Robert Robertson III

The Z-Team’s dispatcher.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Robert Robertson III

The upper management at the SDN has apparently decided that I need to have a 'public presence,' or whatever, now that I'm a hotshot dispatcher. So here I am, I guess.

Full-time babysitter and zookeeper of the Z-Team. And I better not catch any of you slacking off on shift if (or more likely when) you find my profile.

Some info about me that's probably relevant:

30 years old

He/him

Homosexual, demiromantic, and polyamorous

Dog dad to my beloved son Beef

Admin here! This is my first roleplay account, and I am very excited for it! (Find my main blog at @theknightofice where I write pretty often)

Ask, requests, and dms open, please interact with me, I would love to meet new people!

Open to all kinds of rp, though I do prefer semi-literate or novella, I often mirror my partner when it comes to length.

I prefer to write in the third person.

Ocs and canons welcome.

Flambae is in a committed relationship with Sonar (@batboner69), Riven (@the-crimson-prowler), and Flambae (@the-hot-and-sexy-flambae) and not looking for anything else. He is very happy to be exclusive with them and very loyal.

This blog will contain mature content on par with the games, so 18+ only, please.

SFW and NSFW welcome, though any of the latter I would prefer to discuss in dms beforehand.

[theknightofice]

Emergency Commissions

As Im sure most of you know by my latest update post, my health has been absolutely horrible lately (debilitating migraines and headaches, lightheadedness and dizziness, chest pain, stomach pain, neck pain, general unwellness and pain, plus frequent flare ups and low overstimulation threshold), and it hasnt been getting any better. I don't have the money to get the help I need, and my parents don't understand how badly I am doing due to me being on the spectrum and having severe anxiety and ocd (recent diagnosis, apparently it's really bad, but I may be unable to continue therapy at this rate which is terrifying since I know I need it) that contribute to things alongside other more personal issues I won't get into.

Anyway, I hate asking for help or doing this, and have been holding off on making a post like this for about two years but I am so close to being institutionalized or potentially kicked out when I inevitably can't get or keep a job. But I'm desperate, genuinely—sell an organ—desperate, and any and all support is greatly appreciated.

My writing commissions are open (prices negotiable), as are my art (prices discussed upon dm, mostly pay what you want at this point plus my old price sheet from a couple years back plus more recent art examples) ones alongside customs.

I may also do adopts as well because I seriously need the money. I'll include my PayPal as well in case anyone wants to donate that way, but please feel free to dm me for any inquiries or ideas you may have. I'm willing to do virtually anything including nsfw and gore, ocs and canon characters, whatever your heart desires, but do have some limits (general stuff like proshipping, inscest, hateful/phobic stuff, etc, just common sense things)

I am open to all fandoms and characters, and I seriously appreciate any and all support. Please yall, I need some help, and I'm terrified and desperate and don't have many options anymore due to being unable to get a job irl. Please consider sharing this or helping if you can, I would appreciate it so much. And thank you for reading this far. 💚

https://www.paypal.me/TheKnightofIce

[theknightofice]

Damn, yall really want oc stuff of Avatar and HTTYD huh? Lucky for you all, I happen to love all of them and am insane enough to write stuff for em all!

At some point at least, I already have a lot of Avatar and HTTYD stuff I've done over the years, and more recently too... I'm sane, I swear

But, since my ocs won the last interest poll, I figured I should make another one to narrow down which ones I'll be focusing on first! Please let me know what interests yall the most, and if there need to be more options I can absolutely provide them. I have waaaay too many ocs for my own good lol

What Ocs Do Yall Want To Meet First?

Sea of Sirens (so many species here)

When Stars Align (aliens, specifically an oc species)

Omegaverse/monsterverse (vampires, werewolves, that kind of thing)

Fandom (feel free to suggest if you want)

Lost Boys (from my book, pretty Neverland based but with a twist)

Modern

Fantasy

Post-Apocalyptic

Other

Tales of Wingaria (two species here)

Show Us Some Designs To Choose From! (I will gladly do so)

Voting ended onFeb 5

[theknightofice]

Out of Sheer curiosity, yall should help me decide something...

Which Are You Most Interested In/Would Like To See Content Of?

Avatar

How to Train Your Dragon

Ninjago

Breath of the Wild

CoD

Avatar the Last Airbender

Resident Evil (mostly Village)

Oc Stuff (lots of species, lore, etc)

Other (let me know)

Voting ended onFeb 3

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

This seems relevant since Ill likely be active primarily on my main blog from now on. Ill do my best to check in here and on my other rp accounts but I cant promise anything. Im so sorry yall, my health is so bad right now and Im so stressed, I just cant juggle everything right now and my stupid brain has decided to fixate a bit more on older, more comfort-driven things. I still love Dispatch dearly and will likely upload my writings and such whenever I feel up to it, but Im not too sure if Ill be able to write new things for a while. Please feel free to reach out on my main account or through discord (same username) if you want to keep in contact or keep rping/character connections whenever Im able to be online.

[the-crimson-prowler]

Ooc Update (Again)

I just wanted to apologize once again to everyone for my sudden inactivity on my roleplay accouts here. My health (both physical and mental) has taken a turn for the worse even after the ER. I'm genuinely doing really poorly and at the lowest place in my life, which is saying a lot.

But I swear I will try to be active and online more if I start feeling better soon, which I am desperately hoping I will. But until then I'll be on a hiatus from this account, @robert-robertson-iii-sdn, and @the-hot-and-sexy-flambae until further notice.

Please feel free to check out my main blog @theknightofice where I write about all kinds of stuff (mostly Discpatch atm but I'll be adding Avatar, HTTYD, Primal, and a few others to that in the future if I can since I have some stuff I wrote before my body decided to hate me). Please feel free to reach out there or via my discord (same username as my main blog) if you need or want anything, I'd love to still keep in comtact with people whenever I can.

Anyway, thank yall again so much for your kindness, patience, and understanding. And sorry again, I promise I'll try to be back as soon as I can!

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Can I commit mass murder whilst listening to epic the musical?

I mean, it's a good choice for music... but I would not advise mass murder since that's, ya know, a crime.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

favorite number GO!

Hmmm, seventeen. Don't ask me why, I have no idea either. But seventeen is my favorite number.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Hey Mal, so Sonar and I have been talking about moving in together a bit lately. And, since I know you two are roommates, I wanted to make sure that was okay. Especially since I'd have to bring Beef with me, and all that.

Like moving in here? Oh, yeah, sure thing mate!

Though if the three of us are gonna live in one apartment, we might wanna find a bigger place?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's what I was saying, but he said that we could just share a room if need be. Which I personally don't mind, and I don't take up much room anyway. All my personal belongings outside my hero work can fit in a duffle bag.

But if you think a bigger place is a better idea, I can see if I can chip in? Maybe? My lease is ending, so technically I'll have extra money to put toward things depending on rent.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Eh, don't worry too much about the rent. We can compare income later and split it fairly. Besides, me and Sonar have our own saves just in case.

But if you guys would rather, we can stay where we are for now and find another place if it comes up?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Honestly, I'm good with whatever you two think works best. I know that I'm the newcomer here. If you are still alright with me moving in, of course. I can always just renew my place if need be.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, I've survived living with Sonar for years, you can only improve this living situation.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Haha, yeah, I guess so. I can provide Twinkies, Beef, and a really nice lawn chair.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, if I found out you bought yourself another lawn chair after got rid of your last one, I'm gonna knock you out.

We have proper, leather furniture and your lawn chair isn't welcome here.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

In my defense, I've had this one lying around for a while just in case anything happened to it.

Leather furniture? How nice is your place, what the fuck? I've never even heard of someone having leather furniture outside a tv show.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Well that chair better count it's days. I'm feeding that one to Sonar just like the last one.

And... okay, fine, it's not real leather but whatever. They're soft and comfy and that's what matters.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I'm sorry... you fed my chair to Sonar? As in, he ate it?? That's all like, manufactured hard plastic.

Still counts as leather to me, soft and comfortable is all that matters honestly.

[batboner69]

Best chair I’ve eaten in a while. Mmmmmmicroplastics. Yum.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Why are you eating inanimate objects? First my chair, now apparently Flambae's car??

[batboner69]

I’m buying him a new one. I was hungry okay? What, you want me to eat civvies instead?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

No, maybe eat food, or small mammals? How are you not gravely ill after eating microplastics and metal? I'm honestly more concerned than anything at this point.

[batboner69]

I’m fine, dude. I’m invincible. (Actually I went to the hospital afterwards and they did a bunch of shit.)

/invincible? *Title card*.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Why did you repeat the experience and eat an entire car then?? Victor—

[batboner69]

Because I was hungry. I already told you. In my defense I was bored and I wasn’t the only one eating the car.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

... Someone else ate his car? Does he know? Are they in the intensive burn unit yet?

[batboner69]

It was mostly me. I won’t tell/haven’t told on them. It was my suggestion anyway.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Look at you being considerate and taking the fall for someone else. I'm proud of you, Sonar. Very hero-like behavior.

[batboner69]

Thank you, Do I get neck scratches for being hero-like? It would be a great way to motivate me. I’m just saying.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Yes, you do. Not only do you get scratches, but you get kisses, too. I hear they're great motivators.

[batboner69]

Even better. C’mere.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*Robert doesn't hesitate to use both hands to scratch simultaneously under Sonar's chin and behind one of his ears, where he'd learned he liked it. He lingered long enough to hopefully get a purr started, then shifted to cup either side of the hero's face and pull him down into a kiss.*

[batboner69]

*As Robert multitasked Sonar started purring. Anyone with even the slightest ability to see could notice how absolutely blissed out Sonar looked. He’d clearly reached cloud nine.*

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*One of those genuine smiles that made some of the tension melt out of Robert's features found its place on his lips when he pulled back enough to see the look on Sonar's face.*

There's my good boy and that purr I love so much. Feeling heroically motivated, hmm?

[batboner69]

*As the purring continued Sonar started peppering kisses all around Robert’s face. When Robert pulled back a pout was about to emerge before Sonar absolutely melted when he heard Robert call him good boy.*

Mmmhm yes, clearly.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*The dispatcher was more than happy to let Sonar's onslaught of affection continue, but when he saw a gap in the kisses, he was quick to reciprocate with a few of his own. And some more chin scritches for good measure.*

Good, then I guess I'll have to start using this method more often, won't I?

[batboner69]

*Sonar was showing no signs that he would stop purring anytime soon. He leaned into even the slightest little pecks from Robert.*

You will. In all honesty I think handing flambae golden start stickers after his successful missions will boost his mood too. Just an idea.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*That purr was one of Robert's favorite sounds in the entire world, and he was not about to stop the languid movement of his fingers in Sonar's fur if it meant he got to keep hearing it. Even moreso since he could keep pressing kisses to his snout and cheeks while he did.*

Hmm, that could work. I'll have to stock up on some in that case. Thanks, Victor.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

So this is that snd that older me was talking about looks pretty fucking lame but you can't judge a book by its cover

* just walking around*

- @youngestbravebrigader

Yeah, no. I don't do time travel bullshit. Meeting an alternate version of myself is more than enough of a lifetime of weirdness, and I still resent that it even happened.

[youngestbravebrigader]

Ooook

*backs away*

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*Robert pauses for a second, frowning at his phone before sighing heavily and pinching the bridge of his nose.* Wait. I'm sorry, I'm just... overwhelmed lately, I guess. You eat anything today? I know speedsters burn like, a shit ton of calories, right?

[youngestbravebrigader]

Damn the fuck got you fucked up like that and yeah had lunch with my older self earlier before I got here

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Far too many clones, logistical and HR nightmares, marriage preparations, general harassment from my team—the list goes on and on. It's not your problem though, I'm sure things have been... confusing, to say the least.

Well, I'm glad you've met our Chase. Do you two get along well?

[batboner69]

I just gotta object here and say that my clones are fucking awesome. I hung out with them in the parking lot once and they were chill as fuck.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Yeah, but still stress for me considering the fact that I'm marrying you and not them. Their existence is concerning as it is, I don't want some mix-up happening. Or any of them getting ideas.

[batboner69]

Dude….. are you saying you might not be able to tell if I’m me or if some clone is..?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

No, I'm saying that I'm worried about them getting ideas. Potentially drug-related ideas that could reflect badly on you for people who can't tell the difference.

[batboner69]

People should be able to tell the difference. Our fur isn’t even the same shade of grey. I’ve also got sonic stickers on my tie. I guess that would’ve been better to mention first.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

You're expecting way too much from people these days. Remember how dumb they can be?

[batboner69]

Sonic stickers is really easy to tell. You think that would slip past even the densest of minds?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Hmm, fair enough. You have more faith in humanity than I do... which is concerning. Oh well, I've accepted my cynicism.

[batboner69]

Even the most braindead people out there recognize sonic. He’s awesome as fuck. I don’t have much faith in most people out there, but I trust that they know this.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's a fair point, I forget about the insane hype over characters sometimes.

[batboner69]

Yeah. I gotta say though. Sonic could never be overhyped, he just gets the recognition he deserves.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Doesn't he have like, a movie now too? Or is it just the games?

[batboner69]

3 movies, Keep up. WAIT NONONO DONT THINK OF THAT.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I have no idea what you're talking about, but okay? Should I watch them, in that case? It seems like you like them a lot, so they can't be that bad.

[batboner69]

They’re pretty good. I like the first one the most, but the rest are pretty good too. We couple have a movie night/movie marathon as the four of us. You know, me, you, Riven and Chad.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That sounds really nice, actually. Yeah, I'd like that. And I can contribute the popcorn and a Beef. Plus buy the movies themselves if they're on any streaming service.

[batboner69]

You’re underestimating me. I’ve bought them all. I’ll also be able to contribute pillows, blankets and my own fluff.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Fuck yeah, I'm in. I'll bring the Beef then and.... five bags of popcorn? Is that enough for everyone? Maybe?

[batboner69]

I think five is enough. I have my own anyway. I’m not a huge fan of popcorn so snacking on beetles is my go-to.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Alright then, I'll bring five. I know Riven loves popcorn, and Flambae's probably going to take at least a bag for himself and put some spicy seasoning on it.

[batboner69]

If we’re doing it at my place I got loads of seasoning. There isn’t a spice known to man not in that drawer.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Oh no, you've just created a monster. According to what Riven's told me, and what I've seen in the break room, Flambae loves experimenting with spices. If he offers you some, do not eat it unless you are prepared to not feel your tongue for the next few hours.

[batboner69]

Actually that sounds like fun. I’ve grown a decent resistance to spices, although I don’t doubt that my tongue will go numb. That’s part of the fun though.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Your funeral. Riven and I will mourn your death.

[batboner69]

Hey. If I die anytime soon it will be nestled in between flambae’s tits because of suffocation.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Fair point, and that's a good way to go out. I respect that.

[batboner69]

It really is. I’ve always know that if I’m gonna die it’s gotta be from suffocation, specifically between boobs.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

As you should, it's an honorable way. I myself always imagine something similar, but a bit more... HR violating. So I won't be outing myself just yet, but I'm sure you can imagine.

[batboner69]

Yeah, I can imagine. The other kinds of HR violations deaths are a close second, but suffocating in between tits has always been the dream.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

You're a boobs guy, and I respect the commitment.

[batboner69]

I really am. Boobs are the best, dude.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Boobs are pretty great, but consider the following... ass. And thighs. Flambae's got all three, which should be illegal. And I have watched Riven choke someone with his thighs before. Insane.

[batboner69]

True, flambae having all three is insane. Like leave some for the rest of us! Or you, rather. The fur makes me look like my chest is bigger than it actually is, but I guess it’s still decent. Even though I am mainly a boob guy I can appreciate a good ass or thighs for that matter.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Considering the fact that I have no tits or ass to speak of and, in his own words a few months ago at the gym, 'pathetic chicken legs,' I feel like he either stole some of my assets or compensates for my lack thereof.

You have a pretty nice chest regardless of the fur, I won't lie. Honestly, the fur adds to it; it's really nice and soft.

[batboner69]

Yeah, you’ve got abs though. Which as a hero isn’t really that much to brag about, but since you’re physically a normie I’d call it a plus.

Yeah, it’s decent as is, but the fluff just elevates it that extra bit.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's true, though I used to be in better shape than this. I'm hoping once things stabilize a bit I can gain a bit more muscle back. I lost a decent amount thanks to the coma.

I, for one, am a sucker for the fluff. And just you in general if I'm honest.

[batboner69]

Not only would gaining a bit of muscle benefit you, you also gotta remember to eat more. Am I gonna have to pack you a lunch and make you dinner every day? I absolutely will if that’s what it takes.

I’m a sucker for you too lovebug.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

No, you don't have to. I'll remember to eat on my own and make myself actual food. Between you, Chad, and Riven, I don't stand a chance of keeping my previous diet.

And I'm a sucker for that petname. Got me smiling at my phone over here like an idiot.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Hey Mal, so Sonar and I have been talking about moving in together a bit lately. And, since I know you two are roommates, I wanted to make sure that was okay. Especially since I'd have to bring Beef with me, and all that.

Like moving in here? Oh, yeah, sure thing mate!

Though if the three of us are gonna live in one apartment, we might wanna find a bigger place?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's what I was saying, but he said that we could just share a room if need be. Which I personally don't mind, and I don't take up much room anyway. All my personal belongings outside my hero work can fit in a duffle bag.

But if you think a bigger place is a better idea, I can see if I can chip in? Maybe? My lease is ending, so technically I'll have extra money to put toward things depending on rent.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Eh, don't worry too much about the rent. We can compare income later and split it fairly. Besides, me and Sonar have our own saves just in case.

But if you guys would rather, we can stay where we are for now and find another place if it comes up?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Honestly, I'm good with whatever you two think works best. I know that I'm the newcomer here. If you are still alright with me moving in, of course. I can always just renew my place if need be.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, I've survived living with Sonar for years, you can only improve this living situation.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Haha, yeah, I guess so. I can provide Twinkies, Beef, and a really nice lawn chair.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, if I found out you bought yourself another lawn chair after got rid of your last one, I'm gonna knock you out.

We have proper, leather furniture and your lawn chair isn't welcome here.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

In my defense, I've had this one lying around for a while just in case anything happened to it.

Leather furniture? How nice is your place, what the fuck? I've never even heard of someone having leather furniture outside a tv show.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Well that chair better count it's days. I'm feeding that one to Sonar just like the last one.

And... okay, fine, it's not real leather but whatever. They're soft and comfy and that's what matters.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I'm sorry... you fed my chair to Sonar? As in, he ate it?? That's all like, manufactured hard plastic.

Still counts as leather to me, soft and comfortable is all that matters honestly.

[batboner69]

Where’s the lawn chair? Let me at it.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

You'll never find it, I'm not telling either of you where it is.

[batboner69]

I have a feeling that it’s in the same room your mech suit is in. Putting it in your apartment would be too obvious. Am I right or am I right?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Nope, and I'm ot giving you any hints. Royd said no when I asked to keep the chair in his workshop. He also hates the thing.

[batboner69]

Hah, that’s not surprising. Do you have a basement? Like access to a basement? I could see you placing a lawn chair down there beneath a lot of other stuff? Maybe not. You don’t really have a lot of stuff to cover it with.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I do not have a basement. And you're right about the no stuff thing too, it would just be a lonely lawn chair by itself.

[batboner69]

Did you put the lawn chair in your bathroom? Like inside the shower?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

My shower is not big enough for a lawn chair. Good guess, though, I would have if I could. It would have been nice during physical therapy after my coma.

[batboner69]

Hmmmm… balcony? I would’ve noticed that though…. Speaking of physical therapy. If you ever need a massage just say so. I took a couple of classes on it a while back.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Nope, not the balcony. That's Beef's little space when he wants to stare out at the world or make me get some sun when I eat outside on the rare occasion I have milk and cereal.

That is... not surprising actually, massages seem like they'd be in your wheelhouse. I appreciate the offer, and I'll let you know if I ever do. But fair warning, I have a lot of knots and old scar tissues. And make um... noises.

[batboner69]

Hmmm… hint please? Just one. A tiny little hint?

Yeah, they are. I actually used to have a part-time job as a massager. Nothing much, just dropping by when specific clients requested me. Surprisingly many people are very noisy when getting massages so that won’t be a problem.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I know if I give you an inch, you'll take a mile. And probably drag my chair behind the car for said mile. So no, no hints.

Huh, I never realized you did anything for work outside of stocks and all that. That's honestly pretty impressive. I might just have to see what you've got whenever you have the time.

[batboner69]

Ahh you got me. Guess I have to do it myself. Do you have any other rooms in your apartment besides the main one and a bathroom? I don’t think I’ve ever seen another door in there, but I might be wrong.

Well, not anymore. I still visit them from time to time though. The old lady who runs the place is actually really nice and sometimes bakes stuff. That’s why I originally started baking and all that.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Nope, just the main area and the bathroom. My apartment is the definition of tiny; I don't even have a bedroom.

Aw, she's the one who got you into baking? That's really sweet that you still visit her. I'm sure he enjoys seeing you.

[batboner69]

I’m sadly not surprised to hear that you don’t have a bedroom. We really need to get you moved into my house asap. Is the lawn chair hidden behind the counter in your kitchen? Is it in the apartment at all?

She really is. I already liked general cooking prior to that though. I like how much she cares about health and general wellbeing. It’s admirable.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I can tell you that it is not in my apartment anymore, not after you slaughtered its sibling. But I do agree on the whole moving in thing. Just tell me whenever it works for you and Malevola, and I can pack my stuff into a duffel and deal with the cot. It shouldn't take me too long.

It's always admirable to meet someone like that. I'm glad you met her, she seems like a good influence.

[batboner69]

Interesting… is it somewhere around SDN? I dont think chase would let you keep the lawn chair at his place.

Sunday and Monday are both fine. If you don’t want to have to take the entire cot apart we could just carry it through a portal. You know that, right? You really don’t have to deal with that part.

I guess she’s kind of like a grandma to me.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Chase would absolutely not. As for the SDN... I'm not giving you any more hints.

Awesome, both work for me. Yeah, that's true, I'm just not sure if I should keep it if we're intending to share a bed (that was the consensus of our last move in conversation, right?) or if I should see if I could sell it to pay Malevola back.

Well, I'm very glad that you have her in your life. You deserve someone who does right by you.

[sdn-hr-official]

As the Anon who sent the “M-Preg 🫵” I formally apologise after James hit me over the head with a metal chair…I am going to the SDN nurse…oh also uh it’s Ralph…the Dispatcher in the cubical next to the water bubbler

oh, uh, how about you go do that and never set foot near hr ever again okay? okay

@totallynotabaconhair thanks man you're a real one

[malevola-gibb-rp]

So, like, are you still pregnant or...

[the-hot-and-sexy-flambae-deacti]

Who's pregnant? The fuck did I miss?

[joshikinss]

it’s Robert because I did it/joke

[the-hot-and-sexy-flambae-deacti]

NO GOD NOT ROBERT TOO! I'M TOO HANDSOME TO BE A DAD!

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I am not pregnant. What the actual fuck did I miss?

[the-hot-and-sexy-flambae-deacti]

Oh thank fuck. I was worried the mprag beam got you too. It's getting all the guys at the office... even Wetwipeboy

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

... The mpreg beam? That is something I did not need to be aware of. Nor fear, and yet here we are.

Poor Waterboy, he'd better get leave for it.

[nalahoney]

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

It's literally my job to answer questions, so fire away. Even if they make me uncomfortable...

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Hey Mal, so Sonar and I have been talking about moving in together a bit lately. And, since I know you two are roommates, I wanted to make sure that was okay. Especially since I'd have to bring Beef with me, and all that.

Like moving in here? Oh, yeah, sure thing mate!

Though if the three of us are gonna live in one apartment, we might wanna find a bigger place?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's what I was saying, but he said that we could just share a room if need be. Which I personally don't mind, and I don't take up much room anyway. All my personal belongings outside my hero work can fit in a duffle bag.

But if you think a bigger place is a better idea, I can see if I can chip in? Maybe? My lease is ending, so technically I'll have extra money to put toward things depending on rent.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Eh, don't worry too much about the rent. We can compare income later and split it fairly. Besides, me and Sonar have our own saves just in case.

But if you guys would rather, we can stay where we are for now and find another place if it comes up?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Honestly, I'm good with whatever you two think works best. I know that I'm the newcomer here. If you are still alright with me moving in, of course. I can always just renew my place if need be.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, I've survived living with Sonar for years, you can only improve this living situation.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Haha, yeah, I guess so. I can provide Twinkies, Beef, and a really nice lawn chair.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, if I found out you bought yourself another lawn chair after got rid of your last one, I'm gonna knock you out.

We have proper, leather furniture and your lawn chair isn't welcome here.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

In my defense, I've had this one lying around for a while just in case anything happened to it.

Leather furniture? How nice is your place, what the fuck? I've never even heard of someone having leather furniture outside a tv show.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Well that chair better count it's days. I'm feeding that one to Sonar just like the last one.

And... okay, fine, it's not real leather but whatever. They're soft and comfy and that's what matters.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I'm sorry... you fed my chair to Sonar? As in, he ate it?? That's all like, manufactured hard plastic.

Still counts as leather to me, soft and comfortable is all that matters honestly.

[batboner69]

Best chair I’ve eaten in a while. Mmmmmmicroplastics. Yum.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Why are you eating inanimate objects? First my chair, now apparently Flambae's car??

[batboner69]

I’m buying him a new one. I was hungry okay? What, you want me to eat civvies instead?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

No, maybe eat food, or small mammals? How are you not gravely ill after eating microplastics and metal? I'm honestly more concerned than anything at this point.

[batboner69]

I’m fine, dude. I’m invincible. (Actually I went to the hospital afterwards and they did a bunch of shit.)

/invincible? *Title card*.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Why did you repeat the experience and eat an entire car then?? Victor—

[batboner69]

Because I was hungry. I already told you. In my defense I was bored and I wasn’t the only one eating the car.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

... Someone else ate his car? Does he know? Are they in the intensive burn unit yet?

[batboner69]

It was mostly me. I won’t tell/haven’t told on them. It was my suggestion anyway.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Look at you being considerate and taking the fall for someone else. I'm proud of you, Sonar. Very hero-like behavior.

[batboner69]

Thank you, Do I get neck scratches for being hero-like? It would be a great way to motivate me. I’m just saying.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Yes, you do. Not only do you get scratches, but you get kisses, too. I hear they're great motivators.

[batboner69]

Even better. C’mere.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*Robert doesn't hesitate to use both hands to scratch simultaneously under Sonar's chin and behind one of his ears, where he'd learned he liked it. He lingered long enough to hopefully get a purr started, then shifted to cup either side of the hero's face and pull him down into a kiss.*

[batboner69]

*As Robert multitasked Sonar started purring. Anyone with even the slightest ability to see could notice how absolutely blissed out Sonar looked. He’d clearly reached cloud nine.*

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*One of those genuine smiles that made some of the tension melt out of Robert's features found its place on his lips when he pulled back enough to see the look on Sonar's face.*

There's my good boy and that purr I love so much. Feeling heroically motivated, hmm?

[batboner69]

*As the purring continued Sonar started peppering kisses all around Robert’s face. When Robert pulled back a pout was about to emerge before Sonar absolutely melted when he heard Robert call him good boy.*

Mmmhm yes, clearly.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*The dispatcher was more than happy to let Sonar's onslaught of affection continue, but when he saw a gap in the kisses, he was quick to reciprocate with a few of his own. And some more chin scritches for good measure.*

Good, then I guess I'll have to start using this method more often, won't I?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

So this is that snd that older me was talking about looks pretty fucking lame but you can't judge a book by its cover

* just walking around*

- @youngestbravebrigader

Yeah, no. I don't do time travel bullshit. Meeting an alternate version of myself is more than enough of a lifetime of weirdness, and I still resent that it even happened.

[youngestbravebrigader]

Ooook

*backs away*

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*Robert pauses for a second, frowning at his phone before sighing heavily and pinching the bridge of his nose.* Wait. I'm sorry, I'm just... overwhelmed lately, I guess. You eat anything today? I know speedsters burn like, a shit ton of calories, right?

[youngestbravebrigader]

Damn the fuck got you fucked up like that and yeah had lunch with my older self earlier before I got here

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Far too many clones, logistical and HR nightmares, marriage preparations, general harassment from my team—the list goes on and on. It's not your problem though, I'm sure things have been... confusing, to say the least.

Well, I'm glad you've met our Chase. Do you two get along well?

[batboner69]

I just gotta object here and say that my clones are fucking awesome. I hung out with them in the parking lot once and they were chill as fuck.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Yeah, but still stress for me considering the fact that I'm marrying you and not them. Their existence is concerning as it is, I don't want some mix-up happening. Or any of them getting ideas.

[batboner69]

Dude….. are you saying you might not be able to tell if I’m me or if some clone is..?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

No, I'm saying that I'm worried about them getting ideas. Potentially drug-related ideas that could reflect badly on you for people who can't tell the difference.

[batboner69]

People should be able to tell the difference. Our fur isn’t even the same shade of grey. I’ve also got sonic stickers on my tie. I guess that would’ve been better to mention first.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

You're expecting way too much from people these days. Remember how dumb they can be?

[batboner69]

Sonic stickers is really easy to tell. You think that would slip past even the densest of minds?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Hmm, fair enough. You have more faith in humanity than I do... which is concerning. Oh well, I've accepted my cynicism.

[batboner69]

Even the most braindead people out there recognize sonic. He’s awesome as fuck. I don’t have much faith in most people out there, but I trust that they know this.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's a fair point, I forget about the insane hype over characters sometimes.

[batboner69]

Yeah. I gotta say though. Sonic could never be overhyped, he just gets the recognition he deserves.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Doesn't he have like, a movie now too? Or is it just the games?

[batboner69]

3 movies, Keep up. WAIT NONONO DONT THINK OF THAT.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I have no idea what you're talking about, but okay? Should I watch them, in that case? It seems like you like them a lot, so they can't be that bad.

[batboner69]

They’re pretty good. I like the first one the most, but the rest are pretty good too. We couple have a movie night/movie marathon as the four of us. You know, me, you, Riven and Chad.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That sounds really nice, actually. Yeah, I'd like that. And I can contribute the popcorn and a Beef. Plus buy the movies themselves if they're on any streaming service.

[batboner69]

You’re underestimating me. I’ve bought them all. I’ll also be able to contribute pillows, blankets and my own fluff.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Fuck yeah, I'm in. I'll bring the Beef then and.... five bags of popcorn? Is that enough for everyone? Maybe?

[batboner69]

I think five is enough. I have my own anyway. I’m not a huge fan of popcorn so snacking on beetles is my go-to.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Alright then, I'll bring five. I know Riven loves popcorn, and Flambae's probably going to take at least a bag for himself and put some spicy seasoning on it.

[batboner69]

If we’re doing it at my place I got loads of seasoning. There isn’t a spice known to man not in that drawer.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Oh no, you've just created a monster. According to what Riven's told me, and what I've seen in the break room, Flambae loves experimenting with spices. If he offers you some, do not eat it unless you are prepared to not feel your tongue for the next few hours.

[batboner69]

Actually that sounds like fun. I’ve grown a decent resistance to spices, although I don’t doubt that my tongue will go numb. That’s part of the fun though.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Your funeral. Riven and I will mourn your death.

[batboner69]

Hey. If I die anytime soon it will be nestled in between flambae’s tits because of suffocation.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Fair point, and that's a good way to go out. I respect that.

[batboner69]

It really is. I’ve always know that if I’m gonna die it’s gotta be from suffocation, specifically between boobs.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

As you should, it's an honorable way. I myself always imagine something similar, but a bit more... HR violating. So I won't be outing myself just yet, but I'm sure you can imagine.

[batboner69]

Yeah, I can imagine. The other kinds of HR violations deaths are a close second, but suffocating in between tits has always been the dream.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

You're a boobs guy, and I respect the commitment.

[batboner69]

I really am. Boobs are the best, dude.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Boobs are pretty great, but consider the following... ass. And thighs. Flambae's got all three, which should be illegal. And I have watched Riven choke someone with his thighs before. Insane.

[batboner69]

True, flambae having all three is insane. Like leave some for the rest of us! Or you, rather. The fur makes me look like my chest is bigger than it actually is, but I guess it’s still decent. Even though I am mainly a boob guy I can appreciate a good ass or thighs for that matter.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Considering the fact that I have no tits or ass to speak of and, in his own words a few months ago at the gym, 'pathetic chicken legs,' I feel like he either stole some of my assets or compensates for my lack thereof.

You have a pretty nice chest regardless of the fur, I won't lie. Honestly, the fur adds to it; it's really nice and soft.

[batboner69]

Yeah, you’ve got abs though. Which as a hero isn’t really that much to brag about, but since you’re physically a normie I’d call it a plus.

Yeah, it’s decent as is, but the fluff just elevates it that extra bit.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's true, though I used to be in better shape than this. I'm hoping once things stabilize a bit I can gain a bit more muscle back. I lost a decent amount thanks to the coma.

I, for one, am a sucker for the fluff. And just you in general if I'm honest.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Hey Mal, so Sonar and I have been talking about moving in together a bit lately. And, since I know you two are roommates, I wanted to make sure that was okay. Especially since I'd have to bring Beef with me, and all that.

Like moving in here? Oh, yeah, sure thing mate!

Though if the three of us are gonna live in one apartment, we might wanna find a bigger place?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's what I was saying, but he said that we could just share a room if need be. Which I personally don't mind, and I don't take up much room anyway. All my personal belongings outside my hero work can fit in a duffle bag.

But if you think a bigger place is a better idea, I can see if I can chip in? Maybe? My lease is ending, so technically I'll have extra money to put toward things depending on rent.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Eh, don't worry too much about the rent. We can compare income later and split it fairly. Besides, me and Sonar have our own saves just in case.

But if you guys would rather, we can stay where we are for now and find another place if it comes up?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Honestly, I'm good with whatever you two think works best. I know that I'm the newcomer here. If you are still alright with me moving in, of course. I can always just renew my place if need be.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, I've survived living with Sonar for years, you can only improve this living situation.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Haha, yeah, I guess so. I can provide Twinkies, Beef, and a really nice lawn chair.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, if I found out you bought yourself another lawn chair after got rid of your last one, I'm gonna knock you out.

We have proper, leather furniture and your lawn chair isn't welcome here.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

In my defense, I've had this one lying around for a while just in case anything happened to it.

Leather furniture? How nice is your place, what the fuck? I've never even heard of someone having leather furniture outside a tv show.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Well that chair better count it's days. I'm feeding that one to Sonar just like the last one.

And... okay, fine, it's not real leather but whatever. They're soft and comfy and that's what matters.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I'm sorry... you fed my chair to Sonar? As in, he ate it?? That's all like, manufactured hard plastic.

Still counts as leather to me, soft and comfortable is all that matters honestly.

[batboner69]

Where’s the lawn chair? Let me at it.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

You'll never find it, I'm not telling either of you where it is.

[batboner69]

I have a feeling that it’s in the same room your mech suit is in. Putting it in your apartment would be too obvious. Am I right or am I right?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Nope, and I'm ot giving you any hints. Royd said no when I asked to keep the chair in his workshop. He also hates the thing.

[batboner69]

Hah, that’s not surprising. Do you have a basement? Like access to a basement? I could see you placing a lawn chair down there beneath a lot of other stuff? Maybe not. You don’t really have a lot of stuff to cover it with.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I do not have a basement. And you're right about the no stuff thing too, it would just be a lonely lawn chair by itself.

[batboner69]

Did you put the lawn chair in your bathroom? Like inside the shower?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

My shower is not big enough for a lawn chair. Good guess, though, I would have if I could. It would have been nice during physical therapy after my coma.

[batboner69]

Hmmmm… balcony? I would’ve noticed that though…. Speaking of physical therapy. If you ever need a massage just say so. I took a couple of classes on it a while back.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Nope, not the balcony. That's Beef's little space when he wants to stare out at the world or make me get some sun when I eat outside on the rare occasion I have milk and cereal.

That is... not surprising actually, massages seem like they'd be in your wheelhouse. I appreciate the offer, and I'll let you know if I ever do. But fair warning, I have a lot of knots and old scar tissues. And make um... noises.

[batboner69]

Hmmm… hint please? Just one. A tiny little hint?

Yeah, they are. I actually used to have a part-time job as a massager. Nothing much, just dropping by when specific clients requested me. Surprisingly many people are very noisy when getting massages so that won’t be a problem.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I know if I give you an inch, you'll take a mile. And probably drag my chair behind the car for said mile. So no, no hints.

Huh, I never realized you did anything for work outside of stocks and all that. That's honestly pretty impressive. I might just have to see what you've got whenever you have the time.

[batboner69]

Ahh you got me. Guess I have to do it myself. Do you have any other rooms in your apartment besides the main one and a bathroom? I don’t think I’ve ever seen another door in there, but I might be wrong.

Well, not anymore. I still visit them from time to time though. The old lady who runs the place is actually really nice and sometimes bakes stuff. That’s why I originally started baking and all that.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Nope, just the main area and the bathroom. My apartment is the definition of tiny; I don't even have a bedroom.

Aw, she's the one who got you into baking? That's really sweet that you still visit her. I'm sure he enjoys seeing you.

[batboner69]

I’m sadly not surprised to hear that you don’t have a bedroom. We really need to get you moved into my house asap. Is the lawn chair hidden behind the counter in your kitchen? Is it in the apartment at all?

She really is. I already liked general cooking prior to that though. I like how much she cares about health and general wellbeing. It’s admirable.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I can tell you that it is not in my apartment anymore, not after you slaughtered its sibling. But I do agree on the whole moving in thing. Just tell me whenever it works for you and Malevola, and I can pack my stuff into a duffel and deal with the cot. It shouldn't take me too long.

It's always admirable to meet someone like that. I'm glad you met her, she seems like a good influence.

[sdn-hr-official]

As the Anon who sent the “M-Preg 🫵” I formally apologise after James hit me over the head with a metal chair…I am going to the SDN nurse…oh also uh it’s Ralph…the Dispatcher in the cubical next to the water bubbler

oh, uh, how about you go do that and never set foot near hr ever again okay? okay

@totallynotabaconhair thanks man you're a real one

[malevola-gibb-rp]

So, like, are you still pregnant or...

[the-hot-and-sexy-flambae-deacti]

Who's pregnant? The fuck did I miss?

[joshikinss]

it’s Robert because I did it/joke

[the-hot-and-sexy-flambae-deacti]

NO GOD NOT ROBERT TOO! I'M TOO HANDSOME TO BE A DAD!

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I am not pregnant. What the actual fuck did I miss?

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Hey Mal, so Sonar and I have been talking about moving in together a bit lately. And, since I know you two are roommates, I wanted to make sure that was okay. Especially since I'd have to bring Beef with me, and all that.

Like moving in here? Oh, yeah, sure thing mate!

Though if the three of us are gonna live in one apartment, we might wanna find a bigger place?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

That's what I was saying, but he said that we could just share a room if need be. Which I personally don't mind, and I don't take up much room anyway. All my personal belongings outside my hero work can fit in a duffle bag.

But if you think a bigger place is a better idea, I can see if I can chip in? Maybe? My lease is ending, so technically I'll have extra money to put toward things depending on rent.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Eh, don't worry too much about the rent. We can compare income later and split it fairly. Besides, me and Sonar have our own saves just in case.

But if you guys would rather, we can stay where we are for now and find another place if it comes up?

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Honestly, I'm good with whatever you two think works best. I know that I'm the newcomer here. If you are still alright with me moving in, of course. I can always just renew my place if need be.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, I've survived living with Sonar for years, you can only improve this living situation.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Haha, yeah, I guess so. I can provide Twinkies, Beef, and a really nice lawn chair.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Mate, if I found out you bought yourself another lawn chair after got rid of your last one, I'm gonna knock you out.

We have proper, leather furniture and your lawn chair isn't welcome here.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

In my defense, I've had this one lying around for a while just in case anything happened to it.

Leather furniture? How nice is your place, what the fuck? I've never even heard of someone having leather furniture outside a tv show.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Well that chair better count it's days. I'm feeding that one to Sonar just like the last one.

And... okay, fine, it's not real leather but whatever. They're soft and comfy and that's what matters.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

I'm sorry... you fed my chair to Sonar? As in, he ate it?? That's all like, manufactured hard plastic.

Still counts as leather to me, soft and comfortable is all that matters honestly.

[batboner69]

Where’s the lawn chair? Let me at it.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

You'll never find it, I'm not telling either of you where it is.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Presumptuous~

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Correction; confident

[malevola-gibb-rp]

Maybe but you'll slip up eventually.

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Nope, not happening.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

That's what you think, babe, but I have my ways.

*Mal's opens a portal and pulls out a box of Twinkies.*

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

Sure you—

*Robert fell silent as the portal opened, face dropping into a scowl devoid of any real malice.*

Ah... fuck.

[malevola-gibb-rp]

You suuure I can't convince you to tell me where it was?

*She opens the box, pulling out one of the packs and looking at Robert knowingly.*

[robert-robertson-iii-sdn]

*Robert's eyes narrowed, arms crossing over his chest, before he even realized he had done it.*

Yup, preeeeetty sure.