Riya Rambles @riyascrazyideas - Tumblr Blog

Jason: Alright baby bro it's time for bed [throws 3 y.o Damian over his shoulder to the bed but in slow motion while making sounds like a plane is crashing]

Damian: [giggling]

Jason: [stops mid-throw] Wait wait, just to be safe [pulls out a toy grenade from his pocket] incase if there's any monsters down there [throws the grenade under the bed]

Tim: AAAAAHH WHAT THE FU- [frantically trying to crawl out]

Damian: [shrieks happly]

#poor timmy 🤣🤣#why was he under the bed though??#batbros

batcavescolony

Upcoming Villain in Gotham: if only we knew Batman's identity! Then we could just go to his house and-

Riddler: we all know his identity

Catwoman: I regularly go to his house

Harley: I went to med school with him

Two-Face: he was my best friend

Red Hood: he's my Dad

UCVG: ...wait what?

Red Hood: family, you know how it is.

#lmao 😂#Jason’s right though #family 🤷‍♀️

manufactured-pleasantry

Drunk Bruce crying hysterically: Baby, Baby where are you? I miss you, Baby Alfred, sighing: Let's get you to bed, Master Bruce Bruce: Noooo, I need my baby. Alfred, I need my babies Alfred: Children, would you please assist me in getting your father into bed? Bruce, perks up: My babies are here? Batboys, just standing there:🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ Dick: ...um, Bruce? Are you drunk? Bruce, beams: Dickie! Baby, I missed you so much! *gives Dick a bear hug* Dick, laughing: I'm baby? Bruce, nodding: Baby, I'm so proud of you. You became such a good man but you never come home anymore. *cries harder* Dick: I visit at least once a week! Jason, smirking: Shame on you Goldie, you just made the old man cry! Dick: *splutters* Bruce: Jay! *hugs him* Baby, I love you so much. Did I ever tell you how much I love you? Jason, blushing: You stink of alcohol, Old Man. How much did you drink tonight? Bruce: I don't know? Diana gave me some of her amazonian wine and it was soooo good Jason: You went to a drinking party with Wonder Woman and you didn't invite me?! Bruce: Clark and Diana ambushed me. I can organise another party with Diana if that's what you want, baby Jason: Stop calling me baby! Bruce, cries and hugs Jason harder: Alfred, my baby doesn't want to be my baby anymore! Dick: Who's making Bruce cry now, Little Wing? Tim: Shame on you, Jason Damian: Tt, Todd, how could you do that to Father? Bruce hugs Tim and Damian, sobbing: Baby! Are the both of you still my babies? Tim: Uh, sure, Bruce Damian: I will accept the endearment considering you are currently impaired, Father Bruce: Baby, you're so small. Tiny. Miniature. My sweet precious little babies. Damian: Father, Drake may be short for his age, but I am still growing

Bruce, kisses Damian's forehead: Of course, Dami. I love you, baby Bruce, kisses Tim's forehead: I love you, Timmy Bruce, kisses Dick's forehead: I love you, Dickie Bruce, kisses Jason's forehead: I love you, Jaylad Bruce, kisses Alfred's forehead: I love you, dad Alfred, eyes tearing up: I love you too, son. Let's get you to bed now, alright? Bruce, sobbing: Alfie, my babies didn't say they love me back. They don't love me Dick, hugs Bruce: Aw, Bruce, I love you too. You should get drunk more often Tim: I love you too, Bruce Damian: I love you, Father [Everyone looks to Jason expectantly] Jason, grumbling: I love you too, Old Man Bruce, still crying: My babies love me back. Dad, my babies love me Alfred: Yes, they do, Master Bruce. We all do. Now, for the last time, would you go to bed? Bruce: If you tuck me in Alfred: Of course, lad [Babs, Cass and Steph are at a girl's night out and laughing their asses off at the security footage. It's excellent blackmail and teasing material]

#I want this to happen so bad #gimme a drunk Bruce who’s finally emotionally vulnerable and says all that is needed to be said

alittlerightalittlewrong

Tim: Would you rather be a lion or a panda?

Duke: I'm me. Why would I want to be anything else?

Jason: I'm not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that actually is.

#presenting duke thomas #the only psychologically healthy bat #or at least the the closest a bat can be to mentally fit n sane

boomtubes

Batman meets batblob

#I never knew I needed this #until now

absurdlytired

As much as I love batfam fluff fics, please give me more realistic siblings shit.

I want the siblings having conversations about random stuff and then immediately going quiet when Bruce walks into the room.

I want Tim calling Dick on his phone when he wants snacks but is too lazy to get up and get them.

I want Jason flopping onto Damian’s bed and just laying there for reason other than to be a nuisance.

Cass stealing all of her brothers hoodies.

Damian getting away with shit with his puppy eyes.

Dick being obligated to give the shovel talk to anyone that even looks at his siblings.

Jason asking what everyone wants to eat and then ignoring them all to get whatever he wants.

The batfam but with realistic sibling interactions

#i have a sibling and I can testify #this is the real shit folks

capsrecedinghairline

Dick: “I’m not his real kid. I’m the only one he didn’t adopt.”

Jason: “I’m not his real kid. He didn’t avenge me, he doesn’t really love me.”

Tim: “I’m not his real kid. I forced my way into this family when he was grieving his actual son, he never wanted me.”

Damian: “I might be the blood son, but I’m not his real kid. I’m the only one he didn’t choose.

Duke: “I’m not his real kid. I’m the odd one out in this family, and technically I still have my parents.

Stephanie: “…”

Stephanie: “Every day I thank God I’m not his real kid.”

manufactured-pleasantry

The Bats are a family of detectives, hence why they do not tell each other anything. They just full expect each other to find out or somehow know, which they do. The problem is, not everyone is a Bat and that leads to funny misunderstandings and totally preventable shenanigans like Red Hood being arrested by the JL.

RH: Hey, not cool. You totally just blew my undercover operative.

JL: Excuse me??

NW: Yo, what gives man? He worked on that for three months. Also, why is my baby brother locked up?

RR, hacking the Watchtower: Ay yo, RH, what are you doing in space? Agent A is upset you missed book club.

JL: What is happening?

B: Hey, Robin wants to spar with y’all . Wait, is that Red Hood? Why have you locked up my son?

R: Tt, Hood, why haven’t you escaped yet? Those handcuffs shouldn’t be capable of restraining for more than thirty seconds.

RH: Honestly, I just wanted some answers and space is pretty cool

JL: ????? SON???? Red Hood, the crime lord, who is somehow Nightwing’s baby brother is your son???

B: Yes….? Did you not know? Also, he’s not a crime lord anymore. He just controls the Narrows. It’s not the same thing.

RH: Ya, I’m a reformed crime lord. Everyone knows that.

RR: Uhuh, that’s common knowledge. Everyone knows the birds are Batman’s kids.

JL: ???

#it’s common knowledge 🤷‍♀️

lantaniel

had this vision of Batman full-naming his kids, but he has to preserve the secret identities

lantaniel

this is how you get bat-approval btw

lantaniel

by popular demand, here's the others

i started drawing this right after posting, but people in the notes have been brainstorming some amazing name ideas too lmao

#REDDINGTON JAMES HOOD JUNIOR #ROBINSPIERRE #BATASHA SPOILERINA GIRLDETTE #Wtfff 🤣🤣#why tf is this shit funny 😂

val-el

i like to think that even if the batkids aren't blood related, they still have mannerisms they picked up from each other and bruce that makes people go "u guys are definitely related"

they all have dick's shit eating grin. they all do bruce's "hn" when tired or annoyed. they all have a flair for the dramatic. they all get super animated when talking about something that interests them. jason's glare? the other kids have an unsettling similar glare to it.

it's easy for some people to forget they aren't blood related because they're all just so clearly family.

gretahayes

AU where Damian shows up two years after Bruce got back from the time stream and is half convinced Tim isn't real because there's no way a person can be THIS perfect.

The other Batkids play hot potato with him on weekends because Dick loves the kid but he WILL lose his mind if Damian’s in his apartment for more than one weekend a month. He doesn't have the traumabond canon him has with Damian, so he's much more an older brother than anything parental.

Tim's AWARE of Damian, got a phone call to ask whether the kid could wear his old colors (Robin) and said yes, but he was barely listening & is based in another city and has been too busy to come for weekends home. He had no proper idea until two months later when he broke into Dick's apartment for a favor and he wasn't there and he finally decides to visit the Manor.

"What the fuck why's there a mini-Bruce here."

Damian squints at him.

"Are you Timothy?"

"Why do you know my NAME-"

Damian knew OF Tim, but was half convinced he was a myth because he'd never met him and Tim seems to have fought everyone and their international organization.

A sigh. "If Tim were here, he'd be able to to get us out of this. He's working on dismantling this trafficking ring."

"Grayson. We are in BOLIVIA."

Another sigh. "Yeah."

Even after he met Tim, he's still half convinced he's an urban legend. Tim has the respect of RA'S and LADY SHIVA and is smarter than Batman yet still burnt his hand trying to make toast.

Tim's vaguely amused by Damian despite the murder attempts—it helps that he doesn't live in the Manor and is nineteen now, with a good support system—and accepts his weekends at the Tower or with YJ with grace.

Damian still snipes at him but Tim doesn't take much to heart. He's still irritated and snaps back sometimes, but it's definitely milder because "little brother or not, I refuse to have beef with a ten year old."

"I am not a child."

"Oh yeah, I see the Talia in you."

Kon's sort of concerned, but hey his little brother is indestructible and doesn't have that many friends, Damian could do with the socialization and Kon could do with some more time with Tim, so...

Weekly playdates.

Tim drops by the Manor more and Bruce is glad, though he's too emotionally constipated to directly say so.

Tim knows though.

Bruce, happy to have his second-youngest at home more: You're. Back.

Tim, fluent in Bruce™️: Yeah I'll stay the weekend

Tim runs WE and Damian believes it's his birthright.

Damian also happens to be the only one that actually HELPS with WE, and at twelve ends up being better than their other siblings or even BRUCE at it, so Tim fully plans to hand it over to Damian as a twenty-first birthday present because it's not like the kid has friends or hopes and dreams or anything.

Tim actually has fought everyone and their mother btw. He got AROUND during his Robin and early Red Robin days, and still busts international smuggling rings for his own amusement. Sometimes he lets Damian help him when he's been nicer than usual

They're BROTHERS

#batfam au #the hero worship 😂#godd it’s so cute

bruciemilf

Jason being protective over Bruce just feeds my soul. I don't even need dinner, just give me Jason scaring off suitors away from his dad and I'll be CONTENT

LISTEN. Bruce is literally always sending Jason messages, texts, tries calling him, even sends him memes at Steph's recommendations, but nothing! Nada!

He always sighs and tries again, but eventually scores Jason's gonna talk when he's gonna want to.

He also leaves him voice mails, detailing about doing arts and crafts with Damian, how he tried Jason's training routines, taking cooking classes, - and he always ends the message with, " Don't get into trouble, Jay. "

It passes as I love you,

What does it? What finally stirs Jason back into the Wayne Manor? This:

" Jason Peter Todd. This better be the last time you prank call Tim in a middle of a meeting. You're more than aware our investors are, -" cut " I'm calling you for a favour. Could you watch Damian for me Thursday night? Everyone else is busy, and Clark made some reservations at a ridiculously expensive establishment, I-"

Jason marching through the manor with this voice mail at full volume, while Bruce and the others are trying to get him ready for the date. Dick is the first one who spots him. " Oh, no-"

" HE IS A FUCKING DEAD MAN!"

" Jason," Bruce is very calm as he attaches his nicest broach on. " Watch your language. "

" Who's this Clark guy? How long have you known him? What does he do? Do we have a background check? What about romantic history Who's? Who's side was he on in the Heard vs Depp trial? "

" He posts golden retrievers on that blue bird app you like. He's even...Approved? I think? But Dick told me not to mention it around you. And take that off, you'll scare him. He should be here any minute now."

" OH THATS WHAT I'M COUNTING ON - "

#consider my soul fed