Let the past die

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choices

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perfidess·:

     —AND THOSE CONSEQUENCES HAD COME CALLING. despite their disagreements and frequent moral clashes, this was the first time they’d truly found themselves on opposite sides of the board. she might have known he’d be tempted by the promise of power— it was written on his soul, a story she could safely say she’s read cover to cover. those memories like shards of glass glimmered in her mind; fractured and in pieces, but clear as day, like she’d lived every one. she knew him… and she knew why.

     her brow knotted— this wasn’t the first time she’s had to fight a friend, and sure as heck won’t be the last.

                                                 “ friend ”—

     the word has always felt like lead on the tongue, like a stranger she thought she knew once. it had felt like a long time since she called anyone that, especially outright. her thoughts turned to the avengers— to wade, to johnny, to janet… she’d left them all behind. her heart was hurting for everything she’d lost to be here, and she wanted so desperately to hold on to what she had left.

     that came in the form of a lone man, wearing his sins like a desperate mask to hide the truth of him beneath it, cloaked in old wounds and shadow. she knew he was hurting, and though her clenched fists beckoned her to action like always… rogue relaxed her hands, slowly unfurling her fingers.

          “ … ben. ” and she smiled kindly at him, without rage nor malice, only understanding, “ … you know it ain’t gonna be that easy, sugah. ”

                           she’d fight him if she had to— but maybe she wouldn’t have to.

KYLO was already wavering against her presence. She just stood there and called out the name he so wanted to forget and it was enough to put him to his knees. Still, stubborn like his parents, he fought against it-- not just her, but the pull she created just by being around him. Rogue was dangerous like that. He thought he’d close off his heart but somehow, this woman found the chink in his armor and found the vulnerabilities he worked so hard to hide from the galaxy. BUT he made his choice. He sided with power. And now he had to defend that choice from the person that he had managed to build a rapport with; the only person that actively strove to understand him beneath the mask. 

CONFLICTED, he hesitated.

“No. No it won’t,” he answered, gripping his lightsaber with clenched fists. Why did it have to be her? Had it been anyone else, he would have cut them down without remorse. “Not for you--” His crimson blade ignited forth, crackling and painting his robes with an ominous red glare.  “Nor for me. Turn around. Walk away. We don’t have to do this.”

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choices

@perfidess​

TEMPTATION. The bane of all those vulnerable to it. Promises whispered to give those lost to their own vulnerability a flicker of hope; a semblance of direction to their directionless existence. Unable to decide for himself, Kylo Ren submitted himself to it, plunging himself further into the dark side as he gave in to the temptation of power offered by this strange being now asserting its will over the island.

BUT there were consequences to such indulgence. And it came in the form of a young woman, hellbent on changing his stubborn reliance on the power of the dark side. Rogue knew him like no one else. Not since the scavenger. Their relationship was one built on newfound trust; an intimate understanding of why he is the way he is and how she had tried to accept him despite his hands stained in blood. SO seeing her stand opposite of him now during this chaos... struck fear in his heart. The same way he felt when Han Solo stood before him. “You know I can’t let you pass,” he warned, his reforged mask obscuring the uncertainty of his features.

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perfidess·:

     WHAT CHANGED HIS MIND? what broke the proverbial dam? why now did these truths come flowing freely like a tide crashing ashore in a storm? “ this place ”, he’d said— it’d messed with him, changed something in him, brought to light everything he sought to keep buried beneath that layer of rage and resentment she’d come to know so well. it was all just a mask, like that helmet he hid behind to escape the ghosts. they’d seen him now; he was exposed, like a nerve, and they gathered at his open wounds like an infection.

                                 i killed my own father.

     her heart lurched against her chest, his words ringing in her head. why, she wanted to ask, but he was quick to answer before she had the chance to say a thing. this is what he carried with him every day, why every glimpse of emotion seemed harrowed by a nameless something. 

                                                                          —now she knew why.

     stunned into silence, her eyes never left him, taken aback by his confessions. her lips parted, like she wanted to say something— but there was nothing. what do you say to that? she wanted to tell him it’ll be alright, that she can try to understand… but she couldn’t. 

                                                                … but maybe there was a way she could.

     rogue lowered her gaze as she turned to him then, peeling her glove from a hand. moving to stand before him, she then raised that hand toward his cheek… but she didn’t touch him, only hovering her fingertips shy his skin as she met his eyes somberly, brow low.

          “ … ah want to understand. ” she murmured gently, “ … but only if you’ll let me. ”

KYLO prepared for the worst. For rejection, for anger to take her place before she could even try to understand why he did what he did. That was how it always turned out. Nothing could ever excuse his murder of Han Solo, even if it was for severing his connection to him; to his father’s love. Yet that act had done nothing but broken him further, a nail in the coffin that would gradually close upon him, the gravity of his sin heavier than anything in the known galaxy. IT would have been his reckoning and if it came in the form of the mutant woman he gradually saw as a genuine companion... then so be it. He would take that punishment head on and finally accept the truth that he is nothing more than a monster begging to be put down.

BUT nothing came at him. She didn’t lash at him for his transgression nor did she attack him with words of spite and loathing at what he had done. Instead, she offered a hand. Something that genuinely caught him off guard. SHE offered to try and understand.

KYLO is rendered speechless, thrown off balance by her willingness to see into his mind. Yes, he understood why her glove was liberated from her hand. That was her power, he remembered. The fallen Jedi deliberated for a time, but slowly he too, began to remove the dark glove off of his hand, opening a vulnerable palm to the mutant.  “...Your funeral,” he warned. His mind is not the safest place. But better there than his heart.

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kylo’s stance on this whole event is him basically accepting the power from the GPU cuz he’s an idiot and can’t resist the temptation. but soon he’ll realize its dumb and turn against the GPU and get marked for elimination, powers be damned he still has his lightsaber so its all good. hm? why an icon of matt the radar technician? idk.

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POWER in exchange for keeping the city in check. Keep the wires uncut, keep those that would try away from them. So lost in his way that the promise of having his connection to the dark side grow stronger enticed Kylo Ren so. So he took up his red, ragged blade and ignited it, the crimson reflected in his eyes.  POWER... he needed power.

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perfidess·:

     THE THINGS HE’D LONG BURIED and left behind were bubbling to the surface, drawing new breath, and she had just fed that budding fire. he couldn’t stem the tide of memories now flowing free, like the life from an open wound, weeping every terrible thing he’s ever done— she could see it in his eyes, as they told wordless stories before he had even opened his mouth. when he did however, she listened with a growing concern reflecting in her gaze, in a knotted brow, before he finally confirmed what she knew all along… that didn’t make it any easier to hear.

     rogue looked away then, holding herself. when did it get so cold? how do you answer to something like that? she’d never had this kind of trouble before. she’d known her fair share of killers— heck, wade had plenty of blood on his hands, but she welcomed him into her heart all the same. this was… different somehow. she wasn’t about to discount the lives lost at his hands, but it was an elephant in the room they needed to address.

                                                                                    and it was about time.

          “ … ah know. ” and he was wrong, but on the off chance he knows that, she continued, albeit sternly, “ … whatever you’ve done… that ain’t mine t’forgive, nor is it mine t’justify. if it’s vindication yer wantin’, that ain’t what i’m offerin’. ”

     but—

          “ —but ah also know there’s more to it than that. ” what she did have was an ear, and she was ready to listen, “ … so what changed? ”

KYLO hesitated to even tell her that confession, for fear of rejection, an act that seemed to happen to him a lot in recent memory. But when she told him that she knew, deep down, that he had already killed people before, a twisted form of relief washed over him. He had grown so used to her company that he actually dreaded telling her the truth of his darkened nature. BUT that was not the worst of his past transgressions. Not by a long shot.

“This place has had an effect on me,” he started, still keeping his gaze away from her, fingers idly gripping his helmet. “All I ever cared about was power-- becoming something I thought I was destined for because of my bloodline. At least, I thought that was all there is to it.” BUT his decisions to become Kylo Ren weren’t his own. Influenced perhaps, yes, but ultimately he was just another tool for the galaxy’s most hateful being, pushed to becoming a vessel of the dark side. Even with all that power and resentment for his parents and his uncle... somewhere deep down, Ben Solo still struggled to stay afloat. “...I’ve killed so many.” Kylo’s voice started to crack. His chest felt heavy with remorse for the first time in what seemed like ages. The cloud of the dark side no longer hung over him to hide the guilt he’d been feeling for so long. He dropped his helmet, a metallic thud accompanying it. Slowly, he reached for his lightsaber, his lip quivering at the nightmare he’d inflicted upon himself. “I killed my own father so I could become... this. I thought I could cut off what love was left for me for strength and yet... my dead master was right. Split me down to the bone, weaker than I ever could imagine myself being. His memory has haunted me since.”

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perfidess·:

     HE’S DEFINITELY DIALED BACK ON THE ATTITUDE SOME— not like she couldn’t handle a little sass and a temper tantrum every now and again. but this wasn’t like all those other times, where he tried so desperately to veil whatever lurked beneath the anger and bid for control, whatever was hiding in those shadows haunting him everywhere he went. he’d finally granted her a peek beyond the curtain, allowed himself some kind of reprieve. for the first time in a long time, he was truly vulnerable. 

     and maybe, just maybe, if she reached out her hand in offer… he’d take it this time.

          “ … coulda fooled me. ” rogue quipped gently, before following his eyes to his helmet.

     there was nothing there; nothing reflecting in that oblivion with which he masked himself— only he wasn’t hiding behind it anymore. so why now…?

          “ … ah don’t needa be a telepath t'be able t’tell you got a lot on yer mind. ” her voice drifted kindly into the silence between them, pruned of its usual thorns, while she again searched his expression, “ … so talk t’me. ”

GLOVED fingers ran across the cracked dome of his helmet, tracing the burning scarlet cracks where it was forged back together. Kylo looked at it with heavy contemplation, wondering just what he meant to do with this after Palpatine promised him power? Become a symbol of fear for the galaxy, like his grandfather did before him? Kylo Ren would have liked that. LET the past die. Kill it if you have to. That was once his mantra. But was it truly, or were they words put into his head like a hypnotizing spell after Snoke and Palpatine corrupted the impressionable young boy and fledgling Jedi, Ben Solo? No, he thought to himself. His actions and misdeeds; all of those murders and atrocities were on his hands.

“A lot would be an understatement,” he answers, prying his eyes off of his helmet and out into the distance. “Once I thought I knew what I needed to do, that my path had already been laid out. Now it’s just... a burden. A crossroads I suddenly find myself in. I’ve killed people, you know that, right?”

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perfidess·:

     FOR A GUY THAT KEPT TO HIMSELF ALL THE DAMN TIME, he was pretty easy to find— or maybe she had just gotten good at searching him out. that kind of darkness left footprints, and she knew how to follow them. she had run into him more than enough to learn, that’s for sure. so, stepping up beside him without so much as a hint of reservation, rogue met his gaze. there was no falter in the way she looked at him anymore, the way she stood by him, her arm scarcely grazing his, and yet, her words were steeled like always.

          “ … should i? ”

                                                   … maybe i kinda like havin’ you around.

ONCE upon a time, he may have tried to hide himself from her presence. Turn hostile, even. But that part of him had slowly ebbed away and though still plainly with the dark side, without his dead master’s influence and the voices in his head that whispered promises of power silent, Kylo’s long buried subconscious-- his former identity as Ben Solo, slowly but surely made himself known. It helped that this woman saw right through him even without the Force. LEIA would have liked her.

“That’s up to you,” he said simply. No sarcastic retort, no snark. Just the truth as he held in his hands his reforged helmet, his eyes downcast as he peered into the void of his helmet’s eye-slit. Though, he had actively stopped trying to keep her away at this point anyway.  “...I’d forgotten what it was like to have a normal conversation with someone.” 

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@perfidess​

KYLO always seemed to find himself in her company. Once he thought her a nuisance; a stubborn woman who wouldn’t lend her powers to him despite his promises of something much greater. Like that fool of a scavenger. But now? NOW, he didn’t seem to mind her company at all anymore. In fact... it was rather welcome. After all, she was the only person on this island that actually acknowledged him for who he was underneath all of his villainy and darkness. Hell if he would ever admit that, however. He would rather die than tell her that.

“We keep meeting like this,” he pointed out, in a matter-of-fact manner. “You ever tire of it?”

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@frosreign​

KYLO had been always drawn to conflict. Or was it the other way around, the Force working as mysteriously as it is wont to do. Indeed, again he could feel the pull of the light side, his influence over the shadow of its opposite growing weaker every day and yet he couldn’t bring himself to fight it. He tried, of course, but now it all seemed so... tiring.  ONCE more, he felt split down to the bone. Maybe that’s why he found this woman. After all, she looked just as lost as he did. More than he could initially realize.

“Strange,” he said, regarding her with some form of curiosity. He continued, though he steered clear of the feeling of mutual astray and instead tapped upon something else about her. “I feel power from you. Weak... but it’s there. Who are you?”

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the grays in between

@saberweiss​

HER name came only in passing among the recovered Jedi archives that his old master, Luke Skywalker, had once uncovered. Ahsoka Tano, the apprentice of Anakin Skywalker during the Clone Wars. Most of what Kylo knew was secondhand, but she became of great interest to him as a young fledgling Jedi studying under Luke. He could only imagine what it would have been like to be the apprentice of the man that would become Vader. BEN felt envy back then.

NOW, Kylo felt something else entirely. Something that pricked at his chest that he couldn’t quite place. It was unpleasant and uncomfortable. At first, he was surprised to see a togruta woman here of all places. But the twin wooden swords by her hip gave him the impression that she was a warrior.  NO, he did not recognize her as Ahsoka. Not yet, at least. “Strange... the First Order hunted down any remaining Jedi from Skywalker’s temple. I would know,” he began, shameless in his threatening aura. “I lead most of them. Killed all of them. Who are you?”

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@jediskyvvalker​

ANAKIN SKYWALKER. A legend among legends. A true Jedi in every sense of the word. And like every Jedi during his time, he too, fell during the Clone Wars. From Anakin’s ashes came forth Darth Vader. Whereas Anakin became a symbol of the Jedi Order, Vader became the symbol of power that the Sith held. And Kylo Ren chose Vader over Anakin because of this power. Any weaker man would have chosen otherwise. BUT what of Anakin himself? Has his grandfather accepted his fate?

“I still sense denial, grandfather.” Kylo’s revelation a while back was a lot to take in, but it was fact. He wouldn’t lie about Vader, of all people. Kylo practically worshiped the man. So even as he spoke to the Jedi that would be the Dark Lord himself, he still regarded Anakin with respect. “You still fight it... I can feel your struggle. Don’t. I struggled too, but the dark side... it is stronger.”

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perfidess·:

     SHE DIDN’T SAY A THING, leaving him to his silence, and whatever thoughts he was buried in. she’d never seen him so… quiet; heck, there was something almost peaceful about the way he had composed himself in that very moment. what had been a fire, eating away at everything that laid before it, was now little more than a whisper, a steady bud of flame. she knew in her heart there was something going on, but… the words were never right, and neither was it the time.

     despite her concerns, rogue said nothing. she’s only meant to check up on the guy, see if he was doing alright in light of their recent findings, what with the circumstances— but he was likely dealing with it in his own way, and she had to respect that. hugging herself, she closed her eyes, the softest exhale passing her lips… before she angled away from him, a boot scuffing against the dirt.

                                                     maybe she was the last thing he needed right now.

EMPTINESS. Powerful was the dark side and he relished it all despite his hesitations from the past. Yet right now it had failed to provide him answers, his expression scrunching up in frustration as Kylo struggled to find guidance after recent revelations. Anger from that frustration continued to bubble and boil, that flame in him growing wild once again. But if he was to find answers, he knew it would take more than just the power of the dark side to aid him. SO he calmed his mind and focused. Focused on the one thing that might help him go through such a unique ordeal. Then, his mind formed an image. That of a young woman with a streak of white hair amongst dark auburn...

EYES slowly open, confused as to why she would be the one to come to his mind. Then, her very presence makes itself known to him despite her silence. Coincidence? “...You were watching?” he asked, slowly, dismissing the thought foolishly.

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kinda dropped the ball on my first rp ad and im terribly sorry for that. between life and being an adult, shit takes a toll on ya. so do let me know if you still wanted to continue some of those threads but if not, i totally understand. that aside, here’s another rp ad. ill cap at 2 but sw folks can go over the cap!

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shit mom’s here... 

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chandrellor·:

     She laughs lightly upon seeing all the red and pink decorations hung about, azure gaze looking at them curiously.

     ❝ It is good to see so many people getting ready to enjoy the upcoming festivities. Perhaps the subject matter is a little strange but nevertheless, something worth celebrating for sure, ❞

“Or an absolute waste of time. Of course, a member of the senate would say such a thing. Or rather, a chaotic organization like the rebellion of old, wouldn’t you say, Mon Mothma?”

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MEDITATION was normally a Jedi practice. Tranquility and peace of mind helped clear one’s doubts during particularly trying times. Kylo found himself lost in the isles; not in the literal sense but he is now without purpose. His First Order is stripped from him and though powerful in the Force as his blood is wont, he is but one man, alone in a world where men like him were just any other. SO he meditated. Loath as he is to admit, his old master, Skywalker, taught him well before he found himself under Snoke’s wing. But to that end he put a twist on the traditionally serene practice, drawing upon the rage and hate that had fed him all these years, hoping to reignite that flame inside of him. BUT that was just the problem. Kylo could find none of it. The dark side was strong but now he finds it... empty.