I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Mischief Managed.

[luisonte]

[a-wandering-fool]

[classicalliberalleague]

Because some days you want a small private gathering…and some days Arthur and his Knights drop by.  

[drawnsnake]

That last comment

[tblmemesbr]

[why-do-i-need-to-type-a-name]

Oshit

[fortjester]

[actualmichelle]

:D

[candidcaleb]

[wickedwonderlandd]

[rollandtumbl-r]

[catchymemes]

Let me just ask the police..

[sasrinthekobold]

Why I think this is Florida?

[moth-flufff-deactivated20210126]

I want everyone to see this i laughed until i cried and watched it 3 times

[catchymemes]

[helpmequitmydayjob]

[hyrude]

[kelanie12]

[twilightown]

CAUSE EVERY TIME WE TOUCH I GET THIS FEELING

EVERY TIME WE KISS I SWEAR I COULD FLY

CAN’T U FEEL MY HEART BEAT FAST, I WANT THIS TO LAST

NEED YOU BY MY SIDE

[the-husbando]

This is the closest gif that can really capture the utter chaotic energy that is released when people hear this song

[unclefather]

[basketballhoopshowerhead]

(Chanting) ancient cheese with a deadly disease ancient cheese with a deadly disease ancient c

[sci-the-superb]

CAN WE STILL EAT THE FUCKING BOG BUTTER?

[dreamingofbabylon]

Fellas we’ve got ourselves 2 outta 3 ingredience for a legendary Grilled Cheese

[socialmediapeasant]

Grilled cheese!!!!

[dreamingofbabylon]

HELL YEA BAYBEE WE DONE IT !! GOD HERSELF GONNA GRILL US A CHEESE

[socialmediapeasant]

Tonight we dine like kings

[dreamingofbabylon]

@imabugandsoareyou

[rollandtumbl-r]

*chating* Tumblr Toast! Tumblr Toast! Tumblr Toast!

[bpdcassidy-archived-deactivated]

A poem

Roses are red, they fill me with joy,

[yeaimfishboi]

I just fucking SNORTED

[catchymemes]

[lcynwanqbyjgnqkx]

I just laughed out loud so hard holy shit

[dutchster]

Party Rock Anthem has the same BPM as Uptown Girl (x)

[richiefuckfacetozier]

This is my favorite thing to exist

[kaspbrak-eddie]

all the gays when this song comes on in the club

[the-memeblades-chosen-one]

[damnselfly-b-deactivated2022042]

quick protip: if someone is crying or freaking out over something minor, eg wifi not connecting, can’t find their hat, people talking too loud, do NOT tell them how small or petty the problem is to make it better. they know. they would probably love to calm down. you are doing the furthest possible thing from helping. people don’t have to earn expressions of feelings.

[shoren18]

I’m just gonna put it out there that if someone’s freaking about something small, they’re really freaking out about something big that they’re trying to deal with, or something long term that’s been building up, and that little thing is the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I don’t know, try and give people the benefit of the doubt. Don’t be the next straw on their broken back.

[jrkaplonski]

Needed this today.

[animate-mush]

People don’t actually go from 0 to 60. If you think they did, you have failed to notice how long they’ve been at 59.

[autisticxprowl-deactivated20201]

People don’t actually go from 0 to 60. If you think they did, you have failed to notice how long they’ve been at 59.

[jade-bellatricus84]

Once more for the people in the back:

PEOPLE DON’T ACTUALLY GO FROM 0 TO 60. IF YOU THINK THEY DID, YOU HAVE FAILED TO NOTICE HOW LONG THEY’VE BEEN AT 59.

[turing-tested]

my favorite thing is when you pick up an animal and you look them in the eyes and you can tell nothings going on behind them. you look at them and theres just elevator music. stupid animals really are like the fucking best, the lights are on but no one is home

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[windyvalleyzone]

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

[jxhn-mulaney]

i saw him last night and there was a good ten minute interlude where a woman told him everything she found wrong with his suit, including that his pants were too high waisted to which he replied “that’s where my hips are” and someone in the back shouted “look at that high waisted man he’s got feminine hips!” and he yelled back “that’s my joke! i’m offended!!”

[rollandtumbl-r]

What’s the mood for today?

[thankyu]

a clownboy (half clown, half cowboy) says yeehonk

[foxy-mulder-deactivated20190929]

this is it. the worst post i’ve ever seen. my own two eyes are cursed