Ben created the Kylo Ren persona because he believed nobody wanted him. His parents couldn’t handle him and sent him away. His uncle tried to murder him in his sleep. His fellow students all turned against him. He was weak and foolish and couldn’t do anything right.
When he created this new identity, he became someone new. Someone stronger. Someone better. Someone who wasn’t weak and foolish. He was praised by Snoke for the things he did. He felt like he was doing something right.
But after following orders to kill his father, he became weak again. His let his emotions overpower him. Snoke berated him and called him a failure and a child in a mask. He needed to prove that wasn’t who he was anymore. He was Kylo Ren, a strong warrior powerful with the Force.
Wearing the mask was easier because it hid the broken man underneath. But it was time to destroy it to prove to Snoke, and to himself, that he didn’t need it. That Kylo Ren didn’t need it. He didn’t need a mask to prove himself. This was who he was completely.
But once again, he failed to do that.
And then his awful proposal to Rey.
His failure to defeat Luke.
Letting the Resistance get away.
His attempts to get Rey to go to Exegol with him didn’t work.
Not only was Ben Solo a failure, now Kylo Ren was too. No matter how hard he tried, he could never do anything right. No one wanted him around. No one ever has.
His friends at the academy didn’t.
And this belief about himself was further confirmed when Rey stabbed him. She gave him a fatal blow that should have killed him. Not even the girl who had once shown compassion towards him wanted him to be alive.
But then… Rey healed him. He felt he didn’t deserve it, that he wasn’t worthy of this amazing ability being wasted on someone like him. But yet, Rey give him the gift of a second chance and then told him she did want to take Ben’s hand.
Ben Solo, the identity he’d tried so hard to kill, that is who she wanted. Maybe someone did want him around after all.
And then things started to turn around. After letting himself be consumed by guilt over the death of his father, he began to forgive himself.
He shunned this mask he’d been hiding behind and ran off to help Rey. He tried as hard as he could to help her, but then once again, he failed. Palpatine picked him up like a rag doll and threw him down a pit.
But, miraculously, he survived the fall. He had another chance to do something right. And so he pulled himself out of the pit and poured everything he had into Rey. He gave her his whole self. He had no idea if would even work, as every other time he pours his heart and soul into something, it falls apart. But this time, it did.
Ben smiles after the kiss of gratitude she gives him, because for the first time in his life he feels like he isn’t a failure. He brought Rey back to life! He defied the odds and saved her from death. The way she says his name and the kiss is all he needs to feel somewhat at peace. An acknowledgement that in this moment, he is wanted. Ben Solo is worthy.
But it’s not enough. Being praised for one act is not enough to erase the low self worth he’d felt his entire life. One good deed isn’t enough to make up for all his disappointments and the darkness he brought on the galaxy.
Ben Solo believes he only managed to do one good thing in his lifetime and that wasn’t enough to warrant him being allowed to keep living.
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