Roxanne • C • F

crabby patty | poet | writer | bi | My poetry books are available on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3ARoxanne+Finniss&s=relevancerank&text=Roxanne+Finniss&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1

[rcf-poetry]

From my book Arsonist’s Guide to a Fantastic Summer (by Roxanne Finniss)

[rcf-poetry]

[rcf-poetry]

When the geese come home,

do they face utter disdain?

Do they face the wreckage of all that they laid?

Upon telling my mother who I am, sort of say,

I split her mind in two and picked through it for a day.

.

Oh, how she wracked her brain for answers. 

Oh, something, just say it!

I sat in my chair just as nervous as Avis, 

who of course told his mother and was met

with the utter disgrace of religious exile. 

.

But me? Oh, little me. How dearly I hoped

for a long awaited embrace from my mama.

But instead she sat silently, nothing to say.

I suppose she didn’t know the exact words to phrase it.

To tell me she loved me even though I’m not straight.

.

What a funny world we live in where

not being straight is seen as scandalous,

and how we have to ‘come out’ to the world, that is.

I’ll pronounce it one more time for the people in the back:

it’s ridiculous how your hypersensitivity is focused

on who I love and who I don’t,

and who I sleep with and who I won’t.

So keep my sexuality out of your mouth

and out of your prayers, and maybe

I will be spared.

.

-rcf

[thetarotroot]

🌟Minor Arcana Quick Tips🌟

Swords/Air:

“Thinking” ➡️ I Think

Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Winter

When a reading is predominantly Swords, you’re dealing with mental struggles, conflict and arguments, and decisions that must be made.

Pentacles/Earth: 

“Sensation” ➡️I Have

Virgo, Taurus, Capricorn

Fall

When a reading is predominantly Pentacles, you’re dealing with material conflicts, financial matters and concerns with career and work.

Wands/Fire: 

“Intuition” ➡️I Want

Aries, Leo, Sagittarius

Spring

When a reading is predominantly Wands, you are seeking solutions to issues that are based mainly in the realm of thought, or you may be seeking greater purpose and meaning in your life.

Cups/Water: 

“Feeling” ➡️I Feel 

Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Summer

When a reading is predominantly Cups, you are seeking solutions to what are primarily emotional conflicts, personal interactions, love matters, feelings and creativity.

✨🔮✨

Sources: Biddytarot, Understanding Tarot by Liz Dean

[rcf-poetry]

I want you

Like the stream

To the thirsty horse

But it seems

That you flow freely

And I must do the work

To get a drink from you

So you see

I think I’d rather die

Than work too hard

For something that

Won’t last very long

[rcf-poetry]

Exploitative Plays

Poor, little marionette

trying to break free of those strings

that your lover placed on you.

If only people could see

how hard it is for you to break free

of those transparent strings

attached to every point on you.

You don’t even speak for yourself.

It’s all him.

It’s always been about him.

That damned marionettist.

[rcf-poetry]

I desire to be loved so much that I wonder if it’s for validation or just pure intentions. Maybe I’m just lonely and can’t stand to be by myself. I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.

- 2:28 AM (8/15/2020)

[rcf-poetry]

My smile has faded

And what replaces it

Is the crushing of my heart

Something that hurts so much

That it is almost ineffable

All I’m thinking right now

Is that I wish I was normal

[rcf-poetry]

Vacancy

I felt nothing

Not the thorns on my fingertips

Not the blood that trickled down my arms

And dripped from my bent elbows

And as I placed the crown of thorns atop my head

I felt nothing

Not even dread

[anxietyproblem]

[rcf-poetry]

I don’t know what love feels like. I’ve only known the feeling of my heart breaking with every questionable thing he’s said to me. I don’t know what love looks like. I’ve only known the blurry sight of his award winning grin as he tells me that I’m not rational and that he is right. I don’t know what love sounds like. I’ve only known the sounds of my quiet sobs as he slept next to me.

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The sun couldn’t bring back

the happiness you took from me.

The moon couldn’t heal

the pain you gave me.

Worst of all,

I had to search for my identity.

[rcf-poetry]

Love your poetry!!

Thank you so much! You don’t even know how much that means to me!

[rcf-poetry]

You left me thinking

That there was something

Wrong with me.

No, I won’t let this

Scene play out

Where I always doubt myself.

Where I always blame myself.

I had my faults,

But you had a lot too.

So it wasn’t just me.

It was also you.

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It wasn’t obvious

What you did

You walked amongst the shadows

Lurked in every dark corner

Whispered those dark words

That had cut me like knives

You became the monster

That I feared when I

Was a little kid

You became the thing

That made me want

To die the most

- sometimes the things you love most are the worst things for you

[rcf-poetry]

More than

600 pages of poetry

And a third of the poems

Were about you.

I feel like I wasted

My talent on you.

[rcf-poetry]

Sadness doesn’t look like a frown

Sadness is a smile that

Doesn’t quite meet the eyes