Rapture Poetry

aspiring poet

[rapturepoetry]

fuck you for taking my freedom

for stealing my innocence

you are everywhere in my mind, every overcast corner of my thoughts

"you look like them, you speak like them"

"you will become them"

i am going to avenge myself, i will get retribution

but eventually, would my worst thoughts come true

will i become you

[rapturepoetry]

i do not remember the child i was before

their memories out of reach, just beyond my fingertips

i want badly to connect with them again, to be who i was before

my feet on the shifting sand

i smell the salt in the air, gray waves like years washing away

i am sinking deeper, farther, closing my eyes and reaching for that child

they are standing alone on the horizon, facing away from me

i can't move, i can't breathe, my heart is weighing me down

and as i'm choking on sand, my eyes are barely visible, but pleading, begging for just a glance, a hint, a single smile

the child doesn't turn back

i'm swallowed by my grief

[rapturepoetry]

dear rabbit

the blood flows through you like water

there is love in that blood, there is wild

you breathe with the forest and sleep with the moon

your eyes see everything, your ears hear all

did those ears hear my cries for you

did your eyes see my car stop on the side of the road

with your senses did you hear my heart stutter

my chest heave, the howls of pain

with your last breath did my pain match yours

dear rabbit

the love in that blood

did it stop when it spilled on the road

[rapturepoetry]

wretching and vile unbecoming and disgusting look in the mirror and see your body

and you feel sick to your stomach you have the audacity to tear up as if this isn't you

because it doesnt feel like it is

it feels like you're looking at a monster a pitiful shell who is crawling their way through every day in a body that doesnt feel real

in a body that isn't theirs

[rapturepoetry]

shelter dog

i'm a shelter dog

seeking approval, whining, begging

lowering my head so i seem lovable, pliable, easy

i try my best at puppy dog eyes, but my eyes are not conveying cute naiveity

my eyes are grieving, already widowing the death of my hope

they take a glance and pass my cage, uninterested

and when the lights go out in my shelter, and when theres no one left to reject me

i howl and cry

pay attention to me

love me

give me the time of day

my eyes were mourning for more than my hope

they're putting me down.

[rapturepoetry]

the strength to forgive is not something i was born with i am a lowborn, spitting at the sun

what i went through, no child should have suffered through i was raised in shadow and shame

forgive them, they say, you're in agony you're drinking poison and expecting them to die

i'm aware that i'm dying with fire in my veins, i will never forgive, never forget

the strength to forgive is not something i will learn, this poison has consumed me

i am not the child who i was, who i lost, who i grieve i am a snake, ready to strike

i will not be wronged again, i am taking you down with me

[rapturepoetry]

i'm never a priority

i'm never someone's reason for waking up

the giver, never the taker

never the taker, always the asker

i ask for time

i ask for patience

i ask for comfort

i'm never a priority

never the taker

never the reason

[rapturepoetry]

The Child You Never Wanted

you tell me to brush my own hair I don’t know how you roll your eyes and tell me to figure it out

I’m brushing as hard as I can Tearing pieces of my hair out with knots, clumped up and bloody

I’m crying and go to tell you there’s blood mommy I’m not sure if what I’m doing is right

But you scream at me for bothering you Can’t you do anything by yourself? Why did I even have you?

I run and hug her, tell her I’m sorry I cried I love you mommy, I won’t ask again

I squeeze harder, if the hug is big enough it shows how much you love them

She doesn’t hug me back.

[rapturepoetry]

i look at my mother

her hair is graying she's always in pain

she shakes when lifting the milk her hand perpetually on the side of her back

she's holding herself together she's trying her best

mother i can't give you a grandchild i'm not like you, i'm not strong

you're staring out the window in a daze watching the grass move with the wind

are you remembering are you regretting

i recall the last time you held me in your arms your hair was a beautiful brown and you were so full of life

mother hold me again one last time

[rapturepoetry]

is it not enough

but God is it not enough that i weep is it not enough that i suffer

can i be saved if i can't save myself

will you welcome me or turn me away

for now i'm trying to make it but its not enough

i'm falling from the sky i try to fly, broken as my wings are

i fall into darkness

i'm a little girl again i cannot save her

its not enough