a/n âą hey, guys, this is my first smut piece, so my bad if it's lacking. i wanted to say that even though i'm a pervert, i'm still a lover girl, so this piece is pure self-indulgence. hopefully, you still enjoy! - R.
The air is thick, and the clothes against your skin feel suffocating, restrictive.
Your mouth moves in practiced tandem with Jay's. The familiar scent of warm wood and musk floods your senses, and you can't help leaning in deeper, hands tangling in his soft, dark hair.
There was nothing particularly remarkable about your day, but you just couldn't shake this intense feeling of desire.
Maybe it was the meal he made for you, the way you'd easily fallen into domesticity togetherâ like there was no direction more natural. Maybe it was a quiet reminiscence of how long you two had been together. Or maybe it was just how he looked sprawled out on the bed: no makeup, no curated outfit or personality, just him at his most comfortable.
Whatever it was, you wanted himâ in ways you'd never wanted anyone else before.
And he wanted you just as bad.
One hand grips your waist, the plush skin malleable under his fingertips, while the other cups your face. He lets you take the lead, honoring your newfound hunger. He just revels in how sweet you are: your taste, your touch, everything about you sugared and addictive.
Your body moves on its own, straddling his lap while still connected to his lips. You don't want to breathe anything but him. Slowly, you sink down onto him. The weight of you on top of him makes him moan into your mouth, reverberating down your throat as you swallow every sound he gives you.
The movement of your hips is measured only for a moment; the friction of his growing cock against your clothed clit too pleasurable to be methodical.
He laughs, dipping his head into the crook of your neck and leaving a trail of soft kisses back up to your jaw. "What's gotten into you, angel?" he asks, a teasing lilt to his voice.
"I don't know," you admit. "I just really love you today."
"Today? Why just today?" He tries to look shocked, but he's too far gone to play into a bit. His hips buck into you, eyebrows knitting together as he chases your warmth. It's unfair what you do to him.
Your hands slide down his chest and under his shirt, feeling the faint lines of muscle on his abdomen. "That's not what I meantâŠ" You try to think of the right words to describe what you're feeling, but you can't. It was already kinda unexplainable before you began, but now your brain only inches closer to mush as every thought seems to be replaced by him. "Iâ I want to make you fully mine."
His breath hitches; he understands.
You fumble with his shirtâ the soft fabric seems charged under your fingers, stinging as you work it off of him. Your own shirt is close to follow. The two tops barely crumple somewhere on the floor before his hands are on your chest. He gropes at the heavy flesh, not forgetting to attend to your perked nipples. Your back arches, pressing yourself incredibly closer to him. He always finds your reaction amusing.
Your whimpers get lost somewhere between your mouth and his as you reach for his bulge, rubbing him through his sweats. The way your hands feel against him makes his hips stutter; drool pools at the corner of his lips, but you're quick to lick it up, savoring as much as you can get of him
This was your routine. Soon, your hands would pull away, and the two of you would endâ a string of saliva from your reddened and raw lips the last tether. It was punishing, of course it was, leaving your bodies just one breath away from melting into each other completely and breaking that final barrier to seamless unity. But, in all honesty, you were scared. You both were. So many fears and what-ifs lingered in the back of your minds, and neither of you wanted to make a mistake.
But it feels different now.
You reach for the waistband of his pants, giving it a small tug. "Is that ok?"
He only nods as he slides them off. You notice the dark, wet stain of precum on his underwear, and his face burns hot from your intense stare. He feels kind of embarrassed like this: visibly throbbing and leaking just from some over-the-clothes touching and kissing. He wants to say something, make a joke of the situation, but you don't let him.
You sit up on your knees and pull down your pajama pants, revealing your soaked panties that have molded into your skinâ a perfect outline of your pussy on display. His hands now move on their own; two fingers glide along your folds before dipping beneath the soiled fabric. You shiver, hands falling on his shoulders to steady yourself.
He works his fingers inside of you, using your wetness to ease the tight fit into your cunt. He's honestly not quite sure what he's doingâ his only experience (if you could even call it that) was a few stray porn clips and listening to the other members' stories.
Slowly, he begins thrusting in and out, watching you carefully for any reactions of displeasure. "Does it feel good, pretty?"
"Yâyes." You can't get enough of the feeling, grinding into his palm, the friction making you ache so beautifully. His movements become more confident, and his fingers curl inside youâ something he may have heard from Jake or Sunghoon.
His thumb explores further, looking to stimulate the center of your pleasure.
You gasp, one hand gripping onto his wrist. "Why are you good?" you whine.
He grins, proud of how he can make you feel. "I just know what you need."
A knot forms in your stomach: you're so close. He notices the way your face scunches and how tense your body becomes. He whispers sweet words in your ear, praising you, coaxing you closer and closer to your release until you feel yourself unraveling. You pulse around his fingers, and your body becomes limp.
"Are you ok?" he asks, pulling his fingers out of you and studying the slick that coats them.
His clean hand reaches to caress your face as you answer. You melt into his touch the same way you always do.
You meet his eyes, and you both search for something in the other's gaze. For the first time, it's unmistakably thereâ finally palpable and overflowing.
He pinches the waistline of your underwear and drags it off your body, fully exposing you to him. He marvels at every curve and dip, at your skin coated in a thin, glistening sheen of sweat. His hands roam across every inch of your soft figure. "You're so beautiful."
The earnestness in his voice makes your cheeks flush red. "Don't say that," you urge, the back of your hand coming up to hide your smile.
"But it's true." He moves your hand away, kissing at the corners of your upturned lips. "I want to make you fully mine, too."
The sweet kisses turn feverish and frenzied.
He flips you onto your back, now pinning you underneath him. He grinds into your sopping cunt, and you whine at the feeling.
"I know, angel," he says, understanding you without any words spoken. He removes his boxers, freeing his aching cock. Beads of precum drip onto your tummy.
He slowly strokes himself, watching the way your eyes dart back and forth between his face and his length. You place your hands on top of his and join in the motion, lining him up with where you need him most.
There's a quiet lullâ the only movement from shaky breaths and dull thumping of your hearts.
He edges himself inside of you. You hiss, the stretch of the tip alone already so different from yours or his fingers.
"Are you ok, [Y/N]?" he manages to stutter out, his mind already starting to shut down. The room feels smaller and smaller around him.
Your lower lip catches between your teeth. "Yeah. It's justâ just big." Despite your desperation, you ask him to wait, to give you time to adjust.
At your ok, he continues again another inch.
It's almost painful how perfectly you squeeze around him, your spongy walls dragging him in deeper. Your sweet whimpers you let out from swelling rings in his ears like a melody.
An unfamiliar fullness settles within you, and you look between your legs to see he's bottomed outâ his pelvis flush against your entrance. His eyes are glued there too, amazed at how you've taken him all and how it feels better than he could have ever imagined.
Your voice comes out a bit meeker than you intended. "You can move."
He leans down, placing supportive kisses along your upper body and towards your lips as he pulls back his hips. When only the head remains inside, he pushes back in. It's unsure and slow and torturous, but you both moan at the feeling.
Before long, he creates a rhythm. Your body reacts, jiggling with each movement. He loves the way you look like this, the way you feel like this.
He'd heard how great it was, pictured your pussy replacing his hand late at night. He really thought he could handle it.
Now his body burns; the feeling of your tight cunt choking his dick makes him dizzy. He needs to think about somethingâ anythingâ else, or he's not sure how long he'll last.
"Feâfeels good, Jay," you mewl as your eyes go lidded.
He grabs your waist, trying to steady himself. His pace is faltering quicker than he anticipated.
A tension forms in his abdomen, and before you can even process what's happening, he pulls out of you. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chants, painting your chest white with cum. His confident image now gone, his weakness to you laid bare across your body.
He buries his face in your neck, hiding how ashamed and flustered he is. He doesn't know what to say or how to explain that all capabilities were abandoned the second he entered you.
A small giggle escapes you. "You're so cute," you say, building into a full chuckle.
He stares at you sideways. "Don't laugh, it's really bad." You pet his hair, comforting his pouting mood. "I wanted to do better for you."
"I know," you say, and you really do know he means it; he always wants to put you first, "and that's why I think you're cute." He smiles a littleâ you feel the change of his mouth against your skin. "But now we're completely each other's, so you have forever to make it up to me."
He laughs at your goofy smirk, moving away the stray hairs stuck to your forehead.
Everything was always easy between you two, always knowing what the other needed. Maybe that's why on a random night, you knew neither of you'd ever want anyone else.
Synopsis: After discovering your recent ex had cheated on you while you were together, the thought of loving and trusting again seems distant and futile. That is until love finds you where you least expect it in your best friend, Hongjoong.
Tags/Warnings: hurt/comfort, primarily fluff, the tiniest bit of angst, eventual smut (18+ MDNI), extremely self-indulgent, mentions of previous toxic relationships, yearner Hongjoong, completely down bad Hongjoong, penetrative sex, fingerfucking, oral (f receiving), body worship, lowk vanilla sex (and that's okay!), jealous Hongjoong, slightly possessive Hongjoong
WC: 16.3k
A/N: Long time fic in the making! Also, like I said in the tags, this is extremely self-indulgent bc I wrote this right after just finding out my ex gf cheated on me while we were together LOL!! So, I apologize to any Y/Ns out there who might get mischaracterized by this (tried my best not to let it happen). Also, if at any point in the fic you think to yourself, "Hongjoong would not fucking say that" I'm aware lmao, I just needed to write out what I wanted to hear. Anyway, I hope you all still enjoy the fic, and as always feedback of any kind is welcome and appreciated. Enjoy!! Love, C :-3
Also on AO3
No AI has been used in the creation of this work. Feeding this work to AI in any form is prohibited.
âćœĄ
"I never liked them anyway."
"I know, Hongjoong," you sigh, looking at him across the table. The two of you sit in your favorite coffee shop to get some work doneâ as you do every weekâ but this time you come with a new and unfortunate discovery. You tell him that for the last few months of your relationship, your (very recent) ex had been cheating on you.
"They never treated you right. Never the way you deserved to be treated," he says with furrowed brows and a deep frown. He looks angry, and you don't blame him.
Hongjoong had always been fairly vocal about his dislike for your ex. When you'd confide in him, he never hesitated to express his concerns about their actions and statements. At the time, you thought they were your person, so you put up with the mistreatment, rationalized it, and brushed off the concerning number of times Hongjoong had to pull you aside to check if you were really happy. At the time, you told yourself you were, but deep down, you knew you weren't being treated correctly. But, it wasn't until the relationship ended that you could fully process it.
Through the poor relationship and the breakup, Hongjoong stayed by your side. He never once said, "I told you so," even though he definitely had every right to.
But now, four months after the breakup, you're realizing more and more what he had known all along; that things were really bad. Sometimes you would mention something to Hongjoong about what your ex did or said that you never told anyone about, and he would be in shock at how bad it actually was, and you would belatedly realize it too.
"I know they didn't; But, I mean, really, the signs were there,â you state while twiddling with the rings on your fingers, â I should've just trusted my intuition and left at the first hint of cheating." You look out the window instead of at Hongjoong's eyes.
Cheating was a touchy subject for you since your prior relationship also ended with your partner cheating. It took you a long time after that relationship for you to start dating again. Because of how seriously you took infidelity, you swore that if you ever caught a partner cheating on you, you would end it right then and there. There were a few times you thought your ex might've been, but everytime you brought it up they were able to manipulate the situation for you to stay.
So, you feel incredibly stupid and naive, not knowing that your ex had successfully hidden it from you and only just now finding out about it. "Hey," Hongjoong says, soft yet firm. He waits until your eyes meet his gaze before continuing. "You're forgetting something. You did trust your intuition, and you talked to them every time you thought something was off. They were the one who lied and told you it was just jealousy. Don't blame yourself. They're the asshole that cheated." He spits out his last sentence like venom, and you can't help but giggle at Hongjoong's distaste.
You give him a smile. "I know, you're right," you say before taking a sip of your drink and continuing your work on your laptop. However, Hongjoong's inquisitive gaze stays fixed on you. "You⊠seem to be taking this news well," he observes.
"Yeah, well, at this point it's kind of just another thing that's happened, you know? There's nothing I can do about it now other than move on. So, I'm moving on," you say with an indifferent shrug. He has a calculative look, like he's trying to figure out if you're being truthful or just putting on a front. After so many years, Hongjoong has a pretty good read on you. Sometimes (for the worse), you feel like he can literally see right through you, but you know his attentiveness is a blessing.
He lets out a hum of acknowledgement. "Okay, well, if you ever need to talk about it more, I'm here for you," he states, with a hint of concern seeping through his tone. You smile at him once again, grateful for his support.
"Of course, Joong. Thank you. Truthfully, though, I really feel okay. Yeah, it sucks, but I've already started moving on. I'm sure by the end of this week I won't pay it any mind." The corner of Hongjoong's mouth turns upward into a small half smile, and he gives you a nod of affirmation.
You continue your time together as regularly planned, doing work and engaging in your usual conversation and banter. Unbeknownst to you, Hongjoong's eyes keep drifting to you, his gaze full of warmth. He happily takes his opportunity to steal these glances while you're lost in focus. If you were to catch him, he'd probably just deflect and make a joke at your expense instead. He can't let you know what really rings true in his heart. Not yet. Not so soon.
. Ęâ âč . ĘË . Ę
As the week comes to a close, your statement in the coffee shop proves so far to be true. You don't linger on the fact that you were cheated on. You actually haven't even thought about your ex or the things they did to you for quite a while. You're rather productive with moving on, given how long you were together. Eventually, you just stopped thinking about it and went on with your life. You still aren't quite ready to start dating again, but you find yourself okay with seeing people casually and hooking up with them. This displeases Hongjoong, but you easily brush him off and laugh about how he's impossible to please. You don't understand Hongjoong's irritation, and he never elaborates when you ask. You think that it should be a good thing that you're beginning to put yourself back out there. Plus, it's nothing excessive, and you're being safe. You know he's coming from a place of care, but you don't think he needs to be so uptight about everything. Even after being best friends for years, there still seems to be some things the two of you will never quite see eye to eye on.
You met Hongjoong many years ago when you first started university. Both of you were in the same gen ed. class and got paired up as partners for a semester-long project. You've been friends ever since.
Truthfully, when the two of you first started becoming close friends, you had a major crush on him. Like, a big-time, head-over-heels, total crush on him. Of course, it only took you one look at him to realize how incredibly attractive he was, but it wasn't just his beauty that had you falling for him. You found his work ethic admirable, and there was a sparkle in his eyes when he talked about his passions. It was so enchanting. Immediately, you could tell he was a man that knew what he wanted, and who would stop at nothing to achieve his dreams. He's the type of person who makes you strive to become better. How could you not completely fall for him? Everything about him was so divine.
However, you were a different person back then, and you lacked the self-confidence you now have. Back then, you couldn't fathom a future where Hongjoong would ever be interested in you the same way you were interested in him. Just the thought of being rejected by someone as perfect as him and losing his presence forever scared you into silence. You were heartbroken, but you figured getting over him to stay friends was a million times better than taking the risk of admitting your feelings. So, that's exactly what you did. You found someone else you were interested in, fell in love with them, and continued being best friends with Hongjoong. The man you once almost considered to be your love became just a friend.
Of course, you still love Hongjoong; he's always in your corner as someone you can always rely on. And even having moved on from your crush, you still can't deny his looks. But times had changed, and it was different now. Even though there was a time when you dreamed of nothing more than being with Hongjoong, you hadn't dared entertain the idea ever since your ex entered the picture. You pushed those feelings for Hongjoong away to protect your friendship and focus on your ex (at least one of you was loyal).
After the breakup, you became so focused on yourself that you didn't even consider the idea of dating again. You didn't want to rush into another relationship with anyone. Despite doing better, it's hard to imagine a life of love after just losing it, and it's hard to imagine a life of trust after just being betrayed. Even though you now have that confidence you used to lack and the knowledge that you're a desirable person many people want and would be lucky to have, the thought of letting someone new in and committing yourself to them is petrifying. You still need more time.
. Ęâ âč . ĘË . Ę
After a dull day, you spend your evening alone in your cozy, little apartment. Dressed in your pajamas, you snuggle deeper into your couch as you scroll through your phone. You click through various social media apps, responding to messages and liking your friends' posts, until you see something that stops you in your tracks. A photo of your ex kissing the girl they cheated on you with. You stare blankly at the photo for a few moments before closing out of the app and turning your phone off completely.
Doesn't bother me any. I already knew they stayed together. It's none of my business anymore, you think to yourself as you turn on your TV as a distraction. Your eyes stay fixed on the screen, but your mind can't focus. You keep thinking back to that picture. How they looked so happy embracing one another, how they looked so in love, and so⊠remorseless.
You tap your foot pointedly on the ground before shutting off the TV and trudging to the kitchen. You pace back and forth while looking through your cabinets, trying to find something to make for dinner, but it's pointless. You can't focus on any ingredients in front of you, and you can't think clearly. All that's running through your mind is that picture and just how unfair it all was. A few months ago, if you saw that picture you would have immediately broken down into tears, but the sadness from the past mean nothing to you now, and all you feel is rage.
You storm out of your kitchen and back into the living room, grabbing your phone with the desperate hope to find a distraction from your thoughts and current emotional state. As you pick up your phone, you see a message from Hongjoong: » Is it cool if I come over? « You scoff to yourself. No shot. I'm totally not in the mood for company right now.
âŠ
You text him back: » Sure «
You've always kept an open door policy for your friends, saying your space is theirs if they need it, and that you're always accepting unplanned visits. Hongjoong is no exception, and in fact, he's probably the one who comes over uninvited the most.
You assume he's probably already on the way over since asking, so there's no real point in saying no. You just need to play it cool until he leaves.
Not long after reading the text, you hear a knock at your door. You open it to find Hongjoong in an oversized hoodie and sweats, his hair down and fluffy, and two bags of takeout in his hands. "I figured you hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I brought some food for us," he says with his ':3' smile.
He's right, you haven't eaten yet. The knots in your stomach twist and tighten, wriggling around in anguish like they're in a hopeless attempt to escape. You're grateful that Hongjoong's so considerate, but you really don't think you can eat much in your current state. "Thanks, I appreciate it," you say with a small, forced smile as you let him in.
He makes himself at home in your apartment, stepping in and setting up the food in front of your TV. You stand by the entryway, vacantly watching him. Your mind is far from the present, you're deep in your own head, instead, trying to decipher and rationalize why you were so indignant and bothered by that photo.
You finally notice Hongjoong's worried gaze on you, snapping you back to reality. Your eyes fall behind him, where a now finished table is set up. So much for playing it cool. You shake your head to bring yourself back down to the real world, and force another smile as you make your way over to him.
"Thanks again for the food," you say as you grab the remote, desperately wanting some TV show on as background noise and a way to distract Hongjoong from your odd demeanor. "You were right, I hadn't eaten yet."
He chuckles a little and nudges you as he takes his seat next to you, "You have to start taking better care of yourself."
"You're one to talk," you remark, remembering many of his late nights working fueled by no food and only caffeine. "I think the pot is calling the kettle black, no?" You question him with an eyebrow raised.
He pouts and looks away in faux bashfulness as he picks up his chopsticks, ready to eat. "Yeah, yeah, okay, you got me there," he smiles in your direction. "We'll take care of each other then, alright?" You nod and genuinely smile in return.
Hongjoong's presence and kind words help ease the tension pent up in your body, but the fire building inside of you still rages on. Rationally, you know that ranting about it will help set your mind at ease, but for some reason you can't help but feel ashamed at the thought of bringing up your ex to Hongjoong again.
He's already listened to your troubles so much after your breakup. How would it be fair to continue bringing them up, especially since you really thought you moved on more than this? Truly, before you came across this photo, you had been doing so good. You know progress isn't linear, but you can't help but feel shame in your reaction, and really don't want Hongjoong, a friend you revere so deeply, seeing you in such a vulnerable state.
You stare blankly at the TV and your food, only taking a few bites here and there when you think you can. Primarily, though, you're just pushing it around your plate. Lost in your racing thoughts, you forget about Hongjoong, who's quietly eating next to you.
"[Y/N]," Hongjoong states, staring in your direction. "Talk to me. What's going on up there?"
Your eyebrows raise in surprise at his voice. "Oh, you know. It's just been a kind of quiet night for me. Nothing really wrong," you say awkwardly. He gives you an unimpressed stare, as if to say, "Really?"
"C'mon, I'm serious. You haven't been acting like yourself all night." Oops. You've been caught. Really, you don't know who you were trying to fool. This is Hongjoong you're dealing with; he's perceptive. He can spot the smallest indicators that something's off with you. You do make it easy for him this time, though, since you're seriously bad at playing it cool.
You huff at his observation and let your shoulders sink in on themselves. Why does he have to be so good at that? You pout, continuing to childishly complain in your head. What is he even doing here? He typically gets ahead on work tonight.
"Seriously," he continues, " I know what's going on. Let me bear some of the weight." You scoff inside your head at his persistence, but then the realization dawns on you. You raise your gaze and look up at him.
"You saw the picture too?" You ask him softly. A deep sigh leaves his nose, and he averts his gaze towards the pictures on your wall.
"Yeah, I did." He flicks his eyes back on to you, shrugging one of his shoulders as he says, "I figured you did too, and I was worried about you. Figured you wouldn't want to be alone."
It's quiet for a beat, neither of you breaking the fragile moment. The only sound in the room comes from the sitcom quietly playing on the TV, but even that becomes nothing but a murmur under your shared silence.
You take a breath, small but loud enough to grab Hongjoong's attention. "Thanks," you say softly, barely above a whisper.
"Don't mention it," he replies, equally as soft. The stillness of the moment returns to you, the silence palpable. You know you need to give Hongjoong an explanation, but forming the words feels so difficult. Even if you wanted to, your tongue feels impossible to move, like it weighs a hundred pounds in your mouth. It's just your fear getting to you, you know that, but you need to be brave. Hongjoong is kind enough to go out of his way for you and offer himself as a shoulder to lean on. You urge yourself to say something to him, to not be scared of being vulnerable and taking him up on his offer to listen. Accepting his help doesn't make you a burden to him.
"I'm not sad, by the way," you say to him, breaking the stiff silence between you. You look up from your hands and into Hongjoong's already awaiting eyes. "Well, at least not in the way you might think I am. In fact," you turn your head slightly, unable to bear the weight of looking at him any longer, "I'm actually really, really fucking pissed." Your voice wavers as you finish your sentence.
In all your years of friendship, you think you've only cried in front of Hongjoong maybe once. You typically don't cry in front of other people, opting instead to deal with those emotions by yourself. You prefer to be the type of person others can rely on, keeping your visible emotions light and easy to charm and brighten people's days. Being vulnerable like this in front of Hongjoong is so far out of your comfort zone and possibly one of the scariest things you've done.
"I just⊠I think I'm nice. I'm soft.. I'm actually a total romantic, believe it or not, and⊠I don't know⊠I just get the short end of the stick it seems." You briefly glance over at Hongjoong to read his facial expression. He looks at you intently, waiting patiently for you to continue. "I mean, seeing that photo earlier just really pissed me off because⊠like⊠It just.. Ugh!" You take a deep breathâ frustrated by not being able to find the right wordsâ and try to redirect your thoughts.
The words still aren't coming to you. You're already upset at the situation, scared and uncomfortable from having to talk about it, and now you're frustrated at yourself for not finding the correct words to convey the thoughts in your head. You can feel yourself beginning to spiral.
Hongjoong, astute as ever, notices as well and reaches his hand out to yours. He's able to ground you and successfully stop you from messing with your fingers, something you had unknowingly been doing as you began your descent. You look down at where his hand sits on top of yours before looking up at Hongjoong's steady face. You look back down at your entwined hands. He gives a soft, supportive squeeze to your hand, urging you to continue.
"They justâ they can just go about their lives. Happy and in love with each other. And they can just do that and face absolutely no consequences for what they've done to me. Absolutely none, while I'm stuck here working on myself for who knows how long, rebuilding all the parts of me they made unstable! But they just get to go on with their lives as if nothing happened. As if they didn't do what they did. Meanwhile, I have to go about my life ignoring all the thoughts telling me I'm not enough! They're the reason those thoughts are even there to begin with, but they'll never have to deal with that distress. I do, though! Even when I think I'm doing good, some shit like this will happen and it's like all that work i did on myself was for nothing. Those thoughts come back, and it's like I'm back where I started,
"I've been cheated on time and time again, and I don't know why. Maybe there's something wrong with me, or maybe I just pick all the wrong people, but goddammit, I put my everything in my relationships." You feel tears starting to roll down your face, and your throat gets tighter, making it more difficult to speak. "I just," you start quietly, "I'm furious. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I know I don't. I deserve to be loved. And I know this kind of love exists in the world because it lives within me, but I've never been on the receiving end of it! That's just so unfair. If I can't be loved, then I deserve to be respected at the very leastâŠ" You trail off, your voice softer than it was when you started.
You focus again on your hand in Hongjoong's, watching his thumb caress your skin. Slowly, you lift your head and take in Hongjoong's expression. His mouth is painted in a deep frown, and his eyes are painfully sad, almost as if he's holding back tears of his own. Somewhere deep inside you, a wall crumbles. "I just don't get it," you say, your voice breaking as more tears fall.
Immediately, he reaches out and pulls you into him, one arm cradling your head while the other wraps protectively around your back. Neither of you are particularly touchy people, but this comforting positionâ this momentâ feels so warm to you. Against Hongjoong's chest, every protective barrier inside you crumbles and breaks. You cry harder, his shirt muffling the sound as he holds you tighter, trying to soothe your shaking body. "I'm so fucking angry," you reiterate in that same pitiful, broken voice that made Hongjoong want to hold you.
"Shhh.. I know," he says calmly, petting his hand soothingly across your hair. "You never deserved what happened to you." You continue to sob at his kind words. "There's nothing wrong with you either. Your exes are low-life, evil pieces of scum for doing the things they did to you, and you're so strong for being able to overcome it all." Another sob trembles through your body, and your arms tighten around Hongjoong's back, attempting to become impossibly closer to your best friend and only source of comfort right now.
"You're right, too," he continues as he places his chin on top of your head. "You do deserve to be treated better and loved. You deserve to be loved and valued for all of eternity." His voice gets softer. "You deserve someone who will cherish and adore you, someone who will give you the whole world and more. Someone who will provide anything you wish." You take a few deep, uneven breaths, trying to steady your breathing from the crying. Hongjoong is still holding you as close as he possibly can. "I mean it," he whispers, "I truly do."
You stay in your positions for minutes or hours. You're not sure, time seems to pass slower in Hongjoong's arms. Throughout it all, Hongjoong occasionally gives you more words of comfort or a grounding, "I'm here."
Eventually, enough time passes for you to stop the tears and steady your body. Now, you find yourself worrying that staying in his arms oversteps boundaries. You know Hongjoong isn't very physically affectionate, and for the most part, you aren't either (the only time you feel comfortable initiating physical affection is with romantic partners). It dawns on you how out of character it was for him to initiate contact, and you start to push back. As you lean up to sit on your own, Hongjoong's arms loosen around you. You see the giant wet spot you left on Hongjoong's hoodie and cringe. "I'm sorry about that," you hoarsely mumble out, nodding your head in the direction of the spot on his chest.
He looks down and lets out a tiny chuckle. "You have nothing to apologize for." Still a bit embarrassed about your breakdown, you timidly peek up at his face. His eyes are so full of comfort and warmth. He looks at you with nothing but care and adoration. There's something unfamiliar deep within his gaze, but you don't dwell on it. Instead, you want to spend your last bout of energy focused on the present with your friend.
"Thank you, Hongjoong, for being here. Truly, I mean it. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Oh, you wouldn't last a day," he jokes. You lightly giggle along with him, thankful for the lighthearted mood. Conversation the rest of the evening is sparse, but relaxed. You're mainly just talking about the strange subplot of the show you're finally able to pay attention to. The air isn't tense like before; it's comfortable and quiet. Hongjoong's presence puts you at ease, and the remainder of your night with him alleviates all your prior negative emotions.
â.Ë âŸâ.Ë
In the following weeks, you were met with a lot of progress. You block your ex and the girl they cheated on you with on all social media, ensuring that nothing else they post will make its way back to you, and effectively wipe them from your radar. You spend your time focusing on yourself and your friendsâ even more than before. Being with people you love and who love you brings support and tranquility into your sphere, and they help immensely to remind you that you're valued enough as a person. You don't need a rotten partner to feel like you're worthy of love and respect; you know it already in your heart, and it is reflected in the hearts of those you hold close. When you aren't with your friends, you spend your time engaging in your hobbies and picking up new ones, like journaling to help on days with bad thoughts. Creativity flows through you far more than before, and you feel as though you've finally gotten a piece of your old spark back. Some days are harder than others, but overall, each day is easier than the last.
Along with progress, you were also met with a lot of Hongjoong. The two of you already spend tons of time together, but since that night it feels like you can't get a break from him! Of course, you mean that lightheartedly. You're undoubtedly appreciative of his support and his company, but you're also starting to get a little concerned. You assume that since Hongjoong's never seen you in such a vulnerable and broken state before, he's just extra cautious and worried about you. Even still, it's been almost a month since that night, and he's just as attentive. It's very curious.
Not long after returning home from work late one evening, you hear a knock on your apartment door. It's Hongjoong, no doubt. "It's open!" you yell from your bedroom as you change out of your work attire and into something more comfortable. The door clicks open, and you hear Hongjoong shout out a greeting. Coming out of your room, you see him still standing near the entryway, clumsily rocking back and forth on his feet with his hands behind his back. He looks at you with bright eyes and a small pout on his face.
"Hey, you look nice," he says to you, briefly taking in your appearance. You tilt your head to the side, slightly puzzled by his out-of-the-blue compliment and restless demeanor. You hesitantly thank him for the compliment before he adds, "You should grab your coat."
"And why should I do that?" you ask, skeptical about what he's planning.
"It's a really beautiful night tonight. You always talk about wanting to go stargazing, and I found a good spot for it not far from here. So, I thought we could go for a walk and go check it out," he replies with a smile. Warmth blossoms in your chest as you think back to the last time you mentioned wanting to go stargazing. It's probably been at least a year ago since you had brought that up around anybody, and it was likely an off-handed comment too.
"You remembered I like to stargaze and that I had been wanting to go?" you incredulously ask him.
"Yeah, of course I did," he casually replies. He says it as if it's the most obvious fact about you he could've remembered. He said it like it was remembering your birthday or what you do for work, not like it was an off-handed comment you said forever ago.
Fully processing Hongjoong's words and what you're about to do, excitement overcomes your body. You burst into the brightest smile, and eagerness runs through your veins. "Wait right there!" you shout out to Hongjoong before bouncing off to your room to grab a jacket and your shoes. Hongjoong is left giggling at your evident excitement. You hurry back to him, now wearing the appropriate outerwear for a late-night walk. "C'mon, what are you waiting for? Let's go, let's go!" You impatiently usher him out the door, and he continues to watch you in amusement, chuckling at your giddiness.
The night air is chilly, but not harsh. How could it be with so much excitement in the air and Hongjoong walking so close to you? His hand brushes against yours a couple of times, but neither of you cares to move further away. On your walk, you talk animatedly about anything that comes to your mind, and he willingly takes the role of main listener. He adds to the conversation occasionally, but he primarily just leads the way and allows you to talk as much as you wanted. Caught up in the high-spirited moment and your chatter, you don't notice how often Hongjoong glances over at you with that small, kind grin on his face. You don't see how he looks at you like you hung the very stars you were about to gaze at.
You arrive at a rather large park you've never been to before, and Hongjoong guides you deeper through it until you reach a large, open field with a few tall trees and no light pollution.
"Wow, Hongjoong, this is amazing!" you exclaim, taking a seat on the grass beneath you. You both lean back on the ground, the sides of your heads touching slightly as you look up towards the night sky. The stars gleam and sparkle; they're brighter than you could've ever imagined them. The two of you alternate between taking in the night sky in quiet contemplation and talking about the beauty above you. He asks you to point out the constellations you know, and you show him by taking his pointed hand in yours and tracing them in the night sky. He asks about your favorite constellations and the stories behind them, while you ask if he sees any shapes in the sky and what stories he'd give them. The conversation between you flows so easilyâ just as it always didâ but this moment feels so much more tender than normal.
"This is perfect," you softly tell him after another hushed moment.
"You know," he says with a hint of uncertainty in his voice, "we can do things like this all the time."
You turn your head to the side to get a better look at his face. "Yeah, I know," you respond as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"No, I mean," his eyes dart away from yours as a pout starts to take form on his mouth. "I mean, we can do things like this all the time.. together. The two of us."
"Yeah, of course we can," you giggle at him. Hongjoong groans next to you, bringing his hands up to cover his eyes in frustration. His reaction slows your laughter. "Hongjoong, what's going on?" you ask, intrigued by what's getting your friend so worked up.
"I'm no good at this," he says, his words muffled from behind his hands. Your eyebrow raises at his statement, but before you could question him any further, he shoots up from his lying position and into a sitting one. He looks down at your face, and you can see the conflict and frustration evident on his facial features. The longer he looks at your face, however, you see the pained expressions fade out into ones of⊠adoration? He lets out a puff of air from his noseâ the sound resembling one of affection.
Possibly more to himself than to you, he whispers, "The stars are dancing in your eyes." Your breath hitches. "I could look at them forever."
"HongjoongâŠ"
"Look, [Y/N], I know you've been through so much recently, and I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I have to let you know how I feel." You slowly sit up, intrigued yet slightly worried by your friend's strange behavior. You tilt your head to the side, silently allowing him to continue at his own pace. He takes a breath and looks deep into your eyes. "I'm⊠I'm in love with you."
You stop breathing, and your brain begins to short circuit. "What?" you hoarsely whisper to him, not believing you actually heard what he said.
"I'm in love with you. Desperately. I have been for a long time." You look at his face, searching for any hint of deception, but you find none. It's too dark outside to really tell, but you're certain his cheeks and ears are red.
"You⊠You're serious," you state, still skeptical, but you know Hongjoong would never joke about such a thing. Definitely not like this.
"I am. And I know you're not looking for a relationship right now, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore," he replies, desperation seeping through his tone.
You remain speechless for another beat, letting silence take over the moment before asking, "What changed?" You're not upset at the confessionâ not at allâ it's just so unexpected, and you're so confused. You never once considered a timeline where Kim Hongjoong would be interested in you. You can't understand where he's coming from, or how this all happened.
He sighs deeply and turns his head to the side, looking off in the distance. "That night.. I don't want to ever see you that way again: so upset and broken."
"Hongjoong, if that's the only reason-"
"But it isn't!" he interrupts, correctly anticipating where your train of thought would take you. "I've been in love with you for almost as long as I've known you. I'm not the best with my feelingsâ you know thisâ so it took me a little while to realize it. By the time I did, you had already found someone else. Even if you hadn't, I probably still wouldn't have said anything right away." You rack your brain, going through years' worth of memories with Hongjoong. You try to imagine and accept that Hongjoong has been in love with you through all of them. It feels unreal.
"That night," he continues, "holding you while hearing about how you have to remind yourself that you're enough because of what that asshole did to you, it broke my heart. Especially because I cherish you more than anything, and I know I would never do anything to hurt you. Never do anything to make you feel less than what you are. Actually, I truly don't understand how anyone could look at you and not feel blessed that you're in their life. That breaks my heart, and I can't go on without you knowing how special you are to me."
You inhale sharply at his words. "Hongjoong, IâŠ" You take a second, trying your best to look over his face in the moonlight. Your thoughts race, your heart pounds, and your chest tightens. You don't know what to say to him. Not trusting your mind to come up with an answer, you listen to your body instead, and you feel as though you're about to enter fight or flight. The thought of getting into a new relationship⊠it scares you and feels suffocating. You're not against the idea of being with Hongjoong, but you have to put yourself first. "I don't want to say no to you, but I'm still scared," you whisper out.
He reaches out his hand and grabs yours. "I know, and I don't want to rush anything or make you uncomfortable. All I ask is that you give me the chance to show you that I'm serious. Let me prove to you that I truly love you and that you can trust me with your heart." You look at him curiously. All you see in his face is sincerity. "I'll go at your pace, and I can wait for as long as you need. Or, with one word from you, I'll stop. I know it's a bit selfish of me to confess while you're not ready for anything, but I want to show you how much I value you and that my love for you is genuine."
You think for a moment, and, despite your scattered state of mind, you find yourself reaching a decision quicker than expected. You nod. "Yeah, okay. You can do that." You see a toothy smile as a wave of relief washes over his face. He looks cute like this.
"I promise, I'll be someone you can wholeheartedly trust."
â.Ë âŸâ.Ë
That night, you don't sleep much. You lose yourself in your jumbled thoughts while you continuously toss and turn in your sheets. Still in disbelief, you almost convince yourself that you made up the entire exchange. You find yourself thinking back to all of the things that happened throughout the years: all of the times Hongjoong had been with you, all of the times his interest might've shone through, all of the times your ex had treated you poorly. You think back to when you still had an active crush on Hongjoong, which felt like lifetimes ago. You're a completely different person now, but could that previous version of yourself who was head over heels for Hongjoong still be living deep inside you? Is it even possible to return to those feelings? You don't know, and you're really just stressing yourself out by thinking about it.
The following day is your weekly coffee shop meetup with Hongjoong. You worry all day about what to expect, unsure of what your dynamic would be like now and what Hongjoong really meant by 'showing you he cares'.
Upon your arrival at your usual coffee shop, you see that Hongjoong's already sitting at your favorite table. In front of him are two coffee cups.
"Hey," he smiles up at you. "I got you your usual." It's not uncommon for him to occasionally get your drink for you if he arrives early, but it still brings a smile to your face.
"Thank you," you say with a smile as you take your seat across from him. You set up your laptop and start on the work you need to get done. So far, everything seems normal. You began to think you were worried for no reason; maybe everything will just pass over like nothing happened. As that thought crosses your mind,however, you find yourself uneased by the possibility of that being the case. You're not quite sure what you want yet or what to expect going forward, and you find that to be relatively troublesome.
As you stare off into your laptop screen with your thoughts running wild, a small sensation brings you back down to earth. You feel Hongjoong's leg slot between yours under the table; your ankle and calf are now lightly pressed by his. You shoot your head up to look at him, only to see bright red cheeks, a large pout, and his eyes glued to his notebook, desperately trying to avoid your gaze.
You gape slightly at him, studying his expression and actions in awe. Even though it's a small gesture done in his Hongjoong-like way (a way you honestly prefer), he's still initiating physical contact with you. Hongjoong never does that for the sole purpose of just doing it. The thought of Hongjoong reaching out to touch someone just for the comfort of touching is unheard of, and yet here he is doing it.
"You're really serious about this, aren't you?" you stateâ more so than askâ after gaping at him for a beat too long.
He finally looks up at you as he replies, "Yeah, I am." His cheeks are still so red, it almost makes you want to giggle. It's obvious he's out of his comfort zone but genuinely trying to make an effort.
You smile softly at him. "You know, you don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."
"Don't worry," he smirks, determination in his eyes, "I don't do anything I don't want to." A second passes before his face molds into something more sincere. "If I did anything to make you uncomfortable, though, you'd tell me, right?"
"Of course I would," you respond. You're grateful that Hongjoong makes sure you are okay, but there is honestly very little he could do that would make you uneasy.
"Good," he says, bringing his attention back to his work. As he does so, you feel his leg press more confidently against yours, the sensation from the touch more prominent than before. "I meant every word that I said last night," he says, still looking down at his notebook. "As soon as you're ready to open your heart up again," he looks up and locks eyes with you, "I want it to be for me. Nobody else." The look in his eyes, a mix of adoration and determination, makes you want to shiver. You know Hongjoong is the type of person to work hard and make his dreams a reality, but you never expected to be part of those dreams.
. Ęâ âč . ĘË . Ę
The initial hurdle of believing Hongjoong is in love with you is the hardest part, then getting used to his affections quickly follows. You worried about how different it would be between you two, but you find that not too much has changed. It's still just you and Hongjoongâ like it always had beenâ but now it's⊠more.
As the weeks go on, you become the sole recipient of Hongjoong's affections. His pursuit of physical touch increases tenfold, always seeking out some part of you to touch. He does it all: brushing your hands, pressing his limbs against yours, throwing an arm around your shoulders, or tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. You notice he compliments you far more frequently than he ever did before. He's always telling you how nice and pretty you look, how kind you are, and how he's glad he can spend his time with you.
For a while, you feel bad that you're not returning any of his affections, but after bringing it up to him, all he says is that you can take as much time as you need, and that loving you isn't a matter of transaction. Of course, he would certainly like it if you reciprocated, but he knows it's still difficult for you after your last relationship. You aren't sure if you can ever match Hongjoong's love in the same way, or if you'd ever be able to return to that crush you once had on him. That's what worries you most. The last thing you want to do is break your best friend's heart, but the thought of loving again seems so distant. You love so much, you love with everything in you, and all you've gotten is contempt in return. Loving someone again, even someone like Hongjoong, who you know is good, just seems impossible.
Or that's what you thought. As the weeks turn to months, and Hongjoong's love for you never faltering, you begin to notice changes in yourself. You begin to put a bit more effort into your appearance on days you know you'll see Hongjoong, and you feel your cheeks flush whenever he compliments you. While his touch used to have you tense up with surprise, you now find yourself seeking it out, leaning into it, and feeling cold when it's not there. What really gets you is his little surprises.
One day while at work, a delivery comes for you: a large bouquet of pink 'stargazer' lilies. Your favorite flowers. On the bouquet, a note reads, "I couldn't stop thinking about you today, so I figured I'd send you a little something. HJ âĄ"
Your heart flutters in your chest and your cheeks burn red. All day your coworkers ooh and aah at your bouquet, gushing about how pretty it is and how they wish their husbands or boyfriends would do the same. They ask questions about who sent them and what he looks like, and they fuss over how handsome he is and how good you look together when you show them a picture. Their comments leave you more flustered and red than you already are. When they ask how long you have been together, you're unsure how to answer. You end up just telling them how many years you've known each other, and they say how lucky you are to be with someone who still puts in the effort after such a long time. Their comments get you thinking about your time with Hongjoong and what the future would be like. You honestly can't imagine a future without Hongjoong in it. In fact, it sounds like a life of misery without him. You know you want Hongjoong by your side for the rest of time, but now you're starting to open up to another way for that to happen.
You leave work that day with a text message to Hongjoong saying: »You were a hot topic at work today«
He responds quickly: »So you liked the flowers?«
»I loved them«
More weeks go by, and your attraction only becomes more present in your mind. You constantly find yourself daydreaming about his smile, his hand on yours, the way his tattoo peaks out from behind the sleeves of his shirts. Since you're still unsure of what you want, you try to keep your own flirtations to a minimum, but you wonder if Hongjoong has caught on to your growing feelings for him. Even still, Hongjoong's devotion to you never wavers.
This evening, you're preparing to go to Hongjoong's apartment for dinner. He asked you a few days prior if you would come over, and after agreeing you asked, "Is this romantic Hongjoong asking or friend Hongjoong?" He only looked at you with a smirk before responding, "They're the same thing."
You were supposed to head over to his right after work, but instead you take a detour to your apartment first to change clothes and freshen up. Hongjoong has seen you in your after-work state a million times before, but you figure if he's putting in the effort to make you a nice dinner then you could put in the effort to show up looking a bit nicer than normal.
You arrive to his apartment soon after, and you feel butterflies in your stomach as you knock on the door. Strange, that hasn't happened in a long time.
You smooth you hands over the front of your clothes and run your fingers through your hair, wanting to make sure you look presentable before Hongjoong lets you in. Right as you fluff your hair, Hongjoong opens the door with a smile on his face that immediately drops at the sight of you. "Oh, you look so pretty," he says to you quietly as his eyes roam over your form. You feel heat rise to your face under his warm gaze and at his sweet words.
"Thank you," you quietly respond as he lets you in. Since when did you become so bashful around him??
Upon entry, you're immediately hit by the delicious smell of food cooking in the kitchen. Warm-toned lamps light up the apartment, and music plays softly from the record player in the living room.
"What are you making?" you ask, leaning across the kitchen counter as Hongjoong gets back to working on the food.
"Doenjang-jjigae," he replies, focusing his attention on the food in front of him. He's making one of your favorite meals. You smile to yourself at his thoughtfulness.
"Do you need any help?" you ask, wanting to make yourself useful. He looks at you incredulously.
"Not at all. You keeping me company is enough, so just sit back and let me take care of you," he says with a wink.
"How chivalrous of you," you tease, masking the fact that you actually feel very touched by his words and efforts.
He lightly exhales a laugh. "I've been told a time or two that I can be quite the gentleman."
You narrowly cut your eyes at him. "Oh, yeah? By who?" He turns his head to the side to get a better look at you, still stirring the ingredients in front of him. He has a cocky look on his face that makes you want to roll your eyes. Or kiss it clean off. You're not sure.
"Do my ears deceive me, or is that jealousy in your tone, [Y/N]?" He looks far too proud of himself.
"It's your ears," you swiftly respond. He chuckles lightly at you.
"I'm not too sure about that," he taunts. You pout at his words, and Hongjoong spares you a look before letting out a full laugh. "Awh, there's no need to sulk," he teases as your pout grows deeper. "If it makes you feel any better, I get jealous too."
"Yeah, of course you do. You're a Scorpio," you state as if it's obvious. He simply chuckles in response and says something along the lines of, "You got me there."
As the room settles and the sound of chopping and food bubbling fills the space, you decide to ask him a question that has been plaguing your mind since he confessed. "Hey, Hongjoong?" He hums in response, focusing on the final touches of dinner. "When you said you had been in love with me for a long time⊠just when did you realize it?"
He pauses for a moment to think before continuing his work. "Since the end of our first year in college. I realized about two or three months before you started seeing your ex, but truthfully, looking back, I had started falling by the end of that first semester."
"Huh, so same time as me then," you murmur, mainly to yourself, but it's still loud enough for Hongjoong to catch what you said. His body stills, and he whips his head towards you.
"What?" he asks, his eyes wide.
"Oh," you tilt your head at him, "I guess I never told you. I used to have a massive crush on you back in the day." For a moment, he doesn't say anything; he just blinks at you with his mouth slightly ajar.
"What?" he asks again. "What happened?" He turns to face you fully, dinner forgotten behind him.
"Don't worry, it wasn't because of anything you did or didn't do. It was all me. I was just a completely different person back then, and I couldn't see a future where someone like you would be interested in being with someone like me."
"What do you mean by that? Someone like me?" His tone sounds puzzled and faintly anxious.
You give him a slight smile, hoping to ease his worries somewhat, and move further into the kitchen to help plate the food he had forgotten about in favor of you. "It's just," you begin, a small sigh escaping your lips as you scoop the stew in front of you, "I didn't think highly of myself then. I've lived hundreds of lifetimes between then and now, and the me today knows my value and worth. But, back then, IâŠ" you still for a moment, trying to find the right words. You don't know how to convey to Hongjoong that you used to think of yourself as simple, inconsequential, ugly. At least not in a way that wouldn't absolutely break his heart. "I just didn't at the time."
You feel Hongjoong's presence as he steps closer towards you. "And you wereâŠ" You turn to look him in the eye, but you're now much closer than anticipatedâ only a few inches separated your faces. "You were unreachable," you say gently, a dreamy whisp in your voice. "I know I tease you for saying this all the time, but truthfully there really is no one like you, Hongjoong." You hear his breath hitch from where you stand, and his eyes look deep and unreadable. "And at the time I just couldn't picture it," you shrug. "Someone as radiant as you choosing to be with someone as insignificant as me." Upon hearing your words, sorrow begins to take place in Hongjoong's features. You continue in hopes of reassuring him, "But that was the old me. I'm different now. Better."
Hongjoong takes another step towards you, further closing the gap between you two. He's so close you can feel his body heat radiating off of him. Your heartbeat quickens when he looks down at your lips before landing his eyes back on yours. "I know you're a different person now, but even still⊠Do you think you'll ever have those feelings you used to have for me again?" he asks quietly, as if one wrong noise would break the moment entirely. Thoughts race through your mind, your face is flushed, and you feel every word you could possibly say to him get stuck in the center of your throat. Not trusting yourself enough to speak, you look up at him through your eyelashes and nod instead. He smiles at that. It's a genuine smile: a bit lopsided, showing the sharpness of his teeth. You can't help but think how attractive he looks like that.
"Good," he says to you as softly as before. "because I don't want you looking at anybody else. Only me." He smiles down at you for another moment before turning to grab the dishes and set the table.
Only as he starts walking away do you feel like you can breathe normally again. "I guess that's the jealousy you mentioned earlier," you jokingly comment as you follow him to the table, hoping it'll help cut the tension that now runs rampant throughout the apartment.
"Mhm," he hums in response as he set the plates down. He pulls a lighter out of his pocket to light some candles he laid out before your arrival. Alongside the candles is a small vase that holds a few stems of flowers.
"Wow. Romantic," you state, standing next to Hongjoong as you admire his work.
"Heh, I know, right?" he replies, pride seeping out of his voice and stance. His conviction and self-confidence are endearing to see in action. So much so, you giggle to yourself and smile behind your hand. He gives you one quick look before pulling out the chair for you to sit down.
You eye him as you take your seat. "There really is no end to your doting, is there?" you say lightheartedly. You tease him, but you're actually the furthest thing from annoyed.
"Of course there isn't," he replies while taking his own seat. "Why should there be?" You don't have a good response for him, so he continues to sit thereâ proud and smug.
Hongjoong's meal is absolutely delicious, and it's evident he put a lot of effort into making it. Conversation during dinner is ceaseless, easy, and indisputably flirtatious. When you finish eating, Hongjoong swiftly takes the plates to the kitchen before coming back to the table with a bottle of wine and a surprise dessert he made. It seems he's pulling out all the stops this evening.
"Hongjoong," you say after taking a sip of wine, "there's something else I've been curious about."
"And what would that be?"
You toy with the fork in front of you and look at Hongjoong flirtatiously through your eyelashes. "What was it about me that caused you to fall for me?"
He huffs out a breath of endearment. "What, still can't believe that I'm in love with you, so now you need specifics?" His tone is light and unserious, but there's an air of genuine concern in the question.
"No, I believe it. Like I said, I'm simply curious," you reply with a small smile. You stare down at your dessert, trying to avoid Hongjoong's knowing gaze. You say, now quiet and earnestly, "I would just like to hear you say what."
"Well, it was a culmination of things, really," he begins, taking your hand into his from across the table. "Like how kind and sweet you are, how caring you are, how you make me laugh." He runs his thumb across your hand, and his eyes are open and honest as he looks into yours. Even if his words aren't enough for you, his eyes tell you everything you need to hear. "I love how you show up for the people around you, and how you light up every room you're in." At this point, you start becoming bashful. You know you were the one to ask, but being the absolute center of Hongjoong's attention and hearing everything about you he adores is almost too much. His loving words and devoted gaze are something so unfamiliar to you. You're not used to warmth like this.
"That's what made me fall, but every day since then, I've fallen for you more and more," he continues. "Seeing you grow, face hardships with care and grace, and still hold so much love in your heart, that just made me fall further."
You turn your face away, unable to bear the weight of his stare any longer. "HongjoongâŠ"
"I love how you feel so deeply. Not just for yourself, either, but for everyone around you, too. You have so many of the qualities I lack, and I think that's beautiful. You're like a star in the night sky leading me home."
Your face is warm and surely pink all over. You glance over to Hongjoong, who's still looking at you with that tender expression. "Hongjoong, pleaseâŠ" He lets out a laugh at your reaction.
"What? I thought you wanted to know," he jokes as you pout at him, your face still just as rosy. "I haven't even gotten to tell you how beautiful you are! How I get lost in your eyes, or how your lips pull me in-"
"Okay!" you interrupt, one hand covering your flaming red face while the other stays in Hongjoong's grasp. "You can't just say things like that.." you mutter, now unable to take much more of his compliments.
He laughs loudly at your reaction, gripping your hand tighter. "Really, though, you're someone I've always admired and respected, and you've always been by my side. How could I not have fallen madly in love with you?"
. Ęâ âč . ĘË . Ę
Your evening with Hongjoong continued with tensions that ran high, but you didn't end up acting on anything. You certainly wanted to, but you still held some reservations in your heart and mind. You're certain you've fallen for him again, but you're worried that you still can't give him as much as he deserves quite yet. You want to be completely sure and confident in your love for himâ and yourselfâ before opening your heart to him and letting him in.
You honestly aren't sure when you will be ready. You aren't sure where the natural turning point in your relationship with Hongjoong is or if anything would change. In your previous relationships, everything changed for the worse after becoming official, and the thought of that happening again with Hongjoong worries you. On top of that, you had become used to his doting, and you fear you wouldn't be able to do the same for him yet. Not the the same extent, at least. Not while you're still hindered with fears from your poor previous relationship.
But you decided to put the thought of it all off for now. A mutual friend of yours and Hongjoong's invited you both to a movie night at their apartment, and you figured you could wait until after then to figure your feelings out.
Their apartment wasn't far from yours, so you decided to walk and meet up with Hongjoong there. The affair was lively, bright, and loud, with many of your mutual friends littering the apartment space. There aren't too many people in the apartment, but just enough for mutliple different groups of conversation and activities to form. Even still, Hongjoong spends a majority of his time extra close to your side.
The two of you converse with your friend, Jongho, and his plus one until Hongjoong gets called into the other room.
"You want anything while I'm gone?" he asks you before he leaves.
"No, I'm okay right now," you respond. His eyes stayed glued to you for a moment longer before giving you a small smile and nod then walks away to the other room.
You bring your attention back to awaiting eyes. Jongho's friend has a sweet smile on her face, while Jongho has one that is knowing and mischevious. "You and your boyfriend are really cute together," she says to you.
"Thank you," you quietly respond at the same time Jongho says, "Oh, they aren't dating."
He gapes at you with an incredulous look, and you quickly work to recover before you become victim to Jongho's teasing.
"Jongho's right; we technically aren't dating."
"Technically?!" he questions, his eyebrows raising and a smirk making permenant home on his face.
"Yeah, technically!" you defend. "He confessed to me a while ago and has sort of been⊠courting me until I'm ready to date again."
"Wow," he starts. "I never thought Hongjoong would actually be able to do it."
You tilt your head up at him. "You mean you've known this whole time?"
"[Y/N], he didn't have to explicitly say it for any of us to know. He makes it extremely obvious."
You think back to how all of your friends would act around you and Hongjoong in the past. Just how long have you been clueless??
"So," Jongho says, bringing your attention back down to Earth, "When are you two going to start dating for real?"
You shrug your shoulders. "Whenever I feel comfortable being in a relationship again, I guess."
"You guys are basically dating now, why string it out and lead him on?" Jongho asks casually.
"I am not leading him on!" He gives you an unimpressed stare before looking towards his friend with an expression that seems to sarcastically say, "Yeah, right."
"I'm serious, I'm not leading him on any. I'm just still not ready to offically date again after last time. I was in a really long relationship, that takes time!" you attempt to justify.
"Yeah, a long shitty relationship. Seriously, what's the hold up?" The look on his face is casual and slightly playful, but his eyes show genuine concern.
You look away before cautiously replying, "I guess I'm just a little worried to fully trust someone again."
"Are you serious? This is Hongjoong we're talking about. When has anyone not been able to completely trust him?"
Jongho's question rings in your ears and echoes in your head long after the conversation is over. He's right. You've never not trusted Hongjoong before. He's one of the most trustworthy people you know, if not the most trustworthy. He's never given you any reason to not trust him. A title change won't make any difference.
Before the movie officially starts, you go to the kitchen to grab drinks and snacks for you and Hongjoong, while he secures your spots on the couch. As you walk back into the living room, you can't help but laught at the scene in front of youâ Hongjoong is sitting at the end cushion of the couch with a large pout on his face, and your mutual friend, Yunho, sits flushed up against him with a large smile on his lips. Yunho takes a look at you, then Hongjoong, before trying to cuddle up even closer to him. Hongjoong leans impossibly further into the arm of the couch and tries to push Yunho away. There's no doubt he's doing this because Hongjoong has been more obvious about his feelings for you tonight, and you can only imagine how much teasing he's been subjected to before now. Seriously, just how clueless have you been??
Yunho eases his teasing as you walk closer to the couch. Hongjoong looks up at you with that grimace he saves for when his friends get on his nerves, but Yunho still looks like a puppy dog sprawled across his owner's lap.
You're certain he wanted to sit next to you and not Yunho, and that's probably half of the reason for the pout on his lips. You give him a smile in return and hand him his drink before grabbing a blanket and choosing to sit on the floor in front of him instead, your back now pressed against the couch and between Hongjoong's legs.
The rest of your friends settle in on the remaining spaces available on the couch, chairs, and floor before the lights turn off and the movie starts. Shortly after the film begins, you feel Hongjoong's hands in your hair. At first, you think he's trying to get your attention, until you realize that he's simply keeping his hands busy. His fingers rake through your strands rhythmically, occasionally making small braids before letting them loose and raking through them again. The motions sent a wave of calm over you as you lean further into his touch. The longer he plays with your hair, the more tranquil you become, and, eventually you feel your head and eyelids growing heavy. Giving in, you tilt your head to rest it upon Hongjoong's leg beside you, and you let the serenity overtake you.
You awake to the feeling of soft, gentle touches to your face and Hongjoong's quiet voice saying, "Hey, pretty girl, time to wake up."
"Hongjoongie?" you murmur as you open your eyes groggily. As you blink the sleep out of your eyes, the world becomes clearer and you can see the look of endearment painting his face.
"How about I drive you home?" he asks, his tone as quiet as before. You blink some more and take in your surroundings, seeing the few remainder of your friends getting ready to leave themselves.
"Oh no, I missed the whole movie?"
Hongjoong chuckles softly. "Don't worry, you wouldn't have liked it anyway. It had way too much cgi for your taste. C'mon, let's go." He reaches a hand out to you to help you up. You accept his hand up with a stretch and begin to gather both yours and Hongjoong's things as you both say your goodbyes to everyone. "Ready?" he asks you, and you nod in reply while holding his keys out for him.
The ride back to your apartment is peaceful. Hongjoong plays his music at a soft volume, and sparse conversation keeps the energy in the car calm.
This is Hongjoong we're talking about. When has anyone not been able to completely trust him?
Jongho's words continue to play in your head. The more you think about it, the more true it becomes. You can't believe you ever thought otherwise. Additionally to that, everything is just easy with Hongjoong. You don't have to worry about being too high energy around him, or conversely, being too boring when your social battery is down. In fact, you never felt more relaxed around any other person, and you certainly don't trust anyone else enough to fall asleep on them in a crowded room. No other person has ever brought you that much comfort.
No one has ever shown you love the way Hongjoong has. No one has ever cared as deeply or yearned for you as long. He has shown his love for you since you became friends, and in the past few months he's shown it in so many different ways unrelentlessly, and never once asking for anything in return. You feel so incredibly lucky, and so incredibly stupid for not realizing sooner that the love you've always longed for was right under your nose.
Even though it'd be nice to change the past and be with him sooner, you can't dwell on the 'what-ifs.' You're happy with who and where you are today, and you now know that you want your future to always include Hongjoong and his love.
This is Hongjoong we're talking about. The car comes to a slow stop outside of your apartment. You and Hongjoong look to each other, but otherwise make no other movements towards exiting the car. When has anyone not been able to completely trust him?
"Thank you for driving me," you say to him.
"You don't have to thank me for that." The stillness returns. Neither of you quite know what to say to each other next, but you know you don't want the moment to end.
"You're, uh, still planning on going to Wooyoung's birthday this week, right?" Even though you know his answer will be yes, it's the best you can come up with to stay in the car with him for a moment longer.
"Yeah, of course," he replies, his tone soft. You look at him for one more moment, knowing you'll have to go in eventually.
"Okay, well.. I'll see you then."
I'm ready.
You briefly hesitate before leaning closer and gently placing your lips upon his cheek. As you lean back, you take note of how red his face is. Not only is it cute, but it feels nice to have Hongjoong blushing for once instead of you.
"Goodnight, Hongjoong," you whisper, stepping out of the car.
Before entering your apartment, you turn to face his car one last time and give a small wave.
Oh, god. I really love him.
â.Ë âŸâ.Ë
The energy inside the bar was loud, stuffy, and lively. J. Wang, the bar you're at, is one of the hottest spots in the city, and it's the perfect place for your energetic, loving friend, Wooyoung's, birthday celebration. It has the perfect amount of energy to party, but it's still more laid back than a typical club. You stand by the large booth in the secluded corner reserved for the party where it's a bit easier to hear and breathe. You talk with one of Wooyoung's friends you don't know very well, and you want to give the conversation your complete attention, but your attention keeps drifting to the entrance of the bar. You're anxiously awaiting Hongjoong's arrival, and your newfound butterflies feel like they're about to rip a hole right through your stomach.
Hongjoong had offered to take you to the bar, but you declined in favor of getting there early; you wanted to ensure you could give Wooyoung his birthday present before the night got carried away. You hadn't seen Hongjoong since he drove you home from the movie night two days ago, and you're not sure what to expect tonight. All you know is that you're eagerly anticipating his arrival, wanting badly to be here with him.
While you converse, you spot a familiar head of hair make its way through the crowd of bodies at the entrance. Your heartbeat quickens. Hongjoong's hair is styled so that his forehead is visible, and he's wearing a tight-fitted shirt that's tucked into his pants. The style accentuates his waist and chest. To put it blatantly, he looks really fucking hot. He catches your eye and gives you a smirk as he walks towards the back corner. Your cheeks become rosy, and you feel warm under his gaze that never leaves your form.
As soon as he approaches you, he leans his head down towards your ear and says, "You look stunning." His breath is hot, and the sensation sends goosebumps down your skin. He's so close to your ear, you can almost feel his lips against your skin. All that goes through your mind is how you wish he would close that small gap. You want to experience the feel of his lips on youâ not just the phantom touch of them.
You smile back up at Hongjoong, placing your hand on his shoulder to tug him down to your height and reverse your positions. "So do you," is all you tell him, but in a state of want, your flirtatious tendencies take control, and you allow your mouth to inch closer than his did. As you say your compliment, your lips brush against his ear, and you allow them to linger there for a moment longer before pulling away from him. Looking up at his face now, desire and longing evident in his eyes.
Before much else can happen, you're interrupted by a "Hongjoong!" You both turn to see the birthday boy approaching with his arms out wide. Wooyoung wraps his arms around Hongjoong with a big smile on his face. "I was wondering when you'd get here!"
Wooyoung's interruption causes the two of you to push your desires aside and continue with the party as planned. You laugh, you dance, you talk with old and new friends. It's a perfect night. You keep close to Hongjoong for a lot of the night, but even when you aren't with him, you feel his eyes following you. You like the feeling, and you think you could quickly become addicted to it.
"Hey, I'm going to go get a drink. I'll be right back," you tell Hongjoong a bit later in the night. You make your way to the bar through all of the bodies in the room, and walk up to the first available spot you see. You're standing next to a tall man, and you can feel him looking at you as you wait for the bartender to finish their current drinks and make their way over.
"Some party you guys are having over there," he leans over and says to you. You finally look over at him; he's not unattractive, but you're not interested in him any. Why would you be when you have the perfect man for you just a few feet away?
"Tell me about it," you politely respond before turning back towards the bartender. You hope he catches the hint that you aren't interested, but he is a man, so you try not to get too hopeful.
"I'm Ji-won." You were right not to let your hopes get too high. You cut your eyes at him, thinking he looks too self-satisfied. You know you're an attractive woman, and you can't blame him for trying to put himself out there, but you can blame him for not taking a hint.
"[Y/N]," you return, once again turning away from him. Seeing that they finished the drink they were making before, you flag down the bartender and give them your order. As they start making it, you feel Ji-won's hand on your shoulder.
"That's a really pretty name. Very suiting for a pretty girl."
You maneuver your shoulder out of his grasp as you curtly respond, "Yeah." You don't even try to hide your attitude or sound thankful. The bartender returns with your drink, and as you pull your card out to pay, Ji-won cuts in.
"How about I cover that for you, baby?"
Just as you were gear up to tell him to 'fuck off', you feel a strong hand on your waist as a familiar voice says, "No need for that." You look up to see Hongjoong beside you now, one hand wrapped around your waist, staking his claim, while the other holds out his card to the bartender. "I'd appreciate it if you left my girl alone," Hongjoong says. His voice is mean, and his eyes are hard as stone as he looks at the man.
Without any argument, the man nods his head and walks away from his place at the bar. You return your gaze to Hongjoong, who's still adamant about keeping his hand on your waist. He looks pissed, and while you don't want him to be upset in any capacity, you can't deny how hot he looks like that.
"Don't worry, Joongie," you tease, grabbing his attention. "I wasn't looking at anyone else." He looks down at you, still with that pissed expression that makes your knees feel a little weak.
"I know. Doesn't stop other people from looking at you, though," he responds, now with a tiny pout on his lips. You don't understand how he can look so cute and so hot at the same time.
"Well, of course not. Look at who's on your arm," you joke confidently, briefly glancing down at his arm around your waist. To your comment, he rakes his eyes up and down your form.
"Don't I know it," he says with a smirk, tugging you in closer to him. The bartender returns with Hongjoong's card, and the two of you head back to your reserved corner.
Even though Wooyoung's party continues on the same, it's different for you now; Hongjoong never loosens the grasp on your waist. Your skin burns underneath the weight of his hand, and you feel the butterflies return to your stomach. You have to admit, you kind of like this jealous side of Hongjoong. You're certain that he trusts you, so you aren't bothered by this act of asserting you as 'his'. In fact, you like how proud he is to have you on his arm. He isn't ashamed to show you off like your previous partners were. His love and attraction for you isn't just quiet and intimate, but also loud and outward. You're convinced he would shout his love from the rooftops if you asked him to, and you're willing to bet he'd enjoy doing it as well.
You've been partying for hours at this point, and it doesn't look like the celebration will end any time soon. However, you're ready to just be alone with Hongjoong at this point. You yearn to finally tell him how you feel, to finally let him in and open yourself up to him completely.
Currently, the two of you stand in a group with Wooyoung and some more of his friends. Hongjoong's hand is still at home on your waist, and your back is pressed up against his chest. The close contact just makes you want to be alone with him even more. You turn in his hold to slightly face him, and successfully grab his attention. He leans his head down closer towards your lips so he can hear you over the loud music. "You ready to leave?" you ask him, happy when he nods his head yes.
He lets Wooyoung know the two of you are leaving while you go grab your jacket from the booth. Wooyoung gives you both a hug goodbye, and you catch him giving Hongjoong a silly expression, presumably about him leaving with you, to which you hear Hongjoong respond, "Oh, shut up!" You say your quick goodbyes to the people you've been talking with, and then the two of you make your way out of J. Wang Bar.
â.Ë âŸâ.Ë
The cold November air makes you shiver as you walk out of the bar, your stylish winter jacket and the little party dress underneath hardly enough to keep you warm. Seeing as Hongjoong still sneaks glances at you, you can't complain too muchâ it did its job well this evening.
You sigh out of your nose, looking towards the night sky as you walk in the direction to your apartments. "I don't want tonight to end just yet," you admit to Hongjoong.
He looks at you with a raised eyebrow. "No? Just didn't want to be at the party anymore?"
"No, it's not that. I just," you turn your head to look at him, "I just want to be alone with you." You can see a blush making its way onto Hongjoong's cheeks. You're sure that if you point it out to him, he'd pout and lie, saying it's from the cold air. You decide not to tease him about it this time; instead, you just admire how good it looks there. "Do you think we can take our time on our walk home? Maybe look at the stars a little bit on our way?"
He gives you a mesmerizing smile before responding, "Of course. We can do anything you want." You're starting to realize that he truly can't resist you or deny you anything you ask. You smile back at him and thank him. "You don't have to thank me for that."
As you approach a park near Hongjoong's apartment, you grab hold of his arm to keep him close and protect yourself from the cold night air. The park isn't like the one Hongjoong found before. It's smaller and much deeper in the city, but it's a nice place with visible stars. He leads you further away from the light posts towards a bench surrounded by trees. Even given the circumstances, he's still trying to find you the best spot.
When you sit down, you make sure your bodies are close. Your head leans against his as you look out at the stars, seeing Orion and the Little Dipper. Hongjoong listens intently as you point them out and tell him their names. The moment is so tender and romantic, it makes your heart swell.
"Thank you for indulging me with this. I know it's late and cold," you say, turning your head slightly against his so you can look at each other.
"Don't worry about it," he smiles sweetly at you. He gazes at you longingly for a moment longer before whispering, "How could I deny you anything?"
Your breath hitches, and you feel all the love you have for Hongjoong coursing through your body. You have never experienced love as pure, warm, and true as Hongjoong's; never experienced devotion or yearning such as his before. You love him desperately, and you need him in your life just as badly as he needs you.
"HongjoongâŠ" You sit up, facing him now, but remain just as close as before. Looking at you, his eyes are so clear and large. You could stare at them forever. "My heart⊠it's yours."
"[Y/N]âŠ" Hongjoong mutters, his face incandescent and emotional, as if he never expected those words to come out of your mouth.
"It's true," you say, bringing your hand to the side of his face. "I'm in love with you. Deeply, desperately, wildly in love with you." He lays one hand on top of yours while the other travels to your cheek and situates at the base of your jaw. His touch is so soft and gentle.
"You love me tooâŠ" he states, voice overcome with fondness.
"Yes, I do. Most ardently." You lean your head closer into the warmth of his hand. "My heart is all yours and yours alone. Please," you whisper, "be gentle with it."
"Of course I will," he responds, inching closer to your face. Unable to help yourselves any longer, you both lean in and close your eyes, surrendering to a long-awaited kiss under the stars. His lips feel as though they've always belonged there. Your lips move together, conveying emotions far too deep to ever be verbally expressed.
Kissing one another quickly becomes addictive for both of you. The longer you kiss, the deeper and more passionate it becomes. Slowly but surely, the kiss morphs from something of adoration and devotion into something of longing, desire, and hunger. A moment of breathing allows you to slip your tongue into Hongjoong's mouth, deepening your kiss and intensifying your moment.
You pull back slightly, your lips still ghosting his. "How far is your place from here?" Your lips fall right back onto his immediately after asking.
"Only a couple of blocks," he replies before repeating your unresisting act.
You move you head to the side, allowing Hongjoong's lips to explore along your jaw. "Let's go," you breathe out. "I want you, Hongjoong. Please."
He pulls back to look at your face; there's nothing but love, yearning, and desire in your eyes. His expression matches yours exactly. He nods at your request and stands up, offering his hand out to you. "Me too. Let's go."
The walk back to Hongjoong's apartment is, in fact, short, but it feels like it's taking ages. It's a good thing not many people are out this late at night, because neither of you can keep your hands off of each other. Eagerness overtakes you both, and Hongjoong's apartment couldn't feel farther away.
Anticipation pools in your stomach as you approach his apartment and watch Hongjoong unlock the door. Immediately upon entry, Hongjoong backs you against the closing door and cages you in, resuming his siege on your mouth. Gone is the slow and impassioned kiss that this all began with; it's all fervent hunger now. It's sloppy, all hands, teeth, and hot breath. With his lips still attached to yours, Hongjoong begins toeing off his shoes. You try reaching down to unzip your boots, still engaged in his lips, but Hongjoong pulls away and stops you.
"Let me," he murmurs, moving his hands down to your hips and placing them there with a firm grip. Effortlessly, he sinks down on his knees, looking up at you through his long eyelashes as he removes your boots. He doesn't get up once he's done; instead his hands trace up your bare legs with his mouth close to follow. Maintaining eye contact, he kisses up your legs while his hands slowly make their way further up your body. His touch leaves a trail of goosebumps on your skin, and heat rises in your lower abdomen at the sight of him worshiping your body.
His hands push up your little dress towards your hips until your underwear is exposed. At this point, he's made his way up to the top of your left thigh, venerating it with open-mouthed kisses. He takes his eyes off yours and looks toward your clothed core. "One word from you and I'll stop," he says with lust and ardor in his gaze.
"Please, don't stop," you respond, neediness seeping through your voice. Almost instantaneously, his lips are on your clothed center, mouthing you and leaving you gasping from shock. Once he's had his fill, he moves further up, grabbing the waist hem of your panties with his teeth and tugs them down. Now that you're exposed, he drops them, letting them fall to your feet.
"You have no idea what you do to me," he groans as he repositions you so one of your legs is resting over his shoulder. He looked at the sight of you before himâ open, wet, and eager for himâ with dark, hungry eyes. Without much further build up, he dives in, licking up your entrance with the hunger of a starved man. He continues lapping at your folds, before making his way up to your clit, sucking on it and leaving you in a dizzying state.
Your hand reaches for his hair, tugging on it as the heat in your core intensifies. He keeps an unyielding pressure on your clit, going between sucking on it and flicking it with the tip of his tongue. He looks up at you as you roll your hips at his tongue's entrance within you. He groans at the feeling of you tightening around his tongue, the vibrations making their way through your core. As he feasts upon you, his nose brushes up against your swollen bud, causing you to shiver and moan.
He brings his tongue back to your swollen clit as he pumps two fingers inside of you. "God, Hongjoong," you whine out, throwing your head back against the door. You feel the knot in your stomach tightening as Hongjoong continues curling his fingers inside you, searching for that sensitive spot of yours.
Your legs feel weak and wobbly, unable to take much more of Hongjoong's stimulation while standing. He can feel you shaking, so he wraps his arm tighter around your ass, simultaneously steadying you and groping at your flesh. He continues to moan around your clit at the sensation of you clenching around his fingers, sending shockwaves through your nerves. His rhythm was unrelenting, and you knew you wouldn't be able to last much longer. His grip on your ass tightens, and he takes on more of your weight as he keeps on his attack. He alters the angle of his fingers, now hitting that tender spot inside of you that makes you see stars.
"Hongjoong, I'm close," you whimper out as your hand tightens its grasp on his hair. He keeps his unruly pace, sucking and moaning on your clit. Heat travels through your body as the wave of your climax washes over you, leaving you trembling in Hongjoong's grasp. He eases his feast on you and removes his fingers, now lightly licking up the remnants and leaving soft, open-mouthed kisses to your core.
He finally pulls away, moving your leg from his shoulder and licking his two fingers clean. Clearly, he's obsessed with the taste of you. He rises to his feet once again, and his eyes still burn with lust and primal desire. You're sure you look the sameâ it's certainly how you feel.
You take in his form, noticing the blatant hard-on in his pants. You hook a finger around the necklace adorning his throat and use it to pull him closer to you, back into a searing kiss. You taste yourself on his tongue, and you know you need more of him.
Hongjoong leads your stumbling bodies through his apartment and into his bedroom. He only has time to turn on one of his lamps before your hands and lips are back on him. Hungry for more, you begin undressing him as much as you can without removing your lips from his body. You unbutton and tug at his pants, reaching your unsatisfied hands under his shirt. The singular lamp and soft moonlight coming through the window provide enough light to fully see each other's forms.
Eventually, you break apart, too desperate to keep your clothes on any longer. Hongjoong removes his jacket and shirt in two swift motions before he reaches his arms behind you to unzip your dress and let it fall to the floor, leaving you now completely naked and exposed to him. He drinks in the sight of you; his expression conveying complete and utter devotion. "God, you're so beautiful," he says to you, almost as if you are a goddess in front of him that he's praying to.
You lean back against his bed, and before you know it, his pants are off, and he's climbing on top of you. One hand lands on your breast, rolling and teasing your nipple between his fingers. The other makes itself home on your ass again, grabbing as much of the flesh as possible. All the while, his mouth goes back to your neck, leaving bites down to your collarbones to mark you as his. Your hands travel across his body, leaving a few scratches on his back before reaching for his ample chest. You lean your head up, as well, and leave a couple of love bites of your own at the base of his neck.
He pulls back, removing his underwear and grabbing a condom, ready for more. As he gets ready to position himself, he stills.
"Hongjoong?" you question, desire overtaking your tone.
"Let me admire you for a moment," he says with a genuine smile, gazing at you as if he's memorizing every curve. You feel your cheeks warm, and shyness creeps up on you. Despite your slight bashfulness, you take this moment to gaze upon Hongjoong as well. The man of your dreams above you in all of his grandeur.
Hongjoong lines up the head of his cock with your entrance, teasing it up and down between your folds.
"Hongjoong, please," you whine, unable to take much more of his teasing. "I need you now."
"Alright, alright," he concedes with a sweet smile, beginning to push himself in. "Anything for my girl." He slips in with ease due to how wet you are, and he grabs your hand in his as he bottoms out. You both moan at the sensation. "I love you," he whispers to you, letting you get used to the stretch before moving.
"And I love you," you whisper back. He starts moving out slowly, pulling himself back until only his head is left inside you before snapping his hips and filling you with his length once more. The pace starts slow and passionate, but still searing and unrelenting. You meet his thrusts with as much strength as you can muster, wanting him as deep in you as possible. He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder once again, positioning himself even deeper inside of your velvet walls and allowing him to hit every tender spot within you. The sound of skin slapping against skin and your combined whimpers and moans sound lewd and vulgar, but the look on Hongjoong's face above you is nothing short of ethereal.
"Fuck, you're so tight," he groans, his pace quickening. Each thrust becomes harsher than the last, and your walls continue to tighten and clench around him, sucking him in with every move.
"Hongjoong, I'm getting close- ah fuck!" you cry out. Your back arches from his cock filling you up, and your head crashes onto the pillow from your overwhelming pleasure. Keeping his merciless pace, he licks his thumb and brings it down to your sensitive clit, stimulating it and maintaining a firm pressure against it. You feel heat coil in your stomach as your release rapidly approaches.
"Cum for me, baby," he muttersâ his voice pushing you over the edge. You cry out his name in ecstasy as your walls spasm around his cock, and your legs quiver around his form. His thrusts become more sporadic and desperate as your walls tighten, signifying he isn't far behind and aches for his own release.
"Hongjoong, cum for me, please," you request, reaching your hand up to his cheek. Not even a second later, he releases inside the rubber, twitching with pleasure between your walls. His cock throbs inside of you, and you feel every pulse of his hot release.
Hongjoong collapses on top of you,holding you close and burying his head in your neck as you both recover from your orgasms with heavy breaths.
"I told you," he says after a moment of catching his breath. You turn your head to the side to get a better look at him: he looks at you with nothing but love and adoration in his gaze. "I can't deny you anything you ask of me." You giggle at words, but you know that earnestness is behind them.
Slowly Hongjoong pulls out of you, leaving you empty. "Stay right here," he utters, his tone endearing. He gets up and quickly cleans himself off in the bathroom before returning with a warm washcloth that he uses to clean you up. He's gentleâ knowing how sensitive you still areâ but efficient.
After cleaning you up, he lies down on the bed with you, taking you into his arms and holding you close. There's no place in the entire world you would rather be than in his arms.
"My girl⊠My starâŠ" he mutters, his lips pressing against your temple. You look up at him, hoping your gaze says all of the emotions you can't voice. He leans down and cathces your lips in another kiss, as if making up for all of the lost time as soon as possible.
The two of you lie there, engulfed in each other, and you wouldn't have it any other way. You kiss with the thought of it never getting old, and hold one another with the promise that you will do so for the rest of time. The moonlight shines through the window as you indulge in each other's love. The stars peek in through the window, watching and smiling upon your young love. They twinkle at you through that window and listen to the sweet nothings and the promises you both make to each other with great interest. It's partly because of them, after all, that the two of you are where you are now.
"I'm completely yours, Hongjoong. I'm yours for as long as you'll have me."
"I plan on keeping you by my side and cherishing you forever."
Synopsis: You have a haunted house Halloween meet cute! Poor San wouldn't call it a meet cute, however. He is in despair.
Tags: Meet cute, fluff, just the tinsiest slightest bit suggestive
Warnings: Mention of fake blood and Halloween props
WC: 1.8k
A/N: Hello!! This is the first fanfic I've written in a very long time, so any feedback is welcome! I hope you enjoy! Love, C!! :-3
No AI has been used in the creation of this work. Feeding this work to AI in any form is prohibited.
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As the night sky grows darker, the line ahead of you slowly inches forward. You and your two friends decided that a fun way to spend Halloween this year would be to go to a haunted house, and the main one in your city was known to be extremely scary. Here, the scare actors are allowed to lightly touch attendees, and a complete walk-through could take an hour or more. So, dressed in your costumes, you wait in the seemingly eternal long line, preparing yourselves for a fright of a lifetime.Â
As you make your way to the front of the line, you notice the workers aren't letting in any groups smaller than four people. "Just the three of you?" the employee asks. You and your friends nod in confirmation. "Alright, you three and you three,â he says, pointing first towards your group, then towards a group of men standing next to him, âwill be going through together.â
You inspect the men in front of you. They were all incredibly handsome. The tallest among them had a large smile on his face and fluffy, dark hair that was pushed back to show his forehead. He looked to be dressed as Jack Skellington, while the beautifully androgynous man next to him was costumed as a vampire. Your eyes, however, kept being drawn towards the strong man in the middle. He was dressed as Nightwing and looked like he wanted nothing more than to run away at that very moment.
Stepping behind the men as you enter the building, you can't help but gather your friends and whisper behind your hand, "These guys are totally hot, right?" To which they nod and mouth variations of "Yes!" and "Oh, definitely!"Â
Going through the haunted house with these three strangers is far more entertaining than you imagined. You were correct in thinking the cute Nightwing didn't want to be there, seeing as he was currently clinging to his companions and trying to hide his large body behind theirs. Thanks to him yelling for them every time he got scared, you learn Nightwingâs friends are named Yunho and Seonghwa. You realize early on that going through the haunted house was going to take much longer than expected due to his constant stopping, hiding, and refusal to go forward. But you donât mind. You and your friends laugh, jump, and have fun with the scare actors right alongside the strangers, and you actually find Nightwingâs reactions to be quite entertaining and very cute. Youâre completely fine if this takes all night long.
At some point through the haunted house, the order of formation got switched, and you now found yourself leading the pack through a dark corridor into a dimly lit room. Behind you, you hear the cute Nightwing (you think maybe you heard the other boys call him 'San'?) talk about just how badly he does not want to go in there. His friends (and yours) canât help but chuckle at his desperation.Â
The room appears to be a biohazardous operation room with fake blood splattered across dingy bedsheets, metal trays, and surgical tools. Chains and restraints are hung from the ceilings and walls, while prop bloodied body parts sit in piles around the room. The room is covered in fake grime, and just being there made you feel dirty and on edge, like you were to be the next victim on the operating table. At the center of the room, a scare actor stands clad in a soiled doctor's coat thatâs covered in thick stitches and blood. He weilds a large fake needle and knife.Â
 "Well," he starts, getting close to your face and gently grabbing a strand of your hair before letting it go. "Since when did the beautiful ladies start leading the masses to their slaughter?"
In an attempt to play around with the actor, you smile brightly at him. "Beautiful? Oh, stop it, you!" You throw your hand out in faux bashfulness. The actor let out an exaggerated giggle, to which you respond with a laugh back. Since his job is to unsettle you, he becomes more aggressive in his laughter as he moves closer to your face. Right when heâs a step away from you, he lets out a shriek of insanity. In a moment of pure unhingedness, instead of getting scared, you yell right back at him. Itâs clearly unexpected to the actor, and the two of you are left looking like a couple of freaks staring back at one another.Â
"Holy shit," you hear from San behind you. "She's absolutely insane!" Seonghwa laughs out in response. "Yeah, she can keep leading the way,â San decides, âshe'll protect us!â He moves to place a hand on the top of your shoulder and drags the man in the skeleton makeup closely behind him, asking that he stay close. "Please, let's just go to the next room now. Please. Thank you."Â
With San now in what he considered the safest position- sandwiched right between you and Yunho- you continue through the haunted house. Of course, you weren't going to complain. Sure, your proximity to the group's easiest target (San) meant the scare actors would mess with you more, but you proved you could handle it. Being scared is part of the fun. You like the silly interactions, and you could put on one hell of a brave face. It's all worth it to be in the close presence of who you thought to be the hottest man you've ever seen.
You enter a room with dirty walls and two long hallways connected to it. Something feels off. You canât see the end of either hallway, and the emptiness causes an eerie quiet. "Maybe we're supposed to pick a hallway to go down?" your friend suggests to the group. Before the suggestion even has time to settle, a flash of light appears as eight scare actors run out from hidden entrances around the room. Two from either side and four from behind. In an instant, your group is split. Your friends and Seonghwa sprint down the left hallway, while you, Yunho, and San are forced to take the right.Â
Once in the long corridor, you slow your running and allow your eyes to adjust to the darkness. "Oh, this is just awful!" San wails, his voice filling with despair.
"You really don't want to be here, do you?" you ask San.
"No, I don't. This jerk," he says, pointing to Yunho, "tricked me into thinking we were going to a bar for Halloween!" You look over San's shoulder at Yunho to see a smug, puppy-dog smile plastered on his face. He isnât even showing a hint of remorse! You couldn't help but let out a small chuckle. "I hate stuff like this," San huffs.Â
"If you want, you can hold my hand if you're scared?" You offer your hand in a half-teasing and flirtatious manner, but the look in San's eyes seems sincere.
"Really? Is that okay?" He asks, his eyes widening. Itâs too dark for you to see the slight blush on his cheeks.Â
Your disposition softens at his response. "Sure, why not. Hell, you can even put your head on my shoulder so I can lead you through without you seeing any more jump scares." Maybe it was a stretch, but you feel emboldened to ask.Â
"You would really do that for me?" You nod. "Thank you," he says as he reaches for your hand. You feel butterflies in your stomach the moment his fingers interlock with yours. "Yeah, it's.. no problem," you say quietly, lacking all the confidence you held before. You begin to walk down the corridor with a newfound anxiety. A scare actor quickly lunges out at you, causing you and San to both jump. San rapidly puts his head down on your shoulder to hide his eyes from any further scares. "Please don't stop," he whispers to you, his breath hot against your skin. With his body so close, your mind begins to betray you. You force yourself to keep moving forward despite your brain currently short-circuiting. While San finds a moment of steadiness with you, you feel tense and anxious for what is perhaps the first real time tonight.Â
At the end of the corridor, a room joins both hallways, and the halves of your group become one again. Even still, San never stopped holding your hand. He stays in his spot between you and Yunho, however this time he's much closer to you than before. As you move through the rooms, he continues squeezing your hand when he feels scared, and in moments of boldness, you squeeze back to reassure him that everything would be okay.
Upon entering the last room of the haunted house, San puts his head on your shoulder once more. His other hand holds your waist, urging you forward. Embarrassingly enough, you donât even process the final big scare because you are so hyperfocused on the new sensation of San's hand on your waist. You canât help but notice how large it felt there. You can't help but think of how you wouldn't mind feeling his hands on you all the time.
Exiting fills you with a sense of dread. You donât want to leave San. You want to keep seeing him, keep feeling his hands on you, keep reassuring him that all will be okay. You look at one another as the tranquility of the real world sets back in. Neither of you move or pull away your hands. His deep eyes look into yours. "So I guess this is goodbye." He still doesn't pull away.Â
As you look at his face, you decide this canât be goodbye. You need to keep seeing him, need to feel more than just his hand in yours. You muster up the courage you felt back in the haunted house as you say, "Well, my friends and I actually were planning on heading to a bar after this. If you and your friends would like to come along, we'd be happy to have you."
For the first time that night, you see his bright, dazzling smile, and you feel your breath stagger. "I would love that!" You exchange phone numbers and names since you hadn't officially before.Â
Your hand brushes against his as you hand his phone back to him, and you feel that same anxiety from when he first held your hand in the daunting hallway. You part ways with the promise of texting him the bar address. "I'll see you there," he winks, giving you a final smile as he walks back to his friends. You feel the rush of exhilaration and smile brightly to yourself at the thought of spending the rest of your night with him. God, you love Halloween and all of its treats.
