The Harbinger

Captain Renata Turner, CFI. Married to the love of her life, Percival. Ala Mhigan Grumplander. 

[renataturner]

I don't know how many times I swung my sword. After K'yel and Livicette, the faces blurred. A rule-breaker. A Xaela with bladed circles. Bladed. Circles. Did I fight someone after him and before the last? I cannot remember. Our blades crossed. He was in my way. He landed his blade, and I mine. And then there was ground, an arm around my neck, and I managed to get my own arm up to keep me breathing.

I reached, not able to see what I was reaching for...and I grabbed. Eyes.

"I yield!"

WHAT.

How many times have I stood here, both as combatant and spectator. How many times have I fought and never make it past the first face? There was one time I moved forward, only to be denied by a fighter more skilled than I, so close I could almost taste it.

My husband and I began here. This is where he brought me to fight, and soon it became our thing. How many times have I cheered him on to victory, with blood and bruises on my body, other times arriving too late to fight but cheered him onward?

Did my opponent just....yield?

Did I just...win?

There's Warren announcing the champion. That's my name.

I'm...on the ground and Percival is hugging me. He gets heavier and I realize...people are piling on me and my husband. My friends. Friends. Who stayed for me, cheered for me. And I cannot move. I cannot think. My insides are shaking, my muscles are screaming at me for lifting that sword so many times.

Didn't I just tell Perci last night that every time I put on this armor, I feel closer to you? You were victorious in the arena many a time. They cheered for you, screamed your name with each strike of your sword, each victory. Did you feel this earthquake in your stomach every time? Did you feel all coherence leave you, did the blood fall to your feet and leave you pale?

There are people piled on me, gathered around me, Papa. And for the briefest moment, I could have sworn that one of the congratulations was carried in the tenor of your voice.

I hope you were watching.

((Tagging @fourtharbiter, @smolcatte, @multimusexiv for brief mentions))

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In honor of the tenth anniversary of the Grindstone. From combatant to staff (and sometimes still combatant), I'm proud to have been a part of it for the past nearly nine years.

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We remember...

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It was beautiful out and Renata was bored with simply walking around her yard. So it was that Perci relented and the Turners headed to the Vault to check in on things. In the hopes of preventing his wife from giving in to her constant tendency to work when she shouldn't, he ventured inside while Renata was tasked with making sure the variety of flora she and Loh had collected was in prime shape.

All seemed to be in order, and so while Perci met with the staff of the Vault, Ren walked under the blooming branches of the trees. She was careful to mind her step, and did not tax herself, but gods, it felt good to get out and smell the salt in the air coming off the sea below.

Her gaze drew down and peered at the newborn sleeping within the folds of her wrap, secure against his mother's body. Her fingers lifted, gently touching a tiny cheek.

"You are our very hopes and dreams, Arik. Yet we give no shoes to fill, no path you must walk save your own, for our greatest wish is that you live a good life that has much joy and minimal sorrow." She kept her voice low so as not to wake him, and thought back on the boy he'd been named for...her baby brother, Arik.

She thought too of Perci's brother, Sieg, whose name Arik also carried. "I think your uncles would want that for you too..." She fell silent, simply soaking in the moment. She was a little tired, but while they'd be heading home soon, she was more than happy to remain just like this.

"Why would I want to work when I could spend time with you, my little love?" She murmured with a contented smile.

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Despite Renata's pregnancy, the Turners' love of traveling has not diminished.

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Dear Perci,

I don't know where you got the sheer audacity to look this damn good.

Love, Ren

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Catching Up with...Cpt. Renata Turner, CFI (Ret.)

(From Flame Quarterly's Spring Issue)

Cpt. Renata Turner may have retired from the Immortal Flames, but she has been spotted in the Hall a time or two to advise and assist in the transition of her unit. During her storied career, she's seen war, conducted missions that still remain classified, and settled into her role as Chief Flame Interrogator.

Many a Flame is familiar with a stern yet fair woman, known more for her trademark scowl than a smile. Yet the Ala Mhigan does smile, and in the less formal role she's played since her retirement, has even let her former comrades see one or two.

Though it needs be noted that while perhaps retirement would give any of us cause to smile, Cpt. Turner is expecting her first child with her husband, Cpt. Percival Turner of The Adders, aka the Behemoth Knight. We sat down with Cpt. Turner to find out about her post-retirement pursuits. (Note: Cpt. Turner, please don't kill us for running this picture.)

It's good to see you, thank you for having me here. Let me ask the obvious...how are you feeling? I am feeling well today. I have been able to eat and so I have been doing so.

Retirement isn't something anyone in the Hall expected from you, certainly not so soon. Though it isn't truly a full retirement, is it? Can you elaborate? I am retired from active combat duty and active work. I am, however, still on retainer as an advisor. After I have my baby, I will only be called in for difficult situations where my experience would benefit the Grand Company.

Your title, Chief Flame Interrogator, is being retired as well, given that the war against the Empire is over. Did you agree with that decision? No, but the prior department of interrogations did not have a lead prior to the battle at Baelsar's Wall, so I expect they will operate just fine, though I think having a lead would be prudent, for reasons of efficiency and compliance.

Would you ever return to active duty? Not with the present state of Eorzea and the star as a whole. This is a time of peace, I wish to focus on my other work, and more importantly, on my family. If circumstance necessitated it, I still cannot say, I would need to discuss the matter with my husband, clearly.

Of course. This other work you mention, tell me a little bit about it? I own an establishment dedicated to knowledge. The Vault operates as a museum, a library, and a research facility of sorts. We also offer tome replication for a fee, should someone wish to have a copy of any of the tomes we have on our shelves. For the present, I am busy enough organizing everything, updating the inventory lists, and dusting off the cobwebs, so to speak. I have owned it for quite a few cycles now, but until my retirement, it was more a hobby than anything else.

I have to say, the news that you were retiring was a bit of a shock. It is often hard to separate the Captain from the woman. I remember being rather terrified of you when I served in your unit. I think more than a few of us thought you'd be with us until you were forced to retire, yet you're still young, all things considered. Yes. I remember quite well. I found it amusing at the time. I always believed work was for work. I was not there to make friends. I was there to fight, and then later, train others to fight with me. I did not have anyone in my unit that I didn't trust to have each others' back, and mine, on a battlefield. How have you healed, by the way?

Me? Oh, I'm doing well. As you saw, I'm walking, albeit slowly. Thank you, for advocating for my pension. (Note: Here Cpt. Turner simply waved her hand and I swear to the Twelve, she smiled, though briefly.) I have to ask though...do you know what you're having? When you're due? We do not know if we are going to be having a son or daughter, our prayers are just that the gods see to a healthy baby, but I am due around my husband's birthday, coincidentally.

Thank you so much for your time, it was good seeing you again, Captain. You are very welcome. I hope the gods grant you further healing.

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Please consider helping...

@tessariel-aerlinn has been my friend almost as long as Perci has. When Esuna FC was sold, I joined her FC (SN-RP), and since then, I have counted her among my friends. She got married to a longtime love, @benjimirthursby, and then they found out they were expecting a child together. In August, Nathan suffered a stroke. At the end of 2022, Lacey had their baby. Unfortunately, Nathan passed away on January 15th, leaving behind Lacey, their newborn, and Nathan's son and daughter. Please consider helping if you are able, and if you cannot, at least please share the link below. https://gofund.me/56122075

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"Weave your magicks, dearest..."

"I'll keep you safe while you do..."

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All Saint's Wake fun, starring: Zenos bun Galvus, G'raha Bestcatte, Urianger Awlordhe'shawt, This is Thancred, and me, John FinalFantasy.

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(Content warning: Surgery, cancer.)

On July 2nd, I was being rushed into emergency surgery after a week of pain. The cause was determined to be internal bleeding and I'd written the pain off as things I was used to dealing with. The cause of it is something I've only disclosed to those closest to me, please forgive me for not specifying, but I have to keep it in a box for now because everything that came after threw so many wrenches in my best laid plans.

In my chart, it was noted that a mass was visualized and a sample was taken of it. Their focus was on fixing the bleed and closing me up because my vitals took an alarming dive. It got messy and it was a close call. I stabilized and improved rapidly after surgery and was sent home.

On August 29th, I was informed that I yet again had Stage 1 cervical cancer. Given my history, and the hell I went through every month with those organs, the decision was made to just remove it all. They needed to do an endometrial biopsy to determine if the ovaries stayed or went. That was scheduled for September 29th. My pre-op appointment was scheduled for the next morning on the 30th as I had been medicated for the biopsy.

At that appointment, I was told that surgeries were booking into mid-December, but my doctor was going to double check the schedule to make sure. She'd mentioned possibly kicking me over to MD Anderson Cancer Center, I'd still be looking at probably a late October, mid November date due to intake, etc. But she wanted to double check their booking first.

She comes back and asks me what I'm doing Monday. It's Friday. I'd just told my boss two days prior to schedule me my normal shifts because there was no way they'd be able to get me in the next week. I told my doctor, "Well, I was working, but I guess I'm having my surgery?"

Monday, October 3rd, I had it all taken out. In addition to the cervical mass they saw in July, they found a walnut-sized tumor in the muscle of my uterus that had not been there in July, so they decided to send everything they removed off for biopsy. My ovaries were left alone in the anticipation that the endometrial biopsy would come back clear. (Thankfully it did, two days after surgery.)

I am doing well. In some ways I feel better than before surgery. Overall I still tire easily and am sore. I am still waiting on those two biopsies to come back, they should come back any day now. Hopefully they come back clear, but if they don't, I get kicked over to MD Anderson for an oncology consult and a pet scan to make sure nothing metastasized and I'm truly, fully in the clear.

I've been doing my best to stay upbeat but honestly, I'm angry. I was finally on track to change my living situation, and then my bills after insurance for July drained my savings. I'd just started to gain ground again when the rest of it all hit. I know I'll gain it back again once I'm back to work, but it's still frustrating, and I'm angry about it. Everything has ground to a halt. I'm out of work, my offline happy place, for at least 4 weeks. I'm angry at the reason I almost died in July, but then I'm also confusingly grateful that happened, because I'd already had my yearly exam earlier in the year and it was normal, but this was on the other side of my cervix, they wouldn't have found it if they hadn't had to do surgery. I'm angry that I fought for years for a hysterectomy, had my insurance essentially say they wouldn't cover it unless I got cancer...and then I got cancer. Again. I'm angry that if they had taken me seriously, none of this would have happened. No near death experience, no cancer, none of it. It would have prevented it.

So that's been my summer and early fall. I've been relatively quiet because processing everything has been so excruciating and so I packed it all into boxes and shoved it in a mental closet because I had to be strong for my kids. And I didn't mean this to be so long, I've just been holding everything inside because I can't show my kids, for the sake of their own mental health, even though the oldest connected the dots. Her siblings are not in mental spaces to process it the way she has. Further, I've been shoving it away because I just want to get through it all so I can get past it all and my world can start moving again.

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Unity

It was a battle that was long, costly, arduous. And in the end, Loh held a peaceful expression on her face despite the pain of her injuries. Some swore she even held a faint, warm smile on her lips as she fell. She'd done all she'd set out to do, and then a great measure more. "I think that would be your cue, old friend." Said a voice, somewhere beyond. There were few who knew the tall, imposing figure that seemed to come from nowhere. He knelt beside the body of the Warrior of Light and smiled. "One final journey, my friend." He said quietly, standing with her soul held in his arms.

"Stop! She has so much more life to live!" G'raha exclaimed, starting towards them. The man holding the champion's soul in his embrace shook his head. "I assure you, she does not. Else she would not have come to me so readily." Hades replied. "And she was always one to set the end of her journey when she wished, not on anyone else's time but her own. It only seems to follow she would do the same here." There was a faint smile on his face, though it was one of empathy, devoid of sarcastic cruelty. Still, it was only fair he got in one parting shot. "She was our friend first, you know..." His voice echoed as he faded, taking Eorzea's champion with him, leaving her body on the ground for the star to mourn over.

He still held that expression when he brought them to their destination, knowing there would be a whole host of friends to greet her. An illegitimate son of a noble Ishgardian house. A white-haired Roegadyn woman. A man like him, with light lavender hair. An Elezen woman with long, silver hair. Resistance fighters. More of their own people. He knew they wanted to greet her. The woman who became the Mothercrystal, and the Heart of Darkness. But a part of him still clung to her, and the lavender-haired man knew why. She'd been their friend first. "Ever protective, dare I say possessive?" Hythlodaeus mused with a light chuckle. "I suppose we can convince them to wait until she awakens..." He leaned in close and peered at Loh's face, seemingly wrought in sleep, then grinned as he addressed the group. "I am certain our Traveler will be more than happy to see you all, once she regains her faculties. Until then, we will take her to a place where she can rest. We all know it has been quite a long road."

Good. Hades wanted to be there when she opened her eyes, wanted to hear of her thoughts on the places he'd recommended to her shade the last they'd parted. He wanted to see through the eyes of the Traveler, knowing Azem, above all others, knew how to describe places in ways few could envision, even if they'd seen it before themselves. She had managed to save the past, the present, and the future, gathering the wayward stars along the way.

At long last, the final star had returned home.

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Shut up and dance with me...

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I was someone else, back then. I knew the title of my father's line, and I knew the gift of my mother's. But both were inconsequential to me. We didn't announce who we were, and they hid their fear from me save for tension wrought upon their faces.

When I woke up, the world had changed. My world had changed. The background? Was all just a dream now. I could no longer utilize my mother's gift, my very soul was too fractured by what I had witnessed. I didn't know this then, though. And I knew I needed to make up for it in every other area possible.

Time never stops. Wounds? No matter how deep they leave scars, they inevitably heal. People grow, change, and some do neither, whilst some do both. So my own began to heal. It was gradual at first, until my husband was in danger and circumstances forced things to speed along.

I am born of my father. Of his strength, his prowess in combat, of his stoic face betrayed by the warmth in his eyes, of the steel shell only cast aside to sound his deep laugh as he played with my brother and I, as Mama caught him sneaking tastes of her food before dinner. His was the mantle I adopted to shield what laid within my tempestuous heart.

Her. I am born of my mother. Of her silent resilience, her deep, undying love for those she held dear. I am the last of her line, the last of her mother's line born with the gift. She faced everything with one unyielding purpose: to protect the ones she loved. To protect us.

I am born of them both, the culmination of hopes, dreams, desperate wishes in smoldering embers and suffocating smoke. The motto of my home was "Born from Blood", but we were all forged in war and tempered in fire. Rhalgr willing, my children will not have to carry on such a heavy legacy.

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After a long day of spilling the blood of my enemies, I like to unwind even further by dropping by my local Carbuncle's Coffee shop for a Mint Lassi Latte. Carbuncle's Coffee. It's good for your soul...and the souls of those you've left dead in your wake. Now selling their signature Starlight Mug!