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this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it

There are so many things that are TOP quality about this. The business with the mic rope. The bounding across the stage like an excited puppy or a newsie. The Voice™️ that is so synonymous with John, you know, the voice of a guy who sells ice cream at the soda fountain in the 50’s. The analogy itself.

It’s all so beautiful, such peak humor and content.

mulaneysbutt

Emmy Award Winning™️

pharaohamunsadji

I FOUND IT AGAIN.

pomrania

Here’s the “horse loose in a hospital” bit. Good news, it has closed captioning.

theawesomeraccoon

“I DONT REMEMBER THAT IN HAMILTON.” OMG

impossiblerebelblaze

God I’ve heard so much about this guy and this is my first time actually watching one of his bits. He’s as funny as y’all make him out to be tbh

fangirlhaley

This is my favorite video ever

lonniiii-deactivated20170829

When my future husband comes home from WORK and asks what’s for dinner

eearth-deactivated20180601

When it’s pussy for dinner yet again and you aint had a cooked meal in months

citricium

I'm what the kids call

Fucked

thebootydiaries

if you have a boyfriend then why the hell did you like a picture of my dog on Instagram whore

shoelight

cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you

me: yeah he was not very friendly

brbjellyfishing

secret-aardvark

The corporate version of “hey OP what the FUCK does this mean”

nosdrinker

sir, you cannot name your son “Papa_Roach_Scars.mp3”, we just won’t allow it

nosdrinker

when did I post this

pukicho

You flirt and kiss and for what??? Sex?????! Love?????? Pathetic.

aphuckingbeesechurger

To level my charisma stat

pukicho

Ah a gamer, you may pass

thenichibro

fullpraxisnow

Math proves that capitalism sucks and that capitalists are greedy.

brosefvondudehomie-deactivated2

So he gave millions and you gave $40 and feel like you’re doing more?

pebbleofgod

bysaestyl

my cat, for no goddamn reason at all except that he’s a cat and he can do whatever the fuck he wants: what if i just run at this wall, do a sick kickflip, scare myself with the sound it makes, and then proceed to run over your sleeping body? would that be fucked up or what

greater-than-the-sword

I hate it when fantasy writers have no sense of scale and they’ll just casually drop “ten thousand years” like that doesn’t encompass all of recorded human history

greater-than-the-sword

Unless you’re a culture of immortals, ain’t no traditions remaining unchanged for ten thousand years. No national borders staying the same for ten thousand years. No laws in place for ten thousand years. Y’all remember Hammurabi? Didn’t think so. Any building that stays in place for ten thousand years is going to be rubble. Any story or myth or prophecy that’s ten thousand years old with only oral transmission is highly suspect, and it’s unlikely the belief system associated with it even survived. Books can’t even survive that long.