Retreading My Path @retreadingmypath - Tumblr Blog

Posts

sephiramy

me messaging a casual acquaintance: hello, how are you?

me messaging a best friend w/zero lead-in:

breelandwalker

"What radicalized you?"

Nothing.

I've just always held that fascism is bad and that all people deserve basic respect and human rights, along with food, healthcare, housing, and civil liberties.

And somewhere along the line, that became a radical opinion.

don’t let anyone on this website call you cringe they literally have a tumblr account

undeadhousewife

What I love about this site is the fact it's the closest I've gotten to pre-2000 internet in years. No one knows anyone's real name, photos are entirely optional, and we're pretty sure at least one of our mutuals is 100% lying about everything. There's a reason it's one of the only social media sites I keep coming back to. It somehow manages to be just as horrible, enjoyable, and chaotic as 1990s chat rooms used to be.

derinthescarletpescatarian

The internet is a gentrified neighbourhood and we’re a stubborn old lady refusing to sell her run-down home to the developers.

da-boy-o-kultur

Oh they already sold us to the developers and the developers went bankrupt trying to dislodge us.

ditzybat

Maps: So, how did you come into this family anyway?

Jason: Bruce lured me into his proverbial white van with some candy.

Bruce: Please don’t word it like that.

Jason: Fine. He Pretty Woman’d me

Bruce: That’s worse, please tell me you understand how that’s worse.

rae-butter

Honestly, I love it when characters relapse. When someone who’s gotten over their anger issues falls into a situation so out of their depth they fall back on their old habits. When someone who’s learned to open up becomes a recluse again in order to cope with something outside their control.

There’s just something so horrible, so toxic, about watching a character grow and then slip back into their old selves in order to cope, bc you know they still care, that they’re the same inside, but watching them hurt so hard they don’t know what else to do brings a sense of catharsis.

transarsonist

i think a LOT of you with chronic conditions should learn this one magical phrase to get your hospital doctor to shit his entire pants, which is leaving the room and saying "im going to go discuss your behavior with the ethics committee, i think you might need a reminder of what your job is"

transarsonist

examples of when this would get a doctor to shit himself: if he mentions that you need to loose weight, go straight to the ethics committee and ask if its ethical to withold treatment until weight is lost, the answer is no and they know this. if a nurse etc, wont wear a mask and you NEED them to, the ethics committee, upon review of the case, will not be happy many such cases, remember that doctors and nurses at hospitals have an Oversight Board

saintjosie

while this is well intentioned, also please remember that this is only really an option for white people.

bipoc people have been loudly stating tor a long time that doctors are to bipoc women what cops are to bipoc men.

not saying don’t try this but also consider bringing someone with you, being on the phone during an appointment, or recording your appointment. solidarity is an effective tactic when appealing to the system is not.

superdillin

Patient Advocate here to a. validate everything Josie has said above and b. add some extra advice from things I have seen in my career as an advocate.

BIPOC women and Queer folks tend to be more likely to receive retaliation when advocating for themselves. Red Flag notations like "noncompliant" or "malingering" get resorted to much faster for these patients and can impact your care going forward. My suggestion instead of the OP advice is, if you request something that is denied, ask "can you document my request?" This is less likely to trigger defensiveness but sometimes, this will prompt a physician to rethink their decision. However, if they still don't honor your request, do not tell them you are reporting them to Ethics (or Patient Relations, or your local Department of Health, etc), simply walk out and do it. The documentation can't be deleted once your visit is closed, so there will be a paper trail of your request.

These scrutinizing bodies are ruthless, and even if Physicians themselves don't act frightened by them, the organizations they work for absolutely HATE having unnecessary case reviews on their plate. In some cases, citations from the DoH can lead to the hospital being reimbursed less money from insurance providers. That speaks the language of shareholders and CEOs and can move a lot of needles, if you catch me.

naamahdarling

As near as I can tell, tipping your hand is never helpful. If you feel politely trying to resolve it would be pointless and you have to escalate, do it. Do not warn them. Do not threaten them. Just do it. Clinic managers can be helpful if you aren't at a hospital big enough to have a patient relations person.

Bring an advocate/witness who ideally will take notes of their own, have the doctor document any requests they refuse, and when you get home, follow up with a completely neutral message in the patient portal restating what was stated in the appointment, and asking for confirmation that you understood everything. Even if they do not respond, you at least have an un-alterable account of what was said, time stamped, from very shortly after the appointment.

A lot of places now have rules about recording and while I think this is horseshit (I know why the rule is there but it's still horseshit, we should be allowed to protect.ourselves), and in many places is legal to do without their knowledge, if it is against clinic policy they can fire you as a patient, so be prepared to take that hit if you reveal that you did record something.

State medical licensing boards are moderately helpful. They are of necessity staffed by doctors, not regular people, so they have the same biases as the medical community at large.

thebibliosphere

As a disabled white woman who was maliciously described as "non-compliant" and a "difficult patient" by a doctor who didn't like that I said, "I feel like you're not listening" (I shit you not. That's what I said to the doctor who put the initial note in my file), resulting in years of medical abuse and severe neglect that almost resulted in my death, @naamahdarling is correct.

I cannot begin to imagine how much worse my treatment would have been if I wasn't white. Granted, my abuse wouldn't have lasted for decades, but that's only because I wouldn't have survived long enough to endure it.

You need to read the room and do what's safe for you. Sometimes it's safer to just thank them for their time, walk away and report their asses after.

wilwheaton

(via bp35096fzmo71.jpg (1007×715))

theprofessional-amateur-deactiv

saintdollyparton

It's enough to make you crazy if you let it.

furiousgoldfish

“Have I been manipulated into believing abuse was my fault?” game! Bold all the items that happened to you, if you’re not sure, italicize! Alternatively, just write down the score for every category. TW for explicit abuse mention.

Brainwashing; forced to take responsibility for abuser’s actions:

I was forced to apologize after being beaten/abused

I was beaten/abused while apologizing and in obvious pain

I was beaten/abused while crying

I was forced to thank them for beating/abusing me

I was forced to promise them I would change my behaviour in the future

I wasn’t allowed to cry or express pain after being beaten/abused

I was told the parent was the one with the right to cry/be upset after beating/abusing me

I was forced to comfort them after they beat/abused me

I was forced to take on pain/humiliation/guilt until I would agree that it was all my fault

I was forced to agree that I was forcing them to beat/abuse me, with my misbehaviour

I was forced to agree that I deserved the abuse

I was forced to make up to them after they would abuse me

I was forced to clean up the mess they made during abuse

I was forced into breaking down to tears if I tried to fight for myself

I was forced to hurt myself to prove my remorse for behaviour

I was forced to repeat that it was my fault

I was told the abuser didn’t enjoy doing it and was in fact forced to do it for my own good

I was called a monster/demon/sadistic/evil and accused of enjoying abuser’s pain

I was told abuse was done for my own good and that one day I will understand and be grateful for it

I was expected to have positive reactions to abuse and any negative reaction was blamed on me

I was punished for showing trauma symptoms and for showing in any way that I was abused, only acceptable way of behaviour was obedience and unconditional gratitude

I was told others were treated exactly like this, even if they weren’t showing it, and that the abuse was completely normal

I was told my reactions weren’t normal and made to focus on how I was reacting to the abuse, rather than damage and injustice done to me

I was told my reactions to abuse were the reason of the abuse, and that I was in the wrong for fighting/pushing back/provoking/not listening/not being obedient enough/angering the abuser

I was told the abuse was because “I wouldn’t have it the nice way”

I was forced to endure harsh punishments for even a small mistake or no mistake at all

I was told all I got was what I deserved, even if I couldn’t connect to how I deserved it, except that the abusers felt I did

Note: Doing any of these to a child after having them go through beating or intense episode of shock, pain and fear will leave them in a broken and vulnerable state of mind, and anything said to them or forced onto them while in that state will imprint deeply into their subconscious, and they will accept the message without being able to fight it. This is a method of brainwashing. Abuser will do this to crush child’s spirit and to destroy the child’s ability to hold abuser accountable or responsible for any abuse that occurs in the future, to transfer all the guilt and responsibility for their own actions onto the child, and depict themselves as too powerful for child to ever be able to stand against.

Dehumanization: implication you are below a human being and thus do not deserve humane treatment

I was called animal names/slurs/insults and degrading terms continually

I was told I should be beaten up and abused more often than I was

I was compared to beasts and monsters when the abusers were angry

Beating/abusing me was talked about as if it was a good thing they were proud of

I was publically beaten and/or humiliated

I was threatened with public humiliation

I had my physical injuries minimized and dismissed as unimportant

I had my psychological and emotional damage minimized and dismissed as unimportant

I had my illness minimized and dismissed as unimportant

I had my needs and desires minimized and dismissed as unimportant

I had my achievements and accomplishments minimized and dismissed as unimportant

I had my opinions and thoughts disregarded and ridiculed as stupid, unwanted and unimportant

I was blamed for struggling with mental or physical illness

I was called crazy, delusional and insane if I pointed out the unfair tratment

I was looked at with disgust and contempt most of the time

I was accused of wanting to be abused and asking for it

I was accused of “causing a scene” when the abuser would lash out at me

I was forced to “learn my place” if I assumed the same rights everyone else had

I was excluded from positive activities the rest of the family participated in

I was denied the rights, benefits, resources and attention the rest of the family got

Forced gratitude/implication of debt: idea that you “owe” your parents to endure their abuse

parent kept reminding me of what they’ve done for me, even the most basic parental tasks

parent often stated or implied I was ungrateful/not grateful enough for them

parent insisted they were sacrificing themselves for me, implying they expect the same in return

parent kept pointing out others lower living standards to remind me I was “lucky” in comparison

parent demanded I would have to “earn” basic respect and boundaries

parent would not allow me to complain, object or resist their treatment and if I tried, they would remind me I deserved even worse

parent insisted any abuse is perfectly acceptable and rational and that I am wrong and “taking advantage of them/denying their rights” if I resist or fight it

parent stated or implied that I’m supposed to return their effort to them with favours, obedience, endurance and compliance, or I was not worth raising and being kept alive at all

parent insisted that they have the right to do anything to me since they’re the only reason I’m alive at all (I was treated like their property)

parent made it clear it was forbidden to speak of past abuse or past events that show them in bad light, but they would keep bringing up events which paint them as good parent and keep them central to how they should be perceived by me

parent accused me of making things up/lying/being crazy or mentally ill/trying to manipulate or hurt them when I tried to talk about an event of abuse and point out they hurt me

parent kept me hyperaware of how much I owe them and how much I would risk losing if I dared to accuse them/confront them on being abusive

parent would remind me it could be much worse, and would use other people’s suffering to shut me up and make me feel guilty for even thinking I could talk about my own issues

parent kept me aware that accusing them of any abuse is hurtful and abusive towards them, and that I am cruel and ungrateful if I dare to make any statement like that

parent told me I was wrong/weird/stupid for getting traumatized by abuse because “others wouldn’t get traumatized by that much”

parent made me aware of all the issues they were dealing with, and treated my needs for attention and positive environment like an extra issue they do not want to deal with

parent kept me aware of how sick/mentally ill/troubled/desperate/tired they were and kept me feeling guilty over not doing enough for them, not being enough of a support and help, and having my own needs and wants was out of the question

parent made me aware they’re ready to abandon me if I prove to be “too much work” or “too inconvenient” or even just “not obedient enough”

parent made sure I know all their other issues and life problems were more important than me, and that it was not my place to complain, ask for anything, or object to how I’m treated

parent accused of “living in the past” and “failing to be a bigger person” if I didn’t show perfect adoration and acceptance for them

parents assured me i would turn into a spoiled, arrogant brat had they not abused me

Societal brainwashing; forcing the idea that no parents are abusive, and that all parental abuse has to be forgiven at any cost

parent/society taught me I was a bad/selfish/ungrateful person unless I forgive and forget all and any abuse

parent/society taught me I was an awful, ungrateful and selfish child if I didn’t demonstrate perfect love and gratitude for my parents

parent/society taught me it was my duty to understand and accept my parents, and that no matter what, they were doing their best and wished only the best things for me

parent/society taught me that I was responsible for teaching my parents how to be better people

parent/society taught me I should never judge or accuse my parents because “I couldn’t possibly understand how hard time they’re having”

parent/society taught me any animosity, hatred, anger or any negative thing I had to say about my parents proved me to be bad, ungrateful and unappreciative person

parent/society taught me that all parents only want the best for their children and there are no parents who hate or hurt their children on purpose

parent/society taught me that there was nothing that can be done about me getting hurt by my parents, and that it was up to my parents to decide what I deserve

my parents/society taught me that being bothered by abuse was my own fault and if I wasn’t weak and pathetic, it wouldn’t have affected me at all

my parents had other people affirm they were good people and thus I was wrong to accuse or judge them for anything they did to me

my parents had other people agree that I was not normal and there was something wrong with my judgment and perceptions, so my point of view shouldn’t be trusted or even taken into consideration

my parents had other people agree that I was a selfish, unappreciative, and hard to raise child

i had family members/cousins/friends/teachers/acquintaces/therapists side with my abusers and against me

I had family members/cousins/friends/teachers/therapists defend my abuser and take their side, assuring me I have to, once again, forget my point of view and consider abuser’s side

I had other people/society defend the abuser and assure me I’m wrong to accuse them

my parents insisted the abuse/parts of abuse/events i remembered didn’t even happen, and that there was something wrong with me for making up such a thing (gaslighting;guilt tripping, maybe i should write another category for this one)

my parents were a part of religion/cult that excused all and any of their actions because they were doing it for the sake of the third party that had to be worshiped/obeyed (maybe i should write a cult category as well there is much more to this one)

If you bolded even one of the items on the first two categories, or multiple ones in third and fourth, you have undergone psychological abuse that would force you to believe it was your fault, or that you deserved the abuse. This is wrong, as you neither deserved it, nor it was your fault. You were a child, and there was no way for you to commit any crime bad enough to deserve anything like this. These methods are used for brainwashing and breaking a person, and abusers do these on purpose.