everyone or someone

Intuit who I am through vibes

[reposamatendresse]

I love using this like a diary

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So fab. All of Korngold's incidental music for Much Ado About Nothing is so fab. Fab!

[reposamatendresse]

Doing research on 2hollis extended universe soon

[reposamatendresse]

So like I can't get into him genuinely.

Something about 2hollis and that brown haired twink he hangs out with are really sinister to me. The whole underground electronic scene is sonically interesting to me, but the personality is so masculine and surface level that it just turns me off. Yes he is a musician yes he is performing so I get that it's partially an act but...

I feels like middle school boys for some reason. Your edgy middle school boyfriend who's both popular and too nonchalant to actually act like he cares about you or any of your friends. Not into it. I also think I just don't like his singing voice. Sorry...

[reposamatendresse]

Doing research on 2hollis extended universe soon

[reposamatendresse]

it's summer it's muggy outside, I'm muggy inside.. Fuck it we all muggy like

[reposamatendresse]

Low-brow fantasy

I think the random ass fantasy books that are being written now are such an interesting time-capsule that we will look back on in the future and think "what the fuck was going on." Really REALLY reminds me of all those shitty sci-fi books from the 60s and 70s that all had titles like Virginia Slave-Princess of Sappho-IX or something... The plots are lowkey similar too. Always somehow about a woman being captured or detained in some way by some fantastical (mystical or extraterrestrial) man. Granted, these are from a male perspective when almost all of these fantasy books are from a female perspective. I know I'm not the first to make this parallel, but I still thinks its funny.

I started reading A Court of Thrones and Roses this week and it really just makes me cringe. Feyre is essentially Bellanis Everprior or another version of some stock female lead that masquerades as a strong female lead until an inevitably hotter, stronger man comes into her life and she learns to-- disgruntled and fighting-- accept her submissive place as his rightful woman. (I admit the Katniss comparison doesn't quite fit, she was a much, much stronger character with much more autonomy.) What it reminds me of most is a modern day Taming of the Shrew. It is pretty entertaining though. Feel like I'm doing cultural anthropology reading it. Also feel mildly disgusted.

[reposamatendresse]

Tilda Swinton in Orlando (1992) based on the Virginia Woolf Novel of the same name.

[reposamatendresse]

Devaluation and mystery and shame

Noticed a pattern of behavior today. I was showing my friend something that I thought was cool (Addison Rae new single, shoot me) and this was the premier reveal of me liking her and her music, and as soon as I outed myself I couldn't help but feel weird.

It was like as soon as I showed it it lost its value and I didn't like it that much anymore. Like the act of sharing with a friend somehow soiled what I liked. Mystery is always something I've enjoyed and I've always kept my likes very close to myself. For some reason, it felt like I gave some part of myself away. Like I threw my favorite shoes in the dumpster and they got so soiled that I couldn't wear them again and I just had to move on.

Wtf is that about??? Maybe it's something shameful. Maybe I am ashamed to like what I like-- that it cements me as a person in the world who has to stand on the decisions I make and the things and people I surround myself with. The feeling was so strong it got me thinking. So I just wanted to write it out.

[uspiria]

Suspiria (1977) dir. Dario Argento - US cut 35mm rip

[reposamatendresse]

forever obsessed

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One of the favorites... Bastianini and Callas 1955 live recording. Could die listening to this.

[reposamatendresse]

Observationalism

I couldn't think about what to write for my first post so I took a second on the toilet and realized that it really all just boils down to how I think about my ability to participate. I think I've always just felt like an observer, like there isn't a place for me in the line-up. Maybe it comes from my upbringing or homeschooled-ness, but there's a certain detachment I've always felt from the world which sounds very emo and tryhard and wannabe mysterious of me when I type it out. What's funny about it, though, is that I've mostly felt that way online and I don't think it carries true in my everyday life. I feel like because everything is so curated on platforms that I have to get it right 100% of the time or I risk showing my shitty ass to the audience and they all get to see how uncool and poser-ish I am.

I lost my train of thought so the end... maybe I'll come back to this.