Rookie Rundown

IN MONTH TEN OF MY ONE-YEAR DANCE CHALLENGE.

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For more, follow me on instagram @jen_nchang. 

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If you’ve ever wanted to hear how a 29 year old committed to a self-imposed, one-year dance challenge to become a better dancer - follow @the5678podcast on Instagram. Episodes drop September 2020.

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“I wish it wasn’t so hard to be myself”

I’ve made a lot of new friends who already know so much about me.

A consequence of going on this dance journey and posting about it on social media is that people are painfully aware of my struggles and internal demons. When I first started posting about my dance challenge, it was mainly for accountability and I wanted to keep a “digital diary” of some sort. So that I had something to look back on to remember this period of my life. In January 2019, I had just over 300 followers. Come Dec 2019 I now have 475. Almost 200 people said yes to learning more about me and my journey. Now, I’m sure that not everyone followed me for this reason and your number of Instagram followers does not reflect your worth as a person in real life. Nor does any of this information make me an “influencer” of any sort, but the uptick in followers has made me go “holy crap, people are paying attention to me.”  

Which if you’ve been following along, is my worst nightmare. People knowing so much about me from the get-go makes me feel like I’m at a disadvantage. Like I need them to tell me something embarrassing too. Otherwise, they’ll always have the upper hand. On the other side of that, it’s a bit freeing. I don’t have pretend to be okay in a situation that I’ve talked about numerous times that makes me uncomfortable. People already know so I don’t have to waste the energy of putting up false pretenses.

I’m trying everyday to be better with putting myself out there. Some days are easier than others. Some days I completely fail all together. I’ll probably never be able to stop working on “being seen”. It took me a lifetime to learn this bad behavior and It‘ll take me a lifetime to unlearn it.

When I see other dancers and my friends be so willing to put themselves out there, it makes me wish I wasn’t like this. That being myself wasn’t so hard. Now, I sit here typing through the tears. 

I want to let go of the negative thoughts so badly. Like I said, some days I fail and I think today was one of those days.I don’t have a cute saying or closing words to make myself feel better about where I am in this journey. Consider this a “digital diary” entry. Maybe we’ll both look back on this and find closure some day. 

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Hobby vs. Training

The clock is ticking on my one-year dance challenge. Loudly!

As I switch over from Pumpkin Spice Latte’s to Peppermint Mochas – I’ve carved out some time to reflex on my journey.

Within the last month, my mindset has shifted from “completing a dance challenge” to “training”. When I say “training”, I bet you’re all picturing a runner training for a marathon or a boxer training for a fight or even an ice skater training for the Olympics. With the notion of training, comes the notion of it being in preparation for something substantial. When dancers train, it’s in preparation for future jobs they hope to book. So, the question is – what am I training for?

To give you some background – when I started this challenge, I committed to a minimum of two classes a week. Partly because of my financial situation and partly because of my work schedule that involved two-part time jobs. Now, I have a full time gig – which means classes “after hours “only, but I also have the ability to contribute more funds to my dance budget. By this Sunday at 4:30p, I will have taken 10 classes this week. 10. 10 is definitely training territory. So what changed? The easy answer – an opportunity landed in my lap that made me change my thought patterns.

In early October, I met with the co-coordinator of the Debbie Reynolds Scholarship program. To make a long story short – they offered me a spot in their scholarship program, but I couldn’t accept it for multiple reasons. Nonetheless, I still learned a lot from that missed opportunity. An opportunity that slipped through my fingers made me realize that I wasn’t doing all that I could to get better. She asked me how many classes I was in a week and I think my response was “on average 4-5 a week”. The Debbie Reynolds scholarship program requires their students to take 10 general classes a week, IN ADDITION to their training program classes. She pulled out her phone and pointed out all the classes I could take after work – which were basically the two classes they offered at night. Every weeknight. Two classes AFTER a full day of work in the office? – I thought. That’s madness! Well, call me a hypocrite. Last Monday I took THREE classes after a full day of work in the office.

I realized that I had so much more time in my day. I was stuck in this thought pattern that my day ended at 5pm when I clocked out. Once out of the office, I could go home and do mindless things to relax, till it’s time to go to bed and do it all over again. What was I giving up in order to go to class after work instead?  Absolutely nothing. I did what most of us do – go home and watch TV and/or Netflix. Half the time I didn’t even watch anything new, I’d re-watch things I’d already seen. Yes, my dog missed me a little more, but I made up for it by going home during lunch to take her out and give her some extra cuddles. By making minor adjustments to my mindset, I reaped some major rewards.

I know what you’re thinking. Jen, you didn’t answer the question. What are you training for? The honest answer, I have absolutely no idea. I don’t 100% believe in my heart that I could be a professional dancer….yet. So at the moment, there is no audition or job that I’m hoping to book. Maybe it’s the perfectionist in me that is willing all of my energy into dance classes. I don’t know. All I can tell you is that my mindset has shifted to this being more than just a dance challenge to preparation for something substantial.

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365

Settle in.

This is going to be a long one.

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know that I’ve become a “dancer” in the last year. Or more accurately – a person who takes several dance classes. Today marks the one-year anniversary of my first dance class in Los Angeles.

It’s amazing how quietly a year passes by. 365 days of your life passes by in a flash, despite the days and the hours dragging on. The fault of humanity is that we are inherently progressive people. We tend to look forward, look towards progress in any particular situation. When we are in it, living our lives – we tend to think about the dinner we’re going to cook tonight. That concert we’re looking forward to this weekend or the TV show we can’t wait to catch up on. The fast forward button never looked better. Yet still at every birthday, New Years eve or retirement party, we always wish we could have that year back. We ache to get the time we feel we missed out on. It’s time we missed out on because we were looking to everything, but the moments and the people in front of us.

The last 365 days are important because it became the dividing line between the old me and the new me. Not to sound like a cliché, but everything in my life can now be separated into two categories: pre-dance and post-dance. I walked into my first dance class because I will dealing with an immense amount of anxiety and could feel it pulsing through my body. I needed a way to release the energy. I couldn’t sit still, otherwise I’d have another panic attack. It was a Tuesday morning and I was unemployed at the time, but had $16 dollars to sign up for class.

I had no expectations walking in. I had no idea what I was even walking in to. I remember two distinct feelings about that class. One, being that I was a bad dancer. It was a hip-hop, workout class, but boy was I terrible. I was out of shape and couldn’t remember the choreography to save my life. I hid in the back of the class most of the time. Yet, when I walked out and sat in my car for a few minutes to take stalk of my experience – I felt…..relieved. Maybe relieved isn’t the best word, it’s more like I felt a momentary relief from the anxiety and sadness that had been living in my body for the last few weeks. I felt better. Even though I was bad and didn’t look like anyone else in the class – I felt better. My actual performance in class had no bearings on my emotions. It was $16 well spent.

I took that same class again two more times before the week was over. Fast forward 365 days – you can now find me in a dance class 6 to 7 times a week. I told a friend that over the phone last week and she was in awe. I was so focused on the day-to-day of my life that I didn’t even realize I was in class THAT often. I had finally gotten to the point where I wasn’t reaching for the remote to hit fast-forward. I was enjoying the minutes, the hours, the days. Filling up my time with things I wanted to do. I never looked up to count, my wallet probably wishes I did though.

I could tell you all the things that I’ve learned in a year. All the steps that I’ve mastered. Spoiler alert – it’s not that long of a list. I could list all of my favorite classes and choreographers. However, if you’ve been paying attention – you already know these things. If you’re just catching on – join the journey with me on my Instagram, @jen_nchang.

Today, what matters the most to me – is the fact that I continued to show up. My default personality is one of a perfectionist and a rule follower. I cannot tell you in words how hard it was for me to not be good at something and also feel so out of place because I couldn’t follow along with the group. I’d done both (relatively) effortlessly growing up. In hindsight, that class should’ve scared me away from dance. The old me would have said – “well, at least now you can say that you did it and now you can shuffle back to your comfort zone”. I’m incredibly proud of myself for choosing a path and sticking with it. Nothing has held my attention the way that dance has. It’s made me set a goal that’s required me to become different person in order to achieve it.

If you came here looking for tips on how to memorize choreography or ways to work on your musicality – I’m so sorry to disappoint. I wish I could lay out word for word how to master the art of dance. Not only to help all of you, but to also then know it and master it for myself! If you’ve made it all the way to the end – I simply wish to thank you for taking an interest in my story and my journey. I didn’t do this alone. Shootouts to all of you who have picked up the broken pieces of my soul and helped me glue it back together on the dance floor.

You all are the real MVP’s.

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Cameras in the Classroom

The topic of filming or having cameras present during class is a topic of discussion at every dance studio I’ve taken class in. As an outsider looking in – there are two “generations” if you will who co-mingle in the same classes, but have very different ideal environments when it comes to training.

The “older” generation did not grow up with social or portable cameras. They trained without them. Without the fear of their mistakes being recorded and blasted out on social media. The “younger” generation grew up with technology and often use the convenience of a portable camera as a tool in their training. Watching yourself on film and analyzing how you look is much the same process that an NFL quarterback does on Monday mornings when he reviews the game tape from Sunday. Both views have very valid points and with every choice, they each have their pros and cons.

I will say that I do find it annoying and a bit counter-productive when I see students set their phone up to try and get themselves on film for the duration of the class. A short rant:

1. People paid for this class. You recording the whole thing (probably with an intention to post it somewhere) is unfair to all of the people who spent their hard earned money and time to make it class. Don’t reward people who aren’t making the same commitments.

2.  It’s disrespectful to the choreographer. If the choreographer wanted this choreo lesson on film, they’d do a tutorial.

3.  The students behind you that are in frame may not want to be filmed while they are learning. You are making them uncomfortable in a space that is supposed to safe and free of judgement.

4.  Be here. In the moment. Disconnect from your phone for an hour and a half. It’s not that hard.

I will end that rant by saying, I’ve only seen this done once in the nine months I’ve been dancing. They lasted about five minutes, then realized getting the whole thing on your phone was going to be way more complicated than they thought. You don’t stay in one place in a dance class. You shift, you travel, and no one ends up in the same place they started.

Back to my original point. The number one opposition to having cameras in class is that NO ONE wants to make a student feel like they are not safe. That they are not in a space where they can mess up. Being uncomfortable in a dance class is common and sometimes encouraged. Being uncomfortable is where growth takes places. However, no studio wants to make a student uncomfortable in the sense that there are peering eyes everywhere, endlessly judging them.

Many times I have seen cameras come out and line the floor at the front of class. As I look at the people plopping down their cameras, I see the people trying to scurry away from them to try and find a pocket of space with a lenses not pointed at them. I squarely in the middle of this debate. I 90% of the time don’t get my phone out to film myself. It’s not that I don’t want to review the game tape. It’s just I’m too in the moment. I’m concentrating on class that the thought of prying my phone out from my backpack doesn’t even cross my mind. On the other hand, I have zero problems showing up in the back of other student’s videos.

My stance on cameras in class alters a bit when the studio or the choreographer brings out a camera or videographer to help them film small groups. I’ve gotten selected to go in these groups, but I have the choice to decline and that is my prerogative.  The issue with students filming other students is that there is no consent given. There is not an active conversation about “is this okay?” Are you comfortable if I do this?”

Taking away consent makes people feel powerless and I think that’s the ultimate negative when it comes to bringing cameras into class.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

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Getting Started

Since I’ve started posting about my Dance Challenge in February 2019, a lot of people have asked “how did you get started’? As I sat down to think about my answer, I realized that a lot of my “getting started” had nothing to do with actual dance steps. With every life altering decision, it started with a series of choices and pep-talks I had to have with myself before I even stepped into a dance studio. At the time, I was using dance as a way to transform my life. Well, I was hoping it would. There was no way to be sure. Some of you may not be in that phase of your life. For some of you – dance just might be a hobby you’re looking to pick up. Totally fine. The steps to “getting started” below will apply to both of those groups.

1.       Make a decision to go, over and over and over again. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’ve made a life altering decision, just because you’ve committed to going to ONE class. Setting an intention for one class is short sighted and you’re already robbing yourself of the chance to have major breakthroughs.

2.       Find Instructors who you admire AND have the same style you do. The difference between going once and going every week will depend on your motivation and the class you decide to take. You’ll find that your motivation to go to class will be much more forthcoming if you find instructors who you admire and whose style fit yours. Finding an instructor who you admire is easy, thanks to Instagram. I followed a lot of the well-known dancers, saw where they taught and looked up the studios complete schedules. Once you pinpoint classes that fit your schedule, look up the choreographer on Instagram to get a sense of their style. Many choreographers post their class videos on social media. Since you are just starting out, it’s okay if you don’t know what your style is. For those that are unsure, I would suggest bouncing around until you find a class that you continue to gravitate to.

3.       Work on your stamina. When I first started dancing, I was not an active person. I did not exercise or move my body on a regular basis. That 100% showed in class. Halfway through the choreography, I would be gassed. I was too tired to learn the rest of the choreography, much less go full out when we did the entire combos. If you’re like me, you’ll have to train your body to get used to all of the additional movement and exercise. Now, I’m not saying you have to go out and buy a gym membership nor am I saying that you can’t start dancing until AFTER you gain stamina. I’m saying that it will be an adjustment. If you notice yourself feeling spent before class is over, make an effort to do additional cardio outside of class. I chose to run in the neighborhood to build up my legs and endurance.

4.       Lastly, it’s going to suck. I’m telling you this because I wish someone had told it to me. There will be days, especially in the beginning where you’re going to feel uncoordinated, unexperienced and out of your league. Those days will suck. The good news is, they don’t last forever. We all want to be good, without being brave. We want all of the achievements without any of the risks. You will look silly. You will mess up. The one rule I gave myself in my first class was to not give up. No matter how bad I’m doing I will not sit down or just watch from the sidelines. Embrace the mess. You won’t be in that position forever.

Follow Jennifer and her dance challenge on Instagram @jen_nchang.

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A post shared by Jennifer Chang (@jen_nchang) on Jun 22, 2019 at 4:53pm PDT

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This is the tumblr group hug. Pass it on.

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May the next few months be a period of magnificent transformation.

it is time (via captaineifos)

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Fuck Cancer is hosting its first ever party in Vancouver on March 21st. ANNNNDDD! Stephen Amell is set to host it!! Tickets available here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/fuck-cancer-event-w-host-stephen-amell-tickets-15522766011?show_onboarding=1&internal_ref=login

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Did you guys see SNL last night? That guy in the middle is Rafty aka Chris Hemsworth aka THOR! Thor posed as an Australian rapper in an Iggy Azalea skit on last nights episode. And he looked damn good doing it.

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Just figured out my Halloween costume

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Hahahaha. This made me laugh. Happy Friday, everyone!

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Happy Texas Independence Day!!!

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Photo Credit:Lewis Jacobs/AMC

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I bet he runs like a pretty pony-@layesica

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Shop Sons of Anarchy Merchandise: http://bit.ly/1jt2dwD

[notesofpersonalexpression-blog]

If your one goal in life is to find the ONE person who can match, if not out-do your TV-nerd-fandom-ness, then you were probably at this year’s ATX Festival. For one weekend a year, hundreds of TV nerds descend upon the lovely city of Austin, Texas to celebrate the wonderful world of...