don't

[moonshynecybin]

have you guys ever seen a crocodile with its fingies out

[moonshynecybin]

[devilishdescent]

[magicratfingers]

[somecunttookmyurl]

one of my favourite things about my boyfriend is that he's 6'4 but convinced he is a normal sized person and this does not constitute "tall"

once, if not twice, a week the card game shop he plays digimon at upload a top-4 photo best described as "gandalf and the hobbits" and every time he is genuinely baffled as to why he looks like that

[somecunttookmyurl]

told him i made this post and he's still insistent that he isn't tall

bf: i'm not tall! i feel like everyone i see is around the same height as me. like people in the street

me: they aren't

bf: but i can see their faces! if i'm looking at their faces they must be the same height

me: you're looking down slightly babe

bf: why would i do that

me: because you're tall

[somecunttookmyurl]

incidentally the fact i am 5'5 also comes as a shock to him at least once a day and then he inevitably asks if i'm "normally that short"

[somecunttookmyurl]

if you lean in real close you can hear his singular brain cell bouncing around like a windows screensaver

[roskapanda]

Has your boyfriend got his eyesight checked? Bc when I don’t wear my glasses I’m nice and close to the ground but when I do it’s HOLY SHIT WHY AM I THIS TALL, I’M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, HELP ME time and it’s genuinelly terrifying.

[somecunttookmyurl]

he wears glasses he's just dumb

[somecunttookmyurl]

update to this post from yesterday:

bf: apparently only 7% of people are over 6' tall me: yes........? bf: that isn't very many. am i tall? me: i cannot believe we are having this discussion again. yes. you are tall. you are still tall. you were tall yesterday. you will be tall tomorrow bf: oh my god i'm tall aren't i me: my love the netherlands is the tallest country in the world and even there average male height is 6' 0.5". you are tall by "kingdom of giants" standards, even. but we live on "shortarse island", so... bf: AM i tall though me: you are 6ft 4

[somecunttookmyurl]

he is he's very pretty

[teacupsandtimelords]

Can he make spinach puffs? Asking for irrelevant reasons....

[somecunttookmyurl]

having watched emperors new groove (it's my favourite) he does understand this reference but also he really loves cooking so you saying this has now prompted him to look up how to make spinach puffs

which is to say that yes, he is kronk

[somecunttookmyurl]

fun fact they're both the same person. same 6'4 boyfriend referred to himself as a short king because he thought it meant a man who really likes wearing shorts

[cipheramnesia]

Large dog energy

[rederiswrites]

Look, it's simple. If a person has to actively work to make money, they're not "the rich" and they're not the problem. A surgeon making $200k a year still stops making money if they stop showing up to do surgery, because they're still selling their labor. The radical discrepancies in how we value different skills are certainly a problem, but the guy who makes money when he doesn't even get out of bed is the one making money on the value of other people's labor.

[monsieurenjlolras]

Time for my favorite chart!

[your-naked-magic-oh-dear-lord]

Notice billions ain't even on there. Outliers something something.

[probuccalfat]

wait do people actually care about the sexual history of a prospective partner like do they actually for real take number of precious sexual partners into account omg

[probuccalfat]

you could be thee most ran thru or community dick hoe but that wouldn’t matter to me if i love you bad. you’re just my baby 2 me. nobody else matters and trust that i’m never thinking about who you fucked before me like idc because we’re locked in now and that’s that. i’d maybe be a little irritated running into somebody my partner was intimate with, but like… beyond that, idc. genuinely i hope you learned tricks and shit from some other people and use all of them with me. that’s my hoe !!!!!!

[3000s]

elvis died because it wasnt getting enough fiber

[3000s]

ive never fucked up someones pronouns this badly before, sorry

[evidently-endless]

being offered ai at every turn

[maja-paja]

[hiveswap]

Not now, kitten, m- da- m- your parental figure is in the middle of a gender crisis

[stworzonka]

A cat is basically a creature that is the cutest in the whole world but who also really wants to eat your phone charger cable

[angelicguy]

i bet girls hated it in 1902 cuz you would constantly go on dates w guys who are working on an invention to present at the world fair

[amnhnyc]

You’ve heard of woolly mammoths, but what about woolly tapirs? 🤔Also known as the mountain tapir (Tapirus pinchaque), this species can be found in the cloud forests of South America’s Andes Mountains. Adults can weigh up to 400 lbs (182 kg), and their thick fur coats help insulate them from the cold temperatures of their habitat. Unfortunately, this endangered species is threatened by human activity including hunting and deforestation. 

Photo: Edwin Múnera Chavarría, CC BY-NC 4.0, iNaturalist

[amberautumnfaebrooke]

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

[sociallyawkwardrevolution]

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks

[naidje]

[tijdvoormemes]

Danku lesbiennes!

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[allegedly-human]

I will. I WILL!!

[marzipanandminutiae]

Sometimes this account posts mistaken digital census transcriptions, so I always check before sharing, but in this case it is exactly right (although his last name was spelled Fagot, and probably pronounced "fah-GO")

[oneheadtoanother]

[pride-knightess]

Since people seem to like my pride outfit!

[pride-knightess]

Woah woah this has 1000 notes. I'm super flattered and I will bench press each and every one of you.

[ambientradiation]

I can't believe you're this many notes in and nobody knows you handstitched the flag.

[pride-knightess]

Oh hell was i supposed to mention that?

I handstitched the flag.

[parkchanwoohoo]

[autismfox]

That will be $300