Hi everyone, I apologize for the delay of my latest update. Prior to blogging again, I wanted to make sure I had all of the correct information before updating everyone on what's going. To be honest, I have been avoiding writing about the recent treatments as of late. I wanted to wait, and write when I felt more "joyful"; "optimistic". I guess you could say that the recent diagnosis, cabin-fever, the distance of being far from many of my friends, or a mixture of them all have taken a toll on my heart. I wanted to write from the voice of the "cheerful" me, the "high-spirited, always hopeful" me; not the me who was constantly feeling dismal and disheartened. But as I grow, I know that to fully be myself is to speak the truth and what's on my heart - and I will do just that. The last time I posted, I had explained my diagnosis, and the progress of the radiation treatment. Although radiation is not as damaging as chemotherapy (though I hate to compare two evils), the side-effects were not overstated. Between the nausea, lack of appetite, fatigue, and swollen jaw & face, my hands were definitely full. Most days I didn't even do much. To even sit up and read was very trying. Though going through the treatment was very tough, I am glad to be on the other side. It has been a little over a month since radiation, and since then I have been able to resume most of my normal day-to-day activities. The fatigue is still present throughout the day, and I have a hard time waking up early every morning. I'm glad to say that my appetite has gone back to normal (which is slightly evident in the number on the scale, but who's counting? I just had surgery, right?), and part of the swelling in my face and jaw has dwindled. I still think I resemble the distant relative of a pufferfish, but I guess it's true what they say - we are our own worst critic. So after surgery and the full round of radiation, I went into the hospital for my post-radiation whole body scan. For this, the nurse administers a low-dose of iodine through an IV in order to see where the iodine uptakes throughout my body. Then, they proceed with the scan. A high concentration of iodine in your body after your scan can mean that there is still abnormal activity occurring in your body. After my scan, my oncologist called me a few days later and told me that there were a couple of questionable areas in my chest and neck, so I would need a CT scan to follow. Before he called, I was hoping the worst was over with. However, I'm learning to grow accustom to expecting the unexpected, so I took this news with a silent prayer and a deep breath. The following week, I went into the hospital for the CT scan of my neck and chest. I met with my endocrinologist on June 22nd, who had also spoken with my oncologist. Together, they collaborate and talk about the next steps for a patient. Here is the good news. The good news is that the CT scan of my chest came back negative. There was nothing alarming or unusual about my scan (phew!), so I am in the clear. Here is the not-so-good news, but still, the better-than-I-had-hoped news. The CT scan of my neck showed an abnormal lymph node residing in the upper left area of my neck. It is small, only about a centimeter in diameter, but difficult to locate. According to my doctors, the radiation is still taking its effect in my body (but not harmfully towards anyone else), so it is too early to undergo radiation or surgery again. My next step is to return around Thanksgiving/Christmas break, and then revisit the options and make the best choice for my health. If I had to describe an area of my life that God is continually teaching me in, it would be patience; waiting. When the occasion is given, I have to resist the chance to shrink at every opportunity He gives me. My flesh is so easily gratified when it detours towards the path of least resistance, even though the fruit it bears is not good. Yet, when the Holy Spirit leads me and I'm submitted to wait on Him, my flesh has no foothold, and the fruit produced is worth the wait. So what are my next steps? Until the next doctor's visit, I wait. I am still a woman living with cancer. I try to take care of my health the best that I can, and I wait. I continue walking in His will and purpose for me, and I wait. I look to God, and I wait. I have not lived this perfectly. I have spent some nights sobbing; I have yelled and in moments, gotten frustrated at those around me; I have even (regretfully and repent-fully) sat some days in disbelief, wondering why I was given this cup and not someone I deemed more deserving of it. But, herein lies my sinful, foolish heart; my pride tells me that I am less deserving of this form of suffering, when in fact,
