THE FUTURE IS BULLETPROOF

King Rat | he/him | active dumpster fire but it's cool | 24 | sports containment: @bradleymarchandenjoyer | horny jail: @bunny-b0x

[jitterslug]

funny boy moments 1

[hesitantalien2014]

im not gonna bother posting a picture rn but mikeys pick was oasis themed. i think he only knows about two or maybe three things in the world

[hesitantalien2014]

[mikey]

[setulose]

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

[setulose]

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

[setulose]

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

[theaterard]

sylvia

[theaterard]

the lovelies

[theaterard]

boom

[theaterard]

the cooldown

[badassdemonsword]

[thethirdromana]

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

[thethirdromana]

#the overachiever: make this very time consuming ingredient from scratch even though it'll end up tasting worse than store bought

Amen to this @akasanata. "Now make your puff pastry from scratch". How about no❤️

[retro-rambling]

The machinist's cookbook - Requires twenty different pieces of bulky and expensive kitchen equipment that the author is inexplicably certain you own.

The multitasker - And while your water is boiling, your vegetables are blanching, your onions which you hopefully remembered to stir every 15 seconds are caramelizing and your sauce that will split if you look at it funny are cooking, get another pot ready and start chopping the vegetables.

[brehaaorgana]

now I need a list of the best types of cookbook

[i-am-a-fish]

it's five AM who WANTS me. who NEEDS me

[i-am-a-fish]

airport charged me almost six dollars for a god damn cokey cola wht the HELL

[sapphireh3art]

you are not safe to be around if you are siding with fascists. "pedos" have been the boogeyman for 75 years now and i'm tired of y'all acting like chasing trans women off social sites does anything to actually help children or prevent actual abuse.

i was a childcare professional for years. the most dangerous people in a child's life is the NUCLEAR FAMILY and other "trusted" adults.

[gerardwaysbob]

for @setulose

[iamoutofideas]

didn’t even realise goku had heart disease

[coughloop]

Fake fans everywhere

[ow-my-skin]

[afloweroutofstone]

“We asked Senator Lindsey Graham to expound his views on civil liberties earlier today, but our interview request was declined. Instead, we received a package from his office on Capitol Hill containing an 8-track tape of him laughing for 37 minutes, accompanied by a Xerox print of his penis.”

[afloweroutofstone]

My first Lindsey Graham hatepost was made in 2013.

[deathtokillian]

Hot take: I don't care if someone "contributes to society" or not. They are a person and still deserve human rights, food, and shelter.

[urandroidgirl]

Gerard stumbling out confused in the secretary outfit holding a clipboard because the timeloop is messed up 😍😍😍 and they don’t know where they are or what they’re supposed to do and everyone laughs at them 😍😍😍

[urandroidgirl]

Gemma coming out in the black parade outfit and trying desperately to regain control 😍😍😍 and it’s corseted btw

[never-obsolete]

AOL.com April 1998