Satoru hadn't expected to come home to this, hadn't expected you to find out. He knew that when you did find out you'd be distraught, for sure, but he'd be lying if he said he thought you were gonna start throwing things at him.
He ducked low as yet another plate flew past his head, eyes wide as he quickly shouted. " Baby, calm down! Just let me explainâ"
" Explain?! " You'd screamed, chest rising and falling rapidly as you glared at him, hands already itching to reach for the next nearest object to throw at him.
" I don't want to hear your explanations, Satoru! I don't want to hear you try to explain why you cheated on me for months and didn't even bother to tell me! " You shouted, tears continuing to trail paths down your cheeks, voice cracking every time you spoke, the pain in your chest never lessening or going away.
You'd found out unintentionally, having been cleaning the bedroom that you both shared earlier in the day while he was away at work just to find a piece of lingerie underneath the bed that definitely wasn't yours because Satoru hadn't touched you in months. He'd always made excuses, said he was too busy or that he just didn't feel well, and now you knew the true reason.
Now you knew why he'd stopped bringing you flowers every month, it all made sense now. All of it made sense, the random business meetings he had to supposedly attend to in the early mornings, the multiple occasions where he came home extremely late and blamed it on work, the times where you could've sworn you smelt another women's perfume on him but tried not to think anything of it because Satoru wasn't that kind of man. Because you truly had faith in him, faith that he was different from the rest of them.
You felt so stupid. Betrayed. Your voice raised once more, hands reaching for the next object to throw, which happened to be the paper-towel holder which Satoru managed to dodge by just an inch.
" Were you ever going to tell me? Were you ever going to say anything?! Or were you hoping you could have your cake and eat it too without me ever finding out? Huh?! " Your voice wobbled, sobbing with every word that left your mouth, four years of marriage gone. Just like that.
God, Satoru wasn't usually one to feel bad about the consequences of his actions, but right now? Right now, he actually felt bad. He hadn't meant for it to get this far, he'd been telling himself for the past six months that he'd cut it off soon, that it was just for fun, just a small fling, that it wasn't cheating if he didn't actually love her, but fuck, he knew he was wrong.
And now? Now he was paying the price. And hearing you, his wife of four years, crying and screaming at him with such pain in your voice, with that look of betrayal on your face? God, it was tearing him apart.
Satoru wasn't a man of many regrets, but right now? He'd felt like he'd ruined everything good that he'd ever had in life.
And maybe he had, maybe he had ruined everything good in his life. Because now? He was completely sure that you were definitely not going to forgive him for this, which meant he'd just lost his marriage over some temporary assistant at work that he was too weak to say no too.
For the first time in what might've been years, he let a tear fall down his face as he watched the very woman he'd sworn to love till' death do us part, crumble right in-front of him. And for once? No amount of reassuring words or expensive gifts could fix it.
He really screwed up, didn't he?
content: 18+ mdni! sukuna x fem reader, fwb frat boy sukuna, college au, readers ex-bf is frat boy naoya, heavy angst, hurt/some comfort(?) smut, oral (m receiving), mentions of cheating, being the rebound, alcoholism, depression, car accidents, near death, hospitalization, ending up to interpretation
eliâs notes: wowie this one made me sad and i havent written angst in a while bc my heart simply cannot take it sometimes HAHA but pls read the tags and note that this is 3.4k! enjoy if you choose to read <3 no, i did not kiss the brick before i threw it :) fanart creds to @/juztjxn on twt!
âshit, babyâŠâ sukuna groans, fingers twisting tight in your hair, yanking it into a rough ponytail so he can watch every inch of his fat cock disappear between your pretty lips.
spit drips down your chin, mixing with the precum leaking from his fat tip while you hollow your cheeks and take him deeper, nose brushing the dark pink hair at his base. his thighs tense under your palms, black band tattoos flexing every time you swirl your tongue around his frenulum piercing. you peer up at him from between his spread legs, eyes locking with those crimson ones, watching his face twist in raw pleasureâbrows pinched, lips parted, a low growl rumbling in his chest.
you keep your eyes on him, loving the way his roll back, loving how his abs clench every time your tongue drags along that thick vein on the underside. and him you, loving how your makeup runs, loving how you gag and sputter around his thick shaft.
then his phone starts buzzing on the nightstand like a fucking chainsaw with some stupid trap song.
you donât stop. in fact it spurs you on more, you swirl your tongue around the head, sucking harder, determined to make him ignore it. but sukunaâasshole that he isâreaches over with one hand and actually answers, thumb swiping the screen while his other hand stays knotted in your hair.
âyo, getoâŠkinda busy, man,â he grunts, voice rough but steady, hips still jerking lazily into your mouth.
you hear getoâs low murmur on the other end, you can't make out the words but he's laughing about something and whatever it is hits sukuna like a brick, it causes his grip on your hair to go slack, fingers slipping free, and he sits up straighter, abs tightening. the heat in his eyes dies fast. you pull off his dick with a wet pop, strings of spit still connecting your swollen lips to his throbbing cock.
âwhat the fuck,â you mutter, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, sitting back on your heels. your tits are out, nipples hard from the cold air and the way heâd been pinching them earlier, but now you cross your arms over your chest like thatâll hide how naked and suddenly small you feel.
sukunaâs staring at the wall, jaw tight, thumb hovering over the end call button. âfuck you, man. whatever, thanks,â he says, voice flat, then tosses the phone onto the sheets.
he drags a hand through his messy pink hair, exhaling hard and shoves himself back into his boxers like nothing happened, dick still half-hard and shiny from your mouth. âheyâŠuh. you gotta go.â
the words slam into your chest harder than they should. you blink, throat raw, pussy still throbbing from earlier when he had you bent over his desk. âis everything alright?â it comes out small, shaky, hating how weak you sound.
âyeah.â he says simply. cold and distant like heâs somewhere else completely. âjustâŠthink itâs best you leave.â
anger instantly sparks hot under your skin. âreally? i was choking on your dick two seconds ago and now youâre kicking me out? the fuck did i do, sukuna?â
he scrubs a hand over his face, jaw tight. âwhy does it matter? canât you just fuckinâ listen for once?â
âno,â you snap, climbing off the bed, tits bouncing as you hunt for your thong somewhere in the mess of his floor. âi let you text me at 2am, come over here, fuck me stupid, let you nut inside me, cuddle me after like iâm your goddamn girlfriendâi think i deserve five fucking seconds of an explanation.â
he laughs, but thereâs no humor in it. âgod, you women and your need for reassurance, so fucking exhaustingââ
your eyes burn. âoh, here we fuckinâ go. perfect, exactly like naoya. same frat, same fucking attitude. birds of a feather, right?â
you snatch your panties off the floor, yank them up your legs, muttering loud enough for him to hear every word. âso fucking stupid. my friends warned me. told me youâd use me up and toss me out the second something better came along, guess they were right.â
sukuna stands up fast, sweatpants hanging low on his hips. âhey, heyâ i didnât mean it like that. chill.â
you glare up at him, eyes glassy with stupid tears you refuse to let fall. âthen say what you mean.â
he exhales hard, pink hair messy from your fingers earlier. âit's justâŠgeto called âcause my girlâex-girlâor whatever, she's got a man and she'sââ
you slap a hand over his mouth before he can finish. skin against skin, his lips hot under your palm. âdonât.â your voice cracks but stays flat. âi donât wanna hear it.â
you already know the story; you donât need to hear it again. everyone on campus does. sukuna and her were the couple. he really loved her, or at least thatâs how it looked to everyone else. she was the first girl he mightâve actually settled down with after graduation, after three years of him tearing through campus like a walking red flag with a nice face.
before her, sukuna was a messâthe kind of guy who showed up to 8am lectures still smelling like tequila and three different scents of perfume. heâd skip class for weeks, then charm professors into giving him extensions he never used. every party, he was the one breaking hearts in the kitchen, making out with someone new on the balcony, disappearing upstairs with whoever was brave or dumb enough to think theyâd be the one to change him. he was magnetic in that toxic way that pulls people in even when they know better.
then she came along and suddenly he wasâŠdifferent. showing up to class on time, skipping parties to take her out, telling his friends he was âtrying to be better.â it was the first time anyone had seen him choose something other than himself and for a while, it looked like he might actually pull it off.
that was until she fucked toji in sukunaâs own bed. you remember naoya telling you how sukuna snapped the second he found outâhow he went after toji in the front yard like a man possessed. fists flying, blood everywhere. the neighbors watching from porches, someone yelling to call the cops and the rest of the frat trying to pull them apart before someone actually died. the story went around campus so fast it felt like everyone had been there to see it. the frat nearly dissolved over it. half the brothers wanted both of them gone, the other half swore sukuna had every right. in the end, they kicked toji out and hoped things would quiet down.
but you saw what came after, the part people didnât talk about enough. sukuna drinking himself stupid every night for weeks, hiding bottles in his room, stumbling into lecture still reeking of whiskey. his arms were bruised so dark they were almost the same shade as the ink wrapped across his skin, ugly purples and blacks blooming under his knuckles. his lip stayed split for days, reopening every time he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. one of his eyes was swollen so bad he could barely open it, a wild-looking bruise spreading down his cheekbone like heâd been carved into.
then one night, about a week after naoya dumped you for some girl heâd sworn up and down was âjust a friend,â sukuna texted youâhis frat broâs pretty ex-girlfriend, the one he used to smirk at in passing. he was all drunk and mean and needy in your dms, typing like his hands were shaking, telling you he didnât want to be alone. and you went. of course you did. his pain felt familiar almost like a language you already knew how to speak.
at first, it was just sexâmessy, angry, desperate. something to fill the silence in both your chests. you let him bury his face in your neck, let him curse and bruise and cling, while fucked the daylights out of you. you let him fall asleep on top of you because the alternative was him going home to drink himself sick again. you told yourself it didnât mean anything. you told yourself you were just helping him get over her and he was helping you forget naoya.
about a month and a half in, it stopped being just bodies in the dark. he started lingering after, staying to talk instead of grabbing his clothes and leaving. heâd trace circles on your hip while mumbling about classes he was failing or how he still couldnât sleep in his own bed. heâd ask what you ate that day, if you were drinking enough water, if naoya ever tried reaching out to you againâquestions he had no reason to care about, but he did anyway.
and you let him, you let the lines blur.
some nights he didnât even touch you. heâd just lay there with his head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. the same hands that used to grip you too tight now held you gently, almost careful. as if he didnât trust himself not to break something real.
you kept telling yourself it was temporary, that it was just two broken people using each other to fill the gaps. but it was already becoming more than thatâbecoming emotional, intimate, dangerous. the kind of closeness you swore you wouldnât fall into again.
and yet here you were. wrapped up in another shitty man who felt too familiar, sinking back into a pattern you couldnât seem to escape, no matter how many times you promised yourself you would.
you drop your hand from his mouth and he doesnât move.
âso what,â you say, grabbing and pulling your hoodie over your head, nipples still hard and aching from earlier. âsheâs with someone new and suddenly iâm trash you gotta scrape off your dick?â
his jaw works. âitâs not like that.â
âthen whatâs it like, sukuna?â you step into your jeans, zip them with shaking fingers. âbecause from where iâm standing it looks exactly like that. you get bad news about your ex and the side pussy gets booted, classic.â
he flinches at the word 'side pussy.'
âyou knew what this was,â he says, quieter now, almost pleading. âwe said no feelings, no strings.â
âoh, donât give me that shit. youâre such a bullshit liar.â you grab your phone, your wallet, your keysâanything to keep your hands from shaking. âdonât act like it hasnât been more than that for months now. yeah, sure, we agreed on being friends with benefits. fine. whatever. but that was before you started kissing my forehead after you came inside me. before those âmiss youâ texts at 3 a.m when you were completely fucking sober.â
the words tumble out, hot and fast, your throat burning like youâve swallowed fire.
âyou donât get to do all that soft shit,â you say, voice cracking even though you try to swallow it down. âand then act shocked when i catch feelings, sukuna.â
he stares at you, chest rising and falling too fast, trying to breathe through a panic attack he caused himself.
you laugh through your tears, a broken, soggy sound that tastes like salt and humiliation. âbut youâre right,â you choke out, âiâm the dumb bitch who thought the campus whore might actually give a fuck about someone other than himself.â
âstop.â his voice cracks clean in half on the word. âjustâforget what i said. get back in bed, baby. stay with me.â he reaches for you like muscle memory, like heâs grabbed you a hundred times in the dark without thinking but you move out of reach before his fingers can brush your wrist.
âdonât fucking touch me.â you swallow hard, the burn clawing down your throat. âenjoy your little heartbreak, pussy nostalgia or whatever the fuck this is.â
youâre already at the door, hand curling around the knob, every part of you shaking. youâre ready to leave him in the mess he made when he finally speaks again, voice low, shredded.
âiâŠi just didnât want you to see me like this.â
he sucks in a sharp breath, fists curling at his sides.
âyouâre not her replacement. youâreâfuck.â he drags a hand over his face. âyouâre the only thing thatâs felt good in months. the only thing that actually made it quiet in my head. and i justâi can't tonight. not after hearing sheâs happy with some other guy. makes me feel like a fucking loser all over again.â
you donât turn around, you donât dare. because if you look at himâbarefoot, bruised ego, voice tremblingâyouâll cave the way you always do, and youâre so, so tired of caving.
âthen deal with it alone,â you whisper, barely breathing the words. âlike iâve been doing since naoya.â
you walk out and the door clicks shut behind you. itâs soft, but it feels final, like a period at the end of something you donât have the strength to drag out anymore.
the frat hallway smells like weed, sweat, and stale beer. youâre pretty sure you can hear moaning from naoyaâs roomâthe universeâs idea of a punchline. your bare feet stick to the hardwood in places, your hoodie reeks of sukunaâs cologne and sex and betrayal and your throat feels like youâve been screaming for hours.
you make it halfway down the stairs before the first sob tears itself out of you. upstairs, muffled through the walls and floorboards, something slams hard against the wallâonce, twiceâthen nothing. just silence thick enough to drown in.
you keep walking out the frat house until you reach your car, keys slipping a little in your shaking hands. you slide into the driverâs seat, start the engine, and stare at the dashboard glow like it might steady you. while the car warms up, you scroll through your phone without seeing anything, thumb moving on autopilot. every notification looks like his name even when it isnât.
you pull out of the lot with the windows down despite the cold, the night air slapping against your face. you need itâsomething to wake you. something louder than the thoughts clawing at your skull. the campus shrinks in your rearview, buildings going dark and distant, the streets nearly empty except for the occasional uber creeping by.
the tears keep coming, blurring the stoplights into long, smeared streaks of red and white. you drag your sleeve across your face, the cotton rough and damp. it smells like himâhis cologne, his sheets, his skinâand you hate yourself for not ripping it off before you left. you hate how it comforts you even now.
your phone buzzes hard against the passenger seat, then vibrates itself right off the edge. it hits the floorboard with a thud.
âjesus, chill,â you mutter, leaning sideways, one hand clamped on the wheel, eyes darting between the road and the faint glow coming from under the seat. the seatbelt digs into your neck as you stretch your fingers toward the buzzing, slipping device, half desperate to shut it upâhalf desperate to see his name lit up again.
your tires skid. the world jerks sideways, metal screams, glass bursts from all sides like stars shattering and cold air rushes in all at once, then black.
you come to with fluorescent lights stabbing your eyes and the taste of blood thick on your tongue. your whole left side throbs like itâs been dipped in fire. something beeps steady beside you. iv line tugs at the crook of your elbow when you try to move.
and there he is.
sukunaâs asleep in the plastic chair pulled right up to the bed, head dropped forward, chin on his chest. his pink hairâs a wreck, hoodie wrinkled like he threw it on inside out. the black tattoos on his face stark against skin that looks too pale under hospital lights. his hand is wrapped around your wrist, thumb resting over your pulse like heâs been counting heartbeats.
you stare at him, throat raw from whatever tube they yanked out earlier. you try to pull your hand away from his and pain shoots up your ribs. you hiss.
his eyes snap open instantly. theyâre beautiful as always, already red, but now they look almost rawâbloodshot to hell, puffy like he's been crying.
âhey, heyâ donât move.â voice gravelly, like he hasnât slept or spoken in hours. he sits up fast, grip tightening on your wrist. âyouâre fucked up pretty good. they had to cut you out of the car.â
you blink slow. âhow long have iââ
âten hours. i've been here since they called me.â he rubs his face with his free hand. âyour phone was cracked to shit but it still worked, i guess. i was the last one you called, so they dialed me. some nurse asked if i was your boyfriend, i told her yeah just to get in the room.â
your chest aches worse than your ribs. âyou didnât have to come.â
he laughs, bitter and quiet. âyeah i did.â his thumb keeps stroking your pulse point, slow circles. âthought you were dead when they said you got t-bonedâŠi kept picturing your car flipped, blood everywhere.â his voice cracks on the last word, barely, but you hear it. âfuck, i almost threw up in the waiting room.â
you swallow, everything tastes like copper and antiseptic. âiâm fine.â
âno youâre not.â he leans closer, elbows on the bed rail, eyes locked on yours. he reaches like he wants to touch it, then stops himself. âyou scared the shit outta me.â
the silence between you two stretches, just the heart monitor and distant carts rolling down the hall, idle hospital chatter.
âwhyâd you even pick up the phone while driving?â he asks, softer.
âit kept buzzing. thoughtââ your voice gives out, you look away. âthought it was you.â
his jaw flexes. he drops his head, forehead pressing to the edge of your mattress, hand still locked around your wrist like heâs scared youâll vanish.
âiâm sorry,â he mutters into the blanket. âfor earlier. for kicking you out like thatâŠi just. fuck, geto told me sheâs engaged nowâfuckin' engaged and i justâŠi don't fuckin' know. i lost it. i took it out on you when you didnât deserve that shit.â
you stare at the ceiling tiles. âyou always do, sukuna.â
âi know.â he exhales shakily. âiâm a piece of shit. i know that too.â
you feel tears start to slip hot down your cheeks, you donât bother wiping them, you just stare at the ceiling, numb.
he lifts his head, crimson eyes glassy. âi donât even want her back. i havenât in months. i just hate that sheâs winning, you know? i fucking hate that i still feel anything at all.â his thumb keeps moving over your skin. âbut youâre the one i text when i canât sleep. youâre the one whose laugh i replay in my head when everything else sucks. iâm too fucking scared to say that out loud âcause every time i let somebody in, it never goes well for me.â
your throat burns. âi donât know how to do this anymore, sukuna.â
âthen let me figure it out,â he whispers, voice thin and trembling. âlet me try. iâll mess up, i know i will, but iâll keep trying. iâll be better. i swear. i promiseâŠi promise.â the way the words spill out of himâdesperate, raw, repeating themselves like heâs afraid you wonât believe himâdrags up memories of every promise you've heard too may times from naoya.
âyou donât gotta forgive me tonight. just donât make me leave this room, please.â
he lowers his head again, closer this time, until his nose brushes your knuckles. his breath comes warm and shaky against your skin. then the soft, smothered sound of him trying not to cryâor trying to hide the fact that he is.
you canât tell if the tears are for you or for her.
maybe theyâre for both of you.
but you close your eyes and weakly turn your wrist just enough to lace your fingers through his.
youâre so tired, everything still hurts but his hand is steady around yours and warm.
he squeezes back once, hard, like heâs scared youâll change your mind.
i have to say this but i love a sadistic gojo, plus i do think canon satoru is a sadist, he enjoys playing with his 'food', teasing them to the brink of death, only to leave them squirming on the floor like a toy being thrown away. he is a sweet man of course, but he does have tendencies of putting curses in pain, and toying with people to get what he wants. a very blunt man might i add, for example, he said he was going to beat the shit out of ijichi if he didnt get a drivers license or told him that he was more useless than shit and that he should quit being a sorceror. it was rude, yes, but after concealing emotions for so long, the only way to express care to someone weak, is to be very explicity blunt. he has so much duality too, one second he could be ripping apart curses like its nothing to him, or he could be entertaining himself with death as its the only relief he can get (example: him laughing in the shibuya arc). another second, he would be nurturing the next generation, bright smiles and playful teases.
with so much nerd and soft gojo going around, I think it does get forgotten how mean this man can be if he wants to !!!! he can be selfish ! his goofiness is MEANT to disguise how he actually feels most of the time we actually see him
And my greatest act of love (for myself) will be to let the past go. I miss the memories more than I miss the people but now is the time to find happiness in the present.
I really hope this job application pans out. I want it more than anything.
I understand why people might not like it, for the same reasons that people donât like GOM. What I cannot stand is how people say that she ruined Gareth and how much KTV is overshadowed by HTV. And I only have one complaint about KTV, how much woman are used to prop up Gardenâs relationship as if theyâre nothing but a tool. Also linking back to how Rina views women.
Issue 1)
The best part abt KTV is about how aware it is. Itâs so meta of Rina Kent to write that a character acknowledged to being r*ped. And then to give that whole r*pe a reason, not to justify the act itself but in the whole of the book itâs perfect. Theyâre both fucked up, fictional and the actions have reasons. The r*pe actually is part of the story and leads to the bigger picture and both the characters actually ACKNOWLEDGE IT. People who hate this are allowed to hate it but acknowledge that both these characters are (1) fucked up (2) fictional
Issue 2)
âGareth is a bad brotherâ idk what to say abt this bro. He and Killian have a diverse and unique dynamic that differs from Landon/Brandon and Creighton/Eli. Landon and Brandon are twins, love each other that brotherly camaraderie. Not to mention are different from Killian and Gareth. Eli and Creighton are more similar to Killian and Gareth, all four are downright psychotic. Except Eli actually is very outward with his affection towards Creighton. Creighton is the little brother he chose.
I donât get peopleâs hate for Killian and/or Gareth for being horrible brothers. Yâall this is their dynamic, even before when the fandom considered Killian the âbad guyâ for being a bad brother to Gareth, and now seeing Garethâs the âreal bad guyâ people hate him for being a bad brother. THEYRE BOTH FICTIONAL AND PSYCHOPATHIC. Plus everyone is forgetting one element to this, Garethâs love for his father. Gareth loved his father more than he loved his brother, whether that is a factor that is Asherâs fault is to be told another day or to be left alone. We forget that Garethâs ideal self is his dad, and that he craves his dadâs affection and hides his true fucked up thoughts and behavior to be the perfect golden boy for his dad. He cares about his dad. That is part of a core of his character. Eli donât gaf abt Aiden bro đ Aiden lowkey donât even gaf abt Eli bc Creighton is the baby of their family
Donât forget a part of Gareth also cares about Killian, seeing as how he almost shmurdered a kid for breaking Killianâs ankle. And even if itâs because he sees Killian as his possession or not, KILLIAN SEES GARETH AS A POSSESSION TOO!!! THIS DOESNT CHANGE ANYTHING. Iâm gonna tweak tf out if I have to defend this point again. THEYRE BOTH GOOD AND BAD, ITS NUANCED!!!!!!!
Letâs not forget that Killian knows that Gareth lives off their fatherâs attention and makes a show out of having a newly developing connections with their dad just to spite Gareth. Like that one chapter where Gareth was doing archery in the rain without a care because he was just so so sad about being left behind and replaced by his brother. Kayden had to be the one to get him out of there. Some ppl just donât get inferiority like I do đ
Also need to mention that Gareth feels like Killian was made to stave away his loneliness. No matter how fucked up the both of them are or how they show their âloveâ to each other, itâs in the way that they both want it and understand it. The core of their relationship is their hatred for each other but because of new present events now they can grow past that. Something called development.
Issue 3)
âRina Kent ruined Gareth and Glyndonâs relationshipâ and itâs a quote of Gareth saying Glyndon is naive. SHE IS, SHE IS NAIVE. I love Glyndon donât get me wrong, sheâs my favorite of the main 4 (save for Mia, Mia is my bbg) but sheâs naive and Gareth obviously plays on that for his own benefit. Itâs her kindness and good natured heart that makes her naive but itâs not like he hates her.
Once again, this is the fandomâs own interpretation of how they saw Glyndon and Garethâs relationship. In no way did they have like a thoroughbred friendship, they just had images of one and the fandom blew that up out of proportion. Bruh we knew Gareth was sort of fucked up from the start (just not how fucked up). You remember the scene where he kissed Glyndon just to fuck with Killian? And youâre telling me you âdidnât expect thisâ DID WE READ THE SAME BOOKS?
However, this does not negate the already existing relationship that Glyndon and Gareth does have. Itâs not like Gareth cares about her outside of how he uses her to tame Killian but also uses her to get him off his back. Gareth didnât say that he hated her guts and wanted to stab her or some shit, he just called her naive for being so kindhearted. The fandom can still have the Gareth and Glyndon friendship.
Issue 4)
âGareth is fucked up for only worrying about the fact that Kayden had a wife and not that he was getting revenge on his wifeâs r*pist and shmurderer.â Did we even read the same book? Gareth IS fucked up⊠I fear thatâs his whole thing. Are we not gonna touch upon the fact heâs okay with stabbing his hand just bc he got fucked over by Kayden or the fact he literally had large ass slashes of his own self harm scars on his arms just because he found out Kayden was using him?
Letâs not forget that Gareth was on the belief that Kayden was using him to get revenge on his grandpa (who Gareth also adores and loves very very much). Gareth whose a psychopath and the number 1 D1 crash out of everyone in the RK universe (he wins that award), is tied between his love for Kayden and the fact that Kayden is just using him for revenge on his family. Those are both very difficult things itself. Itâs not even in Garethâs nature to care about people outside of himself and those he holds dear. He couldnât handle that heart break and had to turn it on himself to find a way to vent that.
Itâs not more so that he doesnât care about Kaydenâs ex wife and wants to kill her (he would have if she were alive tbf) but he felt betrayed because of Kaydenâs purpose with being with Gareth in the first place. And the most heartbreaking thing is that Gareth couldnât find it in himself to kill Kayden or even hurt him farther than scraping the lily off because he would be hurt to see Kayden hurt. Ts got me, had me in tears.
However, this leads into what the actual issue of KTV is.
How many (fictional) woman are going to suffer because of Rina Kentâs writing? In KTV, Harper had to suffer to prove a point abt Garethâs character, and Cassandra had to die to prove a point about Kaydenâs character and their relationship. Donât get me wrong, I love Gareth and Kayden and I love the drama but I just donât like how women have to be on the receiving ends of suffering just to prove a point in the story. As if there nothing else but just tools (donât get it twisted, Cassandra and Harper were just tools and the stories of their SAâs are once again, just tools to further the main relationship).
I mean, yeah sure there are other female characters that didnât suffer as much and werenât put into a negative light. Like Zara, and Kaydenâs momâs. But itâs becoming very clear that Rina doesnât view or write woman very positively? Not to say sheâs a woman hater but itâs just that the internal biases are there and very prevalent.
Another issue is that KTV is overshadowed by HTV, Vaughn and Yulian. I donât wanna hear abt Vaughn and Yulian I want Kayden and Gareth đ let them have their moment, Vaughn and Yulian will get their time.
Now that itâs been a few days since KTVâs release I want to make good on my announcement earlier b4 reading KTV.
Issue concerning the Vaughn and Yulian situation
From what Iâve read, I like the idea of Vaughn and Yulian. I really do, Yulian feels like a Niko 2.0 except less chaotic and more cocky. I love Vaughn and Yulianâs dynamic from what Iâve seen.
However, considering the context of the situation and extenuating factors I am wary and concerned over the fact that Rina Kent is only writing MM for the money and the fame. Itâs good that the LGBTQ community is getting more attention and books especially in dark romance, and any other fun genres. When writing LGBTQ it doesnât have to about being LGBTQ it can just be dark romance with LGBTQ, yeah?
Following this line of thought, I want to make it clear that I was a DamienMio or SebastianNaomi girl x Vaughn sort of person and it is my fault for expecting Rina to follow that line of thought. But I donât care if Vaughn is with a girl or a guy I really just care abt Rinaâs intentions with this considering itâs soured the community somewhat and she canât control how the people takes her choices but she should be aware of it.
The name calling in this community too, smh. Weâre homophobic for not liking MM when it concerns Vaughn and Yulian but when in reality it just feels like Rina did the switch up bc MM was popular. Thereâs so many different perspectives to this that we canât say for sure. Itâs kind of a mixed bag. Some people donât like Yulian and Vaughn bc they expected Vaughn to be with a bad bitch. I donât like Vaughn and Yulian (Iâve grown to like them but before hand) because Rina was profiting off of MM when sheâs stated before she wonât write FF but writes MM? When theyâre both LGBTQ? Math isnât mathing.
And I guess I have to theorize that it comes down to misogyny and societies views on woman and how Rina views and treats women in her stories. Not bashing on her saying sheâs a woman hater but how can we see otherwise when it really reflects in her writing?
And this delves into another topic, I donât want to say sheâs a fetishizer or writing for the Bl fetishists because itâs highly stigmatized already when it comes to the BL, Danmei aspect of the fandom. Where we as women are more free to express ourselves in men without the stigmatization of what it means to be a woman. It makes sense she draws more to MM because we are more comfortable and free in reflecting ourselves in men. Whenever a woman is written sheâs either seen as âtoo weak, too strong, badassâ if sheâs not a badass sheâs weak, if sheâs not weak sheâs a badass and thatâs very restrictive. Itâs never nuanced or inbetween itâs so so one toned. That comes from societyâs expectations and Rinaâs own internal thoughts of herself and woman. That mindset reflects on all she does (us too as woman).
Either way, Rina had no character idea for Vaughn in mind, she has the power and authority to change his character or do whatever however she likes. Iâm excited for Vaughn and Yulian and Iâm going to give RK the benefit of the doubt.
Onto my next rant, in defense of KTV and why KTV was the best book in my opinion of all of RKâs series so far
We all need to accept that Gareth is a D1 level crash out. Because wdym as soon as some shit goes wrongâany inconvenienceâyou turn to self harm and itâs not even like Brandonâs cuts under his wrist watch (not to minimize his pain and suffering) BUT LITERALLY STABBING AND SLASHES ON HIS BODY. Gareth đ get some help but at the same time, stay iconic and manic cause I aspire to be the same level of dramatic.
