Rosie

27 / a mediocre writer

[terrorignitis]

Juansen Dizon, i am the architect of my own destruction

[konoko]

"you're so sweet" thanks i have abandonment issues

[raininginmyroom]

I’m breaking my own right hand, all 27 bones, right down to the wrist, anything to stop writing about you. I fear that you are too embedded into my brain, every thought of mine contains some piece of you, I worry I could sicken you with all these poems. It’s almost exhausting never running out of things to say about you, borderline pathetic to be so full of you that I cannot attempt to be consumed with anything else. Yes, even bloody and half dead, I would still write about you with a severed hand.

[metamorphesque]

— Franz Kafka, The Castle | The Lovers of Valdaro

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— Ocean Vuong, from On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[raininginmyroom]

I’m dissecting conversations you’re having, like some twisted form of self torture. I’m sitting in the center of all your words, exhausted from them, too beaten down from overthinking, and you’re not even talking anymore. It’s silent, we both have crooked, clenched teeth, anything to not say the wrong thing but I want you to reach out for me through all the mess. Do what you’re never good at and reassure me, snap me out of this, speak up, do something, don’t let me wonder if there’s something or someone else. I’m not sure what I said or did to make you so certain that my heart is bulletproof, that you do not hurt me, as if I don’t die every time you keep doing what I’ve told you kills me.

[mournfulroses]

John Keats, from a letter to Fanny Brawne, featured in The Selected Letters of John Keats

[raininginmyroom]

I see forever when I see you. Visions of us grey and wrinkled and still in love. Our son visits us and brings the grandkids along and our hands are intertwined. We sit together at the table, you make me laugh like you always do and I look at you the same way I have since I was 24; soft and loving. The locket around your neck holds a photograph of us when we were young and wearing matching bracelets. Now we have gold rings on the same fingers and in the end of this life, they mix our ashes together but luckily enough, we meet again and fall in love in the next life too.

[inkpressedpetals]

[raininginmyroom]

Your hands felt like false fate, you told me that we were soulmates but you forced the stars to spell out our names. It all felt off, the way we collided didn’t feel like serendipity, it was just a terribly tragic bone crush into death. I ignored the bad gut feeling, fooled myself into believing the parisites were butterflies and took the fact that the first letter in your name is the last in mine as a good sign because you said it was.

Deep down I knew that it wasn't, I just desperately wanted to be the one for once. So when you promised me a ring, I stayed and was a good wife for you until I started noticing your broken vows. You wanted this first, you wrote yourself into my story, coerced my hand just to abandon my land. Men like you promise me forever just to burn it all like it was nothing, like I was underserving of love, always the stranded when I just desperately want to be the one.

[remanence-of-love]

[raininginmyroom]

He was pouring rain after countless forest fires, he was the sun on all of my dead flowers, bringing them back to life. He had poetry for eyes, the kind I can’t help but write about, the shade of blue that could make you jump into his ocean too. When he laughs, I can feel the stars all aligning and when he notices me, I have never been more alive. He’s a love song, the greatest one, he makes sense, he knows me best, hands intertwine and I forget the rest.

[perfeqt]

“my mom told me.. “a person who values you, wouldn’t ever put themselves in a position to lose you.” and that really hit deep.”

— Unknown

[romessence]

[raininginmyroom]

Why do bad men reach out to you like an old close friend? With their overdone niceties like they weren’t too cruel to forget? You gave me nightmares, another reason to not trust what he says, and a bruise that faded almost 8 months later. You can say all you want that you’ve changed but I doubt wolves can fight their own nature, especially that quick. Now you’re trying to move on, trying to get me to go with you but the girl who recklessly followed you to the cliff edge died the moment you let her go. I knew you once but I don’t understand you anymore and you’re no longer my familiar so did you really believe we remained similar? I mean just to survive you, I came out unrecognizable and built something better, there’s really nothing else to say now so why do bad men who didn’t care to lose you suddenly miss you?

[vexheart]

[bookbeani]

me: *starts reading a book*

me: actually, I’m not in the mood for this

me: *starts another book*

me: actually, I’m not feeling this one either

me: *starts another book*

me: actually-