yes, you should keep your mouth shut, and this counts for every other time too. i'm kidding, obviously, come kiss me. don't even try to rebrand disappearing for three to five business weeks as "carefully curating the experience." that's the sort of sentence only someone who's spent three to five business weeks ignoring a message could come up with. i'll give you points for confidence, though. chairman of the unread messages club has to commit to the bit. i can see you replying two months later like, "sorry, just seeing this." i'm seriously wondering what's got you so busy these days, it's criminal. ...yes. i fear that's exactly what you've made, but that's your default, isn't it? to err all the time. i was genuinely considering showing you a little mercy, had a moment of weakness, clearly not anymore. i don't feel remotely guilty about treating your embarrassment threshold like a challenge. in fact, you've managed to convince me it's a benchmark i should be aiming to exceed. so when the day finally comes i expect you to remember this conversation and accept that you did, in fact, do this entirely to yourself. i've simply been a very committed facilitator. wait no, this is all obviously a big fat lie. i hold you too dear to my heart, which is what's gonna save you... this time.
right, see, this is exactly why i shouldn't be allowed to negotiate anything with you. one minute i'm being told to keep my mouth shut & the next you're telling me to come & kiss you. i've got absolutely no idea what the rules are anymore, but i'm certainly not going to complain about that particular one. alright, fine! "carefully curating the experience" was perhaps a slightly ambitious way of describing me disappearing for 3 to 5 business weeks, i maintain that it sounded convincing in my head, though. the chairman has to protect the reputation of the club somehow. i can absolutely imagine myself replying 2 months later with "sorry, just seeing this." the fact that you can already picture it is deeply concerning. apparently i'm just very committed to making my life unnecessarily complicated, it's practically a fulltime occupation. i could probably schedule more efficiently, but then i'd have to admit that the problem is me & i don't think i'm emotionally prepared for that level of accountability. excuse me, i do not err all the time. i'm slightly offended that you were considering mercy & then decided against it because i gave you too much material, i was hoping for at least a little sympathy. you saying you hold me too dear to your heart to actually destroy me does rather save the situation. just remember, though, you were the one who offered mercy & then took it away. so if i survive this particular punishment, i'm going to consider it a victory for both my charm & my terrible decision making.
