From my book Arsonist’s Guide to a Fantastic Summer (by Roxanne Finniss)

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@rcf-poetry
From my book Arsonist’s Guide to a Fantastic Summer (by Roxanne Finniss)
When the geese come home,
do they face utter disdain?
Do they face the wreckage of all that they laid?
Upon telling my mother who I am, sort of say,
I split her mind in two and picked through it for a day.
.
Oh, how she wracked her brain for answers.
Oh, something, just say it!
I sat in my chair just as nervous as Avis,
who of course told his mother and was met
with the utter disgrace of religious exile.
.
But me? Oh, little me. How dearly I hoped
for a long awaited embrace from my mama.
But instead she sat silently, nothing to say.
I suppose she didn’t know the exact words to phrase it.
To tell me she loved me even though I’m not straight.
.
What a funny world we live in where
not being straight is seen as scandalous,
and how we have to ‘come out’ to the world, that is.
I’ll pronounce it one more time for the people in the back:
it’s ridiculous how your hypersensitivity is focused
on who I love and who I don’t,
and who I sleep with and who I won’t.
So keep my sexuality out of your mouth
and out of your prayers, and maybe
I will be spared.
.
-rcf
🌟Minor Arcana Quick Tips🌟
Swords/Air:
“Thinking” ➡️ I Think
Gemini, Libra, Aquarius
Winter
When a reading is predominantly Swords, you’re dealing with mental struggles, conflict and arguments, and decisions that must be made.
Pentacles/Earth:
“Sensation” ➡️I Have
Virgo, Taurus, Capricorn
Fall
When a reading is predominantly Pentacles, you’re dealing with material conflicts, financial matters and concerns with career and work.
Wands/Fire:
“Intuition” ➡️I Want
Aries, Leo, Sagittarius
Spring
When a reading is predominantly Wands, you are seeking solutions to issues that are based mainly in the realm of thought, or you may be seeking greater purpose and meaning in your life.
Cups/Water:
“Feeling” ➡️I Feel
Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Summer
When a reading is predominantly Cups, you are seeking solutions to what are primarily emotional conflicts, personal interactions, love matters, feelings and creativity.
✨🔮✨
Sources: Biddytarot, Understanding Tarot by Liz Dean
I want you
Like the stream
To the thirsty horse
But it seems
That you flow freely
And I must do the work
To get a drink from you
So you see
I think I’d rather die
Than work too hard
For something that
Won’t last very long
Exploitative Plays
Poor, little marionette
trying to break free of those strings
that your lover placed on you.
If only people could see
how hard it is for you to break free
of those transparent strings
attached to every point on you.
You don’t even speak for yourself.
It’s all him.
It’s always been about him.
That damned marionettist.
I desire to be loved so much that I wonder if it’s for validation or just pure intentions. Maybe I’m just lonely and can’t stand to be by myself. I don’t know, but I’ll figure it out.
- 2:28 AM (8/15/2020)
My smile has faded
And what replaces it
Is the crushing of my heart
Something that hurts so much
That it is almost ineffable
All I’m thinking right now
Is that I wish I was normal
Vacancy
I felt nothing
Not the thorns on my fingertips
Not the blood that trickled down my arms
And dripped from my bent elbows
And as I placed the crown of thorns atop my head
I felt nothing
Not even dread
I don’t know what love feels like. I’ve only known the feeling of my heart breaking with every questionable thing he’s said to me. I don’t know what love looks like. I’ve only known the blurry sight of his award winning grin as he tells me that I’m not rational and that he is right. I don’t know what love sounds like. I’ve only known the sounds of my quiet sobs as he slept next to me.
The sun couldn’t bring back
the happiness you took from me.
The moon couldn’t heal
the pain you gave me.
Worst of all,
I had to search for my identity.
Love your poetry!!
Thank you so much! You don’t even know how much that means to me!
You left me thinking
That there was something
Wrong with me.
No, I won’t let this
Scene play out
Where I always doubt myself.
Where I always blame myself.
I had my faults,
But you had a lot too.
So it wasn’t just me.
It was also you.
It wasn’t obvious
What you did
You walked amongst the shadows
Lurked in every dark corner
Whispered those dark words
That had cut me like knives
You became the monster
That I feared when I
Was a little kid
You became the thing
That made me want
To die the most
- sometimes the things you love most are the worst things for you
More than
600 pages of poetry
And a third of the poems
Were about you.
I feel like I wasted
My talent on you.
Sadness doesn’t look like a frown
Sadness is a smile that
Doesn’t quite meet the eyes