Enough
[SHAWN MENDES]
Summary: Shawn and [Y/N] have begun to noticeably drift apart and with each sharp, unempathetic word, [Y/N] finds herself more and more unable to tolerate it.
Warnings: slight swearing, angst
My grip on his arm was slacking as he turned, eyes filled to the brim with nothing but angerâ fuelling hot, bubbling rage. His dark hair encouraged the shadows, already flickering across his face in the low lights, to elongate. They shrouded the previous happiness that had been the only visible emotion, leaving his stare void of anything of the sort.
âWhat?â His voice was sharp, searing as if the actual words had cut me across the face. We werenât particularly close, but I could feel his annoyance rolling off him in waves. Those around us must have detected it, too, as they seemed to subconsciously take a step away from him. I did the same.
I prayed to god those surrounding us, whether in our little dark corner or as far away as the bar, didnât hear what was going on.
Andrew shot us glances over his wine glass, making a point to raise his eyebrows. âYou alright?â He seemed to ask. At least someone cared.
âIâm tired,â I told him at last, having searched his eyes for anything that resembled the Shawn Iâd fallen in love with. It was futile, however. That person was long gone, whisked away and morphed by the drug that is fame, attention.
It wasnât too late, but much later than Iâd wanted to stay out for. And the alcohol seeping into my bloodstream, combined with the intolerable music blaring through the speakers was enough to inflict a wave of nausea. The way he glared down at me only heightened this sickening sensation.
He rolled his eyes. âSo? What do you want me to do about it?â
âI just want to go home,â I told him, quietening my voice. Again, he rolled his eyes as if my entire existence was so completely aggravating, difficult to bear.
He downed his glass. I wondered, momentarily, whether he did this so to leave with me and that once out of the club, he would regain some of his usual personality.
âGo home then.â
I peered up at him, blatant confusion on my face. Not just because he drove us here so Iâd have to find my own way back, but also for the tone he was using. It was just plain rude.
âArenât you coming?â God, he made me sound desperate, like a complete fool. And maybe I was. No, I know I was. It sickened me to imagine those around us getting a private show of this. When he made no move to answer, I continued: âhow will I get back?â
He huffed, loudly. Without so much as a âgood bye,â heâd tossed his keys in my general direction and was storming away, his tall figure easily gliding through the throng of people. I watched him go, face heated up in utter shame and humiliation.
Andrew made a move toward me, face a mixture of shock at Shawnâs behaviour and sympathy. I cringed, internally.
âIs everything alright?â He asked, mouth close to my ear so that I could hear him without him having to shout. I nodded, numbly, having lost feeling in most of my body. Again, he asked but I waved his concerns away and slapped on a smile.
âIâm just drained,â I told him, not exactly lying. âI think Iâm going to get back.â I checked my watch. âItâs almost one.â He asked if he should taken me, but I laughed. âDonât let my granny arse spoil your fun!â
__________
The place was empty, as expected, when I got back. There was something ominous, disconcerting in the sound of the door unlocking as it reverberated through the inhabited rooms in the darkness.
I sighed, plopping my bag down on the counter, along with Shawnâs keys. There was a stuff littered around the place, both clothes and discarded bags, so I tidied up a bit. With nothing else to do, I grabbed a blanket from the bedroom and cuddled up on the sofa.
It had taken me a long while to go to sleep, and when I finally did, I was awakened abruptly by the door opening and the distinct sound of Shawnâs curse as he whacked his leg into the small table by the door. A sharp pain shot through me.
Iâd been thinking whilst battling with sleep. My decision was made, my mind set. I wouldnât put up with it all any longer, I just couldnât.
Iâd gotten up during the time heâd been gone, for everything set up. Everything was organised. I couldnât turn back now.
âShawn?â I called into the open air, though I knew it could only be him. Still, my heart thudded against my ribcage and my stomach churned uncomfortably.
âFuck,â he said, hand pulled to his chest in fright. âWhat are you doing down here? Why arenât you upstairs?â
âI was watching tv,â the lie slipped from my tongue, effortlessly. âMust have fallen asleep.â
He accepted it, nodding. âRight, Iâm going to get changed. Meet me up there.â
I âmhmâed, but the thought of actually following through with itâ of having to sleep beside him, of having to be in the same bed, even the same room as himâ made me feel tense. The feeling surprised even myself. Shawn had always had the opposite effect on me, actually strived to make me feel completely at ease.
He disappeared into the bedroom.
His routine was like a ritual so it wasnât too outlandish to know he was pushing his black jeans down his legs and throwing them to the side so that they pooled onto the floor; unbuttoning his shirt to his expose his toned chest, leaving him in only his boxers. He would then reveal the bed by pulling the duvet away, and slid himself into the space.
I wondered how long I could last, alone in the front room, away from Shawn. Maybe he would go to sleep without me, forget who he was waiting up for, not miss me beside him. It wouldnât be so improbable.
Apparently my prayers fell upon empty ears, for I heard shuffling from the room he was in after about ten minutes. I wasnât given much time to prepare before he was hovering above me. I kept my eyes closed, feigning sleep.
âBabe,â he cooed, warm hand on my arm through the blanket. âCome on, letâs get you to bed.â
I opened my eyes, just managing to make out his general features in the dark.
âNo.â
He assessed me, wondering if I was jokingâ ready to break those plump lips into a grin. âWhat?â He asked when I showed no sign of joking, maintaining a stern, expressionless facade.
I got up, then, making my way past him to switch on the light. We both blinked harshly, before our eyes adjusted. In the light, I could see his hair was dishevelled, likely from having run his hands through it. As if to prove my point, his hand reached up and pushed through his tangled curls.
His eyes fell upon my attire, eyebrows furrowing when he realised I wasnât in one of his shirts, but instead, in a pair of jogging bottoms and a t-shirt.
âI. Donât. Want. To,â I enunciated clearly. âIâve had enough.â
âEnough of what?â He asked, face taunt in concentration as he studied me. His dark eyes were no longer fiery, but subdued with forthcoming pain. He knew what was coming. Perhaps he didnât quite believe it, might not have comprehended it, but he knew it was coming.
âEnough of this,â I pointed between us both. âEnough of us, enough of how I am nowadays. Enough of you.â
âYou canât be serious.â His eyebrows scrunched even more, if possible, and his biceps bulged as he crossed his arms firmly across his chest. âI donât- why- have I done something?â
âYou canât honestly be that oblivious!â I let out. âIâm miserable, Shawn, fucking miserable. All I ever do is wait around for you to be back from tour and when you are, you spend as much of it as you can away from me! Am I really that insufferable?â
âI-â
âAnd the few times when we are together, you act like Iâm nothing to you.â
âDo you not love me anymore? Is that was this is? Because I love you so, so much and maybe I donât show it like I should, but I do.â
âOf course I love you,â I said, pulling my hair in frustration. âBut I canât keep being treated like this. You make me feel worthless, like Iâm- Iâm nothing. Iâve had enough. I canât keep doing this.â
It was then that his eyes drifted down, back towards the door. It dawned on him then, that I was completely serious. We werenât just going to have make up sex and this whole ordeal forgotten about.
He strode towards where my bag, filled with all my essentials, lay and picked it up, putting it behind his back.
âNo. You canât just leave like this. If we both love each other, whatâs the problem?â He looked on the verge of derangement, hands shaking ever so slightly.
I stepped closer to him, tentative but resolute. âLove isnât supposed to hurt, Shawn.â
He let me come nearer, breathing in my scent when I snaked my arms around his waist. His breathing was jagged, uneven as we just stood there. He was too absorbed in indulging in the feeling of my body against his, moulding into mine, to notice my hands detaching the bag from his hands.
I separated myself from him with difficulty for his hands seemed glued to me now. With reluctance, he let me put distance between us, eyes still shut as if savouring that hug, likely still not believing itâd be the last one.
The opening of the door shocked him out of his state and he spun round to face me again.
âI canât live without you!â He called as a last resort.
The door beneath my hand felt less sturdy than usual, feeling as though my whitened knuckles would crush it any second. Alas, it stayed in shape, but the same couldnât be said for either Shawn or myself.
âYouâre going to have to learn,â I said in way of a farewell.
Once the door was shut behind me, I stepped towards the lift.
As the doors closed before me, I imagined them aiding in cutting the ties with Shawn and I.
I couldnât stop the sob that racked through me as the tears began to fall.
â but she was her own champion now â hello there! you've stumbled upon the profile of rosie- a...

















