Things that have 100% happened in the dc universe
Damian very frustrated with both his parents climbing through dicks window: Grayson who is your most recent paramour
Jason who got hurt in haven so he snuck in and is eating Dicks ice cream: huh?
Damian: you’re not Grayson
Jason: and thank god for it, why do you wanna know who dicks “paramour” is
Damian: I don’t have to explain myself to you
Dick leaving the kitchen holding a second tub of ice cream: oh hey dami, what’s up
Damian: which one of your redheads is your lover this month?
Jason: *chocking on his ice cream*
Dick pinching the bridge of his nose: Damian we’ve talked about this, they’re not MY redheads, I also don’t exclusively date redheads.
Damian: …so which one is it?
Jason: he clocked you there
Dick: shut up Jason and eat your ice cream
Dick: why do you wanna know Dames
Dick: I’m seeing Kori right now
Damian: ah the alien, she is strong
Dick a little dreamily: yeah… yeah she is
Damian: she will make a fine mother
Jason: *putting his ice cream down* what
Damian: do you think if you were to court her with the intent to marry she would adopt the family habit of picking up strays.
Dick: damian i am so so so confused right now please explain
Jason: please so I can go back to my ice cream without it being a choking hazard
Damian: I am making but a simple inquiry Richard
Dick: we both know you don’t talk like that anymore, spill
Damian: …mother is being… bothersome
Dick: fork found in kitchen, Talia found making mine and Bruce’s life hell.
Damian: let me rephrase, I am finding mother bothersome
Damian rambling a bit: yes and since you were a far superior Batman, and I am the son of the bat and of course there was the many discussions of adoption before we knew that father would return
Jason: THERE WAS DISCUSSIONS OF WHAT NOW DICKHEAD
Jason: nuh uh definitely the time Dicolas, you were gonna adopt the pipsqueak??
Dick: yeah jay, Bruce was dead I was raising him? What would you rather I kept him as ward for a decade and messed him up??
Jason: your issues with Bruce are showing
Damian: when are they not-
Jason: HA! Even the kid clocked you
Damian: AS I was saying, as I am finding mother bothersome and I always find father bothersome. I have simply decided I must find people who are a better for the position
Jason: I feel like I’m on lifetime rn
Dick: and you want me to? What? Call Kori and ask her if she wants to join me in adopting her on again off again boyfriend’s brother. Who mind you is the biological son of Batman whose contingency for her going rogue is literally to get her hooked on what is essentially space coke and ruin her life.
Jason: Bruce has SPACE COCAINE???
Damian: i cut out the middle man and sent her a message approximately 5 minutes ago
Dick: kid we’ve talked about this.. boundaries
Jason: fuck this weird ass family dynamic, you’re telling me Bruce Wayne has god damn space coke
Dick: he’s Batman jase, he has literally everything
Jason:…. Do you think space coke works on Superman
Dick: I’m not answering that
Jason: BECAUSE YOU KNOW, DID BRUCE GIVE CLARK SPACE COKE
Dick: I will answer any and all questions, if you get me out of this conversation with Damian
Damian: there is no need, your partner has agreed to the adoption on the grounds that you two are to be wed.
Damian: she says to be at the courthouse tomorrow at 1pm
Damian leaving out of the window he came through: see you tomorrow Richard
Dick: WAIT. What? Which court house? Which country??? I’m pretty sure Kori’s in Japan? Hey wait damian? Get BAck HERe what?
Jason slowly reaching for his ice cream again: so space cocaine?
Dick: I was an only child for 18 years? Couldn’t Bruce let me keep my damn streak
Jason: hey! I was also dead for 3 years before bruce adopted tim, technically you’ve been an only child for 21 years of your life
Jason: tell me about the space coke Richard
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