playing this tonight with my favorite treat. Doritos and Dr Pepper. I keep starting it over, replaying the parts I like. I wonder if I’ll finish it this time. just adhd adhding I guess lol
I gave myself permission to feel my negative emotions, and sit with them. that it’s human and normal to feel icky sometimes. that they will pass eventually. and that was freeing in a way because I usually run away, thinking something is wrong with me.
the fruits of my therapy, I suppose, that I’ve gotten here.
but playing this now is interesting when I’m in the middle of my deconstruction of my faith. it has a deeper meaning this time, and I connect to Yuna more than ever.
Hi, can I request Billy Russo taking his girlfriend to meet the Castles fr the first time please?
In my imagination, Castle family are alive and well and Billy never betrayed them :))))))
I'm going to be entirely honest from the off on this one... I went off the rails here, but I had a lot of fun doing it. I'm really sorry if this went in not the cute, nice dinner way that you were expecting 😅😅😅 I think I've just hit the point of the month after writing 20+ things for this that I'm looking to make things fun in a whole other way. That said, I got to create a really fun (I guess that's the word) relationship for Billy and reader here, and it's an idea that I really want to play around with again at some point. Anyway, thanks for this request, sorry again if it's off the rails.
Whatever You Want
Pairing : Billy Russo x Reader
Story Rating : MÂ
Warnings : [This is 18+ only, minors DNI] Billy and reader have a very dom/sub relationship that extends beyond the bedroom, smut, and a little bit of breeding kink
You could pinpoint the exact moment the evening had taken a turn for the worse.
Maria Castle had asked you about children. More precisely, she'd asked if you thought Billy would make a good father and if the pair of you had ever discussed the future. Frank Castle, almost choked on his beer and Billy's eyes had fixed on you.
All you'd been able to do was stare blankly at her, unable to find the words to explain your relationship with Billy without making things weird. Thankfully, Frank had spoken up and redirected the conversation, reminding his wife that you and Billy had only been together for six months.
But, over dinner, you saw why Maria had asked.
Frank Jr sat across from Billy, smirking and talking to him like he was the most amazing guy in the world. While Lisa Castle sat beside Billy, vying for his attention. Both of the kids were enamoured with him. And Billy...
He looked so happy, joking and playing up for the kids.
Maria asked you about your work and you mostly shrugged it off, telling her that it was kind of boring just because you'd seen in the past the way people would lose interest the moment you started to speak in-depth about art restoration. You quickly turned the conversation back on her and listened as she told you about her work, and how she'd first met Frank.
After a little while, you were allowed to sit quietly and Billy did the talking for you. That was how things usually were between the two of you; Billy controlled the situation and you were able to relax. You sank against his side as he told his friends how the two of you had met, tailoring the story in a way that suited him and what he wanted his friends to know.
He didn't mention the ad he'd placed online, looking for a woman who was willing to be controlled, who was willing to submit to him not just in the bedroom but out of it, and let him determine every aspect of their life. He didn't mention that out of the fifty women who applied, you were the one he'd chosen.
They wouldn't understand.
Some days you still weren't sure you understood. Every time Billy had asked you why you'd answered the ad, all you could do was offer a shy shrug.
What else were you going to do? Continue falling into bad relationships with men who'd take advantage of how amenable you could be?
Billy wasn't like that. You gave him control and he gave you freedom. He didn't take any more than he needed to and what he gave — you'd never had anyone look after you or care for you the way that he did. But, still, from time to time he would push you out of your comfort zone. Like tonight.
Things between you were serious now, and he had wanted you to meet his friends. You weren't sure if it was for him or them, but when he'd told you it was happening, you'd had no real choice but to agree. And, you were glad you hadn't had a choice. Mostly.
That moment with Maria continued to nag at you, constantly lurking in the back of your mind. Especially when the kids were sent to bed. Frank Jr reached across the table and bumped Billy's fist, and Lisa threw her arms around his neck. And Billy grinned at the attention.
Had Maria asked you about children because she knew that Billy wanted them?
Had Billy never mentioned it because he knew your relationship wouldn't last that long?
You didn't spiral very often anymore (ironically, thanks to Billy's control over every aspect of your life) but, when you did, it somehow felt worse than it used to. Being with Billy, the relationship that you had built, it meant so much to you and you weren't sure you knew how to survive without it anymore.
You weren't sure you knew how to survive without him.
Your hand gripped his shirt and you pressed a little closer.
"We're throwing a party for Lisa's birthday next month, you two should come," Maria said, leaning across the table to refill your wine.
"We'll see if we can make it," Billy said.
And, somehow, you heard 'maybe we'll be able to make it, if we're still together, but no promises'.
Because you'd fucked up.
Somehow, you'd fucked everything up.
After another glass of wine, you excused yourself, saying you needed some fresh air. You slipped out the back door and around the side of the Castle's home, pressing yourself back against the side of the house, hoping to disappear into shadows.
(Maybe if you stood out there long enough, he'd just forget you existed...)
You shivered, wishing you'd thought to grab your jacket, but the cold wasn't enough to tempt you back inside. After five minutes had passed, you weren't even sure you could move anymore. All you could do was spiral.
Funnily enough, moments like these were why Billy had chosen you. Moments like this were where he thrived. It made him feel needed and in control whenever he had to pull you out of a spiral, and some part of you longed to tell him what was happening so he'd fix things. But this time it felt too raw, too real — these were his friends, his family, and you were just —
"Hey, I wondered where —" He stopped abruptly the second you looked at him. The lost look in your eyes betrayed you, and before you could think to blink, Billy was in front of you. His hands framed your face, and he asked; "what's wrong."
"I..." the words stuck in your throat, threatening to choke you.
"Tell me," he said, his voice turning lower, more commanding.
It settled something inside of you, taking away any choice you had.
"I fucked things up."
"How?" He asked, keeping that same dominant tone.
"When Maria asked if we'd ever talked about kids," you said. "I didn't answer, and I... I should've said something..."
His expression softened and he asked; "what should you have said?"
It felt like a test, like something you should just know — you were supposed to know him, his wants and needs. How could you be what he wanted you to be if you didn't know?
"I... I don't know," you answered.
"That's the right answer," he said, his thumbs softly caressing your cheeks. "We've never discussed it, and I've never told you what I want."
"What do you want?"
"You."
"That's not an answer, that's —"
He silenced you with a kiss, his body pressing closer and pushing you back against the wall. It wasn't a tender, chaste kiss, and it wasn't some gentle affirmation of his feelings. No, it was raw and claiming, demanding. It was a reminder of how your relationship worked; you didn't need to worry, didn't need to question, because Billy had everything under control.
You softened against him, instantly giving yourself over to him, trusting him completely.
When the kiss broke, his tongue was replaced with his fingers and an instruction to get them wet. You did as you were told, swirling your tongue around them, not even thinking to question what was happening or what he was going to do, because you didn't have to. You were his and he was in control.
His knee nudged your legs apart as his fingers slipped from between your lips. He kissed you again to stifle your gasp as those wet fingers slid beneath your dress and panties, and sank inside you.
Your back instantly arched, the brickwork behind you biting into your shoulders. You quickly lost yourself to his kiss and the stroke of his fingers inside you, letting him own you, letting him make every decision.
The moment he felt you started to get wet for him, Billy pulled back his fingers and started to tug at his pants. He freed his cock and you were lifted up, pushed back against the wall and pulled down onto him.
All the while, his lips stayed against yours, making sure none of your moans or whimpers escaped you. You were noisy, even when he told you not to be — it was the one command of his that you could never quite follow — and he couldn't risk Frank and Maria overhearing.
Your arms wound around his shoulders almost as tightly as your legs wrapped around his waist. Not just because your feet were off the ground, but because he was the only stable and solid thing in your existence, and this was him showing you that he still wanted to keep you. You wanted to show that you still wanted to be kept.
Your shoulders scraped on the bricks with every rough thrust, but you didn't care. All you cared about was him, and his cock buried deep inside you, claiming and owning with every movement.
Before Billy, you hadn't cared about sex — it was something you did because the men you were with expected it. But, with Billy? Even in moments like this when he was laying claim to your body, he made it felt good. He made it feel like you mattered. You did matter. Whatever you did, he wouldn't stop until you came, until your body trembled for him.
He knew what he was doing, how to start with long, deep thrusts, before fucking you harder and faster, shallow drives into the depths of you. He knew how to make pleasure build in you until it exploded out.
And, you did explode for him.
You cried out against his lips, the sound swallowed by him. He kept going, fucking you through your orgasm, letting out a grunt of his own at the way your cunt felt clenched around him. He was still fucking you when your climax petered out, and started to build towards the next.
Finally his lips pulled from yours.
"Would you have a kid if I told you to?" He asked, breathless but firm.
The way the question was phrased meant your answer was instant. "Yes."
There was nothing you wouldn't do if he told you to. You were his to command, his to look after.
"Fuck," he groaned quietly. "You'd let me knock you up?"
"Yes." You weren't even sure why it was a question. That was the agreement, you trusted him to make the right choices.
He stilled, buried deep inside of you, his dark eyes seeming almost black in the gloom.
"I love you," he said.
There was a caution in his voice that you didn't understand, as if some part of him was expecting you to receive the declaration poorly. He hadn't said the words before, but you'd never needed him too. He'd shown you how he felt, over and over. He'd spent the last six months taking care of you, letting you move in with him after only three weeks, making sure you always felt happy and safe.
"I love you, too," you said, trailing your fingers through his hair. "I want whatever you want as long as we're together and you don’t let me go."
It was enough to start him moving again, rougher thrusts betraying his raging emotions. When he didn't reignite the kiss, you had to bite down on your lip to keep yourself from crying out his name.
"I want a kid — yours and mine," he grunted. "I’ll never let you go."
Not trusting yourself to answer him, you just nodded.
He started to fuck you with more urgency, chasing his own orgasm, wanting to start trying right away. The fact that he knew what he wanted had every single thought in your head finally falling silent and, instead, you embraced the pleasure that was building again. The moment you felt his cock jerk and pulse inside you, you fell apart again.
Not trusting yourself not to scream out, you captured his lips and kissed him as the pleasure of your own orgasm and the feeling of him coming inside of you became too much to handle.
His thrusts turned stuttered and lazy, but he fucked you through your climax and his own. And, when he finally slipped from your trembling cunt, you had to squeeze your thighs together to stop his cum from leaking out.
He gave you a little moment to pull yourself together, then led you back inside, so you could get your things and go home.
On the way out the door, Maria gave you a hug. You smiled at her and said; "I think Billy will make a wonderful father."
