in love era @ros-aline - Tumblr Blog

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have.

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation.

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying.

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age.

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse.

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships.

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery.

punished-venom-solitair-e

im not christian but i do believe in the power of prayer. for this reason i keep a little homonculus in a dog crate under my bed which i have raised as a devout catholic. whenever i want something in my life to change i poke him with a stick and he clasps his grubby little paws together and starts chanting in latin. his prayers always go through because he has never known sin

catgirltitties

ok so write that down

fruit-plays

Returning to Zucchini to see the Hydrangeas bloom.ೃ࿔

boringkate

Anything you do while wearing a sports bra is technically a sport. Scrolling through tumblr might not seem like a sport to you, but it is to your boobs! They're locked in! They're focused! They're competing! They're playing to win!

snoopyoftheday

snoopy of the day

awakefor48hours

Every once in a while, I wish the friendship meter from the Sims was real so that way when people tell me "I used Chat-GPT" they can visually see just how much respect I just lost for them in that moment.

berkelbites

One time an acquaintance told me she entered Snape's star chart into chatgpt and I could physically feel that meter dropping three separate times over the course of her sentence

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

weighted blanket's not enough i need to be compressed by a hydraulic press

derinthescarletpescatarian

akindplace

goodreads

enablesomething

Sea fog

Sony A6400 / Sony 18-200mm f3.5-6.3 Lens

akindplace

the level of coziness i’m desiring can only be described by that community episode where troy and abed make that giant pillow fort that occupies multiple rooms and corridors of the college

dicaeopolis

Human beings b like. *sits and stares peacefully at a fire* *sits and stares peacefully at the ocean* *sits and stares peacefully at a sleeping animal*

dicaeopolis

a small rhythmic motion: is happening

us for 6 million years and counting: talented brilliant showstopping incredible