R4V3N @raven1aris - Tumblr Blog

Most people in Hawaii: having fun, going swimming, the works

Me: is allergic to something on this island, is a cripple that has trouble walking, tired, made fun of, didn't want to be here but my brother is getting married

Me: not having fun

My parents: isn't this fun!

Me: *very sarcastic* yeah

cerastes

Did I ever tell you how I got kicked from Chess club back in school?

cerastes

Ok, so, as I’ve mentioned occasionally, I used to also be in the school theater troupe, and for a role, I learned basic sleight of hand, the kind magicians use for such stunts like card tricks and ball tricks. Mind you, I wasn’t doing Criss Angel Mindfreak levels of shit or redefining the capital H in Houdini, but I knew how to do basic sleight of hand with small objects, which I used for party tricks and other such parlor tomfoolery.

But I realized I wasn’t using my newfound power to its full extent, so I got an idea one day. I arrived early to the chess clubroom and pocketed a few extra pieces from the other chessboards (which didn’t matter, the club never had enough members to actually use all of the chessboards at any one time), then I challenged the club prez to a game. Now, this guy already didn’t like me too much, dude was kind of a cunt and held a grudge against me because my cousin ended up with one of his crushes and then I ended up with his next crush, so he had bloodline beef with us. So he accepts to the match and we set up the board.

Now, this guy was pretty good at chess, objectively better than myself, but I wasn’t here to win, not at the game, at least. We start playing, it starts pretty even as we develop our units, he castles better and faster than I, and then starts putting pressure on me. It’s at this point, the midgame, where my Belmont to his Dracula would shine in full force: Whenever he looked away (to answer someone’s question about where to find something or about some chess rule), I would put One (1) pawn down from my sleeve.

Initially he didn’t notice, but he did look twice at some placements. But as time went on, he started to visibly grow frustrated and confused, until it became so fucking ridiculous and obvious that he called a pause and counted a total of 14 black pawns on the board (you only have 8 pawns, for reference), at which point I couldn’t hold my laughter anymore. He starts insulting me, I look behind him, to the door, and pretend I’m addressing a teacher that had just come into the room, he turns around, sees no one had actually entered the room, and when he looks back at me and the board, there was suddenly a second black queen next to his king and I just fucking lose it when he makes one of the faces of all time and starts saying colorful things about mine mother.

Anyways I got banned from Chess club after that but it was worth it.

juniperarts

Red birb man Hawks has something to say 🦜

popsunner

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

popsunner

Oh! I forgot to mention! I saw him at lunch the same day, and he ran up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, pointed at this super sweet girl who comes to GSA and asked if she’s gay. I told him he should ask her because that’s not my place and he said he would.

I thought that would be the end of it.

Except ten minutes later he came back and told me he found out (she’s bi) and that both of us have a shot. I said “You more than me.” because he’s attractive and popular.

But this wholesome dumbass looked really confused and asked, “Because I’m tall?’

popsunner

So this isn’t lesbian/jock solidarity but I thought you guys would want to know-

My math teacher was trying to fix the rolling whiteboard and he just offhand said “This would be easier with a wrench”

And deadass, dudebro said “Hang on” and then proceeded to pull a fucking wrench out of his backpack

popsunner

Update- after school today he saw me in the library and he didn’t say anything? He just pointed at the book he was holding and I gave him a thumbs up because it’s a pretty good book, and he went “Yes!” Really quiet and pumped his fist and then left

popsunner

Okay so today he asked me if I know how to help people having a panic attack and I was like yeah? And he smiled at me and then went “cool I think I’m having one”

And I was like what the fuck Colin we’re in the middle of Tech class sit down and we went out in the hall and sat there for a while and he told me about the test he’s stressed about so we kind of went over his study guide and when he was feeling better he kind of like… smacked his head against mine gently? And I helped him up even though he’s almost a foot taller than me and yeah

popsunner

Today at lunch we walked to the football field and laid in the grass and I told him thank you for being my friend (because I don’t have that many) and fistbumped me and said, “You always looked so nice and chill, how could I not want to be your friend?”

And honestly y’all, I would’ve started crying if he hadn’t sneezed and accidentally smacked me

annabanannabeth

mens-rights-activia

Anemone runs from starfish

buzz-buzz-bitch-its-bee

ham-of-war

vfevermillion

mens-rights-activia

Anemone song is NOT shitty, delete this 😡😡😡

itscoldinwonderland

It's a good song

undiagnosedmetalrusting

its one line repeated over and over

amazing

mens-rights-activia

It’s literally not one line repeated over and over lmao educate yourself

https://youtu.be/93wE-2E0b4Q

girlbosssuyin

you know this one: https://youtu.be/YMcGLQ-RZ44

slutty-psych0

Nothing but bangers

larriestyless

Richard: So am I part of Scoobynatural?

Dabb: Nah, Some guy sells them a cursed TV.

Richard: What! WHAT! THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING GABRIEL WOULD DO! *angrily flips a water bottle and it lands perfect*

Jared: 10 out of 10!

zamzamafterzina

Now that i think about it, if avengers and the mcu took place in the 90s who would eddie murphy play? like there is no way he’d play a supporting character esp to a white guy in the 90s….hmmm he’d probably audition and try hard for t’challa, but they’d probably give him blue marvel…but that character didn’t exist in the 90s…and there is no way he’d play Hiemdall lmao.

threesideddream

I literally just passed this when I was on imgur

bbcwhereareyou

I’m dumbfounded by how on point this is?

retroasgardian-deactivated20180

this is so fucking accurate oh my god

bowieschild

THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER TBH …

shenanigans-and-imagines

Jesus Christ…do…do you have contact with an alternate universe or something? How?

kitsnicket

this fuckin movie

manliest-lil-weenie

jesus christ this is spy kids I thought this was some shakespearian story

kitsnicket

Shakespeare wishes he had what spy kids has

pafbar

lousy golfer

pika-plushie-deactivated2025120

@kitsunehachimitsu come look!!!

rexiedemibunny

(last reblog) pigs, sheep, goats. there’s just something relatable about the very specific brand of violence hoofed creatures exert.

rexiedemibunny

fluffysheeple

grizguy

Witch Bunny

roach-works

holy shit this is incredible animation

gentrychild

Anon who loves "hisashi had a fire quirk and thus can't be DFO" because of the clownery of it here. After some thinking, I have decided that the ONLY person who subscribes to that theory that I respect is Izuku Midoriya.

AFO: you see, izuku, I am your father.

Izuku: no you're not. My dad has a fire quirk.

AFO: ...you know what my quirk IS right?

Izuku: yes, your quirk is All for One. Not fire breath. Therefore you're not my dad.

AFO: my quirk allows me to take others quirks. So I do have a fire breathing quirk.

Izuku: cool, my dad does too.

AFO: yes, he does. Because I am your dad.

Izuku: no, your quirk is all for one. my dad's quirk is fire breathing. You're not my dad.

The only "Hisashi has a firebreathing quirk so he can't be AFO" that I can tolerate. xD

fedzkun

Oh my god... and then they just keep arguing like that

After a while...

Izuku: Okay, you know what, let’s settle this, I’m calling my mom.

AFO: Way ahead of you. [warps Midoriya Inko to them]

Inko: What—

AFO: My dearest and most beloved wife! Tell our son...

Inko: Excuse me, you’re not my husband.

Inko: My husband has a fire-breathing quirk

cartoonrival

fran is an old dog and she’s probably got a grey snout and maybe bad joints and once in a while she’ll be hit with a burst of youthful energy and she’ll jump around and play with sam before going back to her sweet and tired old dog self and moments like that make sam laugh and smile like he hasn’t done in so long but they also make his eyes water