[dankmemeuniversity]

[pissvortex]

infomercial man: call now and we’ll DOUBLE our offer

6 year old me who has never seen an infomercial before:

[shitpostpriest]

me, still in bed: i can’t wait to get back to bed

[jakemorph]

someone edit this pic to be dr phil levitting the bottle wit his mind powers

[3ology]

[popokko-deactivated20210315]

i love people who are incredibly book smart but otherwise stupid as shit. i have a friend who got a 4.0 in college but had to ask me if there were calories in soap

[popokko-deactivated20210315]

ok i apparently wasn’t clear enough with how stupid this question was. they didn’t mean if you ate it. they asked if you rubbed soap on your body, like in the shower, if there was nutritional value to that. we’re talking peak dumbass here not natural curiosity

[itsivan]

My favourite part of bird box is that it validates the whole “uh-oh i heard a scary noise i’ll hide from the monster under my blanket” logic that I’ve always had

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“It’s not how good you are. It’s how good you want to be.”

— Paul Arden

[just-shower-thoughts]

A block of cheese is basically a loaf of milk.

[justbadpuns]

What is a thesaurus’ favorite dessert? Synonym buns.

[cwote]

People will judge you regardless of what you do. Don’t look to them for validation, simply accept all that you are.

[nick-avallone]

sexting 101

[manoe]

him?

[nick-avallone]

[anxietyproblem]

[blackfemmejeanvaljean]

people who carry their groceries home on public transportation are stronger than any marine

[theyellowbrickroad]

Being horny is gross. Sign my petition against horniness

[lehonello]

Y’all too old to be saying you don’t like vegetables and/or water.

[doggosource]

safety 

[ogmoaneymoan-deactivated2018120]

Only rational thing to do

[mwagneto]

Freddie singing “I don’t wanna die” during live aid literally ruined my life