hold on to your heart.

❛ you can't save anyone now. ❜ ind. russell from END ROLL. written by vari.

[regretheld-blog]

forestpyre:

She nodded, understanding where Russell was coming from. Despite her bed being extremely tempting to stay in, she had to run the shop and help Dogma around the church.  Cody turned her head toward her basket counting the plants she had gathered from the small garden, making sure she had collected enough to restock her selection. After all, she didn’t want to have to do this again. Even if it was this nice out. However nice it was, Cody could feel the crisp morning air press against her skin. The fresh air sent chills down her back making her more alert. Oh, what she would do to go crawl back into her warm bed.

“Hmm… Well…” Cody hesitated, trying to think if she was doing anything particularly important today. The shop needed to be tended to mostly, however, Cody wasn’t too fond of doing that. In addition, she needed to restock on a couple of things, however, she’d have time to do those things tomorrow. “No, I’m not doing anything important today…. Do you need help on something?” She voiced to Russell.

“Not really...” There was always the task of progressing the dream towards its inevitable ruin, but Russell preferred not to think about that. He didn’t have any other pressing matters to address, as per usual in the dream. However, Cody’s presence sparked his curiosity.

“Um... I’ve been thinking about keeping plants, too.” He didn’t trust himself to handle an animal. Rather, he didn’t think he’d be able to keep another animal after what happened to the one he kept when he was younger. In contrast, plants seemed nice; they didn’t require as much maintenance and they weren’t able to run into the middle of the street. At least, to his knowledge.

The plants in the dream differed from those in real life, especially since some of them took the form of citizens. But those that were stationary should be similar to normal ones... right? “Do you have any advice?”

[regretheld-blog]

dokusuri:

[wonderful! it seems that operation “tell half truths to this poor confused child” was a smashing success. he, in turn, places one hand on Russell’s head and ruffles up the boy’s hair.]

It’s nothing to worry about, dear boy, you haven’t hurt me.

[he chuckles softly, smiling down at Russell as he adds:]

You wanted to pet me? How sweet, all that talk of dogs must have gotten you wanting to pet something nice and soft… You may pet my head all you’d like, but the horns are off-limits. Are we understood?

[… truth be told, Kantera’s now a little interested in just lying down and letting Russell pet his hair. maybe they could take a nap!]

Kantera seemed to be relieved about the matter, which caused Russell to quietly exhale the breath he had been holding himself. 

“Yes...” Without the immediate danger of incurring Kantera’s wrath, his thoughts drifted to his subsequent offer. Well... he did want to pet something soft and warm. Satisfying his craving by petting a person hadn’t really crossed his mind, mostly because he didn’t consider people for petting in general.

It seemed nice, the idea of giving Kantera a pat on the head. It wasn’t like the fur of a rabbit, but it looked... silky, maybe? Perhaps even fluffy. His curiosity steadily grew, eyes pointed towards the top of Kantera’s head. “Then, can I pet you right now?”

[stanwrites-deactivated20150708]

THE ULTIMATE HOLIDAY THEMED ASK MEME {part of: ❄ twenty-five days of elle} 

SEND ME A SYMBOL

▲: One of our muses tries to catch snowflakes on their tongue. ☾: Your muse asks for help decorating a gingerbread house. ♪: One of our muses inviting the other for a Christmas duet. ♦: Our muses wrap presents together. ☃: Our muses build a snowman together. ✈: Our muses travel somewhere for the holidays. ✎: My muse’s Christmas card to yours. ✘: My muse runs into your muse while trying to buy them a Christmas present.  ✆: My muse calls your muse while drunk on eggnog.  ツ: Our muses go caroling.  ✿: My muse gives your muse a Christmas present. ø: Our muses cuddle by the fireplace with hot cocoa.  ✌: Our muses argue over which Christmas movie to watch.  ♡: Our muses kiss under a mistletoe.  ♛: Our muses kiss at midnight on New Year’s.  ➸: Our muses decorate their house together. ♘: Our muses put up a Christmas tree and decorate it. ✰: My muse invites your muse to dance to Christmas songs. ☼: Our muses volunteer to help out for the holidays. ∞: Our muses go tree shopping. ❖: Our muses go ice skating together. ☁: Our muses go sledding.  ✉: Your muse hits mine with a snowball in order to start a snowball fight.  ϟ: Our muses bake Christmas cookies together. ↺: Our muses doing something holiday-themed with their kid(s).

SENTENCES

“Look! It’s snowing!” “Do we really have to leave cookies for Santa?” “Santa’s not real! There, I said it!” “Where do we hang the stockings if we don’t have a fireplace?” “You really don’t have to get me anything this year.” “Do we really have to go to your parents’ house for Christmas?” “Let’s just sit in our pajamas and watch Christmas movies all day.” “You’re gonna become huge if you keep eating all of Santa’s cookies.” “Oh, put some mistletoe on my butt and kiss it.” “This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had.” “This is the worst Christmas ever.” “Is that mistletoe?” “You look cold. Here, take my scarf.” “I’m just not a fan of the holidays.” “You’ve had the Christmas radio on non-stop for five hours.”

TEXT MESSAGES

[text]: I just accidentally told our son/daughter that Santa isn’t real. [text]: The Christmas tree is on fire. [text]: So cold. Need cuddles. [text]: Christmas is a time to be honest, so this is it — I’m in love with you. [text]: I may or may not have eaten the entire gingerbread house we made two days ago. [text]: I just saw two people dressed as Santa fist fighting in a mall. Christmas is ruined! [text]: I’m may or may not be wearing mistletoe underwear. Wanna find out for sure? [text]: I made an oopsie and let’s just say we have over 500 candy canes in our apartment right now.  [text]: I can’t believe I have to spend Christmas Eve in a hospital.  [text]: So what if I made out with a guy dressed as Santa Claus?! I was drunk! [text]: I know it’s been a while since we’ve spoken, but Merry Christmas. [text]: Just fought a 50 year old lady over a pair of gloves for my dad. He better be grateful, because she almost clawed my eyes out.  [text]: If I see one more picture on Instagram of a snowman with Frozen lyrics underneath, I’m gonna explode up in this bitch. 

[regretheld-blog]

*kicks open my coffin* SO finals are basically over for me, except for another research paper that should be done soon... i’m gonna be easing back into this blog, so forgive me if things are still a bit slow!

[kvetas]

handcrafted hauntings;;

[regretheld-blog]

kvetas:

  Russell’s clear consent? Check. Infiltrating Tabasa’s house without raising suspicion? Check. No Tabasa? Definite check!

  But the last point was due to change at any moment - who knew how long he’d take over at Seaside Town? Sure, it was quite a walk to there and back, but every second counted if they wanted this prank to go well!

  A free hand of her’s was petting one of the wandering sheeps’ heads fondly when Russell’s question came up. Right, it was her that was leading this time around. Her lips pursed, thinking what else was next in her mental checklist. 

Did she remember to bring tape and a spool of string to hang the ghosts up? She’s pretty sure that she pocketed them before Russell came to her house, and it’s not that far of a trek to run to her house and back real quick. She’s seen Russell fend himself against monsters with a knife a few times and she herself have some to use, so finding something to cut the string wasn’t an issue…

And with the sun’s rays pouring into darkness, at least the tall lamp that illuminated most of the room was close enough for the light to reach. By now, she was more or less well acquainted with his house with how often she requests something from him. So, letting herself inside and flipping the lamp’s switch on felt just as natural as stepping into her own house. And finally, with a spin of her heels, her gaze went right back to Russell’s. “Where do you think is a good spot to hang them?”

He paused at her question, taking a moment to survey the inside of their unsuspecting victim’s house. Unlike Gardenia, Russell didn’t frequent Tabasa’s house as often; most of their escapades happened when Russell came across him outside. That, and he didn’t particularly like being around the monkeys for too long...

There was limited chaos they could cause with their arsenal, so they had to use their ghosts strategically. The ghosts themselves weren’t scary - not when some of them had smiley faces on them - but if put in the right place, they should be able to accomplish the task. Though, it wasn’t as if their task was that great in the first place.

Russell pointed towards the top of the door frame. “Definitely above the doorway.” Specifically, somewhere that would cause the ghost to fly straight into Tabasa’s face when he opened the door. Scary or not, an unexpected wad of tissue paper would be enough to surprise someone. Especially in the darkness of their house.

Then, his line of sight was directed towards the only source of light in the room. “And near the lamp.” Fumbling around in the dark only to be met with a foreign sensation near the only source of light should be scary, too. And if they were lucky, the ghost would make an imaginative shadow projection on the wall. 

Russell personally didn’t find any of this scary, since his sense of fear was nearly nonexistent. But if Gardenia wanted to traumatize the poor man, who was he to stop her? Might as well put all that observation to use.

[rosaryflames-blog]

@regretheld Liked for a starter

[ ♰ ] - Dogma’s normally jet black robes were looking far more dusty than usual as he walked through the village, his arms laden with a heavy looking box. It took so much concentration to carry it that he almost walked right into someone.

“Russell! apologies – I didn’t see you there.” He looked down at the boy, realising his robes probably still looked dusty and unkempt. “I suppose you’re wondering what’s in the box.” He probably wasn’t, but Dogma continued regardless. 

“I was just clearing out some old books from the attic and thought rather than let them continue to collect cobwebs I should give them away.” Perhaps he’d see if the Incarner’s would take them off his hands. “Do you enjoy reading, Russell?”  - [ ♰ ]

[regretheld-blog]

Though unwarranted, Russell hummed in acknowledgement when he was given the explanation. At least it hadn’t come from cleaning the pews; that spared the boy any pangs of guilt that might have arisen from neglecting to pay the church a visit as of late.

“It’s okay,” he replied. While he found no point in school, he didn’t entirely mind reading. It was a bit like playing video games - his mind could wander freely without thinking about what awaited him at home. He shifted some of his weight to his toes, slightly leaning forward to curiously peer into the box.

None of the titles he recognized, their subject matter seemingly far removed from his sphere of interest. Not that he had a clearly defined sphere of interest in the first place, but the books, or the ones that laid at the top, might as well have been written in a foreign language. He shifted back onto his feet, watching Dogma’s face contort from the effort it took to carry the box. “Do you need help carrying them?”

[regretheld-blog]

anxinded:

     “ Oh ? Is that so ? ” It would be a lie if Tabasa was not still pondering the event as well, if that was what Russell’s mind was focused upon. In fact, Tabasa had been experiencing some gnarly dreams ever since the encounter — he could not help but wonder the same for Russell. After all, he was younger than him, and perhaps his mindset was more imaginative and vivid than his — after all, he had been murmuring about the monkeys talking to him during the battles, or something along the lines …

      Concerned for the blonde’s own troubles, the animal keeper cocked his head a bit in curiosity, eyes diverting from the monkeys playfully sauntering around their makeshift habitat to Russell, whom seemed a bit … lost in himself. A bit different than his usual empty stare.

     “ … Is it about that thing we fought ? … Are … you experiencing nightmares, too … ? ” Tabasa stuck a hand through the opening of a pair of bars, big enough for his own arm, but not quite enough space for a monkey to escape through. At the sight of the familiar palm, a monkey distracted from it’s small snack as it abandonded it behind for the warm comfort of it’s master. It cuddled into his hand almost like a dog — eager to be petted, and Tabasa was mindlessly obliging, as if the monkey was a dog.

      “ I mean … you seemed pretty brave out there … but still, you’re pretty young, huh ? I wouldn’t be surprised if you lost some sleep after that first night … I know I did, haha … ”

“Mm.” A soft, noncommittal noise escaped the boy as he listened to Tabasa ramble uneasily. He couldn’t offer much else, the truth of the matter scraping against his insides and threatening to escape. Russell’s gaze lowered to the floor, trying not to meet Tabasa’s directly. It wasn’t as if Tabasa had done anything wrong; how could he, when he was the older brother Russell desired? 

But there it was again, the uncomfortable tightening in his chest accompanying any mention of the unfortunate events that bloomed this dream. Russell was reminded of that day, that kind zookeeper crouching in front of the cages, oblivious to the fate that would befall him. The zookeeper wouldn’t have the opportunity to coddle his monkeys like this. Nor would Russell have the chance to watch the animals with him again. 

The boy slowly shook his head, choosing his words carefully. “It doesn’t bother me anymore.” Another lie, but he didn’t want Tabasa worrying about him. Instead, he stood up from his place in front of the cages. A subtle concern entered his expression as he gestured towards the door of the other’s house. “Do you need medicine...? Or maybe some Sleepy Potpourri...” 

[regretheld-blog]

lightheartedculinarian:

An expression of mild surprise appeared on Gardenia’s face as Russell shoved the spatula in her hands. “C’mon! You need to at least try.” She attempted to encourage him,her cheeks puffing up in frustration.

Funny,she thought with the two being at their current age,they should be able to cook.

“I mean,if you can’t,then I can just teach you,right? I want to see what you know now!”

“Uh...” Her assumption would only be proven wrong, as Russell couldn’t recall any time in his life when he had to actually cook a meal. The kitchen in his small home was used as a place to put beer bottles more than anything.

But he couldn’t deny she had a point; they had agreed to improve his nearly nonexistent cooking skills, and that couldn’t be done without seeing how dismal they were first. The boy cautiously took the spatula back, taking note of the way Gardenia’s cheeks resembled a chipmunk. “Okay, here goes nothing...” 

Russell started clumsily prodding at the vegetables in the pan, unsure if he was doing this correctly. Was there a wrong way to fry vegetables? If there was, he was probably doing it.

[kvetas]

hello!! i’m looking for people to follow/interact with so if you’re fine with roleplaying with a new multimuse blog from multiple sources (mostly a bunch of video games, but also anime), please feel free to like/reblog this post so i can go check you out!

[regretheld-blog]

dokusuri:

And naturally the dog was more thankful than words or barks could ever express, it couldn’t seem to keep off of Grandfather and I! And he didn’t have a collar of any kind, so… That was how we took in-nn–nnhhhello there–

[the doctor takes a sidestep away from Russell, legs a little unsteady, his fist swinging up to cover his own mouth as he

COUGHS]

Russell– [COUGH COUGH HOO BOY] darling, don’t do that. My horns are like your teeth, there are very hyperactive nerves in there! What– what came over you, there?

There was a saying that you shouldn’t grab a bull by the horns, but Kantera was no such beast, thankfully. At least, he didn’t appear to be angry with Russell’s experiment.

The reaction still surprised the boy, who recoiled as Kantera succumbed to a coughing fit of unknown origin. His hand was drawn away as if he had been singed. “S-sorry,” he stuttered out, admittedly thrown off by the sudden reaction.

Russell then took a moment to digest the explanation, attempting to equate the two body parts in his head. If he was understanding it correctly... he had done something akin to trying to pull out Kantera’s tooth. Russell thought about when his baby teeth fell out, some of them outright painful to extract. The thought that he had caused Kantera the same pain made him feel guilty for even considering his plan. He swallowed, voice quieter than before. “I just wanted to pet you,” Russell gave a near-imperceptible grimace. “I didn’t know it would hurt you...”

[regretheld-blog]

small psa, finals are coming up, so expect activity to be slow in the next couple weeks! i’ll still be open for ims/asks if anyone needs anything, but ic stuff will be pretty much put on hold! 

[anxinded-blog]

@regretheld ♡’d — ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀ ᴄᴀʟʟ

     “ … Would you like to pet him, Russell ? ”

     It would be a sin of Tabasa did not notice Russell’s intense staring … then again, the kid seemed to be lost in time and space at everything he stared at. Still, there was a sense of … interest in the way he looked at the playful monkeys, bound behind the sturdy steel cage. He looked down at the crouching blonde as he had approached him, asking the question — his monkeys were often friendly, even with strangers like him.

     He began to crouch down as well, still being noticably bigger ( and greener ) than the small boy — it was no surprise their age difference if one were to look at them afar. Thankfully he had a more young-looking face ( and kind demeanor ) than anything — otherwise, he was sure he’d be mistakened for an intimidating older man, due to his height.

     “ They’re nice, so don’t worry about them biting you … ”

[regretheld-blog]

The animals in the dream always made Russell wary, as much as he was fond of their real world counterparts. The ones that made him especially uneasy were the monkeys kept in Tabasa’s home. He always avoided the bars of the cages, preferring not to look inside. That way, the hushed chattering from within stayed indistinct, the small hands not appearing to reach out to him.

But today, he made the mistake of lingering too long in front of the cages. The nonsensical noises became accusatory words within moments; he could only watch as the monkeys bore their beady eyes into him, expressions angry and sorrowful.

( “We saw you. We saw it all. We were there, when you killed him. Why did you kill him? Why did you kill him, Russell?” )

Tabasa’s presence made him jump slightly. To have his attention suddenly pulled away from the cacophony was jarring, Russell turning towards the other and fully expecting to see him bleeding and mutilated. He stiffened as Tabasa crouched beside him, trying not to make his discomfort apparent.

“Um... no thanks...” He replied quietly. To not risk offending Tabasa, Russell racked his brain for an excuse. “I’m not good with monkeys...” Not entirely a lie, at least.

[regretheld-blog]

bombersaway:

The way Russell asked her was almost as if he begged her to not patrol. It was… rather odd. The tasks he did outside of town were dangerous to some extent. Why did he look so unwilling to patrol just the entrance of town?

Still, Yumi put the town’s safety first. She couldn’t skip patrolling… the monster could come any second, and any day. She didn’t want to risk it.

“ The monster could attack the town any day, and it’d be my fault that I didn’t stop the damn thing from entering the town. S’fine if ya really can’t do it… but ya can’t stop me from doing this. Gotta keep the town’s peace, y’know? “

In truth, it wasn’t as if he expected any other answer. Yumi was just as stubborn as she had been while alive. There was nothing he could do to deter her, as long as the monster posed a threat to the town. He sighed in resignation. “No, I’ll come with you.” 

“You said the entrance, right? Let’s go.” With that, he checked his inventory and made sure he was well-stocked with capsules and pills. As much as it pained him to, he’d have to prepare for the worst. Hopefully, their encounter with the monster wouldn’t mirror the events in the real world. Russell started walking in the direction of Dozing Forest with a purpose; the sooner they exterminated it, the less Yumi would be in danger. Or, maybe if they were lucky, they wouldn’t encounter it at all.

[regretheld-blog]

tuningtome:

Walter breathed in deep, and it seemed that he held this breath for a moment. His hand slowly reached out for the cookie, blindly, as if he was scared it would look back at him. He was clearly bracing himself, overall. 

His shoulders stiffened. He finally let out the air he had been holding in. His eyes slowly reopened as he drew it closer to his own mouth. The cookie was plucked from the young boy’s hand and finally was bitten down on. Walter confirmed what Russell had told him.

“You’re… correct.” His smirk was unwarranted; why was he smirking like that? He hurriedly ate the rest of the bland cookie before continuing to speak. “…Do you wish for me to buy something else for you? These won’t do.”

...Ah. Russell had offended him, hadn’t he? It was in his nature to be blunt, but to see the unshakable Walter fazed by his observation was something he didn’t expect to see. Why else would he have been smirking in a context that clearly didn’t require it? Unless this was some kind of bizarre trial...? Russell wouldn’t put it past him, all things considered.

The boy softly cleared his throat before amending his statement. “No, it’s okay. They’re, uh, good.” Once you got past the flavorless part. He forced one corner of his mouth to twitch up slightly. “Thank you.” He didn’t reach for another cookie, though.

[kvetas]

handcrafted hauntings;;

❀❀ a bouquet of ambrosias for ;;  @regretheld​

   “Right, I heard that he left to Seaside town for a house call, so he won’t be back for a while, which…” On cue, she picked out one of her handmade masterpieces up from the batch bundled up in one of her arms to show him, if only for emphasis. “…will give us enough time to set these little guys up!”

An ingenious plan she concocted this time, if she dared say so herself! Ever since her conversation with Tabasa a few days ago, the idea firmly planted itself in her mind and she eventually couldn’t resist its siren call. She couldn’t help it… Tabasa just made it too easy! His reactions were just too funny, it never gets old!

Regardless of the mischief she had in store, the grin on her face was as radiant and bright as all of her trademark smiles. “So do you want to help me set them up before he comes back?”

[regretheld-blog]

...He was already roped into being her accomplice, so there was really no point in asking, was there? 

“Sure.” He had nothing else to do, anyways. And he couldn’t deny that pranking Tabasa always proved to be amusing, whether he was watching one of Gardenia’s plans in action or throwing the other off balance himself. One could define it as a cruel streak, but something about Tabasa always made Russell want to tease him, if only a little...

He clutched the ghost in his grasp tighter as they approached Tabasa’s house, skirting around the sheep that strayed close to the building. Stealth was key for the operation. Tabasa could be home any second now and catch them in the act. And that wouldn’t be any fun.

Because everyone in town was relatively trusting of each other, the doors were rarely left locked. That included the door to Tabasa’s clinic, which Russell opened cautiously. It was dark when he peered inside, no sign of life other than the monkeys murmuring behind the cages. He turned to Gardenia. “What now?”

[regretheld-blog]

forestpyre:

Despite it being still pretty early in the morning, Cody was doing her daily routine of both planting and harvesting things from the community garden. She normally didn’t go out this early and preferred to sleep in most of the time. However, it was apparent that the garden could use some nourishment and she could use some more produce of her own.

Cody turned around at the meek voice that sounded behind her. “Oh, hi Russell… Isn’t it a bit early for you to be up and about? I don’t remember seeing you around at this time.” She muttered realizing she probably wouldn’t see him around much since she mostly slept in. 

“Oh, I’m fine. This is the last one for today anyway… So what are you doing up this early?” She questioned, pulling up the last root and gingerly placing it in her basket. 

“I didn’t feel like staying in bed anymore.” It felt a bit out of place to say that when he was technically still in bed, he realized after the words left his mouth. 

He spared a glance around the surrounding area, taking note of how different the town seemed in the early hours of the day. It was... quieter, Russell thought. Not that anyone made a significant amount of noise, except for maybe Gardenia. But the town appeared to be more peaceful than normal when bathed in morning light. There were times Russell had stayed up past dawn, most often not out of his own will, though he never had experienced it like this - with a calm inside of him, as fragile as it was.

The boy turned his attention back to Cody after savoring the morning for a moment. He tilted his head inquisitively. “Are you doing anything today?”

[regretheld-blog]

tuningtome:

“I wouldn’t be burdened by a few speeches, classwork, and some encouragement, Russell.” Walter begins to start smirking again, confidently, and whether he can sense Russell’s lie or not he intends to keep hidden. If he has to say, that’s the least he could do in return for Russell’s assistance with his professional life. Walter had promised to meet Russell if he completed the seventh day, which he followed through; Walter now promises to assist Russell in making the most of his new, daunting circumstances, which he plans to follow through.

“Remember to credit yourself for helping me not only fill my quota, but gather samples directly.” Walter’s main focus of his establishment was to hit his quota of data gathering in a controlled environment for the dreamer, but risk reaps reward; in a less controlled area Walter was exposed to the many varying entities manifesting in the dream instead of the practice few. (You could bet Walter has reported the resourcefulness from this technique to the Ministry, too.) “Calling upon me for help if you ever should need it… that extends outside of the dream for you, now.”

He’s just data, isn’t he? Why is Walter so intent on helping him like this? The offer causes a twinge in his chest, the area still unbearably soft. Before, he had thought adults to be nothing but liars, wanting to use him for their own benefit. But with the memory of the dream fresh, he could pick out the genuine concern embedded in the quick greetings given by Raymond, Fairia, and now Walter. 

The idea that someone is willing to extend a hand to him even after knowing all of his sins is arguably worse than the numbness he had come to accept. It was much more preferable to just close his heart again, yet it had been forcefully pried open with no hope of returning to how it was.

“It’s fine.” He says again, a little firmer. This time he breaks eye contact with Walter. Russell doesn’t have the right to indulge in another’s good intentions. Those who bore kindness around him in the past had regretted it, and he is sure Walter would, too. “And I don’t think my aunt would appreciate strange men in her house.” He adds, though it isn’t certain if his aunt would even take custody of him.