Yuna has been told that Shane is autistic and does not accept this because she is autistic and does not accept this and David doesn’t need to be told Shane is autistic he knows it just doesn’t change anything for him because he is autistic in the dad way where he’s like well that’s just how things are. and Shane has been told he’s autistic, then reaffirmed by Yuna he’s definitely not autistic, then reminded by David well if you are autistic that’s okay it’s normal to be autistic. and he came out the other side like autism is normal but I’m deeply deeply weird and off putting so there must be something else wrong with me.
haha so cute the centaurs have a video of ilya and shane — let me stop you there. shane would never. he would never! he has an airtight agreement with the marketing and comms team that anything posted of him is strictly professional. he knows every comment on social media will be about him and ilya already, and he will NOT be encouraging it. he is a hockey player. my shane would rather die than discuss his married life on instagram on the official centaurs account. or any platform. are the other centaurs doing this?? the other hockey teams??? no. he is an athlete not a reality star.
i just think I JUST THINK i just think shane would want to experience passing out with ilya's dick in his mouth. and waking up to ilya fussing over him and saying he didn't realize and 'sweetheart im so sorry are you okay' but shane can taste that ilya kept using his mouth until he came. and that's my truth
shane sitting with his feet up on the couch and ilya comes in and drops onto the cushion by his feet and pulls them into his lap. shane is reading a book and he just smiles over it at ilya before going back to it, and ilya turns his attention to the tv that's on, but as he does so he starts massaging shane's feet. shane makes a noise, is like that's nice and ilya hums, putting more of his back into it. dragging his thumbs up the arches and pressing them into the balls. stretching shane's toes backwards and forwards. rotating shane's feet around the pivot of his ankles. shane makes these deeply pleased noises throughout, emphasis on certain points that hold the most tension, and ilya gets a little hard beneath shane's feet which shane laughs about, nudging his heel against ilya's semi. ilya slaps his foot in retaliation. once he's done shane releases a deep satisfied sigh and says thanks, baby and ilya, head leaned back on the couch as he stares contentedly at shane, just hums in reply. shane opens his arms and beckons him over with a come here and ilya stretches himself out over shane, drops his head onto shane's chest, turned to the side so he can continue watching his show. shane rests one arm over ilya's shoulderblades and absently scratches through the short curls at the nape of his neck, his other arm propped up on ilya's back so he can resume reading his book over ilya's head, ilya's curls tickling his chin and mouth. they fall asleep like that eventually ❤️
also (still talking about something that no one else cares about) it’s so beautiful and meaningful to me that ilya is the one who most longs for and pushes for queer solidarity. like he is the one who tells ryan price that his and shane’s camps are focused on teaching tolerance, he is the one who shows up to scott’s gay bar night, and he is the one who gets the centaurs to wear pride tape for troy during the whole pride game (instead of just for the mandated warm-up). and he longs so badly to come out to his team bc he wants them to know this side of him. like he is so explicitly a queer man who wants to be seen for that part of his identity and he is willing to go to bat for everyone else. which makes sense to me from a russia pov bc he really knows the political context of everything. and he wants that community so bad!! bad enough to always show up in support which is such a beautiful part of his story to me
also like. can we talk about shane sucking ilya's thumb like a pacifier. like when he's too in his head or had a bad day or just needs comfort ilya will curl up against his back spooning him, arm wrapping protectively around shane and thumb slipping into his mouth for shane to suck. sometimes it stays there all night, sometimes just until shane falls asleep, sometimes it's just a little while, or until the movie is over, until shane feels better, until it turns into something else
unfair advantage | 1.6K | Ilya leans forward in his chair, deliberately, to put his mouth right next to the microphone. “Oh wow,” Ilya says brightly. His Russian accent is thicker than usual. “Drapeau must be trying so hard to seduce me. But I am sorry, I am already taken. A one man man, I am.” | Great characterisation, perfect Ilya voice. And this fic contains the best Ilya-chirps-Scott-Hunter line ever.
we could get better mileage by @twinkwolf | 6.9K | "Have you ever gotten someone pregnant?" | This fic discusses abortion and there's a pretty graphic description, FYI. If you can stomach this, it's such a fantastic story. A great exploration of Shane and his feelings towards the idea of parenthood. And a lovely portrayal of Shane and Jackie's friendship, which is something I'm a sucker for. It also features some smoking hot sex scene and also a really believable, grown-up version of Ilya and Shane. Highly recommended.
A Friend of the Family by @twicesonnet| 11.9K | Two months after Jackie lets the backyard fire pit fall over and just stands there letting it burn, Hayden has a boys trip. Arrangements are made. Enter: Svetlana Vetrova, daughter of the famous Soviet goaltender, and Ilya Rosanov’s best friend.| This is the best Jackie character study I've seen so far. Jackie here is a real person, much more than the magical being who does emotional labour for Hayden in most stories. And I love how open-ended this is.
I know that I feel it, but I don't know the name | 12K | David Hollander gets in a car accident while Shane and Yuna are travelling. Ilya, newly traded to Ottawa, is the only one available. He handles it pretty well. Until he doesn't.| David is in an accident. Ilya in this one almost broke me. It gave me all the feels.
Image Management by @409-conflict and ritualist| 9K | During his rookie year, Shane goes to a Halloween party at a Montreal gay bar to confirm some suspicions about himself. Unfortunately, it’s 2010, so the official photographer uploads a few hundred photos to the bar’s Facebook page.| Great use of socmed. And I just love how 409_conflict writes Yuna. Also, this is possibly the only time I've ever felt something resembling a positive feeling towards Grigori Rozanov? The power of transformative works!
tender by @barkerandlovelace| 18.3K | Ilya had dismissed the feeling out of hand, except he has now just spent half an hour in the bicycle shop considering the difference between 190 gsm and 250 gsm merino wool and which would best keep Shane warm while wicking sweat during his morning commutes. This is yet another thing Ilya has never done before. The only person whose sweat he has ever contemplated the wicking of has been himself.| Amazing full AU. AMAZING. Ilya is still a hockey player. Shane has a government job. They meet after Ilya retires. The perfect mix of fluffy/funny/tender with stellar characterisation.Imo, it's on a par with the AUs by magneticwave and Vera Dragon, I can't think of any higher praise than this.
think twice (and come back for a third time) | 70k | Shane is heavier than he used to be; his weight bears down on Ilya in a new way. He’s put on pounds of muscle since Ilya last touched him like this. Ilya flattens his palms, skims them under Shane’s undershirt, feels the flat solidity of his abs, the bulk of his lats, the swell of his chest. It’s the same and it’s new, this body; it’s the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about when he was 18 and the man he loved enough to let go at 26 and the person who somehow always comes to find him when he’s lost. A stranger, and the love of his life.| Canon divergence. Ilya and Shane breakup and never get back together. Very angsty. Well-written, good characterisation. Lovely Yuna/Ilya.
big things happen every time we meet BY @trippedlaces| 14.5k | Halfway through Shane and Ilya’s first season playing together in Ottawa, an online sports betting company figures out how to make itself the main character when it comes to social media’s new favorite topic.| Extremely funny, good use of socmed. Great characterisation too, especially Shane, who comes off as suitably hockey-obsessed. :D
too busy making my own waves by @themardia| 4.4K | In Hayden’s defense, JJ’s new habit of dropping chirps that sound like they’ve come straight out of Shakespeare just seems like another round of JJ being his usual weird, over the top self. And hey, if he wants to call the opposing team a bunch of “malicious gnomes” or “mud-licking wretches”, he can have at it. (After Scott Hunter coming out last season, everyone's making some adjustments.)| A much kinder look at JJ than canon, and it totally works. Love him and Hayden trying to be better human beings because they love Shane.
Untouchable Face by @zenaidamacrouras1 | 76k | Shane was twelve when hockey scouts started showing up to his games. He was barely fifteen when a check went horribly wrong, fucked his knee to hell and gave him a grade III concussion. During rehab he found swimming, and he was seventeen when he went to the Olympics as an alternate for freestyle swim events. He’s 24 and working for his mom’s sports PR company when he meets Ilya Fucking Rozanov. May contain: Shane Hollander navigating what it means to be mostly normal when your whole childhood was about preparing you for greatness. Shane Hollander attempting to flirt. Possibly less than 100% accurate descriptions of what a sports PR agent does.| I'm extremely picky about AUs where Shane is not a hockey player but this one totally worked for me. Extremely cute.
the intricate brocade of this happiness by @always-waxing-crescent| 10K | But Ilya shakes his head, absolutely mute. There’s no universe, no universe where he can talk about this. He moved to America to forget. | A brutal look at Ilya's childhood and the new phase of his life after the Cottage. Yuna isn't immediately enamoured with him and I love this characterisation. Interesting exploration of his relationship with Alexei too.
the suicidal duckling | 9.7K | Ilya had thought it was dumb, when Galina suggested it. A code word for when his mental health was bad—he and Shane didn’t even have a code word for sex, and Ilya was regularly tying Shane to the bed and slapping his ass until it was as red as a tomato. “Is there a reason you’re calling me?” Shane asks now, voice echoey over the phone. “Or is this part of your strategy to win our argument?” Ilya swallows hard. “Constantinople,” he says.| I love it when fic show Ilya and Shane fighting, in a believable way. As someone who's been in a relationship with the same person for 20 years, sometimes I like some reality in my romantic escapism. I also like it when fic focuses on Ilya's depression. This story has both and they're both excellent!
you know sometimes i think about the fact that shane spent years and years hiding most parts of himself from his team and from the world because he was terrified of everything that would happen if any of it got out and then it gets out and every single thing that he thought would happen....did
like genuinely every fear that shane had about what coming out would mean for him came true. he comes out to his team and they hate him for it, stop protecting him on ice like they should be doing. his best friend finds out and not only does he hate shane's boyfriend but he's also the one to out them to the entire world (yes, accidentally, but i feel like shane still deserves to be angry about it). they're outed to the world and shane gets benched and doesn't get to play hockey. he makes one mistake on the ice and his whole team and the league immediately accuse him of throwing games for ilya
so like when you think about it, every one of shane's reasons to not come out were completely valid, because he was completely right about all of it ?? and yes it all works out but that doesn't change how much he had to go through before that idk idk just something i keep thinking about
i know we all love and appreciate luca "the founder of hollanov stan tumblr" haas but i think we're not giving enough attention to wyatt hayes. wyatt hayes The Comic Nerd 100% has a tumblr and ao3 and second instagram account for all his comic-related endeavors. he's been on parts of the internet that pretty much all the hockey men have never even heard of but he's Locked In okay
him and lisa go all out for halloween every year and he loves posting all their intricate costumes on instagram. he's writing out thoughtful, detailed critiques of new superhero movies and posting them on tumblr. he got into ao3 back when he was a teenager because he heard his sister talking about it with a friend and got curious and 15 years later, he still goes on to read the occasional superbat or stucky or petergwen (he's still, to this day, traumatized by the movie) fic
anyway all that's to say is that wyatt hayes is on a side of the internet that is quite adjacent to hollanov's side of the internet and all that means is that one day wyatt is sitting on the cens bus absentmindedly scrolling on tumblr when he sees some old superbat fanart that's drawn incredibly well and so of course he goes to like it without really looking at all the details when his eyes land on the tags and freeze because for some reason "#ilya rozanov" is one of them. it takes him 5 more seconds to realize that this is not only superbat fanart but hollanov fanart of them as superbat and that is the day that wyatt hayes goes down an accidental two-hour rabbit hole of hollanov tumblr (he's curious okay, fucking sue him) (he will, of course, never bring this up to ilya but shit, this is some interesting stuff and people are making kind of valid points, if he's being honest)
(post-outing, after his rage at brad/pike/league/crowell/etc and his sorrow for shane and ilya both calm down a little, he gives himself ten seconds in his own brain to admit that maybe he had in fact been swayed a little by his little hollanov tumblr excursion a while ago and oh my god they were right the whole time holy fuck)
On a day where it's all too much for Ilya – where the memories are too close, the pain too heavy, the world beyond his bed too vast – he expects to find the breaking point. He expects this to be where Shane finds out what a burden it is to love him, the way his father did. The way Alexei did. The way, if he's honest and particularly unkind to himself, his mother did too. He expects this to be where Shane realises how difficult it's going to be to keep choosing him.
But when he asks Ilya what's wrong, and all Ilya can do is shake his head as tears start running down his cheeks despite his best efforts to stop them, he doesn't run. He doesn't roll his eyes. He doesn't demand that he get over himself and get on with it.
He holds him close and presses a gentle kiss to his chest, his chin, his temple, and then his lips. He cages Ilya's face in his enormous safe hands and wipes away the tears with a gentle swipe of his thumb. He presses a kiss to his forehead, where it hurts most, and looks him right in the eye without a hint of regret, or disgust, or hatred. He looks at him like he's always looked at him – eyes full of unbridled affection.
"What do you need? What can I do?"
And when Ilya tells him he doesn't know, that that's part of the problem, Shane doesn't get frustrated or annoyed. He just wraps his arms tightly around him until the trembling stops.
The world doesn't need to be more than their bed right now. As long as Shane is in it with him.
Hayden always gets emotional when his kids' birthdays are coming up. So Shane isn't surprised when he opens his phone to 15 new pictures of Amber when she was a baby the week before her fifth birthday.
"Look how tiny she was!", Hayden texts, followed by another handful of pictures of teeny tiny Amber. And Shane loves his nices and nephew, has always cherished that he gets to be Uncle Shane to them and watch them grow up.
"Cute!", Shane texts back before he scrolls through the pictures one by one. It has been ages and at the same time five minutes since Amber, now gap-toothed and, last Shane saw her, wearing a mud soaked bumblebee dress as she was kneeling in the garden orchestrating a tea party for the frogs in the Pike's pond, was barely old enough to hold up her own head.
A new message from Hayden comes through, though this time it's a video. It's taken from outside Amber's nursery, the hallway dark. The soft light from her various nightlights offers just enough to show the outline of Shane, holding Amber in his arms and swaying slowly from side to side as he's singing softly in French.
"Teething gate!!", Hayden writes. "Saved my ass back then, only thing that got us through that evening. Still a legend for busting out the singing, bud."
And yeah, Shane remembers. He'd come over to help Hayden with the kids, giving Jackie a break now that her husband was back from his roadie, allowing her to get a full nights sleep again. He remembers the bone deep exhaustion when nothing they tried helped with soothing Amber. He remembers Hayden, close to tears, heading downstairs to get one of the teething rings they kept in the freezer in the hope that maybe this time it would help soothe her pain. And Shane had stood there, holding a softly hiccuping Amber in his arms, heart breaking for her and wanting nothing more than to take the pain away.
And suddenly he'd remembered his dad holding him in his arms when he couldn't sleep, mind too loud and running a mile a minute even as a kid, carrying him through their house and singing softly to him.
Shane didn't realize until now that Hayden had recorded him singing.
He's brought back to the present by Ilya nudging his thigh with his foot. "What are you watching?", Ilya asks, his own phone lowered to his chest.
Shane can already feel his cheeks heat up. It's not as if he makes a habit of singing and he's pretty sure he has never sung near Ilya, let alone told him about it.
"Nothing", Shane says quickly. He knows it's to no avail when Ilya raises his eyebrows at him.
"You have been starring at your phone for past ten minutes. Looks very interesting for video about nothing", Ilya says.
And so Shane ends up showing the video to Ilya. He has heard him anyway and there's this curious glint in his eyes that Shane knows well enough by now. He's not going to let it go so might as well go full in.
Ilya's eyes light up when he realises that it's Shane who's singing, in French no less. He insists on watching the video three more times and begs Shane to send it to him afterwards.
Of course, he also looks up the original song. "It's a good song, but you have much prettier voice than her", Ilya tells him after listening to the tong for the first time, leaning up to kiss his jaw. Shane pulls him close, hand automatically finding Ilya's curls as he makes himself comfortable on Shane's shoulder. He kisses Ilya's forehead, listening as the song starts anew.
They listen to it in silce for a while before Ilya asks, "Why this song?"
And, well.
"My parents played it once when I was over at their house for dinner", Shane starts. Well aware that Ilya will want to know more than that, Shane tries not to focus on how fast his heart is beating as he continues. "It's, uhm, a love song. It's an old song, the singer sings about how she misses her husband when he is out at sea, watching the storms that pass by. She always waits at the shore, watching as the boats come back in, looking for the boat where the sunshine illuminates her husband's blonde curls, bringing him and the sunshine back to her."
Shane resolutely stares at the point just above the TV as he mumbles the last part, cheeks aflame.
Ilya sits up from he was resting against Shane, softly taking his chin in his hands to turn Shane so he's facing Ilya.
Ilya waggles with his eyebrows. "I did not realize you were so in love with handsome blonde sailor, Hollander", he teases, laughing as Shane shoves him away with an eye-roll and a "Fuck off, asshole!"
They both know there's no heat behind either statement, not when Shane immediately pulls Ilya close to him again and Ilya lays his head back on his shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to Shane's throat as he does so.
Shane knows Ilya has long put one and one together, has figured out why Shane might have been drawn to a song about waiting for your loved one to return to you. Has figured out why Shane would sing a song about a man with blond curly hair. Knows they both remember when waiting meant months and sweing each other for a handful of hours, a couple of days if they were lucky. Feels it in the way Ilya presses against him, the way he himself holds Ilya close with no intent of letting him go soon.
Again, it's Ilya who breaks the silence. "Shane?", he asks, quiet and without a note of teasing in his voice. "Would you sing it to me? My song?"
And Shane has never been able to withold Ilya anything he asks for. Neither of them mention the fact that Ilya called it his song. After all, the song had been Ilya's long before Ilya had become Shane's.
And so Shane once again holds a person he loves close to him, closes his eyes and starts singing.
funny sitcom style au (I promise) where Ilya dies before the prospect cup and before him and Shane hookup, but Shane was the last person he saw, so now he’s spiritually bound to him.
And Ilya- realising Shane is the only person who can see him, decides to spend his eternity being an absolute Shit.
He messes with Shane’s stuff, constantly chirps him, jump scares him in the shower and mocks his lack of a love life (nice dick Hollander, don’t you ever use it?)
He’s basically Shane’s nightmare roommate.
Except over time, they get under each other’s skin in a way that can’t be explained away by annoyance. They get fond. They laugh together. Argue over the remote (I’m the only one who can actually touch the remote, asshole.)
and then there’s Ilya constantly coming onto Shane at the worst times. Kissing his neck while he’s out at the bar with friends, ghosting a hand over his cock in the locker rooms where no one else can see the cause of the blush in Shane’s cheeks.
meanwhile Shane is in a panic of epic proportions because not only is he falling in love with a ghost but the ghost is a fucking Dude.
He’s ghost gay. For Ilya fucking Rozanov.
There isn’t enough money in the world to pay for the amount of therapy he needs for that.
So imagine a ghost version of the tuna melt but instead it’s Ilya lighting a bunch of candles around the apartment poltergeist style to try and profess his feelings for Shane (it’s totally not love just like… friends who have freaky ghost sex…)
and Shane freaks out and goes on to date Rose, except now Rose has to deal with the Haunting of Petty Bitch Ilya Rozanov.
Bonus points if Ilya’s there in the room when Shane is trying to fuck Rose and keeps whispering to him that no one will ever satisfy Shane the way he does. Mocks him for how much he needs to be filled….
Anyway I ran out of steam so blah blah blah Ilya is resurrected through the power of the Love Confession
I love the idea of Shane and Ilya having really casual sex. Like they are watching a movie together curled up on their couch and they are actually watching it, commenting softly on it but also four of Ilya’s fingers are pressed inside Shane, slick wet and he’s just crooking them slow and driving. Shane washing Ilya’s hair in the shower but Ilya’s on his knees sucking softy at Shane’s cock. Waiting for the water to boil to make pasta for dinner and Ilya is pinned against Shane’s back, grinding against him, hand down his pants. Shane reading in bed curled up on Ilya’s chest and Ilya is scrolling, his phone resting on top of Shane’s head but his cock is also inside him, fucking him slow and deep, Shane yawning into his chest.
Nolan’s Odyssey thoughts. I brought in a notebook and filled 9.5 pages of scribbled thoughts throughout the three hours I was suffering. I hated this movie and I really tried to go into it with an open mind as much as possible and damn it really sucks. This movie really put the no in nostos.
(obviously spoilers ahead)
Random big thoughts
This movie felt like it was made for high school English teachers to show but then 95% of the way through making it, they were like actually nevermind and added in some f-bombs and a few (like 2-3 nonsexual nudity) shots of asses to solve the problem.
Odysseus hates the gods and at times barely believes in them, but also refuses to push back against anything that could be seen as a prophecy. It’s so fucking weird because it’s equivalent to a modern atheist being like “Christianity is dumb and probably a crock of bullshit, also don’t lie because it’s a sin and God will be mad”.
I wrote this down verbatim, “An Odysseus that hesitates about returning to Ithaca is like the sun hesitating to rise” and I do believe I cooked with that. Same is true with a Penelope that doubts Odysseus and a Telemachus that doesn’t need a father, which this movie has.
Here’s the thing, up until Odysseus lands in Ithaca, the movie is fine. It isn’t good, it isn’t horrific, it’s a little cringe and a little irritating for me as an enjoyer of the Odyssey, but it wasn’t bad. If I turned off my brain from know-it-all Greek mythology enjoyer Asha to action movie enjoyer Asha, I think I could have had a decent time. However, it all falls apart when Odysseus returns home, any ounce of characterization is crushed to bits and it just sucks and makes no sense. Reminder, I honestly enjoyed the Troy: Fall of a City miniseries so accuracy is not always my hill to die on but god, I would like the hill to at least be in eyesight.
Random little thoughts (in no order)
UGLYYYYYYY ass costumes like I knew they were bad but it’s such an eyesore. There was not a single outfit that I was like “that looks nice”.
This is one of the first movies I’ve ever seen where I wanted MORE gore and MORE things that made me sick to my stomach. Like, show me Odysseus’s men starving, show me blood spraying down when men are taken by Scylla, show me more soldiers drowning.
They massacred the characterization of every woman (fork found in kitchen, Nolan can’t write women, but still)
There’s a lot of things in this film that changing from poem to movie was pointless. My most memorable example of this being that Eumaeus is visually impaired, Eumaeus also at one point says Odysseus was like a son to him. These aren’t huge deals and don’t affect the plot but to those amongst us who enjoy the Odyssey, it’s just annoying.
Iphigenia is sacrificed by Agamemnon before Odysseus leaves Ithaca?????????
There’s a lot of time and plot spent centered on Argos (yeah the dog).
Odysseus only has 3 ships the whole film, holyyyyy budget cuts.
On Calypso’s island, Odysseus forgets everything because she keeps drugging him with lotus flowers. He doesn’t remember how he got to her island, doesn’t remember his family or Ithaca until she like… weans him off and he starts to remember that. He basically feels none of the time pass.
Half of Helen’s face is physically scarred from the Trojan War, it’s implied that Menelaus mutilated her. There’s a disgusting line where Menelaus says, “this is the face that launched a thousand ships, although now it would maybe be five-hundred.” GROSS
The Laestrygonians look like cybermen and no I will not elaborate.
There is a scene where Athena’s temple is destroyed in Troy and it’s implied that whatever happens to the temple, happens to the god. (like a soldier wacks off Athena’s statue’s head, it switches to a scene of Athena being held down and nearly decapitated) It’s a neat idea but in a movie where the gods are ridiculed by the main character, it just doesn’t work.
No Achilles or Anticleia in the underworld SIGHHH
No Nestor or Peisistratus SIGGGGGHHHHHH they hate to see yappers represented.
Telemachus and Odysseus’s reunion is so ass, like there’s no bout of emotional resonance at all, they’re two worlds apart.
Telemachus sucks as a character Tom Holland you are British how did you make Telemachus so fucking American. No one talk to me about Telemachus he sucked so fucking bad in this movie.
No wedding bed anything insane and might I add fucking crazy. Again, this is classic Odyssey stuff.
At the end of the movie, Odysseus and Penelope travel west(?) and leave Telemachus as king of Ithaca, to honor the fallen soldiers. This is the Greek mythology equivalent of retired American couples moving to Florida I think.
The Cyclops
The cyclops doesn’t speak to Odysseus (the men don’t even know it’s a sentient being until after they stab it in the eye) which means we get no “Nobody” scene which is already a travesty because I fear that’s classic Odysseus. And I do feel like the cyclops being more of a monster ruins the whole point of it being about breaking xenia. If Polyphemus is just an unnamed monster, what makes him any different from Scylla or Charybdis???
Small thing to be pissy about but to get past the cyclops they tied hay to their back instead of hanging from the bellies of the sheep.
We also get no scene of hubris from Odysseus, again this is classic Odysseus.
The Suitors
Antinous called beggar Odysseus a “platelicker” and then after a few times I swear on my life he said “platelicka” it was insane and I wish I was joking
This movie creates a lot of Antinous lore that I think is fairly unnecessary since Antinous already had lore (Eupiethes’s pirate background) but let me explain the Antinous lore to the best of my memory.
So Odysseus holds a lottery for his army. A young Antinous and a younger Sinon draw lots and Antinous draws the lot that indicates he will fight. Sinon, maybe 13 years old, swaps their lots because he wants to go to war with Odysseus. Antinous (probably 16-18 years old) tries to protest but Odysseus won’t let them change back. Antinous interprets this as “Odysseus knew he might not come back and wanted me to be in charge of Ithaca”.
Penelope is in the hall right before Odysseus starts killing, inaccurate but why I mention this here is because she doesn’t let Melantho come with the women to safety. She leaves her in the hall to die in the slaughter. Now if you know me you know I am an Melantho ENJOYER and so I hate to see my girl done badly (maybe the Melantho shit will be it’s own rant).
Antinous x Melantho I CALLED THAT THEY WOULD DO THAT A YEAR AGO
In the end, Odysseus doesn’t kill all the suitors (although he does kill Antinous). Insane because to make things right in Ithaca Odysseus HAS to kill the suitors. It’s the reason that he kills the 12 disloyal maids in the poem because if they live, they represent his own failures blah blah blah whatever I hate it here.
The gods (or lack of)
Athena is the only god with form we see and I’m going to be real honest with you, I didn’t have the brain power to try to figure out what was going on with her.
Zeus does destroy the ship after the sun god’s cows thing and let me just say if you can’t handle flashing lights this is not ur film because the lightning goes CRAZY and not in a good interesting way but in a “my retinas are burned out” way.
No Hermes and no Aeolus sorry my plot scaffolding kings.
“Asha, did you like anything in this movie?”
Probably surprising but yes. When Odysseus’s men are turned to pigs by Circe, she has to physically mold them from man to pigs so she like… rips their hair out and pulls their ears and pushes up their noses until they turn to pigs which was so fucking fascinating to me. I hated the Circe scenes with her and Odysseus but goddamn Nolan you cooked with that body horror. Like, if the ending of this movie wasn’t hot garbage I would recommend it for that scene alone.
I also thought the scenes pre-Trojan war in Ithaca were cute, newlywed OdyPen and Odysseus being like a father figure to the younger men of Ithaca (maybe 2 mins of screen time altogether, not much to write home about but I enjoyed the scraps we got).
Soundtrack was good occasionally
That’s all I wanna write about for now. Who wants to start a GoFundMe for Homer to get a gun and a time machine to kill Nolan?
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