HELLOOOO PEOPLEEEE! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Excuse the inactivity, my life's been so crazy I can't believe the stuff that's happened in the last 3 weeks or so😭😭😭
Happy holidays, I'll try to be back soon with new fics and new stories hihihaha🫶
rules : write down your url using songs from your top songs of 2025 playlist & tag as many people as the letters in your url !
thanks @yvesmour for the tag < 3
A ngel - massive attack
M ascara - deftones
O h - ciara ft. ludacris
sh U t Up And Drive - rihanna
R unway walk - demrick ft. brevi
F ergalicious - fergie ft. will i.am
L ookin’ for da hoes - sexyy red
O pr - gesaffelstein
R osemary - deftones
E mo boy - ayesha erotica
S ax - fleur east
hi guys, school is unironically kicking my ass and I had two parties back to back this weekend... I'm SOOO DONEEEE... it's the last week before christmas break too... I'll be back with some cutesy fics when things'll get better🥹
pairing: friend!taesan x reader
genre: angst, hurt/no comfort, hs AU, friends to strangers (ouch)
wc: 2.5k
contains: anxious attachment, the reader is obsessively self-conscious, taesan is lowkey an ass, but he has his reasons—we’re all mentally ill!
synopsis: You didn't know how to put it—liking a friend wasn't easy, but he didn't make it any easier for you either.
author's note: hi cutie pies, this week's been hell... here's some angst cause I just lost one of my friends the same way haha #bye
playlist: i want war (BUT I NEED PEACE) - kali uchis, heavy - the marias, my turn - not for radio
Rejection is a bitch, and so is love. You hate love. You hate how mushy you get when you have a crush, how you always misinterpret the closeness and niceness for attachment, and how you get so hopeful, imagining that they might actually like you, just to later face the fact that they never think of you the way you think of them and that you thought so highly of yourself. You detest it with every fiber in your body.
You've faced some rejection in life as a whole, but never in love. Well, mostly because you never actually confessed to anyone, keeping it safe, not wanting to get hurt—smart move on your side. Who made you change the way you think? Han Taesan, your high school frenemy. He was never a constant in your life, and you’d never wondered why. With all that had happened, you'd be worried if he wanted to be your friend for longer than he already had.
You became acquainted with Taesan a little before starting high school, with him asking if you were going to be in the same class. You'd replied to him, a bit reluctant at first, but you were intrigued by him. You kicked it off almost instantly after that, talking about your interests, music, hobbies, and school, joking around, and you were happy to genuinely be on the same wavelength as him. Things got really comfortable between you both after a month or two—you told him you had a crush on a guy in your class, and he told you he liked one of your friends, so you could say you were both doing well in this field. The girl he was liking, though, was a heartbreaker. He didn't know, you didn't know, and you were surprised when you found out that his type would be... her. Who can you blame? You were her friend, yes, but she started to change for the worse when she associated with the nastiest bunch of people in your school. You couldn't say you hated her, you were glad you were friends, but she had some toxic tendencies that you wish she would get rid of.
Sadly, everything crumbled down in one of the most childish ways possible just a few months later. He confessed to your friend, she blocked him, and things got bad. What made it worse was your stupid friend-wannabe. She gossiped about him, told you hateful stuff about the boy, and things got really awkward on your side. She made you block him, and you were naive enough to actually fulfill her wishes. You were all kids, of course you'd do idiotic things, but you knew you were better than that.
The ignorance was the hardest part. He looked in pain and ignored you, and you wished you could speak to him, but you chose a toxic friendship over the friendship you genuinely wished to maintain with the boy, so you had no right to speak. It got to a point where it seemed like he hated seeing you, but you got over it. It wasn't really your fault, was it?
Life went on. Almost a year had passed, you got rid of your toxic friend (thank God), got your shit together, and unblocked the boy after apologizing profusely for listening to that girl and for doubting him, and it slowly got better, but it didn't actually go back to how it once was. You were fine with it.
After summer break, between ninth and tenth grade, you were shocked to see him. He had changed—he had this proud aura to him, a thing you didn't expect from the shy little Taesan. You remembered him as short, quite nerdy, weird, and really silent. He was your total opposite back then. He stood proud now, got a haircut, changed his style. You wished that deep down, he would remain the same sensitive and cute guy you were used to having around. You quickly came to the conclusion that heartbreaks change people on the exterior and that he probably wanted to fit in and be liked. Who wouldn't want to fit in in high school, though? Let's be serious.
Tenth grade was alright. He, you, and two of your girlfriends formed a pretty neat friend group. You were chatting every day and every night, calling, playing games, sitting together at school, and gossiping about the popular kids, the usual stuff. After your little slip-up in ninth grade, though, you could feel that he acted cold, the tension unrelenting. His jokes were meaner, his gaze icier, and his attitude sassy, almost a bit too childish. You thought nothing of it, excusing the behavior due to his change over the summer.
Eleventh grade, though, was the peak of your friendship, at least in the beginning. He started to warm up to you, be nicer, and be more like how he used to be. You couldn't understand if it was the proximity, the changed attitude, or the closeness of you both, but you started doubting that the feelings you felt for the guy were nothing more than platonic. You liked him. So much that you couldn't help but get giddy on the inside when thinking of him.
There were a few things you started wondering about with finding out your own feelings. Did he notice the way you act with him, like no other girl did? Maybe, maybe not, you weren't really sure. Did he see you as something more? You knew he had to feel some sort of something for you, right? It can't just be all in your head. He has to like at least a small amount of you.
Things just got better and better—you and your friend group going on a trip somewhere in the city, visiting some stuff, going to a mall, watching a horror movie, all nice and sweet. But you couldn't help the attraction, the need to stay close to him at all times. Your crush for him was already deeply rooted into your conscience by this time, but you didn't want to act on it in fear of rejection.
He was extremely nice that day, sat next to you at all times, helped you out when you needed it, joked around when it was the perfect time, and had that smile on his face, the one you so deeply admired every time you managed to make him laugh. That stupidly gorgeous smile, those deep brown eyes that you could get lost in... He was perfect.
How can you feel this way about a friend? Have you lost your mind?
Would he even like you back?
After that day, you couldn't help but think. Did you really even like him? Yes, you knew these feelings came practically out of nowhere, but you felt it. You felt those butterflies, and the anxiety setting in your lower stomach whenever he would open his mouth, only to say the most mundane thing in the world, was a sign. You were going bat-shit crazy. You didn't really know how to feel about this situation, but you felt the need to get rid of it, and quick. How can you even like him?
And he was acting a bit weird, too. He would mention crushes all the time, say weird romantic stuff on the group chat, get all philosophical and corny, and say an old crush of his came back. You felt like they could be hints. Your crazy, delusional mind thought that maybe, maybe he liked you and was scared to make the first step. Whatever it was, you were starting to believe he felt something for you, he had to.
You made up your mind. Or so you thought. Why is it so confusing? You were torn between the next two things: keep the crush for yourself, don't risk being hurt, continue with your limerence and yearning, live your life.
Or,
Tell him you like him, get it over with. He's only Taesan, if he rejects you, you can move on. If he likes you back, even better.
You decided on the latter.
Your two friends hyped you up, telling you that you only live once, you should get the feelings out of your system, stress less. You did exactly like they said and decided to text the guy. Big, big mistake.
. : Hi, sorry to bother. I know this is really unexpected; I didn't even expect to admit such stuff myself. Before you say anything, I really want to get this out of my system, so hear me out. I think it was really obvious I like you. I've liked you for some time now, but I wasn't really sure how I felt about knowing that.
ts: Wait, hold on. Stop, don't continue
. : ???
ts: Nothing ever happened.
. : Excuse me?
ts: Please, just don't
. : Okay, got it, jeez. Was I that obvious?
ts: Pretty much, yeah. At least your mom said that I’m cute :)
. : Haha. Can I please ask you something, though? No judgement?
ts: Go on…
. : Do you really not like me, not even a bit?
ts: I don't like anybody. After that heartbreak, back in 9th grade... I just swore I could never love again. I was kidding with all the crush stuff on the gcs
. : Okay then. Just ignore this. Let's not make it awkward, yeah?
ts: Okay
It ended so quickly. You were so, so stupid.
Such an idiot.
So STUPID.
Why the hell is he like this? No, okay, you got rejected, that's fine, but he didn't even say sorry, say he likes someone else or, heck, even say he just liked you as a friend only. He didn't even care enough to soften the blow. Who the hell says "nothing ever happened" to stuff like this???
You were about to bury yourself alive.
"No, I'm telling you. Who in their right mind is so nonchalant about something like this? Who even is he?" your friend consoles you, taking a quick puff of her cigarette, kicking imaginary pebbles with the tip of her boots.
You were out in the cold, on a break between classes. You felt miserable, guilty, and so, so done. You spent the night prior crying yourself to sleep, listening to love songs, sobbing like a child. Why does it need to be so difficult? And why did you feel so certain that he would like you in the first place? Why were you so sure of something impossible? Why did you trust him so much? Why did you still worry about him?
"It's okay, I'm honestly just stupid. At least I got it over with," you say quietly, looking down at your freezing feet.
"Hell no, you're not stupid for expressing emotion. He's a jerk anyways. I never expected you would like him out of everyone."
"Neither did I, I don't even think that was love. I think it was just because he was so nice with me lately that I felt so fond of him."
"What now?" she questions hesitantly, exhaling the smoke through her nostrils.
"What?"
"Are you going to be okay?"
"Yeah, obviously. He promised it wouldn't get awkward," you shrugged.
"Yeah, right..."
She doubted it. You doubted it as well. You both pretended it would all be fine, for your own sake.
And it was... fine? He spoke to you like usual, made the same jokes, smiled the same way, and gazed at you like nothing ever happened, exactly as he said. Everything was normal. But why weren't you happy? Why did you still feel so guilty?
You had a feeling everything would turn out for the worst. But you tried to push it deep down, don't let it affect your relationship, or at least what was left of it. You thought you ruined your friendship.
Two weeks had passed since then. You went to school, as usual, then back home, ate, studied, took a nap, studied some more, and went back to sleep, a torturous cycle that kept on looping throughout your life. Besides your restless routine, a series of not-so-great events had to line up at the same time as the most stressful time of your life. Great.
There was a specific event that did it for you. Your other friend seemed to want to piss you off. You didn't know if she was this genuinely evil person who wanted to put you on fire and throw you in a gas tank, or if she was just that clueless, but you didn't care. You've had it.
She was speaking to Taesan privately, playing their stupid video games without inviting you, making a separate group chat for calls. You knew it was childish, of course you did. You wanted to be the bigger person and ignore the sinking feeling you got in your stomach telling you that it was all going to be over very soon, but you knew you needed to act on it.
The problem is... you tend to overdo everything. You dramatized, exaggerated, and, hell, even made a fool of yourself texting the both of them, saying that "They're really not considering your feelings," that they're ignoring you and talking behind your back? Who even knew if they did so? But you were jealous. Why did she get to spend her time with him while you were stuck in friendzone prison for all your life?
Here's where everything actually went downhill. You confronted them both, felt crazy, and apologized, just to do it all again. They were being inconsiderate and mean, but why did you need to go as low as them?
What even possessed you to do such stuff? This isn't like you.
He said he would distance himself, that he didn't want to ruin the friendship you had with the girl. But he actually started to ignore you. And her. And your other friend.
You were so over it already. Why did such a small feeling get so big so quick, and why did you even tell him in the first place that you liked him?
You ruined the friendship, exactly like you had feared.
You sent him a paragraph, something mean. Something so not you. Told him to stop ignoring your common friends—if he had something with you, let it stay that way. You told him to stop being childish and to stop rolling his eyes like a bitch whenever he sees you, to stop acting like everything is okay when it’s not. You decided to play his game, to hit the ball he so worryingly set up for you. But this wasn't you.
How can you lose yourself over such stuff?
You decided to forget. You had to meet him at school, outside school, and see him around the halls. Somehow he's never looking at you. You're never looking at him either. Does he ever wonder how much he's hurt you too?
Why did you need to ruin something so beautiful out of your own selfishness?
10 films and shows to get to know @taesanpop! - a tag game ♡
20th century girl, euphoria, la boum, monster, napoleon dynamite, wild child, the paradise of thorns, dead poets society, corpse bride, chungking express
oh this is a hard one bcs you'll definitely need more than 10 to get to know me butttt:
pride and prejudice (2005)
roman holiday (1953)
dead poets society (1989)
all i wanna do (1998)
the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian (2008)
drunken master (1978)
monster by koreeda (2023)
SKAM norway (2015-17)
kiki's delivery service (1989)
little women (1994)
honourable mentions (bcs idk how to stfu): bend it like beckham, never let me go, my own private Idaho, emma (2020), bolt, primal fear
Seasonal depression hit again! Going thru the worst existential crisis ever, expect some angst... I'm not lying this time🥹 Got something in the works, based on true events haha #imgoinginsane
genre: fluff, angst (it's barely any), college AU, best friends to ???
warning: mild cursing
wc: ≈2k
synopsis: these parties always sucked, so why did you go this time? or, better, for whom? in which your best friend confesses his love for you.
author's note: hi everyone! managed to write this in like 2 hours, after a shower thought 😭 ignore the mistakes if there are any, it's 12 am💔
You hated this party. You hated it so much you wanted to puke. People were dancing their bodies to exhaustion, singing their hearts out, drinking with even more passion. Why did you even come up with the idea of attending it in the first place?
“Let's get you some punch…” Jaehyun, the host of said party, said, already maneuvering you through the crowd of dancing people, straight to the snacks table.
You know damn well why you came here. It was yet another Saturday night, and what was a weekend without a college party? Forgetting about your exams, deadlines, projects, for just a small amount of time with the help of alcohol and fun was the only escape college students got from their problems. But you weren't here for that. You were here for Taesan.
Were you a party person? No. But you still invited him here? Abso-fucking-lutely. And who managed to practically put the idea in your silly little brain? Of course, Jaehyun.
“He's gonna be here in a minute or two. Hope you don't fuck this up,” he said nonchalantly, pouring some of the suspiciously red-coloured drink into a plastic cup, handing it to you.
“Thank you for putting more pressure on me. I'll need more than this punch to get me through the night. Don't you have some liquor?”
“No drinks for you, ma'am. Go search for Taesan, I'll be around if you need me, but I doubt you will.” he practically shooed you away, pushing you towards the center of the room, giving you a thumbs-up when you turned around to give him the ugliest side eye anyone's ever received.
Why did you invite Taesan to this terrible party? Well, he's been acting kind of… cold. He stopped texting you, stopped sending you his usual daily updates and silly pictures, stopped giving you the attention you so genuinely needed, especially from him, and you hated this so much you wanted to cry. He wasn't necessarily mean or angry, or anything like that. He acted normal around other people, but when it came to you, he just kept everything to a minimum. You don't like the minimum.
So you decided to tell him everything tonight. Yup. Everything. Your feelings for him, the fact that you have liked him ever since high school, the way you can't not speak to him for more than a day…
You were sick to your stomach. You couldn't do this.
“Oh, hey!!!” you greet cheerfully as Taesan waves to you, his eyes drifting nervously.
“Hi.” he smiles with his mouth, but not with his eyes. What's wrong with him?
“Sooo… amazing party… ha-ha.” Ha-ha? Seriously?
“Yeah, I guess.” He looked down at his phone, going into the weather app like it was the most important thing in the world. He was totally avoiding your gaze.
“Wanna get some punch? Here, actually, let me get you some. Stay right where you are.” you practically shoved your own cup into his hands, running to the snacks table for the second time tonight.
You poured some punch for the boy, and right as you turned around, a person slammed into you, softly but powerfully enough to tip over the cup and its contents on your shirt.
“Oh my God, I'm so sorry!” the person apologized bashfully, reaching for the napkins situated on the corner of the table, handing them to you.
“It's okay, I'll handle it.” you said, smiling slightly, trying to be nice.
You didn't want to be nice. You were sticky, gross and mad. So mad.
“Where have you been– Oh.” Taesan said as you went back to where he sat, looking at the now pink stain you got on your white shirt.
“Don't even ask about it. This night is horrible. I'm not even a party person!”
“...Wanna get out of here?” he questioned, his eyes finally meeting yours for the first time tonight.
“Please.”
You didn't expect to end up in the park so late at night, but here you were. After all, anywhere is better than being at that horrible party.
What you also didn't expect was the fact that Taesan would hyperventilate right in front of you. Yes. Hyperventilating and blabbering and muttering things and apologizing, right in front of you. He was panicking, and you didn't know why.
“I'm so sorry. I did not want to avoid you for so long.” he apologized, holding his head down, pacing around a bench somewhere closer to the entrance of the park.
“It's okay, I swear it's okay. You probably had your own worries and stuff to deal with.” you tried to ease the tension, not wanting to see Taesan this way. So stressed and so panicked, and for what?
“No, it's not okay. I'm such a prick. You did nothing wrong at all.”
“I was doing a bit too much, too. I always sat with you, spent my time with you. It's getting stressful sometimes.” you sighed, looking at his thoughtful form.
“No, it's not that.” He still paced around.
“Then? What is it?”
“Your shampoo smells like freaking chocolate, and your perfume like vanilla.” he panicked, tugging at his hair.
The chill late-night air got you clutching your jacket tighter across your freezing body, and maybe you were also shielding yourself from all of the words that would spill out from the boy’s mouth. You weren’t sure what got into him lately. He acted strange, never sat too close to you, and didn’t talk unless you initiated the conversation. He stopped gravitating towards you and spending time with you altogether, and yet you invited him to this stupid party that, obviously, he couldn’t decline, not even if he wanted to.
“What’s that got to do with anything you said until now?” your eyes widened, trying to understand what he meant through all of his blabbering.
“What I’m trying to say is… You’re too sweet, too good to be true. And I’m a moron for even staying around you.” he sat down on the bench he had circled until now, propping his elbows on his knees, head in hands.
“What…?”
“You’re an amazing girl—good in school, kind with everyone, and you’ve got a good relationship with your parents. Mine barely acknowledge my existence unless I do something that involves them directly.” he didn’t look at you; he couldn’t. He knew he would fall apart if he looked into your eyes, getting lost in them like he usually does when you’re both alone, you doing the most mundane activity you could, with him sticking by your side.
“I barely know what I'm doing with my life, I've been in this slump for so long I actually feel like I'll be stuck here forever and I don't want this to rub off on you. You're too special to me, to everyone–”
“Taesan, I swear to God…”
“Let me finish before you reject me and laugh in my face like I’m some stupid idiot.” he put his hands down, only now looking at you, already regretting it. “I like you, no, fuck it, I love you. Loved you ever since we were in high school, I’m pretty sure of it. You were sitting with that prick, forgot his name. I think it was Jake? Whatever, not important. I felt my blood boil for the first time ever, and it wasn’t from anger, it was jealousy. I knew I needed you to be mine since he put his hand on your shoulder that day. I can’t believe you let that freak touch you,” he bit, eyebrows furrowing.
“Taesan.”
“...He was such an idiot for hurting you. I would never let anything bad happen to you, like, ever–”
“Taesan, slow down! Firstly, I don’t think you’re stupid, nor an idiot.”
“...You don’t?”
“Why would I? And secondly, I love you, too.”
“You…?” his breathing staggered, eyes widening like he saw a ghost.
“Don’t act so surprised now, you barely even let me speak. I was supposed to tell you tonight, hence inviting you to this horrible party. Such a bummer.”
“It was horrible, wasn’t it?” he sighed.
“Horrendous. Terrible. I’ve got punch sticking up my shirt to my skin, it’s not the most pleasant feeling in the world, y’know?”
“You love me back,” he repeated, almost as if he didn’t quite catch it the first time.
“Yes, silly. I love you so much that I can feel my heart jumping out of my chest right now. God, it feels so good to actually get these words out. I love you. I loooove y–” he shut you up with a peck.
You backed away in surprise, but when you finally realized what had happened, you leaned back in, touching his lips with yours slightly, testing the waters. He put one of his hands on your jaw, while you put both of yours around his neck, holding him tightly, almost as if he could flutter away from your grasp any moment now. His kisses were slow and sincere, very Taesan of him. He didn’t want to ruin this moment for both of you by acting desperate (he so needed to smash his lips into yours less nicely and softly than he is now), so he opted to take it slow. All you could think about was that you’re kissing him, finally. You and him, kissing on a stupid bench, in some stupid park, running away from some stupid party.
The smell of his cologne was making you dizzy, or maybe the way he kissed you did, you didn’t even know at this point. You could feel every part of where he was touching you, slightly burning at the contact, but you didn’t care. In the deep of the night, it’s only you and him, noses touching, hands everywhere all at once, lips molding together like the pieces of a puzzle. His kisses felt like a promise—a promise he would totally keep, you knew it deep down.
“Hey…” you pull away from the kiss, his lips still searching for yours. “As much as I want to keep kissing you, it’s getting quite cold.” you hold onto his jacket, smiling.
“Shit—you’re right. Sorry. Your shirt is still sticky.”
“Thank you, Sherlock. Didn’t notice.” you rolled your eyes playfully and he put a hand around you, hugging you tightly.
“I'll keep you warm until we get back to your dorm.”
You both walked side by side, his arm resting on the small of your back, warming you up slightly. It was quiet, but it was comfortable, like it always was around him. You preferred quiet if it was with him. But you had to ask him another thing.
“So… my freaking chocolate-smelling shampoo and vanilla perfume had you confessing your undying love for me tonight?” you mocked as he poked your side.
“So mean… I was going insane, it wasn't supposed to come out that way. But I do love the way you smell. It's like a bakery.” he smiled, putting his arm back where it formerly rested.
“Noted. Next on my list: smelling like a cinnamon roll.” you grinned. “Who knows… maybe you'll confess a second time?”
“I will confess as many times as you want if you stop dragging me to these parties.”
“...Noted again.”
You smiled triumphantly as you walked down the street. You finally had him all to yourself. The boy of your dreams, your best friend, all yours. You couldn't be happier as you laced your fingers with his, swinging your hands around like a toddler. And the little girl that lives inside of you, the one who was so in love and so mesmerized by Taesan, was congratulating you, and you know you did a good thing not avoiding this situation, like you always do. Because you finally got him, all yours.
your y/n had a lot of personality and that's something i personally love in reader x member fics, loved that i got to see reader's inner thoughts and how i was just as curious about taesan as they are.
“Yeah, I guess.” He looked down at his phone, going into the weather app like it was the most important thing in the world. He was totally avoiding your gaze.
ts faking nonchalance so bad until the punch incident and him revealing his loser-ness was the best thing to read in this lol! i love this characterisation of him haha
“Your shampoo smells like freaking chocolate, and your perfume like vanilla.” he panicked, tugging at his hair.
bro he's so...so...ugh im getting cuteness aggression 🥺
You backed away in surprise, but when you finally realized what had happened, you leaned back in, touching his lips with yours slightly, testing the waters. He put one of his hands on your jaw, while you put both of yours around his neck, holding him tightly, almost as if he could flutter away from your grasp any moment now. His kisses were slow and sincere, very Taesan of him. He didn’t want to ruin this moment for both of you by acting desperate (he so needed to smash his lips into yours less nicely and softly than he is now), so he opted to take it slow. All you could think about was that you’re kissing him, finally. You and him, kissing on a stupid bench, in some stupid park, running away from some stupid party.
omg the kiss scenee!!! 'he so needed to smash his lips into yours less nicely and softly than he is now' - bruh this is so cute ehe
oh, i also love the way you write body language! it really adds to the dialogue and prose!!
I'M KICKING MY FEET AND CRYING HOLD ONNN.... THE STRAIGHT UP ANALYSIS OF MY WRITING, YOU'RE AMAZING?! Thank you so much for noticing all the little details, I'll make sure to write more and become better hihi🫶🫶🫶
ahajh hi bia idk if u saw my reblog yet but i rlly loved your fic!! n i just realised you're moots with both levy and nini omg how did i not discover your blog before this, its such a gem!
(also saw u accept requests 👀 so don't mind me if i slide into ur inbox at some point to throw an insane idea or two hehe)
OHHH MYYY GODDDD HI!!
Saw the reblog just now! Thank you sososo much❤️🩹 AND YESSS, I'm mutuals with both levy and nini, literally love them both soooo much, they're such sweethearts
Also, can't wait for your requests! THANK YOU AGAIN FOR BEING SOOO NICE🫶
genre: fluff, angst (it's barely any), college AU, best friends to ???
warning: mild cursing
wc: ≈2k
synopsis: these parties always sucked, so why did you go this time? or, better, for whom? in which your best friend confesses his love for you.
author's note: hi everyone! managed to write this in like 2 hours, after a shower thought 😭 ignore the mistakes if there are any, it's 12 am💔
You hated this party. You hated it so much you wanted to puke. People were dancing their bodies to exhaustion, singing their hearts out, drinking with even more passion. Why did you even come up with the idea of attending it in the first place?
“Let's get you some punch…” Jaehyun, the host of said party, said, already maneuvering you through the crowd of dancing people, straight to the snacks table.
You know damn well why you came here. It was yet another Saturday night, and what was a weekend without a college party? Forgetting about your exams, deadlines, projects, for just a small amount of time with the help of alcohol and fun was the only escape college students got from their problems. But you weren't here for that. You were here for Taesan.
Were you a party person? No. But you still invited him here? Abso-fucking-lutely. And who managed to practically put the idea in your silly little brain? Of course, Jaehyun.
“He's gonna be here in a minute or two. Hope you don't fuck this up,” he said nonchalantly, pouring some of the suspiciously red-coloured drink into a plastic cup, handing it to you.
“Thank you for putting more pressure on me. I'll need more than this punch to get me through the night. Don't you have some liquor?”
“No drinks for you, ma'am. Go search for Taesan, I'll be around if you need me, but I doubt you will.” he practically shooed you away, pushing you towards the center of the room, giving you a thumbs-up when you turned around to give him the ugliest side eye anyone's ever received.
Why did you invite Taesan to this terrible party? Well, he's been acting kind of… cold. He stopped texting you, stopped sending you his usual daily updates and silly pictures, stopped giving you the attention you so genuinely needed, especially from him, and you hated this so much you wanted to cry. He wasn't necessarily mean or angry, or anything like that. He acted normal around other people, but when it came to you, he just kept everything to a minimum. You don't like the minimum.
So you decided to tell him everything tonight. Yup. Everything. Your feelings for him, the fact that you have liked him ever since high school, the way you can't not speak to him for more than a day…
You were sick to your stomach. You couldn't do this.
“Oh, hey!!!” you greet cheerfully as Taesan waves to you, his eyes drifting nervously.
“Hi.” he smiles with his mouth, but not with his eyes. What's wrong with him?
“Sooo… amazing party… ha-ha.” Ha-ha? Seriously?
“Yeah, I guess.” He looked down at his phone, going into the weather app like it was the most important thing in the world. He was totally avoiding your gaze.
“Wanna get some punch? Here, actually, let me get you some. Stay right where you are.” you practically shoved your own cup into his hands, running to the snacks table for the second time tonight.
You poured some punch for the boy, and right as you turned around, a person slammed into you, softly but powerfully enough to tip over the cup and its contents on your shirt.
“Oh my God, I'm so sorry!” the person apologized bashfully, reaching for the napkins situated on the corner of the table, handing them to you.
“It's okay, I'll handle it.” you said, smiling slightly, trying to be nice.
You didn't want to be nice. You were sticky, gross and mad. So mad.
“Where have you been– Oh.” Taesan said as you went back to where he sat, looking at the now pink stain you got on your white shirt.
“Don't even ask about it. This night is horrible. I'm not even a party person!”
“...Wanna get out of here?” he questioned, his eyes finally meeting yours for the first time tonight.
“Please.”
You didn't expect to end up in the park so late at night, but here you were. After all, anywhere is better than being at that horrible party.
What you also didn't expect was the fact that Taesan would hyperventilate right in front of you. Yes. Hyperventilating and blabbering and muttering things and apologizing, right in front of you. He was panicking, and you didn't know why.
“I'm so sorry. I did not want to avoid you for so long.” he apologized, holding his head down, pacing around a bench somewhere closer to the entrance of the park.
“It's okay, I swear it's okay. You probably had your own worries and stuff to deal with.” you tried to ease the tension, not wanting to see Taesan this way. So stressed and so panicked, and for what?
“No, it's not okay. I'm such a prick. You did nothing wrong at all.”
“I was doing a bit too much, too. I always sat with you, spent my time with you. It's getting stressful sometimes.” you sighed, looking at his thoughtful form.
“No, it's not that.” He still paced around.
“Then? What is it?”
“Your shampoo smells like freaking chocolate, and your perfume like vanilla.” he panicked, tugging at his hair.
The chill late-night air got you clutching your jacket tighter across your freezing body, and maybe you were also shielding yourself from all of the words that would spill out from the boy’s mouth. You weren’t sure what got into him lately. He acted strange, never sat too close to you, and didn’t talk unless you initiated the conversation. He stopped gravitating towards you and spending time with you altogether, and yet you invited him to this stupid party that, obviously, he couldn’t decline, not even if he wanted to.
“What’s that got to do with anything you said until now?” your eyes widened, trying to understand what he meant through all of his blabbering.
“What I’m trying to say is… You’re too sweet, too good to be true. And I’m a moron for even staying around you.” he sat down on the bench he had circled until now, propping his elbows on his knees, head in hands.
“What…?”
“You’re an amazing girl—good in school, kind with everyone, and you’ve got a good relationship with your parents. Mine barely acknowledge my existence unless I do something that involves them directly.” he didn’t look at you; he couldn’t. He knew he would fall apart if he looked into your eyes, getting lost in them like he usually does when you’re both alone, you doing the most mundane activity you could, with him sticking by your side.
“I barely know what I'm doing with my life, I've been in this slump for so long I actually feel like I'll be stuck here forever and I don't want this to rub off on you. You're too special to me, to everyone–”
“Taesan, I swear to God…”
“Let me finish before you reject me and laugh in my face like I’m some stupid idiot.” he put his hands down, only now looking at you, already regretting it. “I like you, no, fuck it, I love you. Loved you ever since we were in high school, I’m pretty sure of it. You were sitting with that prick, forgot his name. I think it was Jake? Whatever, not important. I felt my blood boil for the first time ever, and it wasn’t from anger, it was jealousy. I knew I needed you to be mine since he put his hand on your shoulder that day. I can’t believe you let that freak touch you,” he bit, eyebrows furrowing.
“Taesan.”
“...He was such an idiot for hurting you. I would never let anything bad happen to you, like, ever–”
“Taesan, slow down! Firstly, I don’t think you’re stupid, nor an idiot.”
“...You don’t?”
“Why would I? And secondly, I love you, too.”
“You…?” his breathing staggered, eyes widening like he saw a ghost.
“Don’t act so surprised now, you barely even let me speak. I was supposed to tell you tonight, hence inviting you to this horrible party. Such a bummer.”
“It was horrible, wasn’t it?” he sighed.
“Horrendous. Terrible. I’ve got punch sticking up my shirt to my skin, it’s not the most pleasant feeling in the world, y’know?”
“You love me back,” he repeated, almost as if he didn’t quite catch it the first time.
“Yes, silly. I love you so much that I can feel my heart jumping out of my chest right now. God, it feels so good to actually get these words out. I love you. I loooove y–” he shut you up with a peck.
You backed away in surprise, but when you finally realized what had happened, you leaned back in, touching his lips with yours slightly, testing the waters. He put one of his hands on your jaw, while you put both of yours around his neck, holding him tightly, almost as if he could flutter away from your grasp any moment now. His kisses were slow and sincere, very Taesan of him. He didn’t want to ruin this moment for both of you by acting desperate (he so needed to smash his lips into yours less nicely and softly than he is now), so he opted to take it slow. All you could think about was that you’re kissing him, finally. You and him, kissing on a stupid bench, in some stupid park, running away from some stupid party.
The smell of his cologne was making you dizzy, or maybe the way he kissed you did, you didn’t even know at this point. You could feel every part of where he was touching you, slightly burning at the contact, but you didn’t care. In the deep of the night, it’s only you and him, noses touching, hands everywhere all at once, lips molding together like the pieces of a puzzle. His kisses felt like a promise—a promise he would totally keep, you knew it deep down.
“Hey…” you pull away from the kiss, his lips still searching for yours. “As much as I want to keep kissing you, it’s getting quite cold.” you hold onto his jacket, smiling.
“Shit—you’re right. Sorry. Your shirt is still sticky.”
“Thank you, Sherlock. Didn’t notice.” you rolled your eyes playfully and he put a hand around you, hugging you tightly.
“I'll keep you warm until we get back to your dorm.”
You both walked side by side, his arm resting on the small of your back, warming you up slightly. It was quiet, but it was comfortable, like it always was around him. You preferred quiet if it was with him. But you had to ask him another thing.
“So… my freaking chocolate-smelling shampoo and vanilla perfume had you confessing your undying love for me tonight?” you mocked as he poked your side.
“So mean… I was going insane, it wasn't supposed to come out that way. But I do love the way you smell. It's like a bakery.” he smiled, putting his arm back where it formerly rested.
“Noted. Next on my list: smelling like a cinnamon roll.” you grinned. “Who knows… maybe you'll confess a second time?”
“I will confess as many times as you want if you stop dragging me to these parties.”
“...Noted again.”
You smiled triumphantly as you walked down the street. You finally had him all to yourself. The boy of your dreams, your best friend, all yours. You couldn't be happier as you laced your fingers with his, swinging your hands around like a toddler. And the little girl that lives inside of you, the one who was so in love and so mesmerized by Taesan, was congratulating you, and you know you did a good thing not avoiding this situation, like you always do. Because you finally got him, all yours.
My friend opened my eyes to a new world... real books. WHEN I TELL YOU I genuinely don't like reading actual books (shocking, knowing I write), and when I told her she lended me one of her fav books, "The rest of us just live here" by Patrick Ness AND I WAS SOOOOO AMAZED with the plot and characters and storytelling and everything was just amazing I swear💔💔💔 I read it all in like 3 days 😭 If anyone knows more books like this one, please give me recommendations PLEASEEEE
blurb: the four times myung jaehyun got possessive (and the one time you did)
scenarios ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐ tags/warnings: campus dream girl!reader, jealous!jaehyun, you're the same age (so the maknaes call you noona), university au, school festival setting, established relationship, fluff, feat. anton and sohee from riize, and gaon from xdinary heroes—wc. 3.4k ₊˚⊹♡
a/n: something self-indulgent that i cranked out in one sitting bc jealous touchy jaehyun who's whipped for his perfect girlfriend is smth ive daydreamed way too many times now (and also this ramble post). enjoy! ♡ reblogs are appreciated!
IF ONE WERE TO ASK Myung Jaehyun what his type is, he'd say, in all seriousness, "my girlfriend."
If one were to ask Myung Jaehyun who his most favorite person in the world is, he'd say "my girlfriend."
If one were to ask Myung Jaehyun why he loves his girlfriend so much, he'd say... a lot of things and one wouldn't be able to escape until he runs out of breath or have said girlfriend need his attention.
Truly, it was a university-established fact that Myung Jaehyun is and has been in love with you the moment you sat next to each other in Intro to Spanish, and his life had turned muy bien since then.
He did not know how he was able to get you to date him.
You were, after all, the campus golden girl—a title you didn't coin yourself because really, how mortifying would that be? No, you were the campus golden girl because you were the embodiment of the phrase: "talent speaks for itself."
Student council president who somehow still had time to ace exams. A familiar face at debates and cultural nights. Juggling dance troupe rehearsals and weekend volunteer work like it was nothing. People swore you had this magical ability to make everyone feel at ease. Teachers trust you. Peers adored you. Even strangers find you not just capable, but also genuinely kind.
And of course you were so so pretty, Jaehyun used to whine to his friends about it at least once a day before you got together (and now that you’re dating, the number’s gone up to three, because apparently "three times because you're a charm" or however the saying goes).
That's exactly how courting you went.
One minute, he's lamenting to Riwoo about how the light frames your face perfectly; the next, he's confessing his feelings for you outside your home, in a dress shirt that fit too tight around his neck, a bouquet of your favorite flowers in his hands, and his friends rallying behind him in matching dress shirts forming a makeshift band.
And despite the concerned looks from your parents because why is this boy serenading you at 8 in the morning on a weekend, you walked up to him, kissed his cheek, agreed to date him.
(When you invited him and his friends in for breakfast, they left liking you more than ever. Partly because you were charming, mostly because you kept Jaehyun from stealing their food)
And so, things had been very muy bien for Myung Jaehyun. Dating you turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to him, even if half the university told him it'd be a challenge.
Sure, everyone wanted your attention and that meant constant competition. But Jaehyun was comfortable with the relationship and was very much madly in love with you. To him, you weren't an untouchable dream. To him, you were just his.
Of course, Jaehyun being secure did not mean he never got jealous. Oh, he got jealous, alright. He may have been okay with the idea of sharing you with the rest of the world, but apparently, his idea of sharing meant people could borrow your notes or relish under your leadership or maybe even take a picture with you.
Everything else—or at least, the ones that involved stealing you away from him, were a no-no in his book. And it wasn't because he doubted you. He knew you love him just as much as he loves you (or a little less, because he claims he loves you more). He knew you had never and will never entertain anyone else no matter how many admirers you had. He understood that and trusted you unequivocally.
That doesn't mean he can't scare them away.
I.
YOU'VE BEEN STUDENT COUNCIL president long enough to know the drill when it comes to a new transferee. Although you had another schedule in the next hour, you knew you couldn't say no when one of the advisers asked you to give the new guy a small tour around campus. This had been a common occurrence after all, and naturally part of your responsibilities.
The new transfer Anton, a tall boy with kind eyes and a gentle way of talking, walked beside you as you pointed out different places. "So this is the main quad. It's usually a free space to use, unless there are festivals. We have one upcoming so you'd might want to look forward to that! Then—oh, the cafeteria is right through that arch. The lunch rush is bad so I don't recommend it."
Anton laughed softly, his hair falling in front of his eyes. "Got it. Um... you must be really busy huh? Doing this on top of everything else?"
You smiled, brushing it off. "Not really. It's part of the job. Besides, it's nice meeting new people."
. . .
Across the quad, three boys were sprawled on the grass, casually soaking up the sun's rays while they wait for their next class.
"Oh?" Woonhak squinted, lowering his can of cola. "Who's that guy Noona's with?"
Jaehyun shot up from his previously lying-down position at the mention of you. He snapped his neck so fast, it was a wonder he didn't crack it. "What guy?"
Leehan followed Woonhak's gaze, "Ah, that's the new transfer. Noona's probably giving him a tour."
Woonhak smirked, turning to Jaehyun. "Ooh, what do you have to say about that, Hyung?"
But Jaehyun's spot was already empty. Woonhak blinked at the vacant spot of grass. "Hyung??"
. . .
You were mid-conversation about which clubs were looking for new applicants when you felt a sudden shift in the air. Next thing you know, an arm landed across your shoulders, a familiar scent wafted into your senses, and Jaehyun's voice drawled right against your ear.
"Hi, babe! What are you doing?"
You blinked. "Jaehyun? I'm showing the new transfer around campus. This is—" you gestured to Anton, who looked positively spooked by your boyfriend's sudden appearance, about to introduce him but Jaehyun's already cutting you off.
"Cool, cool." He twirled a piece of your hair, his smile not fully reaching his eyes. "Anyway, don't you have committee prep in fifteen minutes?"
You blinked again. "How'd you know about that?"
But he was already removing himself from you to throw his arm over Anton, who's eyes widened further when Jaehyun clapped his back. "Anyway! Let me give you the tour, man! I know all the great spots! Shortcut to the cafeteria, best vending machines, nap spots, all the essentials. Trust me, I've been here forever."
Before you could stop him, Jaehyun was already steering Anton away.
"See you later, baby!" he called over his shoulder, winking.
You stood there frozen in the middle of the hallway in disbelief.
"...What just happened?"
II.
JAEHYUN FLIPPED ANOTHER PAGE of his propped-up textbook with exaggerated casualness. If anyone walked by, they'd see an upstanding diligent student studying in the library. What they don't see is the way his gaze hadn't dropped from the glass-walled conference room right across him.
There you were, seated at the head of the table with your notes out as you listened to one of your committee members talk about the upcoming festival.
He leaned his cheek against his palm. He was supposed to be reviewing econ. Instead, he'd been counting how many times you tucked your hair behind your ear. Ten, eleven, twelve...
“You know,” a voice said flatly above him. “If you weren’t already dating Noona, this would be considered stalking.”
Jaehyun jerked his head up. Taesan stood there, unimpressed. Behind him, Sungho added, “Even if they are dating, it’s still stalking.”
Jaehyun bristled. “I was studying—” He stopped mid-sentence when, through the glass, he saw Gaon, one of your council members with a look of his face that ruffled Jaehyun's feathers, leaned a little too close to you as he borrowed yet another pen.
His eyes narrowed.
“I’ll be back,” he muttered instead, grabbing both Taesan’s and Sungho’s pencil cases in one swoop.
“Hey, wait!” Sungho lunged for his, but Jaehyun was already striding off.
. . .
“Sorry, can I borrow a sticky note? Mine ran out.”
You didn’t even look up. This was Gaon’s third request in twenty minutes. Sliding your pouch over, you kept your eyes on the council member presenting the proposed floor plan for the upcoming festival.
“Thanks! Oh, and another pen? This one’s, uh, dead.”
You sighed, pulling one out when the door to the conference room swung open.
Jaehyun strolled in like he owned the place, depositing two pencil cases, with different colors and mismatched charms dangling off the zippers, right in front of you and Gaon.
“There,” he said matter-of-factly. “So you don’t have to keep sharing.”
Gaon blinked. “Uh… thanks?”
Before you could so much react to the sudden appearance of your boyfriend, Jaehyun snapped his fingers and turned to the presenter. He gave the PowerPoint slides one long appraising look, nodded once, then started rattling off suggestions.
“Booths here will bottleneck. Space them out more. Put food stalls near exits so crowds keep moving. Better double the ticket system with online codes or you’ll get long lines.”
The room went silent, then erupted into praises.
"Woah, that's so smart!"
"Write that down! WRITE THAT DOWN!"
Heat shot to your cheeks. Meanwhile, Jaehyun blinked in surprise. He hadn’t expected this outcome at all. Still, he smoothly slid into the seat between you and Gaon, grinning like it was all part of the plan.
Leaning in, he whispered, “I have no idea what I’m talking about.”
You bit your lip, trying to hold back, but the smug look on his face paired with the quiet panic in his voice did you in.
When he added, “But hey, I scored you some free labor,” you broke.
You laughed so much, hiding behind your notes as the whole room turned to look. Beside you, Jaehyun beamed.
III.
The annual festival was a three-day event for your university. It had everything from food stalls and game tents to live performances (which he and his friends are a part of on day three). It had been the perfect opportunity to spend time with you (as if he hadn't been spending time with you since you started dating).
Still, Jaehyun couldn't help but feel deflated when he realized you had to help man your booth for half the day.
He’d tried convincing you to sneak away and explore with him, but you’d smiled that sweet smile that he could never say no to and shoved him toward Riwoo and Woonhak.
“Go enjoy yourself,” you said. “I’ll be fine. Promise.”
So now, Jaehyun was trudging down the main row of booths with his friends, hands shoved in his pockets with his friends ohhing and ahhing at the displays.
"I miss my girlfriend," he whined to Riwoo for the millionth time.
"You'll be seeing her later in the day anyway." Riwoo resisted the urge to sigh. "Here, have some of Woonhak's chicken."
"Hey!"
Then the crowd ahead of them thickened. A whole group of guys clustered near one booth, blocking the path.
Woonhak craned his neck. “What’s everyone gathering for?”
Riwoo squinted. “Isn’t that… YN’s booth? The ring toss thing?”
Jaehyun froze, eyes narrowing. Then his voice took on a serious tone, bordering on urgent. “We should go.”
“But weren’t we going to get more chick—” Woonhak started.
You hadn't expected the sudden swarm of male students around your council's ring toss booth. Your members joked it had something to do with switching out Gaon for you at the registration area.
Even when you stood there, internally overwhelmed, you had on your brightest smile as you handed over rings and explained the rules. The rowdy group of guys seemed especially determined, saying things like they'd win the prizes for you, which you laughed off politely. As long as the tickets were selling, you weren't complaining.
Then, through the crowd, three familiar faces appeared.
“Hey, noona!” Woonhak called brightly, waving. You'd never tell Jaehyun (though you're sure he shared the same sentiments) but you had a soft spot for the youngest member of their friend group.
Riwoo gave you a grin and a nod, and Jaehyun... well, Jaehyun looked like he was headed into battle.
"Hi baby," he started, intentionally raising his voice for the group of guys beside him to hear, before slapping down tickets unto the table. "I'll play."
You chuckled. You knew where this was headed. "Sure! Three tries!"
He tossed the first ring. Missed. Second ring. Missed. Third ring... it spun once before clattering off the bottle.
From the sidelines, his friends winced.
"I'll try." Riwoo stepped forward, stepping up. He managed to snag a bottle neck on his second throw, earning himself a small keychain prize. Woonhak followed, grinning when he landed one too.
They both turned to Jaehyun, who was already paying for another round.
“Again,” he muttered.
You bit back a smile, handing him the rings. He tried. Failed. Tried again. Failed again. His growing frustration somehow radiated through-out the booth, making the rest of the guys scatter. One of your council members whispered to you that Jaehyun was scaring off potential customers but you were too engrossed and amused by your boyfriend's antics to care.
Clink! Finally, a ring settled neatly around a bottle neck.
“Yes!” Jaehyun shouted triumphantly, throwing his arms around you as if he won a major championship game. He accepted the prize (another minor keychain), turned to you, and grinned. His friends snickered behind him.
You coudn't resist the sight of his proud face when he presented it to you, so you leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."
His smile stuck to his face, eyes a little dazed. Even after you shoo'd them away from the booth and promised to look around with him in the afternoon, the goofy grin stayed plastered on his face.
"If all it took for you to stop sulking was seeing Noona, then we should've brought you earlier," Woonhak whined. "I had to sacrifice my chicken!"
"I'll get you more chicken."
"Yes!"
IV.
The gym was packed for the festival's dance competition on the second day. Jaehyun sat on the bleachers with his friends, holding signs with your face and name on it.
"Make sure you're getting her fancam right," Jaehyun told Leehan, who gave him a thumbs-up.
When your introduction was made and the music blasted through the speakers, Jaehyun cheered like a mad mad when you took center stage. His heart swelled with pride as he watched you perform a series of complicated steps, commanding the stage and shining just like you always did.
Beside him, Sungho let out a whistle. "Wow, she's a better dancer than you."
“Yeah,” Jaehyun said instantly, grinning from ear to ear. “She’s amazing.”
He clapped and cheered louder than anyone else, not even embarrassed when a couple of students turned to stare. Every time you hit a particularly difficult move, he jumped up in excitement, biting down his knuckle to push down giddiness.
By the time your routine ended, the crowd was on their feet in a loud roar of cheers. Jaehyun’s voice cracked from shouting so much, but he didn’t care. His girlfriend absolutely killed it!
. . .
When the emcee announced your troupe as the winners for the annual festival, you let out a breath of relief as your team exploded in cheers around you. The dance competition had been a reprieve from your usual day-to-day activities, despite being just as stressful to prepare for. But when you performed on that stage, everything felt lighter. Winning had been the icing on the cake.
Suddenly, you were pushed forward by your team, urging you to accept the trophy with them in tow. In a rare bout of shyness, you led them up the stage.
The emcee then ushered a guest presenter to the stage—Sohee, the captain of the basketball team. He carried the trophy and a bouquet of flowers, sauntering to you with a smile that made the crowd buzz.
"Congratulations," he said.
You took them with a practiced smile, murmuring a small thanks. At the back of your mind, you slightly braced your self. You half-expected Jaehyun to come storming up the stage with his classic jealous boyfriend act (something you had brought up with him multiple times in the past, which he innocently claimed to "not have any clue about"). But surprisingly... nothing happened.
When the photo ops started, and your team gathered around you to take pictures with the trophy, you stood corrected. You barely had time to relax when you heard a part of the gym explode into hoots and cheers.
"Excuse me," a familiar voice cut from the left side of the stage.
You turned... and there he was. Jaehyun, your ever dramatic boyfriend with a deep fondness for grand gestures, striding unto the stage with an even bigger bouquet of your favorite flowers. The smug smile on his face was devastating. The crowd went wild.
He stopped in front of you and glanced at the bouquet in your hands. With a little quirk of his head, he turned to one of your teammates. "Would you mind holding that for a moment?"
Your teammate, albeit a little stunned by his charming smile, rushed forward to take the bouquet from your hands. Jaehyun smoothly swapped them with his own.
"For you," he murmured.
You didn't know whether to laugh or melt at the gesture, while your team screamed in the background. The entire gym shook with the noise from your classmates chanting and whistling at the spectacle.
"Really?" you snorted, half-exasperated, half-amused.
He shrugged. "What? You deserve flowers that aren't recycled from the basketball team's funds." He then settled beside you to join in the picture-taking.
With an arm around you, he grinned cheekily once more before leaning forward and kissing your cheek just as the camera went click!
(It was only a week after the festival, when you were giving yet another transferee a tour around campus and stopped in front of the trophy cabinet, that you saw the winner’s picture and realized Jaehyun’s gesture had been the best way to make it known to the school that you were his).
I.
YOU HADN'T PLANNED on roping your boyfriend and his friends into performing for the last day of the festival. But after that chaotic serenade he'd pulled off to court you, you knew the crowd would love them.
And you were right.
From the side of the stage, you watched him slip into performer mode effortlessly. He looked absolutely magnetic, with his beautiful voice and amazing dance skills that rivaled yours. Of course, the front row was packed with girls, squealing and waving signs of his name.
You told yourself you didn't mind the attention he was getting. Your boyfriend was incredible, after all. But when one of them yelled, "You're so handsome, Jaehyun!" and he laughed into the mic, you couldn't help your eye twitching.
By the end of the set, the boys were basking in the applause, and Jaehyun hopped off stage. You were about to approach him when three girls beat you to it.
They immediately showered him with praises, offering water bottles and towels. When one of them leaned too close into his personal space to take a picture, your feet moved you forward without thinking.
You slipped an arm around Jaehyun's waist, catching him off-guard for a second before he relaxed after realizing it was you. His gaze burned the side of your face, yet you were too distracted by something else.
"Sorry girls," you said brightly. "He's a little busy."
To your surprise, their eyes widened. "Oh! You're his girlfriend, right? YN-nim?"
When you nodded, they switched up so fast, apologizing and cooing over your relationship like they shipped you since the very beginning. They then scattered, giggling as they went.
You turned back to your boyfriend, who looked down at you with lips twitching. "That was so..." Jaehyun smirked. "Possessive."
You couldn't help but blush. "They were crowding you, I was just... helping."
Helping,” he echoed, clearly amused. “So, when you wrapped yourself around me and told them off, that was just ‘helping?’”
You glared. “Don’t start.”
He only leaned closer, grin softening into something that made your stomach flip. “You’re cute when you’re jealous.”
“I wasn’t—”
"God, I love you," he started. Then, without waiting for a response, he tugged you gently by the waist and kissed you. He smiled against your lips when he felt you relax in his embrace.
When you pulled back, he rested his forehead against yours. "Better?"
You rolled your eyes but couldn't wipe the grin off your face. "Much."
blurb: you were almost something, then suddenly too much. in taesan’s head, the state of your friendship lives like schrodinger’s cat: half-safe, half-ruined, and all because he couldn’t stop himself from kissing you
oneshot ࣪˖ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐ tags/warnings: fem!reader, university au, friends to (???), taesan is an avoidant, a yearner, and in denial, jokes about kinks/whipping, mentions of drinking and partying, cursing, soft angst, miscommunication trope, mentions of a hypothetical "killing" of a cat (based on the title), feat. nmixx’s sullyoon and riize’s wonbin—wc. 8.3k ₊˚⊹♡
a/n: its finally done!!! my first angst and the longest fic ive ever written on this blog jfc this really had me clawing at my brain cells (i made notes if anyone's interested in me rambling! read the fic first tho hehe). i feel like its all over the place and i lost the plot somewhere hng anw enjoy? maybe? and pls reblog and lmk what u think! ♡
I. THE OBSERVER BIAS
— the tendency to selective interpret or influence results based on expectations of beliefs
. . .
THERE COMES A MOMENT in a person’s life when he realizes no matter how insignificant one thing might be in the past, once it joins with other equally insignificant things, they magically balloon into significance.
In Taesan’s case, that moment arrived in the form of stargazing, when his friends strategically arranged themselves around Sungho’s pick-up truck so that he’d be on the truck’s bed with you.
But the ballooning didn’t happen when you sat so close to each other, enough for your knees to touch nor when Taesan brushed his fingers with yours when he passed you a drink.
No, it was when the stupid meteor shower started. While his other friends ogled at the raining rocks, you, with your stupid blanket wrapped around your stupid shoulders as you gazed at the sky with your stupid wide eyes, leaned your head against Taesan’s shoulders without warning.
And although he wasn’t a stranger to your touches (it had been a reflex of yours to wrap your hands around your friends’ arms when you see them), it was the unforeseen ballooning of all insignificant things that had Taesan’s heart thundering in his chest.
In retrospect, he should’ve stopped you. When the first signs of you feeling comfortable around him appeared, he should’ve put an end to it quickly. When you looped your arms around his own the first time, he should’ve pulled back and folded into himself (he’s good at that).
But he allowed you and your feather-like touches to find comfort on his skin and subsequently wormed their way past his defenses, and eventually he found himself craving for it when you’re around. Fingers around his wrist when you cross the street. Hands around his bicep when you walk to class. Arms around his neck when he’s studying and you’re doing...whatever it is that you’re doing behind him.
He never paid too much attention to it and he never cared. So what if your cheek is pressed against his arm during a movie marathon? So what if you’re leaning against him while you fix your shoes? So what if you hold his hand every once in a while? So. What?
At least, he used to not pay attention. He used to not care.
It was his friends’ fault for bringing it up the first time.
“You know, Taesan... Y/N is more comfortable around you than the rest of us,” they had said.
Insignificant things. So many insignificant things. Yet people noticed them. Should he notice them?
“This is nice,” you had said during that stupid meteor shower.
What was nice? What was so nice about being constantly aware of every nudge, every bump, every graze of your skin against his? What was so nice about yearning for your touch every single freaking day?
He hadn’t replied. He hadn’t moved away.
He should have.
But he didn’t.
Because acknowledging it—acknowledging you—would make it real. And Taesan didn’t do real. Not when it came to feelings. Feelings complicated things. Feelings gave people leverage, and he didn’t want anyone, not even you, to see through the cracks he worked so hard to keep sealed.
. . .
The library was silent until he arrived and dropped his things on an unoccupied table. He had a physics exam coming up and while he liked to pretend that he didn’t care about classes, the truth was that he secretly enjoyed learning. Not the grades or the pressure, but the neat puzzle of concepts clicking into place.
For a while, he managed to bury himself in scribbling notes, muttering formulas under his breath. Entropy is a measure of disorder… the second law states it always increases… statistical mechanics explains why microscopic randomness leads to macroscopic inevitability. Easy. His hand tapped his pen against the page in a steady rhythm.
Then came the commotion. A sharp burst of laughter and the shuffle of hurried footsteps brought a familiar dread in his chest. He had in inkling who was responsible for the noise before he even looked up.
Sure enough, Jaehyun, Riwoo, and Leehan marched into the library with props in hand, feigning studious intent. When they found his table, they positioned themselves around him in a half-circle.
“Hey Taesan! Just the guy I wanted to see!” Jaehyun leaned forward, eyebrows waggling.
A sigh escaped him. There went his plans of peace. “What is he talking about?” he asked Leehan, the lesser of the three evils.
Leehan adjusted the pair of oversized noise-canceling headphones hanging around his neck though they weren’t even plugged into anything. “He wants you to—”
The rest of his sentence was muffled when Jaehyun slapped a hand over his mouth.
“Dude! I told you I wanted to tell him!”
“Leehan has more chances of convincing Taesan than you, you know,” Riwoo said with a smirk. The book in his hands—100 Ways to Cook Eggs—landed on the table with a heavy thunk.
Taesan frowned. “Whatever it is, I’m saying no.”
Indignation crossed Jaehyun’s face. He gasped dramatically. “I haven't even told you yet! You can’t do that!” He looked to Riwoo for backup. “He can’t do that, right?”
“Unless you can win a fight against him, he most certainly can.”
Taesan nodded. “What he says.”
“Come on, man!” Jaehyun shoved Riwoo aside, accidentally slamming the table with both hands. The librarian shot him a sharp glare. He shrank back, whispering an apology, then leaned in again. “Sullyoon’s parents aren’t in town and she’s throwing a massive party.”
Taesan kept writing. Didn’t even look up. He wasn’t falling for that.
“Y/N will be there.”
The pen in his hand hesitated, just for a second, yet he cursed himself for it anyway. Memories of past slip-ups flashing in his mind. The way Riwoo once caught him staring too long. The way Jaehyun had teased him about his ears turning red. He had been too obvious before, and his friends had pieced it together without him ever saying a word.
He schooled his face back into neutrality, forcing his hand to continue scribbling across the page. “Do you want to get hit by a book?” he asked Jaehyun casually.
They didn’t take his threats seriously anymore. He had a sinking suspicion it had everything to do with you.
“Relax, I’m just saying it’d be less embarrassing to admit you’re going now than after Y/N asks you,” Jaehyun said with a shrug.
“It’ll be fun,” Leehan added. “We won’t force you to drink or anything.”
“Ha! Speak for yourself!”
“Seriously, Myung. Shut up.” Riwoo smacked Jaehyun’s arm, earning himself a sulky pout. He then grinned. “But he’s right, you know. Even I’m going, and you know how much I love parties.”
Taesan gave him a flat look. “Why are you going? Don’t you want to just, I don’t know, play video games?”
“That was the plan… until Jaehyun bribed me with a new game.”
“Traitor.”
“Pleaaaase, I want us all together!” Jaehyun groaned, his arms fully stretched on the table in front of him, like a toddler preparing to throw a tantrum.
Taesan pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew what they were doing. His friends could easily go to the party without him, and yet they’re trying to convince him to go with the obvious intention of pushing you two together. He’d told them no a hundred times before. He didn’t want to be set up. He didn’t want to admit what he felt, and they couldn’t understand that. If he let himself go, even once, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep denying it.
“You could try bribing him,” Riwoo teased Jaehyun, who perked up at the idea.
“It won’t work,” Leehan cut in matter-factly. “But, Dongmin… if you don’t go, you’ll just think about her being there the whole night. Wouldn’t it be easier to show up, make sure she’s fine, and leave if you want?”
The words landed heavier than Taesan wanted to admit. He hated how well Leehan knew him. He hated even more that he wasn’t wrong.
His jaw clenched. Silence stretched as his pen hovered above the page. Finally, with all the reluctance in the world, he muttered, “Fine. I’ll go.”
Even as the words left his mouth, he already regretted them. He would regret them for the rest of the week.
Riwoo let out a low whistle as he patted Leehan on the back, who looked satisfied with himself. “Well, damn. That’s impressive.”
“I sense favoritism in this friend group.” Jaehyun sighed dramatically. “Oh well, whatever. As long as Taesan is going then, mission accomplished! We’ll get going now—”
He made a move to stand up before Taesan snapped his notebook shut.
“None of you are my favorite,” he said flatly. He then leveled them all with a glare. “And oh no, you’re not going anywhere. Since you’re here, you’re all staying to study.”
Three sets of groans echoed through the library.
“I’m serious,” he warned, cracking his knuckles. “Pick up a book. Now.”
The three scrambled, nearly tripping over each other to grab the nearest volumes, terrified of his wrath.
Taesan leaned back in his chair, finally amused. The creeping feeling of things about to go wrong sat at the back of his head but he pushed it down.
He opened his notebook again.
II. THE SETUP
— a hypothetical cat is placed in a sealed box with a radioactive atom, a geiger counter, a hammer, and a vial of poison
. . .
THE CAFETERIA HAD ALWAYS been Taesan's least favorite place to eat on campus. He preferred eating his lunch on the rooftop, or even the grass in the quad. But his friends were cafeteria-people, and his roommate Sungho managed to kidnap him before he could escape to the rooftop.
When they walked through the doors, he wanted to fold into himself. People were all over the place. So many people that the cafeteria seemed as though it were squirming. Everything was so chaotic—clanging plates, squeaking chairs, and more than two hundred people gossiping all at once.
“Please,” he pleaded to Sungho. His knuckles gripped his lunch tray so tightly, they paled. “Can we just—”
“Over here!”
Sungho shot him a sheepish smile before waving back at Woonhak. Taesan couldn’t help but sigh as he followed his roommate to their friends’ table. And just his luck, your best friend—and the reason for his now-booked Friday night—Sullyoon sat with them.
His eyes darted to the exits. Maybe he could make a break for it before anyone noticed. But Sungho, as though reading his mind, caught him by the collar like a stray cat and tugged him down into the empty seat. His tray clattered against the table as he sat, forced into place. Sullyoon’s smile widened when their eyes met, and Taesan braced himself for a whole lot of teasing.
“So, Han Taesan,” she started, eyes twinkling with mischief. “A little birdie told me you’re going to my party.”
On the inside, he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. On the outside, he shrugged noncommittally as he busied himself with his lunch tray. Sullyoon, in his mind, was simply background noise. He had nothing much to say about her, other than the fact that she was your best friend and they happened to share a few classes. He never really talked to her outside of academics. And when the conversation was about her, it was almost always involved you.
She didn’t seem fazed by his lack of reaction. Her voice dropped into a playful tease. “It’s because Y/N’s going, isn’t it?” She laughed, leaning forward. “You’re so whipped.”
Taesan couldn’t stop the words from spilling out, aghast. “I am not whipped!”
Big mistake.
Sullyoon looked positively delighted. “Oh, please. Every time she’s around, you’re uncharacteristically polite. You actually let her copy your notes, and I’ve never seen you do that for anyone else. You even laugh at her lame jokes—” she mimed cracking an invisible whip in the air, earning a chorus of snickers from both Woonhak and Sungho, “—like I said, whipped.”
Before Taesan could defend himself, Leehan slid onto the bench beside him with his own lunch tray. “Are you guys talking about kinks? Who’s whipping who?”
They stared at him in bewilderment before collectively ignoring him. Taesan tried again, desperate. “I treat her the same way I treat everybody else."
“Absolutely not. You're nicer to her.” Woonhak swiped a fry from Leehan's tray, and the latter started nodding like he finally understood what the conversation was about.
“You’re nodding. Why are you nodding?” Taesan asked in exasperation. “Do you even know who we’re talking about?”
“Isn’t it you being whipped for Y/N?”
Silence… Then, the entire table erupted in laughter.
Heat crept up Taesan's neck. He ducked his head over his tray, ears burning as the laughter carried on without him. “I am not whipped,” he repeated, but no one was listening. Woonhak and Sullyoon were now mimicking whiplash sound effects together, doubling over in laughter.
“Who’s whipping who?” Jaehyun arrived at the table, looking mildly amused.
“Hey, that’s what I said!” Leehan pointed at him with renewed enthusiasm, raising his hand for a high-five. Jaehyun, still not getting it, high-fived him anyway.
“Can we please stop talking about this?” Taesan muttered, but his voice was drowned out by the ruckus.
Then you arrived.
The table exaggeratedly cheered like your presence was the punchline to an inside joke, and you only looked at them with that half-amused, half-suspicious smile of yours. Taesan felt his heart about to burst out of his chest when your gaze finally landed on him, your entire face lighting up. He hated that guilt wormed its way into him for wanting to see more of that expression, and yet he couldn’t help himself.
You moved to sit in the space between Sullyoon and Jaehyun, but Jaehyun immediately shifted away, leaving the spot right beside Taesan open instead.
“She’ll make you less grumpy if she sits there,” Jaehyun teased.
“You’re welcome,” Sullyoon added, grinning.
You only laughed, brushing off their remarks with ease, before settling into the seat next to him.
“You’re out early,” Taesan said, forcing his voice to sound casual. He realized, belatedly, that it implied he knew your schedule. And while everyone else seemed absorbed in their own conversations now, he knew they were secretly listening. He worked extra hard to keep his tone level.
“Yeah, the professor had bad diarrhea,” you said, wrinkling your nose. “Anyway, I heard you’re going to the party. That’s surprising.”
“Someone’s got to keep you away from trouble,” Taesan replied without thinking. His brain scrambled for cover, and he quickly added. “Since Sullyoon will probably be busy keeping people from wrecking her house.” He ignored the way your shoulders brushed against his. Just one more insignificant thing ballooning into too much.
You laughed, leaning back. “Well, since I have a designated babysitter, guess I’ll let loose.”
“Please don’t.”
You laughed again, and Taesan couldn’t help but relax his shoulders. Insignificant things.
The two of you slipped into easy conversation after that. He focused on the rhythm of your voice, on the animated way your face moved as you spoke. But underneath it all, the nagging feeling of inevitable doom clung to him. Still, he shoved it down and compartmentalized it, because it was easier than admitting why it exists in the first place.
III. THE QUANTUM LINK
— if a single atom decays, and the geiger counter detects radioactivity, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison, which kills the cat. if no radioactivity is detected, the cat remains alive
. . .
HE REGRETTED IT. He regretted it so much.
Loud EDM music. Drunken bodies mingled against each other. The smell of alcohol. Someone was already vomiting on the front lawn. Why was he here again?
Sungho stood beside him, equally overwhelmed, though less visibly annoyed. “I’ll go find Sullyoon. What about you? You’ll look for Y/N?”
Right. That’s why.
Taesan grunted. Where was he going to find you in this mess? He surveyed the dimly lit living room in search of your face. Woonhak was in the middle of the makeshift dance floor leading a conga line, with Leehan cheering him on from the couch. Riwoo was pretending to DJ with the stereo.
Jaehyun suddenly appeared, draping an arm around his shoulders. His breath reeked of beer. “Taesan,” he slurred dramatically, “I love you man.”
Taesan chuckled helplessly, shaking his head.
“Come on, dance floor. Let’s go.”
“I need to find Y/N first.”
That earned him a knowing smirk. “Of course, of course! Don't let your friend stop you from finding your wife. I get it. I get it."
Geez, how many did this guy drink?
"She's probably in the kitchen, last time I checked.” Jaehyun shoved him lightly in that direction with a hiccup. “Go get em, tiger!” He let out a loud whoop before joining Woonhak's conga line.
That would've been perfect blackmail material, but Taesan had other things that needed his attention more.
Sure enough, he found you in the kitchen. You were perched on top of the counter by the corner. You leaned your head against the overhead cabinets and stared into space, while hugging a bottle of wine. He felt a hint of affection in his chest at the sight.
He was about to approach you until someone else beat him to it.
Park Wonbin slid smoothly into your space. Campus golden boy with a reputation for flirting. He too was initially background noise—his name popped up in your and Sullyoon's conversations every once in while, accompanied by giggling. Taesan never particularly cared about him.
Not until he watched as Wonbin leaned a little too close.
"Y/N, right? Sullyoon talked about you."
Taesan couldn't help the strange stirring in his stomach. Why would Sullyoon talk to Park Wonbin about you? He clenched, then unclenched his fists.
"Really?" you answered with a little chuckle. You didn't look uncomfortable by his sudden appearance, but you did lean back further into the corner. "Only good things I hope."
"Yeah, she said you're really smart.. and funny." His hand brushed against the counter beside you. "Not to mention gorgeous."
Too close. He's too close to you.
Taesan took a step forward, with every intention of grabbing Wonbin by the collar just to keep him away from your personal space. Who did this guy think he is?
But before he could do anything, you shoved the wine bottle between you and Wonbin like a barrier. "Thanks for the compliment," you replied politely. "But you stay right there, okay?" You then gently nudged the wine bottle to his chest, pushing him back a few steps.
Then your eyes found him, and your entire face lit up. “My babysitter’s here!”
Something smug bubbled in his chest. Oh, you will be the death of him.
Taesan stepped forward, placing himself between you and Wonbin. “Wonbin, right?" he said evenly, hands tucked in his pockets. "You can leave now."
Wonbin raised an eyebrow, clearly amused rather than intimidated. "You must be Han Taesan." He then lifted his chin to address you, eyes never leaving Taesan's sharp glare. "Scary guard dog you've got there, Y/N."
You merely blinked at the exchange, lips curling into a smile.
Taesan tilted his head slightly, almost bored. "Guard dogs bite if you get too close."
The tension crackled instantly, the music muffling in the background. Wonbin raised his hands in surrender and let out a short chuckle. "Relax. I was just making conversation." He addressed you again. "It was nice meeting you, Y/N." With that, he slipped away and disappeared back into the crowd.
The moment Wonbin was gone, Taesan finally exhaled. He glanced down at you. “Not even ten minutes after I get here, and you’re already causing trouble.” He couldn't help teasing.
“Trouble?” you repeated, voice lilting with a slight slur. “It’s not my fault Park Wonbin finds me attractive.”
Taesan’s brow arched. “Are you drunk?”
“Pfft, no," you said, hiccupping before bursting into giggles. You then froze, realization flickered across your features. “Oh my god. Park Wonbin finds me attractive.”
Taesan rolled his eyes, but the words slipped out before he could stop them. “Why is that news to you? You’ve always been attractive. He’s just too conceited to not notice it before.”
The second the words left his mouth, he wished he could drag them back. He prayed you wouldn’t make it a big deal.
Fortunately, you merely hummed appreciatively, swaying slightly. “That’s the first time you ever complimented me.”
“Yeah, well. Don’t get used to it,” he muttered, trying to cover it with his usual aloofness. He earned a smack on the shoulder and the lovely chime of your laughter.
Without warning, you then leaned against him for support. “I’m glad you’re here.”
His arm twitched, almost wrapping around you, but he clenched his fist instead, settling his hand on the counter behind you.
The party raged on in the background, but all he could focus on was you. He hadn’t noticed it when he stood by the kitchen door, but now that he was up close, Taesan took a second to quietly observe you under the dim kitchen light. Your cheeks were flushed, your hair slightly messy, and yet he found you absolutely mesmerizing.
The noise outside faded into something distant, replaced by a comfortable silence. You didn’t need to say anything. He didn't either. Just standing there beside you, even as you continued to hug your wine bottle, felt like a world he didn’t mind being trapped in.
“Want to go somewhere quiet?” you asked suddenly, tugging at his sleeve before he could answer.
His feet moved without hesitation, following as you led him out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. Taesan trailed behind you, trying not to focus on your tiny grip on his jacket's sleeve.
On the way up, you passed by Sungho, who gave the both of you a suspicious look that lingered far too long. Taesan didn’t even want to imagine what he was thinking. Then came Sullyoon, arms crossed and smirking. “No funny business in my room,” she teased.
Heat shot up the back of Taesan’s neck, and he ducked his head quickly, praying the dim light disguised the blush creeping across his skin.
When you reached Sullyoon’s door, you slipped inside first. Taesan followed a beat later, only to freeze as the soft click of the lock echoed in the quiet room.
The situation dawned on him a little too late.
Sullyoon’s room. You and him. Alone.
His brain scrambled through every possible scenario, most of them ending with him saying something stupid or giving himself away. What was he doing here? Why had he followed so easily?
He should leave. He really, really should leave.
But then you crossed the room without hesitation, plopping down on the carpeted floor, still with the wine bottle in hand like it was the most natural thing in the world. You looked so at ease that it made his internal panic ridiculous.
He could hear his friends' voices in his head. She's more comfortable around you.
“Well, don’t just stand there. Come here! Sit!”
And so he did. He stiffly sunk down to the floor beside you, his long legs folded awkwardly in front of him. He kept his hands on his knees the entire time. It felt stupid but, at the same time, necessary.
Silence stretched until you broke it.
“Do you remember when we first met?”
Your eyes softened as you recalled. “It was the first day of… what was it? Intro to Quantum Physics? I sat beside you, and I was so nervous. The prof—forgot his name, started with a G, I think?—yeah, he talked really fast, right? So I was mumbling so much while taking notes, and I heard you click your tongue. God, you were so intimidating back then. I thought you hated me!" You laughed, scratching the label on the wine bottle. "But then, after class, you gave me your notes.”
Taesan's mind flicked back. He remembered instantly being drawn to you. It had been the first day of class and yet you radiated with such warm energy and enthusiasm. He listened as you furiously scratched your pen while taking down notes, trying so hard to keep up, muttering the entire time. He hadn't remembered clicking his tongue. But then again, his friends did say he had the habit of making his displeasure known. It must've been about something else, because why would he feel irritated, especially when you're trying your best?
He remembered that he had revised his own notes the night before and only added the professor’s lecture points, so handing them to you had cost him nothing. But the way your face lit up made it feel like everything.
Then and now.
You laughed softly. “That’s when I knew you were a good person. Even if you prefer your alone time. When we're all together, you’re the type to listen more than talk, but when you do talk, it’s worth hearing."
Silence fell between you.
And just like during that stupid meteor shower, you leaned your head against his shoulder. Taesan felt like he couldn’t breathe. The weight was barely there, and yet it pressed into him heavier than anything.
“You act rough on the outside, but you’re soft on the inside.”
He scoffed, bristling. “I’m not soft. I just... sometimes people misunderstand, okay?” His tone came out more childish than he wanted.
“Mmhm. Soft,” you teased.
Taesan bristled again, but the comeback died in his throat.
What are you doing to me?
He wasn't supposed to want this. You were his friend. You felt the most comfortable around him. You were also a little tipsy. He didn't want to ruin something so precariously held together. But all he could think about was how close your lips were and how easy it was to just tilt his head.
He begged himself not to, but his heart slammed so violently in his chest, it drowned everything else.
Han Dongmin, the ever rational, turned his head before he could stop himself. And with the thousand ways things could go wrong lodged in the back of his head, he grasped your chin ever so lightly and kissed you.
Lightning crackled through his veins. The world blurred. His brain fogged. Everything, overwhelming. Like drowning and never wanting to come up for air.
His hand found your jaw and pulled you closer, the other on your waist. Yours had clutched at his shirt, the other free to tangle fingers in his hair. Your lips met again and again with a desperation that terrified him. Everything he's ever felt twisted like thorns in his stomach. So much want. So much fear. Yearning.
But then, a small whimper left your lips, and it doused the raging fire inside him.
What was he doing?
Taesan pulled away, breathing heavily. When he locked eyes with you, he instantly felt it—the familiar flare of panic every time he thought about you finding out his true feelings.
He had kissed you. He had wanted it, but he wasn’t supposed to. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Things were slipping out of his control, sliding through his fingers no matter how hard he tried to hold on.
Everything was in a haze. He wasn't thinking straight. But when your eyes widened, lips forming a tiny 'o' in realization, and whispered his name with an obvious hint of surprise, Taesan only had one thought in mind.
He needed to leave.
And he did. He wrenched himself away from you with a hastily muttered sorry, eyes downcast when he started to walk away because he didn’t want to see the expression on your face, whatever it could be. He couldn’t bear it.
“Taesan?” you called softly.
For one foolish second, he wondered if you were angry. If he had offended you somehow. He forced himself to ignore the way his own heart cracked at the thought.
He walked out of the room. The door clicked shut behind him, and he nearly collided with Sungho in the hallway.
“Whoa! Hey, what—” Sungho began, surprised.
But Taesan shoved past him without a glance. The noise of the party rushed back at him all at once. He pushed through the throng of people without acknowledging a single face. Someone called his name. Another tried to hand him a drink, clapping him on the shoulder. He shrugged them off, knocking against their shoulders as he barreled forward.
His stomach twisted. He wanted to throw up.
Why did he allow this to happen? Why did he let himself go? Why did he kiss you?
Because you wanted to, a bitter voice in his head snapped.
“Shit,” he muttered, his hands trembling. He stumbled outside, pulling out his phone with shaky fingers to book a cab back to his apartment.
It came as no surprise when Sungho caught up with him, eyes narrowing. “Hey, what happened?”
Taesan couldn’t look at him. He kept his gaze fixed on the phone screen, pulse hammering in his ears. Sungho hovered close, asking again with clear worry yet it felt suffocating.
Everything was suffocating.
“Please, just drop it. Please, hyung,” Taesan said, the plea sounding pathetic even to his own ears.
Sungho studied him for a long moment before sighing. “Fine. But tomorrow, you’d better tell me what’s going on.”
Your kiss replayed in his head, again and again.
“Okay.”
Sungho pulled out his phone, quickly typing a message to Leehan to let him know they were leaving, assuming he was the only one sober enough to handle it. Without another word, the two of them left the party together.
IV. SUPERPOSITION
— the combination of all the possible states of a quantum system simultaneously. in this case, the hypothetical cat is both alive and dead
. . .
THERE WERE MOMENTS with Taesan that made you wonder if the universe enjoyed making you suffer.
You had liked him the moment he shared his notes with you during that first day. You liked his quiet wit and his aloofness. He seemed to occupy his own orbit and yet never let you drift too far from it.
But the memory that made your tiny crush on him bloom into something more was the meteor shower.
You and Sullyoon planned it for a long time, and when you proposed the idea to the boys, everything fell into place. Sungho just received a new pick-up truck from his parents. Leehan had food over from Busan. Everyone else had chipped in, and everyone wanted to come, including the one you've been pining over since the first day of university.
That night became a form of healing. You gathered around Sungho's truck and waited for the streaks of light from the sky. Somehow, you found yourself on the truck bed with Taesan, wrapped in blankets.
Your friends had been scattered around, laughing, pointing up at the stars, but your focus had narrowed to the boy sitting beside you.
You had always been comfortable with physical touch, especially around your friends who were also comfortable with it. With Taesan though, who was difficult to read at first, you were careful about it.
It started small. A shoulder nudge here. A hand on his bicep there. All under the premise of being comfortable enough around him as his friend.
But that night, everything was different. You hadn’t planned to lean your head against his shoulder. It just happened. It felt natural. And he let you. And it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
That was the night your feelings stopped being harmless. That was when when you realized you didn’t just like Taesan. You wanted him.
And yet, you told yourself you could live with it being kept hidden. He didn't need to know. You were content with just being around him— making him laugh with your poorly-executed jokes, borrowing his notes for millionth time. You told yourself not to be selfish.
Until the party.
Until he kissed you.
His lips met yours, hesitant at first, and then desperate. Like he’d been holding himself back for too long. The world tilted, and you thought, Finally. This is it. He feels the same.
Then he pulled away. A quick muttered sorry, his eyes darting anywhere but you, and then he left. Just like that.
You sat frozen. Your lips tingled and your heart raced, despite the confusion and hurt flooding your chest. You wanted to believe there was an explanation. Surely he wouldn’t kiss you like that if it meant nothing.
Except the next day, he avoided you.
And the day after that.
And the day after that.
It was subtle at first. He didn't look at you. Never went past a yes or no when you asked him things in class.
Then, it became impossible to ignore. He'd bury himself in his phone whenever you entered the room. Leave a conversation with other people when they invite you over to talk. None of your other friends know what's going on (or you suspected they just didn't tell you, which made the feeling of being left out worse).
You replayed the kiss endlessly. Had you imagined the way his hands gently pulled your waist closer to him? Had you mistaken the desperation in the kiss for something it wasn’t? You hated yourself for still wanting him, even when he was pretending you didn’t exist.
You tried to reach out. A message about class notes, a casual invitation to join the group for lunch only to be met with silence or flimsy excuses. After a while, you stopped trying, because rejection didn’t get easier with repetition.
But not trying didn’t mean not hurting. Every time you saw him laughing with Sungho, or joking with Jaehyun, or even just existing across the quad, you felt the ache in your chest dig deeper. Because he was still Taesan. He was still the boy who once teased you about your messy way of organizing things, the boy who let you share his earbuds while studying. He had been the boy who kissed you like it meant everything, and now he was slipping further away.
Your other friends, the ones outside your friend group with Taesan, noticed how it affected you. They didn’t say anything, but you felt their stares when you were quieter than usual. You brushed it off with your own flimsy excuses because really, how can you say you're unraveling because of him?
It wasn’t until Sullyoon cornered you in your dorm that everything cracked.
“You’ve been acting weird,” she said bluntly, leaning against your desk with her arms crossed. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” you said too fast.
“Don’t give me that. I know you. Something’s wrong and I know it has something to do with Taesan at my party."
You opened your mouth, but nothing came out. You hadn’t told her about the kiss. You hadn’t told anyone. It felt like a secret, but at the same time, you were ashamed. Were you used?
Sullyoon's expression softened. “Y/N.”
You wanted to cry. For a moment, you wanted to tell her everything. You wanted to hand her the pieces you scavenged so hard for and beg her to make sense of them.
But you didn’t.
Instead, Sullyoon sighed, grabbing her jacket from the chair. “Fine. Don’t tell me. But I’m not letting you sit here and mope forever.”
She paused at the door, eyes lingering on you.
“I’ll be back."
And then she was gone.
You sat there, staring at the closed door. You didn’t know where she was going. But somehow, you knew the universe wasn’t done with you yet.
V. THE OBSERVER EFFECT
— the act of observing or interacting with a system to change its particle
. . .
IT WAS STRANGE HOW life seemed to change the moment people noticed you. Taesan had been feeling it more lately. He became hyperaware of the way eyes lingered on him. His friends weren't subtle with their concern, yet surprisingly none of them pressed for answers.
Except Sungho, who was positively livid when he found out what he'd done. The lecture went on for an hour, and although it left Taesan physically unscathed, Sungho went all out with making him feel worse than he already was.
Of course, his friend hadn't been the only one to land a hypothetical punch to his chest.
One afternoon, he found himself slouched on a bench in the quad, shaded under the wide branches of a tree. Leehan sat beside him, fiddling with his game console. Even though Taesan had once insisted he didn’t have a favorite among their friends, he knew he could always count on Leehan. There was a quiet comfort in his presence. Leehan could be a little odd, often in his own world, but he was perceptive enough to know when Taesan needed silence instead of words.
The calm didn’t last.
Sullyoon’s sudden arrival was like a storm none of them saw coming.
She grabbed a fistful of Taesan's shirt and yanked him down until they were eye-level.
“Ack! What are you—”
"What did you do?"
“What?" he sputtered, struggling against her vice-like grip. It was no use. He couldn’t escape.
“Damn it, Han Dongmin. Look me in the eyes when I’m talking to you!”
“Woah, she's using your government name,” Leehan whispered.
Taesan stared in disbelief when he looked over at his friend. “Help me!”
“No, you stay out of this!” Sullyoon shot Leehan a deathly glare, and he immediately raised his hands in surrender. She snapped her attention back to Taesan. “She’s been upset for days. Do you know how pathetic it feels when I know something's wrong yet I can't do anything about it? She wouldn’t even tell me why.”
The weight of her accusation pressed against the guilt he’d been shoving down since that night. But if he admitted anything now, it would all unravel.
“So I’ll ask you again,” Sullyoon pressed, leaning closer. “What did you do?”
Taesan swallowed hard. “Nothing.”
She laughed humorlessly. “Nothing? Then why does she look like she’s been crying every night, huh? Why do you look like you’re about to bolt every time she walks into the room?”
“I think if you want him to talk, you should let him go,” Leehan piped in again. “You’re shaking him too much, his brain might fall out.”
Eventually, Sullyoon released him with a huff. Taesan staggered back, straightening his shirt while she crossed her arms. "Well?"
"I told you. Nothing happened."
Sullyoon studied him for a long moment, and when she spoke again, her anger softened into exhaustion. “Whatever it is, you're doing more bad than good. You think you’re protecting her by running away, but you’re not. You’re just making her wonder what she did wrong."
His stomach twisted.
“You can’t keep pretending this is invisible, Taesan,” she said quietly. “It’s not. Every time you avoid her, you’re making a choice. And she feels it.”
By the time Sullyoon stood and grabbed her bag again, his pulse was pounding in his ears.
“Get your shit together,” she told him. “Before you lose her for real.”
Her words lingered before she finally sighed and walked away, leaving him with Leehan.
For a while, the two sat in silence until Leehan's game console pinged with the opening theme to Nintendogs.
“I think I get it,” Leehan started. He glanced at Taesan, then back down at the console in his hands. “You did something, didn't you? You don't have to tell me what it is. But you did something that could possibly ruin your friendship with [Y/N] if you bring it up, right?"
Taesan merely grunted.
"And you're thinking that if you don't talk about it, then maybe it'll fade into the background. That maybe things will settle back into place."
Again, he said nothing. Damn Leehan and his perception.
"So if that's the case, then Sullyoon's right. This isn't you being neutral. The more distance you're creating between you and [Y/N], the more you're affecting the eventual state of your relationship, once you do decide to talk about it. Because you can't run away from it forever."
"I kissed her," Taesan finally admitted.
"Oh."
"I kissed her," he repeated, running a hand down his face. "And she looked so surprised by it. So I panicked and left."
"Oh. Okay, so.. um.. that's a douche-y thing to do."
"I know." Taesan buried his hands into his palms. "Sungho already lectured me about it."
"That's why you don't want to bring it up with her. Because right now, since none of you have defined the relationship, you're stuck in a state of being just friends or possibly being something more."
"Forget being just friends. She'll either reject me or love me back."
Leehan’s lips parted, but nothing came out at first. He let out a low whistle instead. "Shit."
The silence returned.
"You still need to talk to her though."
Taesan's answer came out small and defeated. "I know."
Before it's too late.
VI. WAVEFUNCTION COLLAPSE
— when a wave function, initially in a superposition of several states, is reduced to a single state due to interaction from the external world. in this case, when one looks into the box, the hypothetical cat is either alive or dead
. . .
You were done.
Days had passed. Days of him slipping out of reach. You had watched him turn corners just as you came around them. You stood there, with hurt blooming in your chest as he pretended not to hear your voice. You had told yourself to wait, that maybe he needed space. But all that the waiting burned through your patience until only exhaustion remained. You weren’t going to keep humiliating yourself chasing someone who clearly wanted to avoid you.
But you didn't want to just let him off the hook easily.
So you cornered him.
Literally.
The rain was unrelenting that afternoon. You had spotted him leaving the library in a hurry and, without hesitation, you cut him off in the covered walkway.
When you planted yourself firmly in front of him, arms crossed, he froze like a deer in headlights. His eyes darted around, looking for an escape route, but unless he wanted to rush into the rain and soak his belongings, he had no choice but to face you.
“Taesan,” you said. Your voice came out shakily at first. “We need to talk.”
“I can’t right now,” he muttered, still not looking at you. He tried to edge past you, soaking his shoulder with rain, but you matched his step.
“No. Not this time. You don’t get to run.”
His throat bobbed.
Then, he walked straight into the rain.
Your jaw dropped at the audacity. He'd rather ruin his notes and all his precious belongings because he didn't want to talk to you. Not only were you hurt, but also aggravated.
He wants to be stubborn? Fine. Two can play at that game.
You followed him.
With his long strides, he had crossed the quad in minutes. You knew you wouldn't be able to catch up unless you ran.
"Han Dongmin!" you yelled.
The rain pelted against you, and you wondered if it drowned your words, but Taesan stopped the moment they left your lips. He spun around and marched straight towards you.
Still without looking, he grasped your wrist gently and tugged you to follow him. He yelled over the rain. "What are you doing?! You're going to get sick!"
Oh god, what were you going to do with this man?
"Let go of me!" You tried to wretch your arm away but his grip was firm. "You don't get to suddenly act like you care when you haven't even looked me in the eye!"
When his gaze finally met yours, you stilled. His hair stuck to his face as rain continued to pour, and yet you couldn't miss the sheer panic in his eyes. Not guilt. Not anger. But panic.
“Why are you doing this?” you asked. “Why are you pretending like nothing happened?"
His lips parted, then closed. He released your grip on your wrist. The silence stretched.
“Say something,” you snapped. “If it meant nothing, then tell me. Just stop acting like I’m invisible.”
His jaw clenched. His voice came out low. You strained to hear it. “I thought if I ignored it, maybe it would go away.”
“What?”
He dragged a hand through his damp hair, rain dripping down his temple. “I wasn’t afraid of you rejecting me. I was afraid of what would happen after. You’re… you’re my friend, Y/N. You’ve always been my friend. And I would've been content with that if it meant staying by your side for a long time, yet I—” He cut himself off, shaking his head. “I messed up.”
Your anger flickered, confusion slipping in. “So what, your brilliant plan was to ignore me? To act like I’d forget a kiss like that?”
His shoulders hunched. “Yeah. I thought if I didn’t bring it up, maybe you’d let it go. Maybe we could go back to normal.”
"And what, we'd just not talk about it ever?" You couldn't help the disbelief in your tone. The rain plastered your hair to your face, and you angrily tucked it away, wiping your eyes in the process.
How could he not see it?
“Taesan,” you said softly, a bitter laugh escaping. “You really thought I would let that go? That you’re just some… friend I’d move on from? God, I don't just go around kissing my friends like that!"
He flinched, eyes squeezing shut. "I'm sorry."
You stepped closer, ignoring his apology. “You’re not just my friend. You’ve never been just my friend. And if you just talked to me..." Your voice broke. "If you’d trusted me, you’d know that I love you.”
The words burst out of you, carrying every ounce of frustration and hurt. His eyes flew open. And for a split second you saw it—Han Dongmin, the boy who wanted so badly to believe you, who had been holding himself back for so long.
And then, his hands framed your face, wiping tears mixed with rain, and kissed you.
It felt nothing like the kiss at the party. That had been reckless and desperate. This one... this one, you felt his relief. He held you close, fingers delicately grasping your cheeks.
The rain continued to pour, soaking your clothes and blurring the world around you. But you only felt him. You felt the way his shoulders relaxed. The way his hands shook. The warmth of tears on your face.
You kissed him back with equal desperation, dragging your fingers through his wet hair. The ache from being ignored during all those days of silence burned out of you.
When you finally pulled apart, both of you gasped, your foreheads touching.
“Are you going to run away again?” you whispered.
His chest heaved. His eyes stayed shut. “No. I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry.”
“Taesan—”
“I thought if I ignored it, I could keep you. I thought maybe you’d forget, and we’d stay the same. But I hurt you worse by pretending.” His words tumbled out. “I was so scared of losing you that I didn’t see I was losing you anyway.”
Tears blurred your vision. He looked broken in front of you as he voiced his fear. You knew this took a lot out of him.
“You’re so stupid." You let out a watery laugh. “How could you not realize? You were never going to lose me. Not like that.”
His face crumpled, and he pressed his forehead harder to yours. “I love you,” he whispered, trembling. “I love you, and I should’ve just said it instead of running.”
You closed your eyes, exhaling shakily. “Then stop running.”
His lips found yours again, slower this time. Less desperation, more promise.
But when you pulled back, you were both shivering, rain dripping from your chins. He blinked at you, then cursed under his breath. “Okay, you’re really going to get sick if we stay out here any longer.”
“So are you,” you murmured, almost smiling.
That jolted him into motion. He grabbed your hand and tugged you back towards the covered walkway. You followed, dripping puddles onto the pavement.
The silence continued, yet you didn't try to break it. You could see him processing his words, afraid of messing things up. So you waited. He still held your hand, thumb brushing circles into your damp skin. When he finally spoke again, his voice was firm.
“I love you.”
You turned your head. His gaze was clear now, stripped of all the fear.
And for the first time in days, you felt peace.
You leaned your head against his shoulder, letting your wet hair soak into his already damp shirt. “Okay.”
You knew he hadn’t just chosen you in that moment. You knew he was going to keep choosing you, again and again, no matter how uncertain the future was.
VII. THE RESULTS
— when quantum superposition ends and reality resolves into one possibility (or the other)
. . .
By the weekend, the group had caught on.
“You’re joking,” Jaehyun groaned, smacking his forehead. You were all gathered at your usual spot on the quad, enjoying the fresh breeze. “All that tension for weeks, and now you’re just—what, together?”
“Don’t be bitter,” Riwoo teased, nudging him. “They’re cute. Look at them.”
You and Taesan sat side by side on the grass, your shoulder tucked against his. He loosely linked his hand with yours as he rested his face against your shoulder, lips pressed against your shoulder blade. It had surprised you how clingy he really was but you weren't complaining.
Sungho arched a brow, arms crossed. “So you finally pulled your head out of your ass.”
Taesan flushed, burying into your shoulder further. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” You laughed at his embarrassment, recalling how he told you about Sungho angrily defending you when the latter first heard about what happened.
“Knew it’d happen eventually," Leehan piped in, sending you a thumbs up, which you returned.
Woonhak squinted at the two of you. “Wait, does this mean I can tease you both now? Or is it too soon?”
“Try it and see what happens,” you shot back, though you were smiling.
Laughter rippled through the group. For once, Taesan didn’t shrink from it. He let them tease and stare, because for the first time, he wasn’t hiding.
genre: fluff, corny rom-com (I apologize in advance), college AU (they're both in their 3rd year), best friends to lovers.
wc: 3k
synopsis: you had no problem snapping a few pictures of your best friend before, what was it that was stopping you now, with your project due in one week? alternatively, you're both in love and very much clueless.
author's note: HIII THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FINISHED FIC🫶 hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it (I was giggling by the end of it, it's so corny BUT A GOOD CORNY YOU WILL GET IT WHEN YOU READ IT!)
playlist!!! ( ＾ω＾ )
The air is nice and crisp, the weather just perfect for a stroll in the park. You walk aimlessly, staring at the gorgeously yellow and orange withering foliage, leaves now starting to wilt and fall off their sturdy branches slowly. With autumn already settling into your small town, everything became a thousand times more enjoyable–your regular walks, your mornings, your baking sessions, your friend hangouts, your college work, and... Wait... not this one project, though.
You were usually a very motivated and productive person, but you somehow managed to procrastinate a bit too much, leaving your big photography project untouched until a week before its due date. You don't know why you avoided it like the plague, it wasn't even that difficult to get done, but here you were, in a coffee shop, banging your head on the table right in front of you, sighing desperately.
"I'm so gonna fail this class." you puffed, head hanging low.
"You're going to do just fine, stop being dramatic. It's just a project." the boy sitting across from your seat looked at your almost lifeless figure, smiling to himself. "Cheer up a little, your life isn't ending just yet."
"You don't get it, Taesan! I have to get this done, editing and all, until next Monday!" you whined, just now taking in the image of said boy.
He was dressed casually, yet elegantly, wearing his brown turtleneck that you grew to love and some baggy jeans, along with a beautiful black coat that he seemingly set down on the chair next to him. His amazing style was a notable quality of his (along many others), making all of the girls in his classes turn their heads whenever he entered the room, something you've been a bit jealous of.
"You'll manage." he continued, taking a sip of his freshly brewed coffee.
"Okay, Mr. Producer. You always manage to get your songs done in time! I bet you even have spare beats for your upcoming projects."
"Oops, got me there." the boy giggled softly, setting his coffee down. "Look... why's this project making you so stressed? You're doing amazing in photography!" he inquired, his brows lifting expectantly.
Well, you weren't even sure yourself. You always got your work done on time and sent it to get graded even before the due date, why was it so difficult to take some pictures of someone, color grade them and call it a day? You weren't one to back down and run away from your problems, you usually faced them. It wasn't (nor is it now) easy, but your conscience couldn't allow you to just blatantly ignore the mess in your life. So, what happened to you now?
"I don't know. It's not even that deep. My professor assigned it last month."
"...You avoided it for this long?" he questioned, holding back a laugh.
"Hey! Don't laugh!" you put your head back on the table in defeat.
"Okay, okay. Let's say I get you. But what is your project even about?"
Hearing the subject of your project for the first time was embarrassing enough, how awkward would it be to tell your best friend that you ignored this altogether because you didn't know who to photograph? Or worse, because you were scared to ask him for a picture or two?
Your professor announced the subject to the whole class, "Photograph someone you really love, kids.", a quiet wave of muttering and whispering, alongside a groan here and there, taking over the class. "Come on, there must be someone around you really love or appreciate, I don't want to hear it anymore! Stop groaning!" he said, shushing everyone up with a wave of his hand. "And," he added after a moment of silence, "I hope you people really mean it. Don't just go around asking your classmates for a photo, I do not accept that. Find someone you really like, take some pictures and when you send them to me, I want to know why you chose to photograph said person. Class dismissed." he closed his books, packed his bag, and left the class.
You stood at your own desk, uncertain. Who could you photograph, after all? No classmates, your family wasn't around, your pals would probably wave you off, and... Taesan? No, no. Absolutely not. Why choose him, knowing you'll have to explain why you need to take a picture of him? What if he gets the wrong idea when you tell him 'you have to take pictures of someone you love'? Would he accept? Would he reject you before you even get to ask him? Would he...
"I have to take a portrait of someone I love, someone who's really dear to me." you mutter finally, lifting your head to take a sip of your own coffee.
Taesan couldn't believe what he was hearing. You, the best photographer in your class, if not in the whole building, were backing down from such an easy assignment? But, why were you acting so bashful for?
"That's all? That's what you've been whining for all day?" he asked incredulously.
"Come on, I have my reasons. Everyone that I asked for help just rejected me." you lied between your teeth, "It hurt my pride, y'know? If my family were around, I would've snapped some pictures of my mom or something..."
"Whoa, whoa, hold on. You asked everyone but I, your bestest friend ever? Wow... Crazy coming from you..." he huffed, his right hand flying to his chest dramatically.
"Don't make such a big deal out of it, I just didn't want to bore you with my silly requests, as usual."
"You would never bore me," he said, interrupting you, his face slightly changing in color, a thing you didn't quite catch.
"Besides," you continued, "you're busy yourself. Don't lie to me, you had your own projects and exams to worry about."
"But I'd surely find the time to help my silly little best friend out now, wouldn't I?"
You took a moment to look at him, really look at him. Why didn't you ask him for help first, like you always used to? He was your go-to muse and model for your assignments and projects, and you couldn't even complain. The boy was always so eager to help you out (and spend time with you, but that's a bonus), doing everything in his power to make things go as smoothly as possible, but you avoided asking him as much as you avoided the project itself. Was it because you were tired of taking pictures of him? No, obviously not, he's gorgeous, dangerously so. Why were you so scared for?
"Helloooo? Are you okay? You went nonverbal for a minute there." the boy analyzed your face subtly.
You take a deep breath. "Okay... Can you please help me out, Taesan?" you pleaded, looking up at the boy in front of you, your heart thudding in your chest without a known reason.
"Hmmm, let me think about it..."
"Oh, come onnnn! Pleaseee?" you didn't even care if you looked crazy begging the poor guy, but you were both frustrated and desperate, you had to get that project done this week.
"Promise you'll always ask me if you need help, okay? You know me, I would say yes in a heartbeat." he insisted, giving you a stern look.
"THANK YOU, THANK YOUUUUUUUU!" you exclaimed happily, intertwining both of your hands together ecstatically, flailing them around.
"But-" there's a but. "I still don't forgive you for that monumental fumble. I'll be watching you closely."
You hummed lightly while setting a small checkered blanket on the floppy dead grass, smoothing out the lifted corners with ease. You and Taesan managed to find some free time to get your project done, said project bugging you ever since you actually acknowledged the fact that you have to photograph your insanely handsome best friend. You had no problem with it in the past, you were actually relieved you had such a great, amazing, gorgeous... best friend. But something was pulling at your heart lately, and you weren't really sure what it could be.
The park was almost empty at this early hour, with only a few joggers scattered around the place, headphones on and warm jackets hugging their bodies in this cold weather. You had your own cozy jacket on, a fleece-lined plaid coat adorning your body, paired with a thin but warm blouse, your favorite pair of jeans, as well as the most comfortable boots you could find in the morning.
You set up your camera and your other equipment for the photoshoot, while also getting some snacks out of your bag for your friend. You prepared this small picnic-like atmosphere as inspiration for the photographs, something relaxed, cozy, that screams "affection". After your whole setup was done assembling, you waited for Taesan for a bit, looking at the cloudy sky, your wired earphones plugged into your phone. Your ears picked up the familiar sound of your favorite song blasting through the small speakers, your body immediately warming up to the beat.
You hummed the lyrics absentmindedly, closing your eyes and breathing in the chilly morning air. You needed this breather more than you would ever admit. It would suck if anyone ruined this oh-so peaceful moment...
"Oooh, nice song."
Your eyes widened as you took an earphone off. "No hi? Hello? How are you?" you glanced at your best friend, now standing beside you on the small blanket, too close for comfort.
"Sorry, did I scare you?" he asks with mock concern, nonchalantly taking the earphone you discarded and putting it in his own ear.
"Take a guess, smartass." you roll your eyes, trying to suppress a giggle. Good thing Taesan isn't just anyone.
"Didn't know you listened to this band. Since when do you have such great taste in music?" he pried, scrolling through your playlist.
"Since forever, obviously. How could I not listen to Oasis?" you raised an eyebrow at him while he picked another song from your playlist, something far more slow-paced and romantic.
You just now realized how intimate this whole situation was—sharing your earphones, sitting so close to each other, listening to his favorite band, something that best friends, a girl and a guy, would never be doing as comfortably as you two did. Of course you knew, Oasis was one of his favorite bands, that's why you started listening to them in the first place.
"You surprise me every day. Oh, are these for me?" he pointed at the snacks you set down on the blanket, picking the ramen flavored bag of chips you got thinking of him at the supermarket a bit earlier, opening it excitedly. "Aw, you take such good care of me."
"AS IF!!!" you hurriedly take the bag out of his grasp, munching on a few chips yourself. "What makes you think I didn't bring these for myself?" you ask, struggling to swallow the way too salty snack.
"You absolutely hate these. You only buy these for me." he takes back the bag, laughing at the sour expression on your face as he opens a bottle of water, handing it to you. "Why are you being so weird today?"
You almost spit out your water. "Weird? Me? Nope, you're imagining things! Let's take those photos, shall we?" you shot up from the blanket, pretending to find the best spot in the park for your photoshoot.
"No, she's being weird today..." Taesan muttered under his breath, smiling at your moving figure.
"Okay, move a bit to the right, yeah, just like that! Argh... wait no, back to the left. Tilt your head up a bit?" you ordered your friend around, still not pleased with how he posed.
"Is this okay?" he asked, obviously tired by the look in his eyes.
It's been a whole hour of him posing for your pictures, just for you to say 'they could be better', moving him around from tree to tree, bush to bush, changing the background.
"Do you usually slump like that or is it just today? Stand a bit straighter."
"Okay, ma'am." he straightened his back, sulking slightly. "Anything else?"
"Come to think of it, I kind of hate the background. Come here."
"It's the nth time you said that in the last hour. I think it looks just fine." he shrugged, coming next to you and looking at the photos you just took.
"You don't see what I see. It's not good enough."
"No, I think I see exactly what you see. Why are you so hard on yourself? These look great!"
"Nuh uh. I know they could look better." you said, taking his arm and moving him in front of a different tree, this one a lot more taller, the leaves a gorgeous orange. "This is it. I know it."
"Third time saying that." he rolls his eyes, still letting you boss him around.
"Alright, I want you to look at the camera like it's your girlfriend or whatever. Look in love."
"Ok ew, why would a camera be my girlfriend?"
"Don't take it literally! Imagine it's someone you love, I don't know..." you point the lens in his direction, looking at his face through the small screen, suddenly feeling so much closer to the boy.
You could see the faint blush in his cheeks, something you've been trying to ignore for the past few minutes, as well as the twinkle in his eyes, but he wasn't looking at the camera, was he?
"Stop looking at me, you freak." you joked, hoping he would deny your accusation.
"You said to look at something I love."
"I told you to pretend–Oh."
Oh.
"You're so dense sometimes, aren't you?" he smiled as you put your camera down, getting close to him.
"Stop joking around. You don't mean it." you looked at him, your eyes glossy with unspoken words.
"I wouldn't be agreeing to be your puppet every time you have to take photos for your classes if I didn't like you." he gets even closer to you, if that's even possible, "I wouldn't sit with you, listening to you complaining about the crazy homework your professor assigns. I wouldn't spend all of my time with you if I didn't like you." he takes your face in both of his hands, looking at your eyes, his gaze slowly lowering to your lips.
"I think we haven't been just best friends for a while now, don't you think?" he asks, holding your gaze, still keeping his distance from your face.
You kept silent, scanning his face. You were so close, too close. And yet it wasn't enough. So, as every normal person, you leaned in.
You never expected to kiss Han Taesan, your best friend of 2 years, in a park, with your camera in your hand. What was even crazier was that you never expected him to kiss you back, or to confess his love while shooting for a project with the same theme. How ironic. But you loved every second of it.
"I like you too, Taesan. A lot." you whispered. "Can I take a last photo of you? I want to remember this moment." you said in a haze, looking into his deep brown eyes.
"Duh, obviously. Hurry it up, I need to kiss you again." he puckered his lips playfully, making you giggle.
You didn't order him around, didn't make him pose, you just went with the flow. He looked perfect like this—hair a bit messy, his pupils blown, his lips rosy and plump. You snapped a few more pictures and he smiled, knowing at least one of these will make it into your project.
"Okay, done." you set the camera down for good, tossing it into its bag without a care in the world, returning face to face with the boy.
"I've always wished to kiss you. I've liked you since freshman year." he took your hand in his, squeezing it lightly.
"That long ago?" you laughed, squeezing his hand back.
You always dreamed of this. Dreamed of holding his hand without a reason, looking at him a second too long without seeming creepy, touching his face, his hair, kissing him. You dreamed of being with him since you both met, and now you got it. It's real, right in front of you, the boy you loved likes you back. Your muse is finally yours.
"Sooo... I think I can call myself your boyfriend now... right?" he put his free hand on your cheek, subconsciously bringing your face closer again.
"Obviously, you cornball. And I'll be your girlfriend. Always."
"Promise?" he questioned, looking at you like you'd fade away if he didn't ask.
"Promise."
"Oh, also. Those songs I've made that you listened to, they're all about you by the way." he said nonchalantly, smiling at your shocked face.
"How can you drop this information so easily!? All of them???" you asked incredulously, smacking his arm lightly.
"Owh! Yes, all of them. Told you I liked you for so long."
"You're lucky I like you too, you creep." you state, leaning for another kiss.
"As you know (and remember) so well, professor, this boy has been my muse and model in at least half of my assignments until now. For this one, though, something held me back terribly, hence me posting this project one day before the due date. I think I finally found the answer to my problem. I've liked him ever since we met, and I was so scared to ruin everything, so I avoided asking him to be my model. When he found out about my project, he didn't seem to be wanting to reject the idea, so I gathered all my courage and asked him for his help. On the day I took this picture, he told me he liked me, and that's when I realized I didn't need to be scared to show my true feelings. I hope this photo portrays exactly what you asked for, professor, because, to me, this is love."
pixelskylines
romaincrisis
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2087
