This is the thing

where nothing will ever happen

[bigbigbigtruck]

i’ll be real, kitten, daddy needs multiple wealthy and powerful folks to die in a painful, drawn-out, and generationally humiliating manner

[holy-leapin-splits-batman]

[jack-of-blades]

My housemate's cat came into my room while my dictation was on...

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[elizapad]

Happy Pride, cave dwellers 🦇

[stella-draws-things]

[podcastwizard]

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

[podcastwizard]

lot of people commenting on this post like "who eats lunch at 4pm that's a terrible time to eat lunch" yes. that is the point. 4pm lunch is inadvisable. 4pm lunch is not the ideal. 4pm lunch makes the mind demons real.

[dizzyghoast]

honestly fandom has ruined me because now any time i'm in the desert and i see two vast and trunkless legs of stone or a half-sunk shattered visage i'm like "omg just like in Ozymandias" and its like come on girl not every half-sunk shattered visage is Ozymandias

[my-dailydreams]

[balaclava-trismegistus]

if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.

[shabbytigers]

in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday

the following events ensued:

1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldn’t you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?

2. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my band name” jokes

3. thirty “Bad Schnitzel is my stripper name” jokes

4. one “ah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa town” joke

5. this absolute masterpiece:

[theunfairfolk]

the spirit is unwilling and the flesh it feels not so good also

[tim-official]

there are two competing sects on this website - one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "neurodivergent" and one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "sexual content." i do not like either of them

[anarcho-gamerist]

I use spicy to describe food

[catgirlforeskin]

my food is mentally ill and I’m putting my dick in it

[fruitviking]

Twilight

[unholyblissafterdark]

[crabussy]

sometimes a bug lands in my drink and I say "bro is in my drink" which evolved into "there is a brother in my drink" but that feels vaguely assumptive so now I on occasion say "there is a sister in my drink" whenever a very confused fly decides to take a dip. you too can practice feminism in everyday life

[anime-villian-irl]

How did that evolve into there is a brother in my drink

[crabussy]

brother is a nicholasname for bro

[crabussy]

you are so special to me dude

[orcboxer]

there's a LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER in my drink

[oldmanontumbler]

Flies are:

Loud? ✅️ We all hear them coming

Incorrect? ✅️ For being in your drink

Buzzers? ✅️ They tend to do that.

Congrats, OP, there IS a Loud, Incorrect Buzzer- I mean, Brother- I mean, Sister. in your drink.

[d897gyhaujfkedw7r9euwijkjfkdl]

fuck with me

[json-derulo]

Whenever they gave us one of those "read through ALL the instructions before you begin!" trick assignments in school where the steps lead you on an increasingly ridiculous goose chase until the final one tells you to just put your name on the paper and turn it in without doing anything else, I was always like, "Okay, but what's the point? Surely the REAL world won't be anything like this." And then I grew up and discovered that not only is the real world often exactly like that, some people won't even read the first line of the instructions even if they make perfect sense. And these people are called "co-workers"

[some-pers0n]

TWO FACTOR AUTHORIZATION

light thats not how the book works

MICROSOFT TEAMS

[elliespectacular]

wanna hang out [remembers it's rude to put expectations on people] it's cool if not [remembers people like to know they're wanted] but I'd really like it if you did [remembers selfishness is bad] we can do whatever you want though [remembers that handing someone a blank canvas isn't as effective as providing a suggestion to bounce ideas off of] like sucking each others fingers for example