what's up

he/him, 21, autistic, narc, and toxic person | recovering from cptsd/dissociation | demon living among humans

[rainsandrainsand]

I like how NPD just makes every problem in life seem like that one meme: "Why doesn't [person] simply do [nigh impossible feat to get out of bad situation]? Are they stupid?"

Also [person] is you half the time.

[rainsandrainsand]

15 for the ask game, if you're still taking questions!

15. are you self- or clinically diagnosed? regardless, what process led you to your NPD diagnosis?

I'm self-diagnosed (for everything - I've never had a formal psychiatric assessment). A while back, I was researching BPD to try to help a friend of mine who was clinically diagnosed with BPD. On r/bpdmemes, I saw a strikingly relatable meme about fluctuating between feelings of grandiosity and worthlessness, with someone in the comments saying, "That sounds more like NPD", which led me to further investigate the r/NPD subreddit, cue researching everything I could about NPD and then subsequently having a major "oh fuck" moment of long overdue awakening. I had long had suspicions about my "unusual" personality and had tentatively looked up things related to NPD in the past, but I was clinging to a repressive idea of psychological normality at the time and the idea of having such a stigmatized condition seemed too "extreme" for me to entertain. This was despite the fact I showed extremely volatile self-esteem during that period and kept calling myself a "narcissist" during my crashes, and that I believe I have shown signs of NPD since I was at least eleven years old.

[rainsandrainsand]

4 and 12 for the ask game?

4. is there anything non-narcissists feel, think, or do that you just can't wrap your head around?

I've always found it strange how most people take for granted an incredibly mundane view of themselves and a simple, almost naïve outlook of social situations, where words can basically be assumed to mean what they mean. I suppose it's a good thing that not everyone thinks like me, but it's always a bit of a culture shock when they assume something comes from a "normal" motivation like simple insecurity, tribalism, or self-centeredness, and not some desperate grubbing for supply. I feel like I should always be on the verge of being "exposed", but it never seems to happen.

12. what's the worst thing about having NPD? what's the best?

Worst thing is probably the inability to reciprocate others' emotional expectations of you, and the resulting alienation from that. The world of social relationships simply does not work as I would like it to, relying as it does on a nebulous sense of rapport that I have trouble building with others (unless it's someone I find particularly interesting and extremely similar to myself). Best thing would probably be either the sense of grandiosity itself, or the relentless drive to master something that would bring me closer to fulfilling my grandiose aspirations.

[equalperson]

NPD awareness month 2026 questions!

feel free to use this as an ask game or prompts for your own posts (although I'd recommend clarifying if you want asks in the tags so I can know who to respond to).

is trust difficult for you? is there anyone you currently do trust?

what part of having NPD do you feel isn't discussed enough?

how does NPD affect your friendships?

is there anything non-narcissists feel, think, or do that you just can't wrap your head around?

how much do you mask your NPD, if at all?

are there any songs that you relate to due to your NPD?

do you have any co-occurrences? if so, does your NPD affect how they present (or vice versa)?

has anyone in your family been diagnosed with NPD? do you think learned behavior/genetics played a role in your diagnosis?

how good is your cognitive empathy (the ability to recognize--but not necessarily mirror--others' feelings)? is it better or worse than your emotional empathy?

how much emotional empathy do you feel? do you wish you could feel more?

how do you feel about romance? does your NPD affect your desire for or ability to maintain romantic relationships?

what's the worst thing about having NPD? what's the best?

have you ever known another person with NPD? were you compatible?

do you tend to lie? why or why not? do you feel any remorse when you do so?

are you self- or clinically diagnosed? regardless, what process led you to your NPD diagnosis?

can you love? if so, what does it feel like for you?

how comfortable are you with expressing your feelings? are there any emotions you always hide from others?

do you also have (C-)PTSD? do you consider your NPD a manifestation of post-traumatic stress?

what's the first sign you showed of NPD? how old were you at the time?

is there any particular trait your grandiosity centers around (E.G. intelligence, beauty, morality, etc.)?

what's your relationship with holidays like? how do you feel about birthdays?

do you have a preference for person-first ("person with NPD") or identity-first ("narcissist") language? why or why not?

if you're a creative, how does NPD affect your work? does NPD affect how you see other people's creations?

what's the most difficult part of interacting with other people for you?

do you have an equal or otherwise special person? how easily do you get attached to others?

how much of an effect--if any--does social media have on your self-image? have you ever done anything self-destructive for likes/followers or struggled with social media addiction?

do you think society's view of NPD is improving, devolving, or stagnating? and why? how do you think NPD will be seen 10 years from now?

who's your favorite character with NPD, canon or headcanon?

how dependent are you on others? is independence important to you?

what's your most common grandiose fantasy?

is there anything else that you want to say for NPD awareness month?

I highly encourage reblog karma (sending asks to people you reblog from) and will try to send asks to people who reblog now through july when I have the energy.

there's also a prompt list version!

[nohoperadio]

You know that thing would eat you if you died, right? *pointing to the false image of you that others perceive*

[rainsandrainsand]

what's worse: a freak, or a freak who won't admit that he's a freak? at least i've stopped being the latter

[rainsandrainsand]

when i start talking about how i'm worthless and a pathetic piece of shit you know i'm in a good mood and think there's hope for my future yet

[rainsandrainsand]

Especially if you're also one or any number of marginalized identities.

This is also about the pressure to "heal"

[jingerpi]

theres more to this than i can properly express right now but theres something interesting about how "awareness" efforts interact with mental health/disability issues within a wider oppressive society. People have rightfully brought attention to the way that some disorders are now seen as less serious due to their normalization, things like depression, anxiety, adhd, etc... are often made out as quirks rather than conditions which can be disabling. To some extent, this awareness can still be helpful, and I think many would default to being in favor of it, viewing the de-emphasis of these disorders as an unfortunate byproduct. I'm not here to say that awareness is bad, but I do think we should take a look at the other side of the coin and consider what that tells us about the situation. When some disorders are accepted as normal, as acceptable to have, what does that say about those disorders that don't reach the same status? Are they brought up along side those other disorders? or are they pushed down into the depths of social taboos? I would argue in many cases its the latter. Look at how popular sentiment treats schizophrenia or NPD. These conditions are deeply dehumanizing labels which people treat in a way so vile its difficult to even describe. the terms for diagnosis themselves become synonymous with evil or bad people. If you're being rude or uninformed you're "psychotic", if you're abusing someone you're a "narcissist", similar can be seen with ASPD and how people use the term "psychopath" and "sociopath" These disorders are pushed so far away from any form of real acceptance that its hard to believe psychiatry and these awareness efforts are working to truly destigmatize mental differences and help people. Rather, what it appears to be doing is simply shifting the line. Shifting the line of whats considered acceptable, whats a normal human (dis)order, and whats an evil disorder thats exclusive to inhuman caricatures. In the process of moving the line like this, changing the boundaries for which disorders are accepted, not only does it enforce that the boundary deserves to exist, and that these set of disorders are really extra special bad™, it also loops back around to where I started this post, to issues like anxiety and depression. To become accepted in a deeply ableist society, we can't simply change what we views as acceptable behavior or disorders, we have to change the disorders themselves, reshaping them to fit into the existing accepted standard. We mold conditions into pretty little shapes to allow for their acceptance. This might sound strange in some ways, but its really nothing new. Many other social groups have long been fighting the battle between assimilation and liberation, where you either give up part of your distinctness to fit into an oppressive system, or you fight the system as a whole to fundamentally change it and who its for. What I'm saying here is that the same struggle between liberation and assimilation applies to mental health awareness and disability rights issues. We can't simply fight to have depression recognized as a "normal person disorder", that puts down people still classified as having "bad person disorder"s, and it white washes realities of depression and just how serious it can be.

We have to actually work to undo the systems that classify people as fundamentally not deserving of respect or autonomy in the first place. Its a dialectical "unity of opposites", people are pushed out of personhood for the sake of reifying those who are accepted into it - and conversely, accepting certain specific groups into the accepted class actually enforces the barrier further, legitimizing it as a real distinction, when its entirely constructed.

[kaputtsolvi]

What I feel people frequently forget about autistic special interests is that they aren't always information based. They may simply be visual or mental

Someone may have a special interest in a show, but instead of that meaning that they will talk about that show often, it may mean they watch that show extremely frequently.

Special interests are ways of regulating, not simply encyclopedias we have in our heads. Sometimes it's watching something frequently. Maybe only listening to one genre of music, maybe it's a collection, maybe it's an action. I'm tired of it only being seen as autistic people's personal encyclopedias

[this-is-cluster-b-saneism]

bpd saneism is saying that most teenagers who think they have bpd are actually just going through puberty. like Yes, there are some experiences that can overlap with puberty and you're more likely to be formally diagnosed when you're older, but please look me in the eye and tell me that the near-textbook symptoms of self-destructice bpd that i've been dealing with since i was 14 can just be chalked up to puberty. (i'd also argue that it's ageism too because of the idea that a teenager is incapable of properly researching the disorders they may have or is simply "pretending" to have bpd for attention)

This is cluster b saneism and ageism

[rainsandrainsand]

Feeling shame instead of guilt? I saw that in one of your posts, the iceberg one. Could you elaborate more on that? [For some context I'm questioning whether I have NPD that's basically the only reason I feel curious with regards to this.]

Hey, thanks for stopping by! The difference between shame and guilt isn't an exact science, and a lot of people use them interchangeably, but generally, shame is self-focused and centers around the badness of the self or one's behavior (I am a horrible/immoral person, I am wretched, I am worthless), whereas guilt is more other-focused (this person did not deserve to be mistreated in this way, I have failed them). People with NPD tend to have their emotional reactions to accused wrongdoing dominated by shame instead of guilt, and this is more true the more their self-esteem is at stake. When someone tells you you did something wrong, are you able to relate to them as another person to understand the impact your actions had on them, or are you overwhelmed by the perceived assault to your self-esteem, either rallying your internal resources to its defense or crumbling under its weight? Some things to think about as you continue on your journey of introspection. I wish you the best of luck.

[catboybiologist]

Political pet peeve but nothing being done is a "distraction" from anything else. Everything that the current administration is doing is an extension of American imperialism and conservative American values. Iran is not being bombed to "distract from the Epstein files", trans legislation is not being passed to "distract from Palestine", none of this is happening just to "distract" you. And dismissing certain issues as "distractions" is a horrific excuse of them.

It is, however, happening all at once to overwhelm you. And there is a HUGE difference.

[prokopetz]

It's striking how much mental health advice directed at kids and teenagers boils down to saying "you have to be okay with people treating you like you're not fully human because they're right, but it's okay because one day you will be human", then being genuinely surprised when it doesn't help.

[orteil42]

90% of google search ai summaries feel like this guy leaning uncomfortably over your shoulder and pointing at stuff on your screen reading out the exact same text you're already looking at

[rainsandrainsand]

idk if anyone will relate to this, but as a narcissist, i've often found it humiliating when i realize i fall into a stereotype (especially one i do not consider ideal) for a demographic i'm a part of. what do you mean you've used my cultural background to correctly infer that i have certain experiences that gave rise to my current attitudes about something. i'm me. the laws of population statistics should not apply to me

[rainsandrainsand]