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Yo yo the names Maffy. or Mark. whichever. idek what's going on with my blog anymore honestly he/him ♡ asexual/whateverromantic ♡ sorry waste of space

[teenscoolest]

follow teenscoolest for more!

[milly-dean]

Beware the full moon, for creatures dwell within the darkness. (original design)

[triplefoul24-deactivated2022112]

Alexa, release my inhibitions

[turnipfritters]

Sending your pornhub search history to all contacts in your address book now.

[lokeanneophyte-deactivated20220]

FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN

[c3po]

vagina? u mean vussy?

[mediumsizedboy]

This is like when kids play telephone and at the end of the circle we end up with something eerily similar to the original but still awful and bad

[uchidachi]

Me: Alright, are you ready, Hattie?

Hattie: Meow

Me: *sings* ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: Mraaow

Me: ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: Mrah

Me: ♪ If you’re happy and you know it, and you really want to show it, if you’re happy and you know it, say “meow” ♪

Hattie: *rolls over* Mwraaah!

[wizardyangst]

This is exactly the kind of A+ content I come to see on this website

[between-stars-and-waves]

:-D

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

WHAT A GOOD VIDEO

[chocodile]

Some of my favorite beta Pokemon!

[actuallyschizophrenic]

Happy Pride Month to my schizophrenic/psychotic LGBTQ+ family!

I wanna make a pride post for the people who likely won’t see one, amazing and kind individuals who are so stunning and inspiring just by being alive in a society that demonizes not only their genders or orientations, but their mental health too. You deserve to be proud and be seen in a positive light. I love all of you! 🏳️‍🌈

[schizoalienboy]

Thanks man

[byebyethinspo]

Do not “wait to get worse”.

I don’t care if you’ve “been worse”

Your body is tired of this.

You deserve help in this moment.

[panic-potato-blog]

I needed this today, thanks.

[baggijaggi-deactivated20221118]

Additionally: It doesn’t matter if other people “have it worse”.

You deserve help.

[cervicks-deactivated20141013]

not killing myself is a personal achievement but you cant really brag about that at dinner parties

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[windyvalleyzone]

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

[jxhn-mulaney]

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

[this-isnt-my-bra]

Once my friend Henry was accused of wearing wireless headphones by a substitute so she said for him to hand them over so he took them off and handed them to her. Then later on she asked him a question and he didn’t respond so she said it louder and he still didn’t respond. She asked why he was not responding and he said “I can’t understand you ma'am, you took my hearing aids.”

[lolodapsycho-deactivated2017030]

HOLY SHIT

[mamoru]

one time we had a sub that was handing back papers and called my name. I asked if someone could grab it for me and she started mocking me for not even standing up. taunting me asking why I was not walking up to the front to get the paper myself.

my classmates went dead silent and after the sub’s laughter ended someone informed her that the wheelchair parked nearby belonged to me

[silver-rayn123-deactivated20181]

I had a sub in English once, on presentation day. And everyone goes up and does their thing, and then its my turn. The whole time im stuttering and mixing up my words, having to stop and re-say my sentences. The rest of the class is used to this and claps. However, by the time its over, the teacher is 100% done.

Starts saying horrible thing about how im going to have to get over my ‘fear of public speaking’ and how she’s heard 8 year olds give better presentations (plus worse things but I don’t really member them). By then im in tears and on the brink of a panic attack, and then she starts telling me off for crying The rest of the class is horrified. Then this boy stands up. He never been my friend and we never really got along, but he’d never bullied me. He told her in a pissed off, cold voice that in freshmen year I got a concussion and that I never really recovered from it, so all that was medical related and I couldn’t help it. Then he starts telling her off and the rest of the class joins him.   The teacher is mortified and tries to cover her ass, but the whole class walked out and that boy took me by the shoulders and we all walked to the principles office and told him what had happened. Lets just say she isn’t teaching anymore. Also, turns out that boy had a sister like me, who couldn’t really speak. We’ve been best friends for 8 years and i’ll be his best woman at his wedding next year.  The moral is that Teachers, even subs, and adults shouldn’t scold kids before knowing the whole story, because shit like that can fuck up kids self-esteem for the rest of their life. 

[quixylvre]

When I was thirteen, I had to have spinal surgery. When my doctor said I was allowed to attend school again, he said I had to use a wheelchair when on school grounds. My first day back at school, my special-ed teacher had put up a banner in her classroom that read, “There is no elevator to success. You must take the stairs.” I asked what that meant regarding my wheelchair, and she gave me detention for “disrespecting her authority”. The next week she gave us a homework assignment to design a poster that could potentially be used as a Public Service Advertisement. On the due-date, I handed this in.

My special-ed teacher was fucking OUTRAGED. She wanted me expelled for ridiculing her authority in front of the other students. The principal proclaimed my work to be “a masterpiece of satirical genius” and vetoed the special-ed teacher’s attempt to expel me.

[chaotic-carnifex]

Reblogging this post yet again, this time for the masterpiece of satirical genius. Hope the teacher got in trouble.

[straight-outta-hobbiton]

My fave thing about Black Panther is that they had the perfect setup for the Jabari to be the villains. The challenge, the black and white aesthetic, the toothy masks and secluded mountain lair surrounded by ice and snow and rock… and instead, they turn out to be cool warrior dudes led by a nerd who makes ill-timed (and hilarious) jokes and who’s only stated issue with T’Challa’s reign (besides an old feud that’s been pretty much been left alone for a couple hundred years) is that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea for a sixteen year old to be running all of Wakanda’s R&D department, which considering he’d never met Shuri before is a very valid thing to be worried about.

[cosmic-radiocity]

a fool : marvel’s infinity war is the most ambitious crossover in history

gorillaz : yo we got ace from the powerpuff girls to join our band lol

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.

Hairdresser: pretty simple

Me: this is chemistry

Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?

Me: apprentice

Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?

Me: I didn’t know that was a thing

Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.

Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator. 

Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?

Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs

Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen? 

Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?

Me: yeah

Hairdresser: while still in school?

Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases

Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine 

Me: oh thank god

[trashfirefallon-deactivated2019]

Five Minutes Later

Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves

Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?

Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one

second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious

Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us

Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that

[lolawashere-deactivated20240904]

[techyvegan]

World’s Smallest Cat: Rusty Spotted Cat |  “He may look like a kitten, he’d still fit in the palm of your hand - but this little male is very nearly fully grown. [..] What he lacks in size… he makes up for in daring.”

[do-not-go-gently-42]

hhhHHE IS SMALLER THAN THE LEAVES

[imtoobiforyou]

This is now my favorite animal. *dies*

[zhe-lazy-fox]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[milly-dean]

~~ Sylveon Hybrids V2 ~~

This is a project I had meant to do a long time ago, at the time I didn’t feel that my art style was right for it though. Also, story time! The reason that vaporeon has two variations is because I couldn’t decide which one looked better, so have two! I hope that you all enjoy these as much as I do! ~ ♡