so embrace it and leave me to stray @ridiculousyoungicarus - Tumblr Blog

i wanna hide the truth, i wanna shelter you

a love letter to luxor’s zander driskell

I want to start off with a disclaimer that there’s a bunch more pre-Luxor content on this one compared to the girls’, but with Zander it felt extremely important to explore that aspect. There’s a note on the section where I’m finally playing him in the roleplay due to that, but anything before that point is before I started playing him in the group. Anyway, I’m proud to present a 3 hour Zander playlist, come help me judge him for the amount of references to his dad and Ches throughout this entire playlist.

Yet again I’d like to thank Lex for help throughout this process, and warn everyone that the usual Zander trigger warnings are all over this playlist (mental health, violence, abuse / child abuse, etc etc). Anything additional is noted on the sections.

#musing ( playlists )#no chains won't hold me down ( musings )#violence tw #Smoking tw #alcohol tw #abuse tw #child abuse tw #self harm tw #blood tw #stabbing tw #bc implied

ashstfu

all i'm saying is that sexy people isolate themselves from everyone and listen to music, read books and sleep to avoid their problems because existing in general is unbearable.

#no chains won't hold me down ( musings )#musings ( quotes )#sorry to reblog from you Yo but I was like ALSO A ZANDER

@thexcowardlyxleo @songsofacagedbird

#did I legit search for that tweet to just grab the image #yes yes I did #LOOK IN MY DEFENSE I KNOW I HAVE NO DEFENSE FOR THIS POINT #*POST #leo #yeah that's not who we are; we are not beautiful ( ches | balo )#musings ( driskell family )#no chains won't hold me down ( musings )#musings ( friends )

xsorakim:

“It’s obnoxious, isn’t it?” She groaned. “Like, maybe I should feel grateful that he’s at least pretending to care, but somehow that’s more annoying than when he blatantly just does not give a shit.” Okay, so she was aware that he did care, in his own way, but his way was severely obnoxious and he wasn’t going to get a gold star anytime soon for being a present father. “Forget asking Ches for the money. I’ll pay and we can just go. I mean, feel free to invite Ches along, but I would love to flee the country. We could even go to some island somewhere– like, a fun island, though, obviously. One with unlimited mimosas, where we can just lay by the beach and forget this stupid place.” If only, she thought. “Precisely. And Jiho and Ian will cover for me if they know what’s good for them. It can be payback for leaving me alone with him most of the night.” She was joking. Mostly. “While I appreciate you being willing to follow my lead, your dorm works. Besides, Hwi Chul is guaranteed not to find me there.”

“Extremely. I don’t get why they bother acting, like there’s no point. We know the truth, they know the truth, why bother?” Zander grumbles, sure he used to convince himself that Lance loved him in his own way when he was a child, but now, no, he knew Lance was incapable of loving anything. Not even himself. “I’m sure Ches would be down to, she hates her step-mother so I’m sure she’s miserable right now as well. Should probably invite Elliot too, to be polite.” Not because it was obvious as day that he had a tense relationship with his father too, or Zander cared about that or anything. Okay, Zander did care, but that was beside the point. “Is Jiho that bad?” He already knew the answer for Ian, but god was Sora the only tolerable Kim child? How did Sora survive in that house? Still, he doesn’t voice that opinion, just nods. “My room it is.” He agrees, starting to head in that direction. “If either of our fathers find us there, I’ll be impressed, and scared.” Extremely scared, the last thing he wanted was Lance to know where his room was.

#replies:sora #xsorakim #sora #events ( graduation 2021 )#location ( lake george )

parkmin--seo:

when: after the secret reveal where: outside somewhere

It had taken a lot of convincing for Minnie to get her mother to agree to let her out of her sight for even a few minutes, but somehow, she’d managed. She needed to breathe, which was ironic given that the first thing she’d done the second she stepped outside was light up a cigarette. She just couldn’t take another second in that room, afraid if she stayed that anyone who cared about her would wonder if she was okay or try to get her to talk and talking was the last thing on her mind. Of course that was how she’d ended up here, by refusing to talk to her therapist. The lie hadn’t been an easy one to manage– she’d had to fool the administration, too, into thinking that she didn’t need her anti-depressants anymore. After all, they’d had to watch as she took her medication, check to make sure that she hadn’t just been pretending to swallow them. As tempting as that had been, she had taken them at first, but she hated how they’d made her feel and eventually quit, convincing herself she didn’t need them anymore. She’d faked a phone call with her therapist, fooled the administration into thinking that she was better. The few times her umma had wanted to talk to her therapist had been tricky, but it wasn’t like she’d met the woman and people would do anything for a little bit of money. Convincing a random classmate of hers to pretend to be her therapist for a few minutes hadn’t been all that difficult.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt someone’s presence near her and she immediately tensed, thinking that it might be her umma and not ready to have the conversation that she knew was inevitable. Her mom would force her to get back on medication and she didn’t want it. And she didn’t think she needed the help. “I’m fine,” she mumbled, as she blew out the smoke from the hit she’d just taken, before she turned her head to see that it wasn’t her umma who had approached her. “Sorry, I… I thought you were someone else,” she said weakly, taking another drag from the cigarette in attempt to convince her hands to quit shaking. “Do you want one?” She asked. She didn’t feel up to talking, but maybe conversation would distract her mind enough for her to calm down. @luxorstarters

“You’re not fine, Minnie.” Zander could see that as clear as day, as he sat down next to her. “Just smoked one myself, but, thanks.” He wasn’t sure what to do, what to say. Why was he stumbling into everyone who’s secrets got revealed? It was like an asshole was pulling the strings or something. The universe out to put him into situations he could easily make worse. But he was going to hope for the best, or at least for forgiveness when he completely fucked everything up. “A bit fucked up The Crusade pulled this shit during graduation, though. God forbid they just let you and Balo have a day. Assholes.” He curses, “do you want to vent, or something? I’m not good with these kinds of things.” At least, not with people he didn’t know, like the inside of his own hand. There was a difference between comforting someone he spent most of his time with, rather than a friend he didn’t spend nearly every day with, or a classmate he barely knew at all. But he’d try, or at least, he’d try to try.

#Smoking tw #replies:Minnie #minnie #parkmin seo #location ( lake george )#events ( graduation 2021 )#I AM SO SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT ILY

ceciantez:

Ceci quickly wiped her tears away, attempting to somewhat pull herself together before turning to look at the boy. “A fork for a light socket.” Ceci joked as she finished wiping her eyes, a sarcastic laugh following her words, it was terribly inappropriate and she hoped that he didn’t take offense by the joke. She quickly got sucked back into her head, letting her thoughts run to the words printed on the pamphlet that brought her to this moment in the stairwell. “I’d normally say weed, but I don’t even know if that is a good idea…”

“Make it two and I’ll consider it.” Zander jokes back. Suddenly, he understood Ches’s use of jokes while talking about his issues. “I know where to get some, if you want it.” He shrugs, not usually his thing, but he knew Collen had some, and if he didn’t, someone else would. “But if you’d like to talk, or something, feel free. I might not be able to relate to this specifically, but I can sympathize and try to keep my comments about your sister to myself.” Hopefully, he’d succeed, but it was better to be honest a lot this being an attempt, just in case.

#replies:ceci #ceciantez #ceci #I am sorry for him #location ( lake george )#events ( graduation 2021 )

morgcnreyes:

morgan blinked as the man spoke, not expecting another conversation after game night to happen so soon. in her eyes game night was something they needed to clear some air and though she could of done without the night full of nightmare games she was glad that they were grouped together. “i just want to let you know that i’ll always have your back, i’m sorry that my vote hurt you…that wasn’t my intention.” she cared about him more than he knew and that she’d say but the last thing she wanted him to think was that she’d enjoy hurting him on any occasion. “you care about people with your entire heart, sure it made you get upset with me, but i know the anger was coming from a good place.” she reached out her hand, softly placing it on his arm, the gesture reminding her of the progress they managed to make the last night they spent together. “avoiding me doesn’t make you feel better?” she questioned, a small smile spreading across her lips as she looked at him. “not spending time with you doesn’t make me feel better either.”

“Protecting Balo has been my full-time job since we were kids, it felt like both a knife to the chest and a knife to the back.” Zander admits, “but I understand now that wasn’t your intention. It was a fucked up situation, none of us should have been in that position.” But they had been, and Morgan had voted the way she’d deemed best. He takes a deep breath when she reaches out to touch him, relaxing under her hand. “No, it makes shit worse, actually. You know how much Luxor parties suck when I’m not spending them with you?” Okay, prom had been fun, but that was because he was with Leo and Sora and he loved both of them. “I thought about asking you to prom, but, I figured you’d tell me to go fuck myself if I tried to talk to you after game night.” He’d expected her to tell him that now too, honestly.

#morgan #morgcnreyes #replies:morgan #location ( lake george )

Zander during the Graduation Ceremony && Zander during the Father’s Day Brunch

#totally canon Zander got yelled at for being too casual during graduation so he was like #fuck you I am wearing my leather jacket when dressing up for brunch deal with it #are you smelling that shit? eau de résistance ( visage )#no chains won't hold me down ( musings )#luxorevent

ceciantez:

Ceci had been sitting right next to her sister when she began to hear the snickering around her, the overall whispers lifting the entire volume of the crowd at graduation. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she recognized it, her mom asked her what was going on as Ceci just shrugged, she was wondering the same thing, her attention drew to the pamphlet everyone seemed to be focusing on, it had to be the cause of all the whispers. Flipping through the she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary, until she found her sister’s name towards the end, and eventually got to the words that practically choked the girl as she read them. She looked over to where her sister had been sitting right next to her and she seemed to have already be gone, her eyes moving to her mom, the tears already building. “Sabias esto?” The girl could barely get the words out, as she pointed to the portion of the page, but she saw the pain on her mom’s face the moment she read it and couldn’t even stomach sitting there in that moment. Ceci rarely expected anyone to be a good person, her expectations of people were always very low, she’d bee disappointed too many times to think highly of just about everyone. However, not for a second did she question her sister, she was the one person Ceci trusted with absolutely everything.

She’d been thrown enough by the fact that her dad was on campus and looking for her, she hadn’t actually seen him but the fact that he was there had her already on edge. “I’m leaving.” She said firmly, although she wished it was to Isa and not to her mother, who she was sure was going through her own emotions in the moment, but she couldn’t bear being strong for her in that moment. Her head began to spin as he stood up, sure she could be hurt by the fact that her father found a way and even wanted to be apart of Isa’s life now yet still never reached out to Ceci, but that was the same situation she was in when she was a child and he left, Ceci gave up expecting anything from him long ago. What hurt most was that her sister was out there building a relationship with him and didn’t so much as mention it to her.

As she walked away from the crowds of people she found a set of stairs tucked away from everyone, needing to sit down to even process what she’d been running away from. She’d wanted to do anything but cry, yet her face was wet from tears regardless, she began to wipe them away as she heard steps, not bothering to look up, “Please. Not now…”

Zander knew he should be with Balo, or with his mother, but he also knew everyone else had that handled. The second graduation was over, Ches had been scurrying off with Balo, and Grace promised that she’d stick close to their mother while Will tailed their father to keep the two as separated as humanly possible. Which, he supposed left him with nothing to do to try to track down Leo to try to make sure he was okay. But, it wasn’t Leo he finds, but Ceci, and he can’t bring himself to just leave her completely alone if she was crying in the stairwell. “I’m not here to start shit.” He reassures her, “but do you need anything? Water? A smoke?” He wasn’t exactly the best with these kinds of things, how was he supposed to comfort a girl who’d just had the fact her sister was a traitor to everyone?

Actually, he felt betrayed by the fact that Balo never told him about their mother. That she’d clearly been carrying it alone, from the reactions of everyone close to her so far. But that was different, he was more concerned about the girls then he was about how much his feelings were hurt being left out of the loop. Ceci? No, that was simply a knife to the back from Isa as far as he could tell.

#replies:ceci #ceciantez #ceci #events ( graduation 2021 )#location ( lake george )

xsorakim:

The second that Hwi Chul’s attention had been drawn elsewhere, Sora had made a beeline for the exit, but she came to a reluctant halt when she heard Zander calling after her. Not that she didn’t want to talk to Zander; she was merely desperate to escape her father, who had been getting on her nerves since this whole thing started. “Shh.” She put a finger to her lips as she turned to face him, but it was also hiding a grin because she was only being dramatic. “Fuck, I wish, because I would much rather be attempting to finish that castle so I can reign over all of the lil legos, but I get the feeling the second I try to escape for good, Hwi Chul will magically appear in front of me and prevent me from doing exactly that.” She wrinkled her nose, like she hated admitting he had that much power, but, well, he was her dad. “I mean, you don’t think they’d notice if we skipped away for, like, a little bit though, right? I know my presence is powerful and can always be felt, but there are enough people here that they might just cancel that out for at least a few minutes.”

“Sounds like something my dad would do.” Zander groans, at the reminder they couldn’t just skip this dinner. “I keep debating if it’s too late to convince Ches to loan me the money to flee the country. I’d kill to go back to Japan right about now.” He confesses, or literally any of the countries they’d went to this school year for that matter. “But, yeah, good point. I’m sure Will, Grace, and Balo can cover if need be.” Even if their version of cover really made Zander look like a chain-smoker, at least it was better than saying he completely ditched the party and tried to play with legos he wasn’t really supposed to have still. “We could head back to my room? Unless you’ve got a better hiding place. I’ll follow your lead.”

#replies:sora #xsorakim #sora #events ( graduation 2021 )#location ( lake george )

songsofacagedbird

Self Para 003: But Don’t You Waste the Suffering You’ve Faced, It Will Serve You in Due Time Word Count: 4,530 words Notes: I’ll probably reblog this onto Zander later too considering this is a duel POV one and he has his own section, although it is mostly Balo. Also this is pure angst, I’m sorry. I do feel like it is important to note that this self para did end up giving me second hand anxiety, so if you’re prone to anxiety right now or if you’re highly empathetic, please tread with caution. Thank you! TWs: Disownment, (Child) Abuse (mentioned, not actually occurring), Anxiety & Anxiety Attacks, Dysfunctional Family Dynamics, Suffocation (mentioned, not actually occurring), Blood Transfusions (mentioned, not actually occurring), murder / death (mentioned in threats)

Graduation was supposed to be exciting, a moment where she was bouncing off the walls as she eagerly said goodbye to this chapter of her life. So, why wasn’t Balo happy about it? It was almost as if she started to dread it more and more as the time passed, sure, she was relieved that it was almost summer vacation. She was still playing a certain phone call in the back of her head, how easy it could have been to- no, it didn’t matter. It didn’t do her any good to think about it, and so she shifts her attention back to packing up her room.

Keep reading

#sorry do not mind queuing this since it should be on both of their blogs #easy to say when QUEUE don't take the risk boy #child abuse tw #abuse tw #death tw #murder tw #suffocation tw #anxiety tw #anxiety attack tw #no chains won't hold me down ( musings )#make no mistake i live in a prison that i built myself ( self paras )#musings ( driskell family )#yeah that's not who we are; we are not beautiful ( ches | balo )#Lance Driskell #Cassandra Driskell #will turner-driskell #Grace Driskell #emmett elswood #events ( graduation 2021 )

Zander at the 2021 Convocation Dinner

#look zander owns two pairs of shoes and a single dress shirt nobody should be surprised he keeps recycling outfits #that being said though LOOK AT ME FINALLY ACKNOWLEDING THE FACT HE WEARS THE WATCH HELENA GOT HIM ALL THE TIME #luxorevent #events ( graduation 2021 )#are you smelling that shit? eau de résistance ( visage )#no chains won't hold me down ( musings )#not me using ches's tag bundle on accident whelp

Who: Sora and Zander ( @xsorakim ) Where: The Grand Hall When: At some point during The Convocation Dinner

“Sora, wait up!” Okay, maybe Zander shouldn’t be trying to hide behind Sora when she probably had enough of her own family drama already, but, he needed a break from his family already and if Grace tried to say something he wasn’t in the mood to deal with, he was pretty sure Sora was more than capable of handling it for him. For some reason, his older sister was especially... cold today, and he wasn’t exactly sure what the issue was, but he wasn’t about to ask her about it either. When Grace was ready to talk, she’d find him, in the meantime though he didn’t want to deal with her attempts to avoid whatever was bothering her. “Do you think it’s too late to skip this and go do a lego set?” The question he’d been asking himself all school year, and yet, every time he still ended up not going to do that.

#xsorakim #replies:sora #sora #events ( graduation 2021 )#the fact he was like LET ME HIDE BEHIND SORA THOUGH #location ( lake george )

gems-campbell:

“Just you,” Gemma mused without looking up at Zander immediately, though she flashed him a coy grin after a moment, her head tipping to one side. “Overindulgence at prom? What a cliche, Zan,” she said teasingly, setting down the book she had in front of her and leaning back slightly, considering her ex for a moment, one eyebrow raising up. “Are you serious or are you doing some sort of bit?” she asked, a laugh leaving her lips as she shook her head. “There was a huge…blow up or something or whatever you want to call it,” Gemma added. She probably wasn’t the best person to talk about it, considering she had had no idea what was going on, and she certainly didn’t follow up with Hunter afterwards, but even she had realized it wasn’t peaceful. “Who did you go with, though? I barely saw you all night.”

Zander smiles, for a brief moment, when Gemma says it was just him. “And Leo, I’m sure. We were drinking together.” He jokes, although maybe he should have checked in with Leo that next morning. But he’d been dealing with his own hangover, a bit too preoccupied to worry about anyone else’s. Although he gives her a look of confusion when he asks her if he was serious. “Yes, nobody’s had their darkest secret put on blast in front of the entire school, and the Crusade didn’t even try to torture the prom court. There’s a huge blow up at every party, if it wasn’t Sav and Maddie, it would have been Jack running his mouth again. That doesn’t count.” And even if it did, he didn’t exactly care too much about it. “I didn’t have a date, so I hung out with Leo.” Shit-talking with his friends seemed like a better way to spend the evening than being by himself at an event he didn’t even want to attend. “Who did you end up going with?”

#replies:gemma #Gemma #gems campbell #location ( lake george )#alcohol tw #just in case <3 #not me forgetting a gif at first whelp

reellykenzie:

Kenzie paused at his words, letting the pieces drop from her hands as she sat back, wrapping her arms around her legs. “No. I wouldn’t do that to you and it’s not even about you. Just forget I said anything,” she stated, shaking her head, closing her eyes and resting her forehead against her knees, curling in on herself. She felt stupid to think she could open up to Zander. She already knew she couldn’t explain this to anyone, not after Leo got so mad at her. She should know better than to try and tell people how she felt. After taking a few deep breaths, Kenzie raised her head and stood up. “I should probably leave you to it.”

“Look, I’m just saying, it sounded really off after I made it fairly clear I don’t want to talk about what was going on with me- whatever, fine, you want to forget it, we’ll forget it.” Why were they getting into this anyway? Clearly Kenzie wasn’t doing well, he wasn’t doing well, and they were only making things worse for each other. For a moment he even considers leaving to escape the awkwardness of it all, but this was his room, and doing so would only make it more awkward. “Just, please call your therapist in the morning.” Maybe he should have said more, tried to stop her, but he didn’t have the emotional capacity to chase after her currently, and he doubted she wanted that anyway. A professional would be much more suited to handle this, undoubtedly.

#reellykenzie‌#kenzie #replies:Kenzie #location ( lake george )

reellykenzie:

“Has anyone ever told you how dramatic you are?” she questioned, rolling her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck as they began to dance. “I won’t let you trip. I pinky promise,” Kenzie teased. “No one. Once again, no one wanted to ask me and I was too afraid of rejection to ask anyone,” Kenzie admitted. “Yeah, I figured they would drag you here, but I’m glad you did come and that you’re having fun.” That was genuine though. She wanted him to at least enjoy himself if he could. “Are you at least getting on with Ches and Balo’s dates? I know you’re not always a fan of the guys they date.”

“No! I’m not dramatic, I’m drunk! It’s different.” Ches was dramatic, Zander was not. At least, he wasn’t going to admit to it. “I would have but I wasn’t sure if you and… you deserved to go to prom with someone you actually wanted to go with.” Was that any better than almost mentioning Colson? Probably not, actually. “It’s been great.” Although when she brings up Ches and Balo’s dates, he makes a face. “Why does everyone assume just because I’m starting to like Elliot that we’re friends?” Okay, that wasn’t what Kenzie meant by the question but he can’t help himself. “It doesn’t make us friends, it just means he stopped being a dick all the time so he’s actually fun to be around now.” As for Cade, there was nothing but hatred there, honestly. “I’m waiting for Balo to bore of hers though, I don’t know what she sees in him. I’d rather hang out with my father than that piece of shit.”

#alcohol tw #kenzie #reellykenzie‌#replies:Kenzie #event ( prom 2021 )#abuse tw #child abuse tw #whelp #zander pls never drink agaiin

thelittlestcheshire

As always, my family pages are always the most up to date places to find my muse’s family descriptions and shit so without further ado:

Ches

Balo

Zander

#and third time’s a charm!#there now it’s pinned on 3/3 for easy assess #also I’m mobile rn but I’ll get on soon 💕

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so embrace it and leave me to stray