[tumbwr]

your boyfriend smelled like garlic so i crushed him with my knife and then diced him and fried him in oil. sorry. he still smells good btw

[sebdoesnothing]

She saw her moment and got glossed up for it

[tooies]

i think "take a hike" is like the funniest response to someone. like dude just get outta here. and go experience the wonder of nature for a bit

[funeralprocessor]

ancestral form of touch grass

[kleefkruid]

My dad was dealing with some mixed feelings so I told him "In therapy when something is too complicated to do a simple 'pro and contra list' we sometimes do an excercise where you imagine all these mixed feelings around a table in some kind of conference, letting each tell their bit and you leading the debate."

and my dad didn't really respond and just stared ahead so I kept preparing lunch. Until a few minutes later when he suddenly piped up: "I am having a bad time at the conference"

[humandisastersquad]

[caesarsaladinn]

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made

[funnytwittertweets]

[doyouknowwhatimeme]

Funneigh!

[memeuplift]

[funnytwittertweets]

[rottingfacade]

It should be socially acceptable to do urban exploration in buildings that aren’t abandoned. Like I wanna see

[eveydeevey]

Perks of being without sin:

Free to cast stones just whenever

[dancing-homestuck]

I wish my cat had a phone so I could text him while I’m at work and tell him I love him and I miss him and he could send back blurry pictures of random things, incomprehensible gibber texts, and audio recordings of his crinkle ball

[vintageblr]

SEX AND THE CITY “Models and Mortals" 

[polishlolita]

[sopranosaesthetic]

[thesoldiersminute]

— The Sopranos S01E08 

[quezify]

all apart