against the kitchen floor

they/he mainly | NL/En | lots and lots of qsmp and chaos | I draw sometimes :]

[tosha-cor]

Scetches with Phil :P

[dear-ao3]

[sm-baby]

[gallusrostromegalus]

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

[starathsbunker]

#Helios was declawed by his former owners so he doesn't just slap things he dislikes like most cats#he really only feels confident in hissing at them#Especially because a lot of the thing he doesn't like are bugs and those are sharp sometimes :(#Selene has figured this out and now when she hears him hiss she sprints over the kill the fuck out of the bug#Helios has learned she will do this so he'll hiss at stuff louder and louder until she hears him#A nervous old man and his emotional support homicidal maniac tags by @gallusrostromegalus

I couldn't reblog without the tags because the context is hilarious

[gallusrostromegalus]

A Nervous Old Man (right) and his Emotional Support Violence Machine (Left)

Yes, he is more than twice her size. Yes, he is five times her age. Yes, he cries like a big baby until she kills Unacceptable Scary Things (earwigs) for him.

[cm8x-insanity]

I couldn't get these two and their dynamic out of my head, @gallusrostromegalus I doodled them (guessed on their collars)

[gallusrostromegalus]

OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART

[dear-ao3]

[breadcroww]

kinger and his 4 daughters <3

(based on this post)

[petals42]

people who comment on fics just to say that they are re-reading and still cried/felt emotions/loved it are the greatest people on earth and should be given a thousand dollars. 

[petals42]

addition: people who comment on fics to say that they are not even in this fandom and didn’t know the characters at all but read it anyway and loved it are also the greatest people on earth and should also be given a thousand dollars.  

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

when fictional creatures are characterized as having superhuman agility (e.g. some versions of vampires) i think they should also canonically have flabby skin. "this species has catlike predator traits" ok now give it catlike baggy skin for flexibility. make its tummy jiggle like a slinky

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tumblr is (rightfully!) horny for trains but i need you to understand buses can be just as sexy as train transport. sexier even! if this sounds fake it's because the bus systems you've interacted with have been purposefully hobbled by bad funding/management. i promise well-run bus transit is SO fucking hot actually start panting

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

[krystal-prisms]

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gosh I enjoy this website

[authoratmidnight]

For comparison, this is a daffodil

[quietlygrousing]

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

[maejacrezz007]

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

[fractiousrvt]

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

[blood-trip-god2]

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

[delphinidin4]

This is a marigold:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

[lorienlady]

In the UK these are also Marigolds, but I don’t think anyone is going to confuse them for any of the flowers in the above thread

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: three four people

[wearesorcerer]

Succumb to the amulet?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

Succumb to the amulet!!!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

haven't kept up w/ pokemon but i'm assuming there's a whale type that uses its blowhole to shoot a beam attack of some type, yes? surely?

[kiriekonamistan]

Wailord and yes, though I don't remember the name of the attack since I don't use Wailord very often. 'Water Sport' isn't an attack, but I think it counts?

I think the attack I'm trying to remember is called 'Water Spout', and the reason I couldn't remember it is because it's so visually similar to the name 'Water Sport'.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

losing my goddamn mind over "Water Sport the pokemon attack"

[d-f-phantom]

[avese23]

“Not affected by snatch”

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

tumblr will see a pathetic little fool composed of vengeance and tomfoolery and instantaneously respond with:

[kuropin]

All that recent merch has me thinking of them as half abstracted creatures

[flowery-king]

👉👈 would it be alrighr if phil was holding his enormous pifgy head. big bestie hug. he deserves rhe cuddle

Big cuddles for big pig

[flowery-king]

He needs to crouch down for him to reach

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

Guess who's saving to finally leave their not so nice {toxic and hella abusive} familyyyy

It's meeeee

Saving to be able to afford to rent a room in a different town and be able to survive for a few months when still looking for a job 🫪

Keep fingers crossed for me!

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

Big update

It's 718 out of 10 000

things started to look hopeful i have a lot of spots to pick bottles from lol I'm getting some to sell from my friends too bc they want to help me

[ranboolivesaysstuff]

Tenna won the poll meaning I gotta pull some crazier shit with my cosplay to keep up