie)(dean/crowley)(dean/castiel)
Dean's known that she's a woman for a long time. She wasn't planning on acting on it. Then, in what should be a miracle, she wakes up spelled into a body everyone can recognise as a woman without a second thought. Dean should be grateful. She should be happy with it. But there's one big problem: it doesn't look like her.
I wrote this one for @autisticandroids spn genderbend week (which the Shifters one was also for!). This one I have a lot of love for, although I am still a little nervous of how it might read to a transfem audience, I don't know if any of the positive comments on it were from transfem/trans women readers...I hope it comes across as intended. The sexism that permeates the world Dean lives in, that she knows is going to happen to her if she starts moving towards an outside that matches herself more closely is a real and valid concern which will only get more potent and dangerous if she's recognised as trans, but also, she is still always going to be happier to be herself openly rather than pretend to be a guy. She needed a kick start to the process. I was definitely influenced in recounting the smaller moments of societal sexism by reading Invisible Women (highly recommend the audiobook in particular, which I found through Libby) and getting really, really angry haha.
Also it was so fun to write the Crowley dialogue in this one. I had initially pictured this as a straightforwardly destiel fic but as I was writing that I was like wait...maybe I do want a drowley endgame in this...and then I circled back to add more to the DeanCharlie scene and was like OKAY we are DOING this. Three love interests. Get it girl!!!!
There's a devil in me (it's hot though) (dean/f!castiel)
Sister Castiel is given the task of punishing "Sister" Dean with a paddling. She finds she enjoys it a lot more than she thought she would.
Someone made a post about me recently saying that they'd just found an author who only does guilty sadist povs and I was internally like that's NOT true but then I thought about my recent output and had to be like well. it's maybe a little true jsbvfjsb. I love you guilty sadist sister castiel you're so cute and bad at having desires. Guilt is intrinsic to a Castiel, warrented or otherwise, she needs it to thrive. What did she do that she doesn't want to confess to Dean which she has been punished for? Fuck knows. What are the beliefs of this bizarre christian-esque cult? FUCK knows!!
This fic was in my drafts for aaaaaaaaaaages having only the backstory paragraph and Cas hiding Dean's secret paper (what is on this paper? fuck knows!! if I knew that stuff I'd have written the whole story lol) having not actually gotten to them. doing it.
I tried looking up "nun underwear" for this fic to know what Castiel would really be wearing, other than a thong, but results were inconclusive. So I guess we are forced to imagine her airing her cheeks under there. We are simply FORCED.
Is it clear at the end that Dean thinks Cas wants him to go to her room to have anal sex. I hope so. And he's reading a porn mag <3 he really is a bad nun <3
Untouched (In A Good Way) (Mary/Bela)
Bela and Mary have a standing appointment (for Mary to suck on Bela's strap, and for Bela to pretend she's not falling in love).
SO late in the year to have posted a big time fave and yet. Lol. It's about how much I love femmes!!! and how much I love butches!!! it's about acts of service and the privilege of being allowed to do that service. I want to be butch in part to be able to support a femme in her gender expression. But on to the fic, I doubled down on my "Bela doesn't like to be touched gently" headcanon from my JoBela heist fic but I pushed it further, Bela here doesn't want to be touched at all. And her butch takes care of her! by respecting her boundary! And Bela of course has her cat-like affection in return <3 Plus, Mary's love of sci-fi I pulled across from my what if mary was a nerd you don't know she could be i think it would be fun if she was fic. It's really nice to have built up a reserve of little details about various and assorted characters from so many fics! It's always easier to write what you know, and the more I create my own interpretations, the better I know them.
The End!!
I sure can talk about my own works lol. Which is good! I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of things which is how I was able to make these in the first place! 24 is so many. Literally double last year. Thank you to everyone who's left a comment, apart from Michelle Obama, who wanted to steal my credit card details. Girl you have enough money. Shaking my head.
Shout out to my friends, my mutuals, my beloved followers whose names I recognize in my activity and, why not, another shout out to Dean Winchester Supernatural. Sure. Why not.
ao3 writers what's your average word count? go to the statistics page on your dashboard and find your total word count then divide that by the number of fics you've written. mine is 3,728.
