Raining ink from the thoughts of a falling angel

Here lie my words from inspiration bursts. Stories may be inspired by people other than myself.

[rainangel92]

No means no but...

No means no, but also, silence doesn’t mean yes. Only yes means yes.

Truth is, it’s not always easy to verbalize a clear “no”, for different reasons. My guilt mostly comes from not being able to say a no that was clear enough. I tried to communicate it otherwise by asking for something I knew he wouldn’t do. I didn’t want to hurt him by rejecting him, because I cared about him. People think about stranger when they think about rape/sexual assault, but it’s so much worse when it’s someone you

When he got tired of me asking, he stopped asking too. I was already hurt in my capacity to trust though. Pushing him back with my legs wasn’t enough, even though I always thought I could defend myself… which I don’t believe anymore. The worst part was that I had never felt safer than with him… I have never felt less safe with someone than at this moment. Now, it’s hard to trust that feeling of safeness again, since the last time, I was wrong to feel that way.

I felt a lot of guilt from that situation that could have been so much worse, so can you imagine rape victims? Don’t put more weight on their shoulder with this “no means no” thing, Educate boys to recognize a “yes” and everything else should mean “stop and take a step back”. If a girl do want you, she will make a step forward when you step back (and still show interest).

[rainangel92]

Triggers are like...

... Like you have a bruise on your arm. It’s very sensitive. Someone comes to you and give you a little slap on the arm to get your attention and hit right on your bruise. You scream and might even start crying. Of course, to them, it was harmless, “oh come on, it wasn’t even that hard”.

After calming down, you tell them about your bruise. The normal reaction should be ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were bruised there, I’ll be careful next time. Sadly, some people don’t see triggers like something you can’t hit, something that hits you right were you were already hurt,

Hearts can get bruised too.

[rainangel92]

My home

In your arms, I belong. Your breath on my neck brings a wave of serenity in my soul. Under your fingers, my skin is mine like it never was before, because it is yours and you look at it the way I need it to be seen. I turn my head and from the kiss you give me, light spread in my heart. There is no better home than the warmth of your body against my back. Other arms wrapped around me but they would keep me awake, as I couldn’t lower my guard. This home is different. In this home, I can be vulnerable, I can take down the shield hiding the parts of myself I’m the most afraid to show. I know you will kiss every single part of those insecurities. In your arms, I am safe.

[rainangel92]

No means no but...

No means no, but also, silence doesn’t mean yes. Only yes means yes.

Truth is, it’s not always easy to verbalize a clear “no”, for different reasons. My guilt mostly comes from not being able to say a no that was clear enough. I tried to communicate it otherwise by asking for something I knew he wouldn’t do. I didn’t want to hurt him by rejecting him, because I cared about him. People think about stranger when they think about rape/sexual assault, but it’s so much worse when it’s someone you

When he got tired of me asking, he stopped asking too. I was already hurt in my capacity to trust though. Pushing him back with my legs wasn’t enough, even though I always thought I could defend myself... which I don’t believe anymore. The worst part was that I had never felt safer than with him... I have never felt less safe with someone than at this moment. Now, it’s hard to trust that feeling of safeness again, since the last time, I was wrong to feel that way.

I felt a lot of guilt from that situation that could have been so much worse, so can you imagine rape victims? Don’t put more weight on their shoulder with this “no means no” thing, Educate boys to recognize a “yes” and everything else should mean “stop and take a step back”. If a girl do want you, she will make a step forward when you step back (and still show interest).

[thisisevanbetter]

I am a puppy.

I am quite a mature person, but when it comes to dating and related stuff, I am a puppy. I have no experience and I don’t know how to act. I get excited whenever someone seems interested in me. Way too excited. Because no one ever wanted me.

I’m the puppy who runs to the door and makes everything fall because I’m happy to see you. I’m the puppy who barks every time you get up, because I’m scared I’ll be forgotten. I’m the puppy who chew your shoes when you’re gone because I miss you. I’m the puppy who is always on you to get cuddles, even when you don’t feel like it.

And I’m the puppy you give for adoption after a month because I’m too demanding. I can’t blame you for it. I just wish that one day, I can find someone who will give me the time to grow up and get over this excitement.

[rainangel92]

Honey never goes bad... You're my honey, so you'll never go bad.

quintessentiallyjackity

[rainangel92]

I'm high on love.

[rainangel92]

You're my best friend

Dear quintessentiallyjackity, happy 22nd birthday.

You are my best friend, the most important person in my life. We've barely known each other for one month and a half now, but I wish I'd have known you for years.

You are bringing happiness, support and love in my life in a way that I never hoped I could find in a friend. Maybe I simply got the wrong friends all these years, but that doesn't seem fair to them. I'd rather think that you are simply exceptional.

Exceptionally kind; Exceptionally patient; Exceptionally supportive; Exceptionally thoughtful; Exceptionally comforting; Exceptionally... right.

You deserve to be loved at a 100% rate by every single person that is in your life. You deserve to be loved for who you are, because you are good enough, with all your nerdiness, your puniness, your shyness, your nervousness, your spiritualness, your brightness, your curiosity(ness?) and everything else that you may fear that is not loveable that I can't think of right now. Because I think everything is loveable in you, all your qualities and all your flaws.

I've always wanted a best friend and I think I just hit my jackpot. Thank you, Tumblr, for this wonderful gift. And have a beautiful day, Jackie. You'll be in my thoughts and I'll be sending you lots of love energy.

[rainangel92]

Being human.

Let's face it, being a human is hard as fuck.

Unlike any animal, we are meant to better ourselves. It's a capacity we have, but it can be a burden too.

When you are at the bottom of the self esteem's ladder, every thing can bring you down. Here are two incredibly important things to know.

Every time you look up and shame yourself because you are not confident yet, you are bringing yourself down. I know, every one tells you that you have to be more confident. There is such a heavy pressure to not be insecure. Let me tell you that "your insecurities are so pathetic" is the last thing that will help you get rid of them. The first step in gaining self-confidence is to accept where you are right now in the process. You don't have to be there yet, it's okay to still have improvement to do.

Once you accept that the level of self-esteem you have is okay for now and that it will take time and efforts to get better, here's where to start : Focus on the steps you take instead of the ones you miss. Or at least, don't ignore or diminish the importance of your progress. Challenge yourself with actions you feel strong enough to do even if they scare you. It's okay to start with little things. Celebrate every success and be kind with yourself when you fail.

It's all about how you look at yourself. You have power over that.

People will judge your level of confidence according to what is obvious in your behavior. You have to know that it starts in your head and your progress won't show right away in your behavior. Be aware of when you are bullying yourself. If fighting those thoughts directly is too hard, focus on maintaining doubt. Keep yourself from the certitude that a negative thought is true and will be forever. Try to remember that perception can be flawed itself.

[rainangel92]

The Midterm Ghost

Once upon a time, there was a student in her midterm. The caffein in her blood was know to be on a constant high. She hadn't slept in a whole week, other than a 20 minute nap whenever she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. Redbull was her best friend.

The weekend came. On Saturday night, she went to the college to study, since she thought the college was empty of any living creature. All we know about this night is that, at one point, she stopped answering her texts. But her friends only thought her battery died. They tragically found out on Monday that it wasn't the case.

The only thing they found from her was her history textbook, soaked in her own blood. No one really knows what happened, but some say her spirit still haunt the faculty. Sometimes, we can feel her get through us as we experience a deep feeling of fear and we panic. The more rational will describe it as a panic attack, but some believe we are actually feeling her fear, from the moment right before she died.

[nowweareseventeen]

You are a human being and this is enough to be considered an amazing creation just the way you are. Unless you tell me you are an alien (in which case... Wow dude you totally fooled me) or a mouse (a very intelligent and brave one to say the least), you cannot deny this! You deserve respect from others and especially from yourself, like everyone does. <3

wow, you have a really good way of placing words into a sentence. 

thank you so much, that has really made me smile but also think. you’re perfect <3 

[rainangel92]

In case others need to hear such a thing. Every human is amazing.

[thisisevanbetter]

I believe that every human should have the right to be whatever they want regardless of their gender or ethnicity. Except violent. That is not a human behaviour.

My thoughts on feminism (via cosimharto)

[rainangel92]

Numb soul.

I've been asked to seek something that gives me a drive for a career. Something I'm passionate about. So I seek into myself for a positive reaction to different thoughts. Therapy? Teaching? Researching? Writing? Art-therapy? Conjugal therapy? Sexology?

What I find scares me. I find a void. A lack of feelings. As much as I try to experience even a negative feeling, I can't reach it. My soul feel numb, as if my Being is sick, looking for air but can't find any.

So, I panic, because I can't remember how it feels like to be passionate. Or how anything feels, actually. I know I can still experience emotions though. Well... I try to convince myself that I can... I did and I will. Even if, right now, my guts are muted. Or maybe I'm the one who got deaf.

[rainangel92]

Faith and nature.

I am sitting there, in the middle of this crowd, next to people I love and strangers. I try to pay attention to the words resonating in this amazingly beautiful building. My eyes linger on a delicate stained glass. Suddenly, I hear the statement, the condamnation of my own nature.

The air suddenly feel heavy in my lungs. Hyper-aware of my family sitting next to me, I fear that they can sense how tormented I am. I do everything I can to hide it, but those words are like knives flying too close to my neck.

I had struggled with attuning my faith and my nature. I thought I had found a comfortable state. I do feel quite comfortable with those two supposed opposites. But how do I convince others that this is possible? That's why it hurts. I wish I wouldn't have to fight against everyone who is important to me to simply be loved.

[rainangel92]

Hello!

Welcome to my writing blog.

You might be confuse as the rainangel92 url usually took you to my fan blog. This blog can now be found at cosimharto.

I will use this blog to post some stuff I wrote or will write, since subscribers of my fan page aren't there for my writing.

You will find that I have a great use of words, but I sometimes lack inspiration, so you are very welcome to send me ideas. I particularly love to put words on emotions, so you can send me a situation and I can try to express how you feel. Might sometimes get a drawing though.

So there I am, writing the first text. It's done.