certified time mismanager

Bill. 28. Steadily building my digital cabinet of curiosities.

[patientno7]

my humor 2016

[patientno7]

10 years

[guiltfactory]

your boyfriend isn't thematically significant

[theonion]

Veering from the intended subject matter just seconds into their conversation, local father Andrew Parker’s effort to sit his son down for a sex talk quickly devolved into a rambling diatribe about all-star two-sport athlete Bo Jackson, sources confirmed Thursday. “Well, Caleb, sometimes two people love each other very much, just like Bo Jackson loved baseball and football—and he had the talent, not to mention the drive, to dominate in both, because the man was a once-in-a-century physical freak,” Parker told his 11-year-old son during their three-minute-long chat, making a brief, unclarified reference to “intimate feelings” before running down Jackson’s rushing statistics during his Heisman Trophy–winning season at Auburn University.

Full Story

[zerorock41]

So I got slapped in the face with this idea at 3 in the morning, so I paid @lettuccine to make it a reality. Thanks again! Absolutely incredible!

[berryinnit]

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it

[abluescarfonwaston]

I've seen some frustration that Loid isnt more comforting/loving to Anya which like. In documenting every time he 'comforts' her in the first 18 chapters alone I had a Long document of evidence snipped. He performs a lot of loving actions within his own limitations as a person.

But I think his concern after he takes her to work and lets her play in the sandbox are not unfounded. 'This is a child I adopted and immediately put in a high pressure situation. I am a stranger to her and discounting everything else she's had at least 4 prior families who abandoned her on top of losing her actual parents. She is under immense psychological stress.' (which... She is. Even if she can't tell that yet. I'm sorry but seeing a vision of your adopted father dying is ROUGH)

And those are just the facts. Twilight makes up sad backstories for Bond at the drop of a hat. He's definitely sat up at night and considered everything she might have been through. (Inaccurately)

It's been six months. His own reservations aside. He and Anya are the only ones who know they were strangers before. That she's adopted. That saying "I love You" too early can be extremely stressful for a child who (rightly) has good reason to think you might abandon them like their previous families. (Even discounting her mind reading)

He has to make her call him Papa. A thing he'd probably have wanted to spit if a family had tried adopting him and Insisted on from the beginning. (Might have done anyway if it meant a warm bed and semi regular meals) She's happy to but that's a huge ask of an adopted child.

So of course he's being tender footed where he can. He's getting her gifts. Fulfilling requests. Making favorite meals. Trying to balance his mission and keeping her happy.

"Was it too early to hold hands?" Is one of their first interactions. When she pulls away from him and hides. He can't know it's because he thought about the dangers of being attacked when one handed. (Which he then DOES have to do In chapter one. It's not like that was unfounded. Or that he expressed those concerns to Her. He doesn't know she's a mind reader!)

When he's worried about having hurt her by not showing up for the bus jacking incident she tells him: buy me a treat and we're okay. He grabs that and does so.

We know Anya loves him so much. Is uncertain about how He feels about her. But even if he hugged her every day and said I love you! She'd still feel that way. Because Anya knows. Knows that Papa Does have a complicated relationship with her unlike Mama. Those words would be cheapened for her. So she doesn't ask him for them, because then she'd hear him lie.

Loid doesn't offer them because He knows. He knows she's adopted and he has prevented her from discussing that. He Knows what he's asked of her and that it's wrong. But he has to. There is no choice.

So he lets her lead as much as he can.

[weepingchoir]

huh

[contemptible-scoundrel]

[youcanstillwhistle]

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

[hungwy]

my teammate accused my other teammate of having a bought account and then said "ive sent romanian report bots after you" and the accused was like wait romanian? and started speaking romanian and then the accuser was like wait lol we're both romanian. now they just keep talking romanian nicely to each other. beautiful world

[lmaonade]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[teaboot]

My mom likes to tell me about how when I was a little kid riding public transport with her I'd always smile and giggle and chat with weird old ladies who smelled like cat pee and homeless folks and strangers dressed in bizarre outfits but any time a tidy and respectable businessman in a suit and tie waved at me I'd immediately clam up, and she takes a great deal of pride in my supposed inherentability to clock personalities but the truth is I do vaguely remember those bus rides, and it was never about the clothes or the hair or the smell, but more because everyone "strange" asked interesting questions and listened to what I had to say and seemed to think about what I said while the neat and tidy and rigid folks only ever acted like they were going through the motions, which was boring as hell and also pretty annoying

[teaboot]

Well-to-do finance manager with tidy shoes: "Why hello, sweetheart. Can you say 'hi'? Aren't you cute. Are you on a trip with your mom?"

4 year old me: why must we do this

Fantastic old woman in the leopard print coat: "Why yes, my tooth IS real silver! Nobody ever asks me that. Do you like cats?"

4 year old me, suddenly paying attention: Finally, A Person Of Intellect

[toskarin]

I think a lot about this one twitter post where someone, lacking a few crucial pieces of information, says "you know jesus wasn't real" (not really the popular stance among non-religious scholars these days, but fair enough) "and neither was muhammad" (the degree of historical attestation here is a bit different)

[toskarin]

the first point's buy-in is that multiple accounts fabricate the presence of a preacher, the second point's buy-in is that the entire arabian peninsula woke up one fine morning and decided it was conquered

[el-jarado]

I am not a huge fan of the sci-fi trope of humans as boring or special, which can be troublesome sometimes. Mostly I’d like if there was more of a pendulum effect instead of aliens being flabbergasted by us all the time or being condescending.

Sure, it’s fun when a tasty human snack is something very poisonous to aliens, but I wanna take that gag about species differences further! Rather than “har har, the Nonsensoleans can’t eat spicy peppers like us,” and leave it at that, show me the Nonsensoleans being aghast at the things humans eat willingly, but also the humans who found that amusing doing a double take when the Nonsensoleans find the ship’s extremely toxic cleaning supplies, remark on humans keeping “the spices” in weird places, and having a good old fashioned Nonsensolean barbecue, which is so poisonous smelling it is dangerous.

Aliens that are surprised and impressed by the temperature differences humans not only can withstand but willingly subject themselves to, but find subjecting themselves to levels of sensory deprivation humans would consider torture a useful mental exercise.

The “your species is so weird (admiring, slightly worried)” is so much better when it cuts every which way. Galactic community is full of freaks and nobody is 100% sure what everyone else can do.

[hungwy]

He hasn't been the same since saying good night. He's since been laying there for hours in the dark, not looking or hearing... Sometimes I hear him shuffle slightly.

[toriel-2]

relapsed on boar hunting

[unteriors]

Eyre Highway, Port Augusta West, South Australia.